Senseless Attraction

by Lila Rose

  “I can see it now.” Tristan laughed, as did my dad. I elbowed Tristan in the ribs. He made an ‘oof’ sound and rubbed at his side like it actually hurt.

  “Baby,” I teased. “Sarah, Tristan wanted a lift home from you.”

  “Oh, sure.” She beamed. Tristan’s smile fell away.

  “Thanks again for helping me,” I offered. He nodded.

  “Yes, thank you, Tristan. Come by any time.”

  DAAAD!

  Tristan followed a skipping Sarah to her car as Dad helped me into the house and onto the couch.

  “Don’t close your eyes just yet, young lady. You need aspirin first. And really, I think you should go and see a doctor.”

  “You sound like Tristan. Dad, I’ll be fine, honest.”

  “All right, sweetheart. Tristan seems like a nice lad.”

  “Yeah, I guess. He’s Sarah’s new conquer.”

  “Oh,” he muttered.

  Oh, what? Oh, that was a pity? Or oh, poor guy? But he didn’t elaborate; he walked off to get me some aspirin. He came back quickly with his hand held out, my medication in it, and a glass of water.

  “Thanks.” I smiled. Once I took them, I moved enough to be comfortable and fell asleep right away.

  *

  I didn’t know how much later it was, but I woke to a buzzing sound instead of someone shaking me like the last—too many to count—times. Only this time, the buzzing wouldn’t stop like the shaking had when I yelled at them to go away. I rolled over on my bed, wondering how I got in my room in the first place, and reached for my phone to switch off the noise. Every time I received a text, it would buzz until I looked at it. What I really needed to do was learn how to put it on a timer to turn off on its own. I grabbed it, flipped it open, and fell back against my pillow, thinking of the past so many hours.

  I remembered Corbet coming with pizza, because Dad had just woken me. He asked me if I wanted any; I told him to rack off and leave me alone. Something I wouldn’t usually say. Then I remembered Sarah coming back because Corbet had just shaken me awake as she walked through the front door.

  When my dad woke me the last time before my annoying phone had, I could hear Corbet and Sarah talking in the background, which meant they stayed. While I waited for my brain to defog so I could read the text, I looked over the edge of my bed to find them on the usual double mattress, sleeping soundly. Sarah lay on her stomach, closest to my side of the bed, and Corbet was on his back, his mouth open and small sounds coming from him. I was lucky enough that my phone hadn’t woken them; they would have been tired, for obvious reasons. I glanced at the clock and found it was six in the morning. Who would be texting this early?

  I rolled onto my side and pressed a button to light up my phone to see who the rude person was. It read that I had five new messages. I opened the inbox and found that I had three from a number I didn’t know, and two from Heather. I quickly read through the ones from Heather; in the first one she was asking how I was. When I didn’t reply the first time, the next one said,

  You better answer me before I ring your house so late.

  She must have rang because she hadn’t sent anymore.

  The other three read:

  Alexandra, hope you r feeling better!

  Did ur dad take you to doctors? Wait, prob not ‘cause u can be stubborn :)

  And the last one that was from six in the morning:

  Just realised you wouldn’t have known who the messages b4 r from. It’s Tristan. Have a nice SAFE day :)

  A smile spread across my face, and butterflies took over my stomach. I was glad that my phone hadn’t woken up Corbet or Sarah, because if I’d had this reaction in front of them, then they’d be pestering me about who they were from, causing Sarah to be hurt, and I didn’t want that. I would never intentionally hurt her.

  I wasn’t sure if I should reply, but then if I did, maybe he would send another back to me. With a shaking hand, I replied.

  What r u doing awake this early? AND I AM NOT STUBBORN!!

  I waited and waited, and then remembered to turn my phone to silence just before I received:

  Hows head?? U R Stubborn! I’m workin’.

  My fingers flew over the phone:

  Head okay. I’m alive if that counts. What work u doing?

  Seconds later, he sent:

  It does count. Deliveries. Next time U drive me home, no matter what condition ur in. I’m sure I’d be safer. S crazy driver!!

  I couldn’t not laugh; I knew what he was talking about. I even hated getting in a car with Sarah.

  Ha. Deal. Better let u get back to work—slacker x

  I’d already hit send before I reread it. I had automatically put an x on the end like I’d always done with Sarah, and now it was too late to take it back. Was it just me, or had it taken longer for him to reply? Would he even reply after my stuff up? My phone vibrated in my hand, making me jump. I opened it:

  Have a good day Alexandra!

  I smiled again; he either didn’t notice it, or he didn’t think anything by it. I hoped both.

  Sighing, I rolled over to my other side, my gaze falling on Sarah. Would she be angry that I was just texting her guy? Probably. And for that, I felt guilty.

  Now I regretted texting him back. No matter if it brought a smile to my face or that it made me feel warm inside. I had to remember that we were just…what?

  Nothing really, I was a guide for him through Maths. Perhaps we could become friends if he and Sarah went further. Other than that, it would have to be nothing. Too many painful things could happen from becoming too close to him.

  Dad forced me to stay home Monday. I said I felt fine to attend school, but he was using his stern voice, so I didn’t argue. At least it gave me some time to finish homework and start on the two assignments I had to get done for English and Science.

  After four hours of doing just that, I’d had enough. My mind kept travelling off to Tristan and I couldn’t explain why. It was as though he’d taken over my brain. Sure, I’d had crushes before, but this felt different to those. Was it a crush at all? Or was it just the fact that I liked his company for some reason? But how could that be when I knew for certain that if his so-called friends found out we were spending time together, he’d never admit to it. He’d feel ashamed of being associated with me.

  Why was he so nice to me then?

  His friends were so different; they were obnoxious jerks. What did Tristan see in them? What did they talk about? Did he do the same as they did when he was with them? I hadn’t the answers, and that frustrated me even more.

  So how could I think that I may like him, when really I didn’t know him?

  And anyway, I couldn’t like him. Sarah had her claws stuck into him already. I would never go behind her back just for a guy.

  Listen to me; it’s as if I thought I had a chance in the first place.

  I didn’t. He was way out of my league and I had to remember it.

  It had to be infatuation, and once our time together drew to an end, I’d get over it. Things would go back to as they were…as they should be.

  I flopped back on my bed and sighed loudly. I didn’t like this feeling, being this discombobulated. I had always known what I wanted, and I strived to get just that. But with Tristan, I didn’t know where I was at.

  My phone buzzed beside me; I expected it to be Dad checking up on me, which he shouldn’t feel the need to when I told him that I felt fine that morning. I sat up and reached for my phone on my bedside table, flipping it open to read the message.

  How r u feeling?

  My breath caught. I didn’t recognise the number at first, and I hadn’t saved it into my phone in case…well, in case Sarah happened to look through it one day. I didn’t want to explain why I was receiving messages from her boyfriend.

  The question was: should I reply? Then again, I was never one to be rude. So I opted to type back something short.

  Fine thank you.

  He replied quickly.

/>   I’m sitting in Maths bored out of my brain

  I smiled at that and sent my response.

  Can’t say I’m missing it. U should be concentrating, then u won’t need my help.

  Tristan replied.

  U coming tomorrow?

  I wondered for a brief moment if he missed me, then shook my head at myself as I typed back a short answer.

  Prob.

  After a few seconds, he sent a simple message.

  C U.

  Bye.

  I typed and pressed the send button.

  Why would he text me? Maybe he’d like to be friends? And then, I went and turned around, having inappropriate thoughts about him. Well, no more of that.

  *

  The rest of the week went quickly. I was right about one thing: whenever I saw Tristan in class or down the hallway at school, he acted like he didn’t know me. I wasn’t surprised by this; it wasn’t as though I expected him to ditch his idiot friends and come hang with us.

  Sarah had enough confidence to go up to him on Friday at lunch while he was sitting in the cafeteria with his friends and ask him what his plans were for the weekend. I could hear Tristan’s friends taunting them both. Sarah kept her head held high and teased them back. She told me later that he wasn’t doing much, and that she’d asked him to the movies. His reply was ‘maybe’.

  As she’d been talking to him, though, I couldn’t stop myself from looking over and met his gaze; we both quickly looked away.

  Friday afternoon, I walked into the library expecting to see Mrs Doherty, but found Michelle standing behind the counter.

  “Hey, girlfriend.” She smiled. “Mrs D is sick, so she called me in. I needed the extra money anyway ‘cause I wanted to buy this pair of knee-high boots that would totally look so cute on me. They may seem out of it with my usual attire, but I can’t resist them. It’s like they call to me. So what’s been happening with you? Oh, and that hottie you were with last Sat is sitting over there.” My heart started beating wildly. She pointed across the room to the table in the far corner. Tristan was already here? Why?

  He had texted me twice over the week, but I couldn’t bring myself to reply to him. I wanted to; my fingers itched to do it. But then, I knew my mind would wander off with more inappropriate thoughts regarding him, and I was having a hard enough time trying not to do that. Did I feel bad for not texting back? Yes I did; like I have said before, I wasn’t one who liked to be rude. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense that he’d be better off with diverting his niceness to Sarah.

  When he looked up from whatever he was doing, I gave a small wave; he gave me a chin lift and stared back down at his books. Was he actually here to study? That was good to see.

  I spent my two hours of work helping customers with borrowing or returning their items. Michelle took it upon herself to go out into the library, placing the returned books back on the right shelves. Every now and then between customers I would look over to Tristan, and sometime catch him looking back. A couple of times, Michelle would be there, charming her way into his life.

  Finally, work finished for me. Michelle came back over to the desk and took over my position. The rest of the returns would be left for someone else to do in the morning—mainly me—although, if Tristan turned up early tomorrow, I knew Michelle would appoint herself to be on floor duty again, even though she hated it.

  “Damn, girl, he is fine.” Michelle sighed and leaned against the corner of the desk.

  “He’s okay, I suppose. Ah…what were you two talking about?”

  “Nothing much, just bands we like to go and watch. I found out we both like Maiden Marriage. I told him they’re playing at Joe’s Pool Hall next weekend and asked him if I’d see him there. Even told him I’d make it worth his while—”

  “You didn’t!” I squeaked.

  She gave me a sly smile back and nodded. “But all he said was he’ll see. Can you make sense of that, girl? Anyway, he said he was here to see you, doing some work together or something. So if you can, you know, put in a good word for me?”

  “I’ll try,” I said, grabbing my bag from under the counter and walking over to the table before she could say anything else.

  “Hey.” Tristan smiled as I reached him.

  “Hello. You’ve been here a while.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been doing some homework so I can have spare time to do other things on the weekend.”

  I smiled at him while getting the books out of my bag. “Too bad you have to come back here tomorrow.”

  “It isn’t so bad,” he said, looking confused. He glanced over my shoulder. Oh, he must have meant that Michelle was here for him to admire.

  “Yes. Well, she asked me to put in a good word for her with you.”

  “Who?” His brows drew together.

  “Michelle.”

  He snorted and shook his head. “She’s not my type.”

  “Sarah, then? No, forget I said that.”

  He laughed. “She’s an okay sort of girl. She asked me out to the movies this weekend, but I’m sure I didn’t have to tell you that.”

  “No.” I smiled.

  “How come you didn’t reply to my texts?”

  My heart stuttered; I honestly thought he wouldn’t bring it up. “I…well, you see…it’s Sarah. I don’t know. I thought that, um, she would hate it if she found out you and I…that we were communicating behind her back…and I would tell her, only she will get jealous. I think. She really likes you and I felt guilty. I would hate to think that I could upset her. I would have texted you otherwise. I…um, wanted to, but you see it’s just…”

  “Sarah,” he supplied.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you always worry so much? Put other people before yourself?”

  I looked away and blushed; was I that obvious? “Yes, I do.”

  “I thought so. Anyway, what have you got planned for us tonight?” Why did that sound so good to my ears, especially coming from his mouth? I blushed again and fumbled through explaining my thoughts. I caught him smirking at my bumbling.

  It wasn’t until sometime later that I remembered we were supposed to be revising both ratios, and I’d already moved on to rational expressions. I could have hit my head for being so forgetful.

  And an utter fool.

  At the end of our time together, I said, “You’ve done well tonight.” I smiled. He returned it, which made my stomach flutter.

  I was only hungry.

  “I’ve had a good teacher.”

  “Thank you.” I blushed.

  He laughed. “Is it always this easy to get your cheeks warm?”

  “Usually, yes.”

  He chuckled. “Are you always honest?”

  I looked at him and held his gaze. “I try to be.”

  “Good to know. So do you think I should go out with Sarah tomorrow night?” He raised his right eyebrow at me.

  No! Would have been my first answer, but I couldn’t do that. “Are you testing my honesty approach here?”

  He grinned. “I could be.”

  I shook my head at him and looked down at the table. “You really confuse me, Tristan.”

  “That wasn’t an answer to my question though.”

  I smiled, glanced at him, then away. “No, I guess it wasn’t.”

  “I’ve also noticed that you’re good at avoiding topics when you don’t like them. So will you answer me, Alex?”

  I sighed, but still didn’t look at him. Some people have said they could tell what I was thinking by just looking into my eyes. “I think that it is up to you.” There.

  He laughed. “Very diplomatic of you. I’d better go; I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I looked at him and nodded. He left the table without another word. I deflated in my seat. What I wanted was for him to stay, to talk some more, and to get to know him. Not that I should. My phone beeped inside of my jacket, I flipped it open, a smile spreading across my face. I looked around, but I couldn’t see him a
nywhere. I looked back down at my phone and read it again.

  It’s only a text Alex. She should understand that. Would you feel better if I started texting her?

  No, I wanted to scream, but I found myself typing back.

  Yes.

  I knew that would be ur answer so I already have. We r going to the movies tomorrow night. R u happy?

  Why would he ask me that? Everything in me told me that I wasn’t happy. When I read what he’d written, I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. And for some silly reason, I felt like crying. I felt that I’d missed out and that wasn’t fair.

  But did I really have a right to feel that way? No.

  It did seem that Tristan wanted to be friends, a friend who asked dating advice, I guess. And even if it was a secret friendship so his other idiot mates didn’t find out, I could be fine with that. Because I already knew I wouldn’t like it if Tristan disappeared out of my life completely.

  Alex?

  I couldn’t bring myself to answer that though. So instead, I changed the subject completely and asked a question that had been on my mind, which would lead me to get to know more things about him.

  How many siblings do you have?

  Three. Two older twin brothers, but one passed away last year. And an older sister who lives two hours away.

  I closed my eyes for a second before responding.

  I’m sorry for ur loss. I know how it feels; it’s hard. Always will be I think for the rest of our lives.

  Everyone usually says: with time it will get better, but not you.

  I hate that saying! I’ve heard it many times myself. I guess because I’ve been through it I know the truth.

  New question time, other stuff too depressing.

  Who do you work for?

  depressing is my thing though, but all right.

  Sam’s Deliveries, just like a postal service, I deliver the things that are too big for letterboxes.

  I imagined him lifting heavy boxes with his muscles flexing before I shook myself out of it and replied.

  Interesting. How many girlfriends hav u had?

  Oh. My. God. Had I really texted that? Yes, yes I had. My heart was beating like crazy.

  Why so u can warn S?

  No, just curious.

  Two serious ones. U?