If Your Wife Only Knew

by Cydney Rax

  “I’m trying to make up for the times I’ve been an ass. You know that I ain’t like that twenty-four-seven, baby.”

  “That remains to be seen. But thanks, I think.” She glanced at her watch.

  “What? You don’t have time to eat lunch with me right now? I had a break and I thought I’d surprise you. Trying to be a good husband. This is what you said you wanted, right? Me showing more effort?”

  She thought about Eddison and the fact that he wanted her to make a decision.

  “You’re outdoing yourself.”

  “That’s what a good man does.”

  “A good man is an accessible man,” she told him.

  “An accessible man is a broke man.”

  Shyla suddenly stood in the doorway.

  “Hey, y’all. I followed my nose. Something smells really delicious in here.” She gave Rashad an admiring look. “You, sir, are one of the last good ones. I’m going to call my fiancé and tell him he’d better start bringing me lunch to work once we get married.”

  Kiara nodded and grinned. She would never want anyone like Shyla Perry to know her marital issues. “I’m telling you, you’ve gotta train these men early on before it’s too late.”

  They all laughed.

  “Well, I won’t interrupt y’all.” Shyla squealed. “That’s so romantic. I love love.”

  Rashad’s belly growled like a wild animal. Shyla apologized and dashed out the door. Kiara couldn’t help but laugh. She knew her husband was ready to eat.

  Right then, Nicole came shuffling into Kiara’s office. She wore a turquoise short-sleeve blouse with a pair of tan slacks. Her shoes were ordinary, nothing like the shoe game of her female coworkers.

  “Oops, I’m sorry I didn’t know—” she mumbled.

  “Speak up, what did you say?”

  “I said I-I can come back later.”

  “No, it’s okay. Actually, I’m glad you’re here, Nicole. This is my husband, Rashad Eason. Remember, I told you he does renovations and carpentry work.”

  “Hey, what’s up?” Rashad yelled at Nicole and gave her a casual glance. When she barely spoke, he proceeded to the conference table and made lots of noise opening bags and pulling out cartons of rice, chicken, shrimp, vegetables, egg rolls, and Mekong soup.

  “Babe, you ready? I could eat.”

  “My husband is rude when he’s hungry. Anyway, honey, I will give Nicole your card so she can get with you about doing some minor work for her. All right?”

  He nodded and took a spoon and scooped his food onto a plate.

  “Nice to meet you,” Nicole mumbled, then she left them alone.

  “Rashad, you weren’t very nice to my new hire.”

  “You know how it is. My stomach is growling. I’m hot. And I stink. I don’t need this woman knowing how funky I smell.”

  “You are so silly.” Kiara’s face brightened as she realized that her husband had surprised her with something she actually liked. She’d wanted things to turn around in her marriage for so long that she had just about given up. Maybe now was the time for her prayers to be answered.

  But on her way home, she was thinking about Eddison, and that’s when he called her.

  “I was thinking about you and wanted to touch base.”

  “I was doing some thinking, too,” she said.

  “In a good way, I hope.”

  “Just keep being good to me.”

  She didn’t want to tell him that her husband was acting like he had some sense. She knew Eddison was really feeling her. But she only had one heart. She just didn’t know if it was big enough to handle her main man, plus the man that wanted to be her main man.

  “Kiara, I-I’d like to stop by tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know about that. I have a pretty tight schedule.”

  “Squeeze me in, please.”

  “It depends on what this is about.”

  “Jerome Fielder is giving a couple of freshmen a really hard time. They got into some trouble. I was hoping you can help them out.”

  “Geez, Rashad. I dunno—”

  “Ouch.”

  “Oops, Eddison, I’m sorry. My bad. I-I didn’t mean to seem like I’m blowing you off.”

  “I guess when I was preaching to you about the truth, I should have been thinking about myself . . . and if I can handle it.”

  “Don’t even try it.”

  “Kiara, what can you tell me that will make me believe anything different than what you’re showing me? You say you enjoyed that kiss, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “I did enjoy it . . . but it’s complicated.”

  “You’re having second thoughts?”

  “I guess I ought to inform you that my husb—Mr. Eason is really trying right now.”

  Eddison grew quiet.

  “Though it took him a while, I feel he is listening to me . . . he’s taking baby steps. And this sudden turnaround is like a rescue tube has been thrown at us. I’m grabbing hold of it and hopefully saving my life.”

  Kiara cleared her throat. It was so quiet she glanced down at her cell to make sure she hadn’t lost the call. But her screen still read, “Eddy O.”

  She thought about the kisses they shared: the most deliciously sensual kiss she’d ever had with a man. But she also decided it would have to be the last time she ever did that. If Rashad stayed on the right path, she felt it was only right to give their relationship a chance.

  “I just want to clean up my side of the street and make sure things will stay good between us. As silly as it sounds, I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  He finally spoke. “I want you.”

  “Eddison.”

  “I said it, I meant it. It’s not going to change.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Just like you, Kiara, I can be positive too. And I believe if something is meant to happen, it will. Doesn’t matter what, when, or how.”

  Kiara whispered good-bye and hung up. She thought about Eddison’s words; it humbled her to realize that he actually did care about her. He was consistent and always proved himself to be in her corner.

  She picked up Myles from school then drove straight home. He rattled on about his day, and how he had to handle Tommy Washington because the boy stole his toy helicopter.

  “I told Tommy my dad finally put that copter together and he couldn’t have it. And he said ‘I dare you to take it back.’ And when I tried to grab my toy, he shoved me. So, Mommy, I wacked him in his eye real hard. And he started crying like a kindergartener.”

  “That’s nice, sweetie.”

  “So I’m not in trouble?”

  “No, sweetie.”

  “Yes,” he said and pumped his fist.

  When Kiara parked her car in the driveway of the house next door, her son asked, “Mommy, why did you do that? We don’t live here.”

  “Oh, right. I was just testing your alertness skills. Great job, son!”

  She backed up out of her neighbor’s driveway and this time parked at her house.

  When she didn’t see Rashad’s van, her heart sank. When he arrived home a half hour late, she wanted to be happy but she wasn’t.

  Rashad lugged in bags of food.

  “What’s all this?”

  “It’s Friday night. I feel like barbecuing.”

  “I see.”

  “Aren’t you happy? You love my brisket and ribs and sausages. You can make some of your potato salad, if you don’t mind.”

  “Yeah, Rashad. Sure, I can do that. Whatever you want.”

  He stayed in the kitchen so he could sauté the meat and prepare his homemade barbecue sauce.

  Kiara quietly went to their bedroom. That is where Rashad would pull off his clothes every time he got home from work. She locked the door behind her. And she went to the laundry basket and fished out his work pants.

  She got her cell and called Adina. They’d spoken earlier by phone. Adina told her not to fall for his weak attempts at being nice. She said it was mere
ly a cover-up for his dirty deeds and she needed to investigate to know what was really going on with him.

  “Are you doing it?” Adina asked.

  “Yes. Can you hear my heart beating? I haven’t done this type of snooping in almost ten years of being with him.”

  “Baby girl, it’s hard, but you gotta know what’s up in your relationship. Aren’t you sick of not knowing? Are you tired of feeling weird and shit?”

  “Yes.”

  “So get to looking.”

  “All right.” Kiara dug in Rashad’s front pocket. She scooped up a handful of loose change. And she found a wrinkled business card from a lighting company, which she promptly stuffed back in his pocket.

  “Nothing, girl.”

  “Check the back. Hurry.”

  “Okay.” Kiara reached inside the back pocket and pulled out some crumpled papers.

  “Nothing but some stupid receipts.”

  “Girl, you better look at those things. It’s all about the receipts.”

  “Oh, wow. Here’s one from a Greek restaurant. It’s from two days ago. May twenty-eighth. Around twelve noon. Lunchtime. And it is for two Greek salads, and two pita sandwiches, and two Sprites.”

  “Hmm, he ain’t that greedy. Who did the Negro buy lunch for?”

  “Um,” Kiara said as she stared at the receipt. “It says it was a carry-out. Paid for in cash. And the person who called in the order is Lessie.”

  “Whoop, now we’re getting somewhere,” Adina yelped. “Some woman called in their order and your hubby paid for it. You know what you need to do, girl, so do it.”

  Kiara hung up and agreed that it was way past time to get to the bottom of her husband’s suspicious behavior.

  “Rashad, we need to talk.” She returned to the kitchen with her cell phone in one hand, the receipt in the other.

  “Ain’t nothing to talk about.”

  “Yes, there is. And you didn’t even know what I was going to say.”

  He was seasoning his meat. “Give me a second.”

  “That can wait. I want to know something. Who is Lessie?”

  “Huh?”

  “Do you know a woman that goes by the name Lessie?”

  “Uh-uh, no, I don’t. Why?” Rashad calmly placed the meat inside clear plastic bags.

  “I found a receipt in your pocket.”

  He slammed the bag on the counter.

  “No the fuck you did not.”

  “You want it? You wanna see?” She waved the paper in his face.

  “Whoever you bought lunch for this week, I want you to call the bitch on the phone right now.”

  “You are crazy, Kiara.” He shook his head furiously. The veins bulged out the side of his neck. “She is a client. I bought lunch for her. Satisfied now, crazy-ass woman?”

  “She’s a client?”

  “Yes. Damn. Stay the fuck out my pockets.”

  “Rashad, sometimes I feel uneasy about our situation.”

  “That’s because you’re crazy as hell. You’re doing exactly what insane bitches do. Sounds like something Adina put you up to. That’s why I never wanted you to hang around her. She couldn’t hold onto her own husband and now she’s trying to make you lose yours. Black women can be so damned stupid.”

  “Your mother is a black woman.”

  “She can be stupid, too.”

  “That’s true.”

  Kiara sniffed and gave herself a moment to think.

  “So this Lessie woman is just your client?”

  “I’ve done some work at her spot.”

  Kiara looked doubtful.

  “Some work like what? Drilling? Laying pipe?”

  He chuckled. “You’re too much.”

  “Okay, then. If she is a client, call her. On speaker phone. Just talk about anything.”

  “You must be out your fucking mind.” Rashad went to the refrigerator and found a space to store the barbecue for the next twenty-four hours.

  “I am not about to embarrass myself calling this lady out of the fucking blue all because your ass got gassed up by Adina.” He began yelling. “Is this where ten years of being with the same woman takes you? Is this the type of shit I gotta look forward to for the next thirty years?”

  “All right, okay, damn,” Kiara said, backing down. She’d read too many news stories about fights that got out of hand. Petty grievances that led to a knife slashing, gunshots, screaming, and 911 calls. She never wanted that to be her life. But she did want answers.

  “Maybe you don’t know what to say or how to handle this type of thing in a professional way, but I do. I’ll be very nice. I’ll act like I’m your secretary. What’s her last name?”

  “What? Kiara, please stop it. You’re not thinking rationally.”

  “And I have you to blame!”

  Rashad couldn’t take it anymore. He went to his room, put on a fresh change of clothes, ran to get in his vehicle, and practically burned rubber trying to get away from his wife.

  Rashad stayed gone for two hours.

  As soon he came home, he found Kiara in the bedroom. He told her, “For your info, I was at a sports bar. I had four drinks and some appetizers. I was alone. Is that all right with you?”

  “Oh, so now you want to go out of your way to tell me where you were?”

  “I sure do. Is that cool?”

  “Whatever makes you happy.”

  Kiara already had on her nightgown. She decided to go sleep in the second-floor guest room.

  “I’ll be upstairs,” she told him as she gathered a few of her things.

  “Knock yourself out. I need to get some rest. Sleep tight, babe.”

  As she walked upstairs, Kiara wished that Rashad would come after her. She had told him she never slept well when he wasn’t by her side. But she figured he was still upset with her for invading his privacy.

  She heard him click the lock on their bedroom door.

  Rashad’s behavior frightened her to the point that she entertained morbid thoughts as she lay down and attempted to go to sleep. What would happen if nothing changed for the better? What if she was overly paranoid and he decided he wanted out of their marriage and she had to raise their son on her own? It was one thing to play around with the thought, but another thing to figure out how she’d handle an actual breakup.

  She lay in the bed tossing, turning, thinking.

  As drowsiness shepherded Kiara into a deep sleep, she heard the bedroom door squeak open, then close. He slipped in the bed right next to her and held her from behind, cupping her breasts with his warm hands. He placed his face next to hers. His cheek felt like love. His prickly whiskers grazed her neck. He pressed his lips against hers, giving her slow, gentle kisses that made her shiver with desire. She turned, moaned, then squirmed until she faced him in the dark. She groped for his lips and hungrily kissed him back. She trembled with happiness as he told her over and over again how sexy she was and that he loved her. And when he removed her panties and tossed them on the floor, then pulled out his penis and entered her, she let him. They instantly came together as one. She was lost in him. She couldn’t be upset anymore. She couldn’t lie. She had to have him. The desire for him was too strong.

  When Kiara woke up the next morning, she was alone.

  Her panties weren’t on the floor. They were still on her body.

  Did we make love and then he put my panties back on me?

  She got out of bed and headed downstairs to the master bedroom. Rashad wasn’t there. She proceeded to shower and got dressed. When she entered the kitchen, the smell of turkey bacon, cheesy jalapeño eggs, and grits greeted her nostrils. Myles was already up and eating.

  “Good morning, sexy.” Rashad even wore her purple apron. “Have a seat.”

  He scooped some eggs onto a plate, selected a couple slices of meat, and dipped the spoon in the steaming hot grits which he poured in a small bowl.

  “Um, really, Rashad? Grits?”

  “Hahaha.” He laughed. “Don’t even try
it.”

  Her voice was shaking. “Why are you doing this? What’s all this for?”

  “I don’t want to fight. I hate it. I hate arguing. I know I’ve been fucking up in some ways and I need to step up my game. You’re dope. I’m trying to show you that you are.”

  “I-I’m—”

  “Speechless, right.”

  “Rashad—”

  “You’re welcome, Mrs. Eason.”

  “Thanks.”

  She sat her shaking legs down at the table and ate her breakfast. When she washed it all down with some orange juice, she said in a tiny voice, “Did you come in the room last night when I was asleep? Did you get in the bed with me?”

  “Woman, I was knocked out all night long.”

  “So you didn’t come?”

  He laughed and made clattering noises as he set dishes and pots in the dishwasher.

  Ten minutes later, Kiara headed out to take Myles to his early morning martial arts class.

  All she could think about was the man in her dream.

  Don’t matter what, when, or how.

  Chapter 6

  It was still Saturday and mid-morning in the city. Alexis sat alone at an outdoor café sipping on a mimosa and taking a drag from her cigarette. She felt like she was one of the last few smokers in modern society. Smoking was a habit she couldn’t kick. An imperfect part of herself that she learned to accept.

  As Alexis enjoyed the warm summer breeze, she thoughtfully observed a woman a few yards away. The woman was sitting across the table from a man. Alexis could tell the man was in his late thirties. They sat and ate their brunch. Alexis noticed how the woman gazed adoringly at the man. The man’s cell phone rang. He glanced at it and answered. He gripped his phone against his ear. He ended the conversation and said a few words to his lunch companion. He rose to his feet and hurriedly left the café. The lady’s face fell. Her sad expression vividly announced that her happiness had just walked away.

  Alexis couldn’t help herself. She stubbed her cigarette in an ashtray, rose gingerly from her table, and slowly walked toward the young girl, who looked to be around twenty.

  “Hello. My name is Alexis and I couldn’t help but notice what happened between you and that guy.”

  “Huh?”