She looked up at me again and straightened her spine, but I still detected a pensive shadow in the depths of her eyes. “No, have you?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. Would it be insensitive to tell her the truth? If I had any hope of developing something with this woman, I was certain I shouldn’t lie. She didn’t seem like the type to forgive easily. “No, I haven’t.”
She shrugged casually at my comment and quickly returned to her menu.
“But I’m not against being in love,” I blurted out with pressured speech. I really wanted to make sure she was aware I was looking for a more substantial relationship than the superficial ones I’d engaged in previously. “I just hadn’t met the right person.”
A visible shiver quickly overtook her. Maybe she was chilly. I watched the intimate movement as she brushed her hands up and down her arms, and all I could envision was my own hands moving up and down those graceful arms to warm her up. Maybe one day soon. Then again, I needed to get her comfortable enough to speak to me. Then I could work on getting her comfortable enough to let me touch her. I imagined her creamy skin was soft and silky smooth.
“Cameron, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper when she leaned forward again to speak to me. “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
The “I’m not looking for a relationship” speech typically meant the woman who said it was only looking for a fling. Alexis hardly seemed like the one-night-stand type, so I took the shot to my gut to mean she didn’t like me at all. I desperately tried to regroup and think of a comment to convince her that investigating this connection was worth exploring.
“Well, how about a friendship? I’m an excellent friend.” I motioned around to the others at the table. “Ask anyone here.”
I was fully invested in her response. She sucked in a deep breath, and I did the same in anticipation of her reply before she mumbled, “Cameron…” through an elusive half-smile.
I huffed with enough force to cut her short before she could finish. “And my friends call me Cam. Okay, Lex?”
A sound resembling a giggle bubbled out of her, causing a weird sensation to dance in my belly. It was closer to a laugh than I had gotten from her so far. “Okay, Cam.”
And just like that, maybe she would allow me to be her friend. We made small-talk while the waitress delivered our drinks and took our meal orders. She ordered a bacon cheeseburger with French fries. She was a girl after my own heart, for sure. I liked that she didn’t order a salad or some other light option. My sisters told me years ago that even though girls ate cheeseburgers, most didn’t order such food on a date. I was done with that type of woman. I wanted someone who could be herself around me.
I tried to remain focused entirely on Alexis, but I noticed Charlie leave the table, and shortly thereafter, Louis followed. Several minutes went by before either of them returned. I was aware of the timeframe because Lex and I had talked about my job and favorite hobbies for a while before Charlie and Louis rejoined our table. They were speaking to each other after their reappearance, so I took that as a good sign. Without having to worry about them, I could once again return my entire attention toward the beautiful woman sitting in front of me.
“Do you have any siblings?” I asked Lex while awaiting our food.
“No,” she deadpanned. “Do you have others besides Charlie and Claudette?” The quick closure from her response still opened the door for a question directed at me. I loved how her eyes were wide and bright and focused on me. She genuinely appeared to be intently listening. I was not used to that at all. Most girls couldn’t care less what I said or what we talked about. But Lex acted interested in me…the real me.
“Yeah, Louis. He isn’t my brother by blood, but we grew up together, and he practically lived at my house most of my life. Besides, he’s an only child, so we had to give him the experience of having siblings.” I could tell she was absorbing the information I gave her. “There’s not going to be a quiz later,” I said jokingly to reassure her. “You don’t have to take so many mental notes.”
Her teeth peeked out from behind her lips, and that warm feeling returned within my belly.
“What about your parents? What are they like?”
And just as quickly as her display of contentment appeared, the color drained from her face. Shit! I said something wrong. Were her parents dead? Had there been some tragic accident? I had no idea what to do or say. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to recover from that comment. Words wouldn’t form on my lips, and I couldn’t figure out how to retract what I’d said swift enough.
“They aren’t around anymore.” Her cool voice twisted me in the gut. But she casually picked up her water glass and pulled a long swallow through her straw.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up a bad subject.” I felt terrible, even though I had no idea painful memories were associated with her parents. Now I was the one who needed to make mental notes.
Placing her cup back onto the table with a quiet thud, she began to tease the condensation on the outside of the glass with her fingers. Her eyes remained focused on me, but her haphazard hand movements sliding along the glass told me she was nervous. “What are your parents like?”
I was slightly taken aback that she’d still be interested in a response regarding my mom and dad.
“They’re awesome. My mom and dad have been married for nearly thirty years and are still totally in love with each other.” My parents still kissed and held hands, but I didn’t mention that part. “They’re kind and supportive and provided us with a good balance of spoiling, discipline, love, and fostering our independence. We learned that hard work reaps benefits, and practice and patience yield results.”
“They sound really nice. I bet you were a challenge to handle when you were growing up.” Her flat tone didn’t sit well with me.
“Why would you say that?” I was a good brother to Charlie—I took her coffee, for heaven’s sake. I spent time with my family, held down a stable job, and had my own place. I thought I was a fairly responsible person. So why would she think I was difficult?
“You kind of have this bad-boy vibe about you.” She was very matter of fact in her response, which I again found disconcerting.
“I do?” I didn’t drive a motorcycle or have any tattoos, so I wasn’t sure where she’d get that vibe from.
“If we’re truly going to be friends, I think we need to be honest with each other.”
I nodded in agreement. It wouldn’t be good if I lied to her.
“I’d like to know what your intentions are with me, because you clearly don’t need any more friends.” Her eyes jumped around the table before she settled her blue gaze back on me.
“I intend to ask you to go out with me for ice cream after dinner. Just the two of us.” I couldn’t help but smirk at her absurd comment. Her serious, although mysterious, attitude needed to lighten up a bit.
“I’m not going to have sex with you, Cam.” Her direct shot at my ego was the first time in my life that I’d found a woman telling me she would not have sex with me incredibly hot.
“Geez, Lex. Get your mind out of the gutter. Ice cream isn’t code for sex. It really means ice cream. Or frozen yogurt, or a snow cone, or whatever you like.” My remark was meant to be jovial, but I wasn’t sure if she understood my attempt at humor.
A blank expression fell across her face. “I typically have a fairly good read on people, but, Cam, you surprise me.” There was a dark truth beneath her confession, and it made me wonder what had happened to her that would’ve made her distrust people so much.
“Is it me, or just men in general?” I couldn’t put my finger on her angst, but there was certainly suspicion, doubt, cynicism—something.
“This conversation has quickly gotten personal.” She shifted her weight backward and leaned into her chair as she blew out a contemplative sigh. “I haven’t had a lot of friends over the years. It’s probably because I’m
hesitant to share much of myself. I’m a private person—not secretive, just private. Really, I just don’t like to share my crap with anyone. So when someone gets too close, I tend to put a wall up.” Laying her hands crossed in her lap, almost giving herself a hug at the waist, she leaned toward me slightly. “I’m truly trying to change because I’m probably missing out on experiences due to that wall. But if I can be completely honest with you, I’m feeling a little uncomfortable with the topic, and I feel that wall going up again. I’m sorry.”
Even though innocence usually radiated from her, a hidden darkness appeared with mentions of her past. I found myself worried, and the urge to be protective filled my core. I wanted to reach across the table for her hand, but she was squeezing herself into a hug. I had seen that self-comforting mannerism from her before and it tugged at my heart.
“Lex, you don’t ever have to share anything with me that you don’t want to. I assure you that I’m a good friend. I’ll do anything in the world for my friends. I can keep a secret, but I also can give space. I’m always here when one of my friends needs someone to listen, to give advice, to not pass judgment, to be brutally honest, to provide an alibi, to keep silent company, to laugh, to cry, and to lift heavy objects.”
My off-the-cuff proclamation caused the serious tone hanging in the room to evaporate without any intention on my part. I could tell the climate had changed because she laughed at the end of my speech. And it was a genuine laugh. It wasn’t a soft giggle, but a loud, heartfelt laugh. It was my new favorite sound. “Lift heavy objects, really?”
“You know, like, when I help my friends move. I’m pretty strong.” I flexed my biceps, and she shook her head with the remnants of soft laughter at my prepubescent sense of humor.
“Okay.” Satisfaction pursed her lips, and her mood suddenly seemed buoyant. “I’ll get ice cream with you after dinner.”
The next day, I couldn’t wait to call Charlie and tell her about Lex and me. She must’ve sensed me thinking about her, because she called first. That happened with us sometimes. Charlie said that she and Louis were finally going to make a go at a real relationship. It figured that once I began to have genuine feelings for a woman, my sister stole my thunder. Then again, maybe she couldn’t give in to those emotions she had been feeling until I was able to. I’d heard that about twins. That if one felt something, the other would, too. For example, I could break my arm, and Charlie might feel the pain, even if she was miles away.
This was clearly a chicken and egg situation. It would be difficult to figure out the causation of which if this was a twin thing. Was my ability to feel like I could become serious about a relationship the reason Charlie was able to? Or was Charlie finally admitting her feelings the reason that I was able to have those feelings at all?
During our phone conversation, she’d invited me to go canoeing. Even though it was completely natural for my sister, Louis, and I to go on adventures together on the water, I assumed that since they were dating, I’d feel more like an outsider. I was sure to be the proverbial third wheel. But when she suggested I bring Lex along, I felt freed from the internal struggle. I was truly happy for Charlie and Louis, but the dynamics of our threesome had shifted. However, by bringing Lex into the mix, our weird threesome could transform into two couples. And that thought made me very happy.
5
Alexis
I was proud of myself for coming out of the shell that I had lived in for so long. I’d gone canoeing yesterday with Louis, Charlie, and Cam. Of course, Charlie and I had a lot in common, so for the first time in a very long time, I thought about letting my wall down. Those people made me feel like I could trust them. But most importantly, they didn’t make me feel like an outsider. They accepted me. The three of them knew everything about each other. They’d been friends for ever, but they so openly welcomed me into their circle.
I used to always feel most comfortable spending time alone. I took refuge in my apartment or going for a long drive alone. But after spending time with these folks, I actually didn’t find myself craving the alone time as much anymore. I’d begun to crave more time with them.
Even though it was obvious that Charlie and Louis were completely in love with one another, it wasn’t awkward. I wasn’t sure what had happened that caused them to take so long to get to where they are, but they were completely, utterly relaxed with each other.
We’d splashed each other during our time on the lake, and I couldn’t remember having a better time. I was just about completely soaked when we returned to shore, but I didn’t care. They were genuine people. Superficial things seemed unimportant to them. We all got muddy and wet, but no one commented on how each of us looked. Their genuineness was so refreshing. There were no façades…no false qualities about any of them. I was starting to wonder when they would realize I was the one with the façade. I was the one pretending to be someone I wasn’t. They had no idea who I was, where I had come from, or even what I’d done. I didn’t want to lie, but I certainly didn’t want them to find out the truth, either.
Cameron: Charlie and I go to the carnival every year. It’s next weekend. You wanna go? Louis is coming also.
A carnival? I’d never been to one. I wasn’t even sure what a carnival was. I knew there were rides, but I didn’t have a clue about much else. I’d never actually been on a carnival ride before. I supposed that it could be fun.
Just as I began to tap a response to Cameron’s text, there was a knock at my apartment door.
I peered out the peephole and saw him standing on the porch. With a swift pull, the metal door swung open. “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond.”
He pushed past me and entered my apartment without even asking if I was okay with him coming in.
I shut the door behind him while he glanced around my living room as if assessing my tastes or searching for some kind of answer. “I wanted to see where you live.”
“Why?” I let out a forced huff and leaned my back against the cool door. This is it. He is aware of something about my past. Don’t jump to conclusions. If he had uncovered something, I’d make him state what proof he claimed to have first before I tried to defend myself.
He turned around and looked at me suspiciously. “Because we’re friends, and it occurred to me that I don’t even know where you live. We’ve been to breakfast. We’ve gone out to dinner. I bring you coffee at work, and we’ve gone canoeing on the lake, but I’ve never seen where you live, and you’ve never seen my place. Isn’t it time we did that?” He drew his brows together, and for the first time since meeting him, I felt wary.
I wasn’t sure what his motive was. So we shared a few meals, and I’d seen him at work a time or two…or twenty. Why did that mean he needed to see where I lived? I was new to having friends, so I’d admit, I wasn’t sure what steps were involved with friendship. But I definitely didn’t feel comfortable with him examining my place as if he were in search of incriminating evidence against me.
“I don’t particularly enjoy unannounced guests.”
His usually hard, chiseled features softened, and he held up his hands while taking a step away from me. “Are you okay?”
I guess I did kind of snap at him. And my voice may have sounded like gravel crunching beneath tires.
Seeing him scurry away left my emotions jumbled. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to stay or leave. I made sure to soften my voice before speaking again. “I just wasn’t expecting anyone, and I really hate surprises.” I honestly did. I tried my best every day to never be surprised about anything. I tried to anticipate every moment of the day.
“Okay. Sorry about that. Next time I will ask if it’s okay if I stop by. I have a tendency to pop in on my friends on a whim. But I’ll try to remember not to do that with you.” He subtly dropped his hands to his sides and took a few steps toward me.
He shuffled in slow but purposeful steps, waiting for me to protest. Of course, I didn’t. Rather than feel threatened by his closing proximity, I
was intrigued. Once he reached the door that I still leaned against, he brought his face close to my own, and his warm breath tickled my lips. I stood motionless, watching the green outline of his hazel eyes dance with a hint of inquiry.
“If you want me to go, I will.” His voice was husky yet soft. His presence was intoxicating, and I found it difficult to remain coherent while so close to him. I was glad I had leaned against the door, because I was pretty sure his swoony proximity could cause my already wobbly legs to give out. Then I would topple to the floor, and that would be really embarrassing.
“Cameron…”
“I told you, my friends call me Cam.”
Heat flooded my senses, yet my skin prickled with gooseflesh. I hadn’t realized at what point his hands came to rest against the door, but he had me caged in with each of his hands parallel to the sides of my face. This is twice in the matter of two minutes this man has managed to sneak up on me.
His lips curled upward into that devilish grin, revealing both a sweet and sexy appeal. I had never been so attracted to a man in my life—but he was attracted to every woman. Well, not every woman. He would never find me attractive. He preferred a woman with cute laughs and big boobs.
With that realization, I abruptly ducked beneath his braced arm and moved away from him in time to hear a throaty laugh. “Lex, I’m not going to bite you.”
I realized our moment was over, but he took a step toward me as if attempting to get that moment back. I instinctively took a step backward, and his grin fell flat. His previously desired-filled eyes swirled with concern.
“Why are you so skittish?”
I continued my backward gait while he moved in my direction until I ran into the breakfast bar bordering my kitchen. The cool granite struck against my upper back. A worried expression came across Cameron’s face as he heard the loud crack.
“Jesus, Lex. Did I do something to frighten you?”
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