Beautiful Nightmare

by Johnna B

  * * *

  Kidd sat at his mother’s grave site, crying his heart out and talking to his mother.

  “Momma, I don’t know what to do. I chose this life, and I know it was the wrong choice. You wouldn’t be proud of me, and the worst part is, I brought Moochie into this shit. Is this the payback for all my sins?” He looked at the pictures of Vee scattered around him. How could he kill the love of his life, the woman who was supposed to bear his kids?

  “I need you here, Ma. If you were here, I wouldn’t be going through any of this. I know you would help me through anything.” His life had gone from to sugar to shit in a matter of one conversation. He hadn’t even told Moochie yet, because he didn’t know what to do. He did know that he couldn’t kill Valencia. He heard someone walking up on him and pulled his hammer as he turned his upper part of his body. He let it fall when he saw Moochie walking toward him.

  “What’s up, man?” Moochie questioned with a worried look in his eyes.

  He could see his brother had been crying. He had been trying to reach Kidd since nine that morning, and it was now going on three o’clock in the afternoon. It was very unlike Kidd to not answer his phone. Day or night, he kept his phone close. So he hit the locator on his phone to find out where he was and came to see about him. Moochie looked at all the pictures lying around and picked one up. “What’s this about?”

  Kidd looked up, and tears started falling all over again. “He wants me to kill her.” He looked back down at the ground.

  “Who? Mr. Jackson?” Moochie asked, shocked.

  “Yeah, he says she was the last person to see his daughter alive. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

  Moochie couldn’t answer that question. He himself didn’t even know what he would do had he been faced with the same predicament.

  “Did she do it?” Moochie asked. Moochie really didn’t care if she did or didn’t. He didn’t want to see her dead either.

  “I don’t think so. It looks like Raven.” He handed Moochie the picture. He could see how his brother couldn’t tell the difference. Raven’s eyes were cold and sinister. She put you in the mind of the cat that ate the canary, while Vee’s innocence shined brightly through her eyes. Her aura was loving and caring. Plus, he couldn’t even get Valencia to go to a club, and this was definitely a club picture.

  “I don’t know, man. Did you tell him you knew her?” Kidd shook his head no. “You know I got ya back on whatever you come up with. Just make sure you can deal with the consequences.”

  “I can’t. That’s the fucking problem! So it’s gonna come down to either kill her or they kill us both.” Kidd was speaking just above a whisper, but Moochie had heard enough.

  “Well, I know for a fact the second one won’t be happening. I’d burn down the whole fuckin’ city of St. Louis. Shut this muthafucka down. So you better come up with something quick ’cause you know I choose you over her any day.”

  “So you could kill her?”

  Moochie got quiet.

  “I didn’t think so.”

  “If it came down to you or her, I would share her brains with the world, plain and simple. Come on, man, I don’t like to see you like this. Let’s go have a few drinks and ponder this situation over. We’ll come up with something, even if we have to leave the fucking country and take her crazy ass with us.” He chuckled a little, and Kidd followed.

  * * *

  Sena walked into Happy Hour with her stomach doing a million flips. She didn’t know if it was the baby kicking or her nerves getting the best of her. She was clad in some maternity skinny jeans and a loose cowl neck sweater and flat rider boots. She looked to the left and could see Kidd and Moochie with some girls playing pool. Her heart sank to her feet when she saw Moochie with his arms around the girl’s waist. She walked to the right and sat at the bar facing them. They hadn’t seen her come in. She watched how Moochie interacted with the girl. She looked to the makeshift stage they had set up. There was a guy who was messing up Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” She couldn’t help but laugh because he sounded horrible. It was karaoke night, so she knew it was going to be entertaining. She immediately thought about Vee and how she would have loved to be there. If there was singing going on, Vee was always in the building. She looked back at Moochie and his date. She wondered if she was his new girlfriend. Did he love her? Did he touch her the way he used to touch her? Did she make him laugh? Why had Kidd invited her if he knew Moochie would have a date?

  That was enough wondering. Her stomach had finally stopped flipping, and her nerves had calmed down a little. She got up and slowly approached them. Moochie looked up and saw her standing there and couldn’t believe his eyes. It was as if the room went black around her, and there was a bright light shining on her. Kidd noticed his brother’s sudden change in demeanor and looked in the direction he was looking and saw Sena standing there. He walked over to her and gave her a hug as Moochie just stood in the same spot still unable to move. He couldn’t help but to stare at her stomach. The mere sight almost made him want to throw up. The thought of her being with another man fucked with his mental. She stood in her spot too, not moving and watching him watch her. She wanted to know what he was thinking, like, did he hate her? Was he just as happy to see her as she was to see him? She smiled at him, and his body loosened up.

  “I didn’t think you were going to come.” Kidd broke her out of her trance. “You took so long.”

  “I wasn’t, but you know Vee. She was very persistent. You didn’t tell me you all had dates,” she whispered in his ear.

  “Who? Them? Don’t go being no punk now, not Miss I’ll Shut Any Bitch Down.” They laughed, and Moochie just watched her. He missed that laugh and her smile. He walked up to her. But that didn’t shield the hurt and rage flowing through his heart.

  “What’s up? How you been?” Moochie looked down at her stomach wondering how far along she was and who the father could possibly be. Jealousy had him wanting to make the man disappear. He reached out to get a hug. This was supposed to be his life. She left me to go get pregnant by some other nigga, he thought. He put his arms around her and didn’t want to let go. It felt good to have her in his arms again. This was right. There was no other way. They released each other.

  “I’ve been all right, trying to make it through this craziness.” She laughed and pointed to her stomach.

  “I see. Congratulations. How far along are you? You don’t look that far along.” She saw something flash through his eyes when he said that. A closer look and she would have seen fury flow through his eyes. He was hurting, angry, and just clearly pissed off.

  “Umm, six and a half months.” She waited for his reaction as he added up the time.

  “Six?” he asked to make sure he heard her right.

  “Yes.”

  “Six as in the number between five and seven?” He looked over at Kidd, who just smiled and held up his beer.

  “Congratulations, li’l brother!” Kidd yelled. Moochie turned back to Sena.

  “So, this my seed?” A wave of relief washed over him. Because, for one, he didn’t want to have to kill anybody, and, two, it was his. He was going to be a father. He placed both of his hands on her stomach gently and rubbed.

  “Yes, yes . . .” was all she could say. She couldn’t seem to come up with another word.

  “Maaaaaaan.” He was totally amazed. That was his baby growing inside of her. He pulled her into his chest and squeezed her tight. No words needed to be said. Everything had already been said. He missed her like crazy and needed her back in his life. He was still mad over the bullshit she had put him through, but he’d get over it.

  “So are we celebrating or what?” Kidd walked up to them and put his arms around both their shoulders.

  “Damn right!” Moochie was so excited, he had totally forgotten about his date.

  “Aye, baby girl, I’m sorry, but you gotta bounce,” he told his date as Sena smiled on the inside and out.

  “What the
fuck you mean bounce? Nigga, you got me fucked up.” The girl was irate. “I’m leaving this muthafucka the same way I got here—in your car.” She poked him the chest. Sena felt herself getting upset, and she didn’t like the fact that the girl had put her hands on him. It didn’t matter if he was wrong as two left feet.

  “Don’t make a scene. It ain’t that serious. I’ll just pay for a cab.” He tried to calm her down. He knew it was wrong as hell, but he didn’t really give a fuck. She had to go.

  “You’s about a dirty motherfucker, but it’s all good. I hope you and ya li’l family have a nice life.” She walked away. Sena was surprised because she herself would have been swinging some bottles by now.

  “Now, can we get this party started?” Moochie turned toward Kidd and Sena.

  Kidd watched them fall back in love in a matter of minutes. He couldn’t believe that his happiness would never be. In his heart of hearts, he knew his boss would never allow them to leave the country. He was too well connected. Why did this have to be his situation? He was sitting there with his date wishing it was Vee. It wasn’t the same without Vee. This was a pretty girl, but she was no match for his one and only love. But she’d do, and it damn sure beat being alone.

  * * *

  Valencia watched them at the table having fun debating on whether to approach them. Kidd had a girl sitting next to him, and she wanted to snatch her bald so bad. He still looked good. She wanted to reach out and touch him. He looked like a tall glass of rich chocolate milk. Every time he laughed, she could see his one dimple in his cheek. She just wanted to kiss it. The girl sitting next to him kept laughing and touching him, and it was driving her crazy. She looked to the stage and laughed at the group of girls singing Salt-N-Pepa’s, “Push It.” Then she got an idea.

  “Hey, excuse me,” she called to the bartender.

  “Yes, what can I get you?” the waitress asked.

  “A Midori sour. And could you do me a favor? Well, not really a favor because I’ll pay you for it.” She could see she had the bartender’s attention.

  “I simply need you to take this to the DJ and give it to him. Let him know I want to go up next.” She handed her two hundred-dollar bills, one for her and one for the DJ. She continued to watch them at the table and down her drink. She had never sung in public by herself. She usually would have Sena to back her up.

  “Okay. We got ‘That Girl’ coming up next!” the DJ announced.

  “Here goes nothing,” Valencia whispered to herself. She stood up and made her way to the stage. They hadn’t looked her way yet, and they hadn’t even been paying attention to the show all night long. The music started.

  “I know you’re here with somebody, but I just want you to know how I’m feeling,” she said getting her intended target’s attention. Everyone at the table turned to the stage at the sound Valencia’s voice.

  Sena was too happy. “Woo! Get ’em, girl!” she yelled across the room.

  “I remember when you used to be mine, way back when; I was too naive to love you right.”

  Everyone in the room could see the tears running down her face. Kidd was looking on, holding back his own emotions. She looked so beautiful up there just the way he remembered her except her hair was different. He really liked the haircut. It fit her face perfectly. He never imagined she would have cut it all off.

  Sena was in tears too, happy her friend had come to her senses.

  “ . . . I keep on praying for another chance just to have you back.”

  The crowd was up and on their feet cheering. It was like Mariah Carey had coached her through the song herself. Sena could barely contain herself, almost jumping over the table to get to the stage. Kidd’s date looked over at him and could clearly see the gorgeous lady singing to him. He had a look of love and admiration in his eyes. He was also misty eyed. She couldn’t blame him, though. She too was a little misty eyed as well. But she couldn’t help but think, What the fuck? Is this a love reunion night or some shit? She got up and left. Kidd didn’t even look her way.

  “Maybe we can bring it back,” Vee sang before she walked off the stage to the crowd cheering and whistling. Sena rushed her.

  “Girl! That was the bomb. When you hit that note, I thought I’d die!” Sena was elated.

  “Thank you, babe.” The duo hugged, and she looked at Kidd, staring at her. She let go of Sena and headed toward the exit.

  “Wait! Where are you going? Don’t leave like this. At least, go talk to him,” Sena pleaded with her.

  “No, I have to go. I just want to let him know that I still loved him. Now I have to go.” Kidd watched her going toward the exit practically running to the door.

  “Man, go get her and don’t let her leave like that. She just poured her heart out to you. Least you could do is talk to her.” Moochie tried to get Kidd to move, but he didn’t.

  “I don’t know what to say to her.” He looked at his little brother. Knowing what he had to do, he didn’t want to look at her, let alone talk to her. Why didn’t Moochie understand that?

  “I don’t care what you say. Hell, don’t say nothing. Act like the white people in the movies and run up to her and kiss her.” They laughed, but Kidd’s laugh faded when he saw Valencia driving past.

  “She’s already gone,” he said as she drove by.

  “So, you not gon’ go after her?” Sena said as she came over to them and rested her arms on her stomach.

  “Already, huh? You acting Sena’ish,” Kidd laughed at her.

  “You damn right. Ain’t nothing change but the times. Now, are you going after her or what?” Moochie just watched her, amazed at how much he had missed her craziness. But he could see his brother’s hesitation, knowing he was thinking how could he run to her and pour his heart out, knowing the circumstances.

  * * *

  Valencia paced back and forth in her living room questioning herself. She didn’t know why she had left like that. She wanted to go over to him, wrap her arms around him, and confess her love one more time. She knew she had said it all with the song she had chosen. She had gone back and forth between Mariah Carey’s, “Mine Again” and Toni Braxton’s, “Unbreak My Heart.” She felt they represented how she felt at the time, but MC hit the nail on the head because she wanted what they had before she wanted that kind of love in her life again. She did believe they were made for each other’s arms. Something brought them together, whether it was fate or destiny, but she knew they were made for each other. She went to her bed and just lay down and cried. She cried her heart out. She wanted to get all the pain out, and this one last cry was going to be the start of a new beginning. She wept for love she would never feel again. She wept for her aching heart. And she wept for her dying soul. Exhaustion consumed her as she lay there and closed her eyes.

  * * *

  Kidd looked at the keys he held in his hand, knowing once he used the keys, there was no turning back. There behind the door, he was pacing in front of was his future. He had no doubts of that. He already made up his mind. He would help her deal with everything. If she needed him to go with her to get help, he would do whatever it took to get them back on track. They were going to leave the country together. Wherever she wanted to go, they would go. He would follow her to the end of the earth if that’s where her footprints led him.

  He took a deep breath and put the key in the lock and took the first step to making things right in his life. He walked into Valencia’s home and took the route to her room that he had taken so many times before. Vision of the night everything went down flashed before his eyes, but he didn’t let that deter him.

  When he got to her room, he saw her curled up in the fetal position in the middle of the bed with her clothes still on. He sat in a chair he had sat in so many times before. He could remember sitting in the chair watching her get ready for something or just watching her sleep like he was doing now. She looked so peaceful, as if she had no worries. She didn’t look like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. He didn
’t know whether he should wake her up. He liked this moment. Everything was at peace. No yelling, no crying. It was him, her, and the quiet. He rested his head against the wall.

  Valencia woke up and was surprised to see a sleeping Kidd sitting across the room. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. She watched him sleep for a minute, but she couldn’t stand being that close to him without touching him. She got up and slid out of her clothes. She stood in front of him with only her bra and panties on. He was leaning back with his arms crossed over his chest. His head was resting on the wall. She watched him a little longer and picked up the remote on her nightstand to press “play.” Alicia Keys’s voice melted out of the speakers. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before straddling his lap and caressing his face. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him.

  “Hey, you,” Kidd said as he put his arms around her waist.

  “Hey.” She broke eye contact.

  “I’m—” He opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him with a passionate kiss. This was not the time for talking. They had already missed out on so much time together. His hands began to roam all over her body, missing the feel of her skin. She melted into his arms as goose bumps formed all over her body at the touch of his hands.

  “Every time you hold me, hold me like this is the last time” Alicia whispered in their ears.

  He stood up with her arms and legs wrapped around him and walked over to the bed. He gently laid her down on the bed and watched as she hurriedly pulled at her bra and panties to get them off. He followed suit and pulled his shirt over his head, then got back on top of her.

  “I missed you,” he whispered into her lips as they kissed.

  “I love you,” she moaned. His hands felt so wonderful rubbing all over her body.