“I always take my drink with me.” She looked at me, and a reverent silence followed.
Fortunately, my sister interjected. “Cam is a great drink watcher, Alexis. I promise, it’s safe with him.”
So now I understood. All those times in college when Charlie had me hold her drink for her when she went to the bathroom was so a guy wouldn’t slip anything in it. I would have killed the guy who would even try, but that was beside the point. Alexis only depended on herself; she never trusted anyone to look out for her.
“You don’t have to carry your drink with you when you are with me.” I reached toward her and grasped the glass from her hand. “I promise that I will always look out for you.”
She loosened her grip around the tumbler, and I returned her beverage to the tabletop. My two favorite women scurried off to the ladies’ room, and Louis and I were left to ourselves.
“I never thought I’d see the day when Cam Callahan was head over heels in love.” What the hell kind of comment is that?
“We haven’t been dating that long. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with her.” I was pretty sure I was lying. I wasn’t sure if I was being dishonest to Louis, or just denying the truth to myself.
“Being in love isn’t a bad thing.” He took a swallow of his beer. “I found that denying it doesn’t work. It catches up to you…and when it does, it’s actually pretty amazing.”
“When did you get all mushy? You sound like a freaking girl.” I shot a hard look his way. “But I’d say you and Lean Bean look pretty happy, so I guess it’s worked out okay for you two. I don’t want to tell her and scare her off. Look what happened the first time you told my sister.”
“You’re right. Maybe I should’ve asked Charlie out on a date before confessing my feelings to her. I got the order wrong. But you are Alexis’s boyfriend. You can tell her.” He took another swallow from his beer while the first karaoke singer took the stage.
Charlie and Lex returned in time to hear an amazing rendition of a Whitney Houston song by a thin, curly-haired woman who looked like she was in her mid-thirties. Unfortunately, my name was called next. I wasn’t sure how I was expected to follow the voice that the crowded restaurant just heard, but after gulping down the rest of my beer in two swallows, I took my place on stage.
My parents loved their eighties and nineties music, so my sisters and I had to listen to a lot of those songs growing up. I chose an REO Speedwagon song that I knew all the lyrics to. I locked eyes with Lex the entire time I sang, and when I belted out Can’t Fight This Feeling, I felt like I was singing straight from my heart and soul.
When I returned to the table, a vaguely sensuous light passed between us. There was an undeniable dark desire within Lex’s eyes as she dragged her gaze seductively up and down my body. So when she whispered that she was ready to leave, I practically threw some cash at my sister and Louis before quickly racing out the door. Lex was right on my heels.
Even with the thought of getting back to her place as fast as possible, we recognized that the safest bet was to call an Uber. We decided she could just drive me back to my truck tomorrow. The minutes ticked by slowly until the arrival of the car and driver. But soon, we were on our way to her apartment.
The prolonged anticipation was almost unbearable. Just getting inside her place without ripping each other’s clothes off was an accomplishment, because if I thought I’d been insane with wanting her previously, it was no match to what I was feeling at that moment. Our mouths were on each other before we managed to get the door open. Lex fumbled with her keys for several attempts until I took over and accomplished the task.
The door seemed heavier than expected when I shoved it out of our way, but again, it may have been due to the intense need I had to relieve the pressure that had been building in my jeans since we left the bar. She tugged at my shirt, and I broke away from our dancing tongues long enough to yank the cotton material over my head.
She took to trailing light kisses along my chest. Her lips were warm, and when her tongue flicked over one of my nipples, I scooped her into my arms and headed toward her bedroom. I tried to gently ease her onto the bed, but my self-control was extremely limited. I dropped her onto the mattress, and she bounced slightly on that comforter of butterflies. She pulled me down over her, and I nibbled at her soft earlobe while pushing the tank top she had worn to the bar over her head and tossed it somewhere.
Her pink, lacy bra was revealed, and as pretty as it was, I couldn’t wait to get it off her. She arched her back, and I reached around for the clasp. She let a soft moan escape when I released her breasts from the confines of her undergarment. Shoving the lacy material off her, I initiated my attempt to thoroughly caress and worship her soft mounds. I cupped them with my hands and brushed my fingertips across her nipples. When she began to whimper, I moved my mouth from her ear and jawline to the swollen peak of her breast. I suckled and she wriggled beneath me.
“I need you now.” Her smoky blue eyes smoldered, and her arousal was apparent. “I want you inside me. Please,” she hissed with desperation and shimmied her shorts and panties off without any assistance from me. Still paying attention to her nipples with my tongue, I slipped my finger between her slick folds and entered her. When I rubbed her sensitive nub with my thumb, she flinched, and a slow moan vibrated from within her. After I inserted another finger, warm fluid slicked my movements.
Her channel pulsated, and I could feel she was getting close to the edge. With her orgasm being on the brink, my own arousal intensified to the point that I didn’t think I could withstand any more patience. I heard her utter the word now, prompting me to withdraw my fingers from inside her and reach into the front pocket of my jeans for a condom.
No wonder my erection was so incredibly painful. My damn jeans were holding my expanding arousal captive. Wanting to spring it free, I fumbled for the button to release and pulled at my zipper with a loud grating sound. The teeth of the zipper finally parted and offered me some relief from the building pressure.
Before I could remove my pants and don the condom, my eyes connected with hers. Something in her expression had changed. She no longer appeared full of desire. Apprehension clouded her eyes, and her facial features hardened. “Get off me.” I heard the words, and I watched her mouth move, but I didn’t realize what she was saying. She appeared terrified or angry. I couldn’t identify which emotion was there. Stark fear glittered in her eyes, but bridled anger infused her voice.
“I said get off me!” Her wailing scream rang throughout the room as she flattened her palms on my chest and tried to shove me away from her.
She wasn’t successful in pushing my weight, but I willingly eased myself away from her to give her some space. My heart sank as she pulled at her bedspread and clutched it across her chest to cover her naked body. I stared at her in disbelief. I wasn’t sure what happened. “Butterfly…” I tried to brush my hand across her face, but she flung my arm away.
“Get out of my apartment.”
I stood up from her bed as she laced her last comment with venom. “Lex, what’s going on?” I was certainly disappointed that I wasn’t going to feel what it was like to be inside her, but I was hurt that something had happened and she wouldn’t talk to me.
“I told you I wasn’t going to have sex with you.” Her demeanor had shifted so drastically that she was now a completely different person than the one I had just been making out with a few moments earlier.
“Lex, we don’t have to make love tonight.” Determination fed my need to sit back down next to her as she gripped her bedspread tighter. “Because whenever that time is, it won’t be just sex. I love you. I love you like I never thought I could love another person.”
Her eyes shimmered with water only a moment before a river of tears flowed over their brims and slid down her cheeks. “Well, I don’t love you.” Sadness painted her features, but I still couldn’t believe how cold and distant she sounded. “Being around you, Cam, doesn’t make me happy.
It reminds me of my crappy childhood. My childhood doesn’t bring back good memories for me. I have seen terrible things. I have done despicable things. It was a horrible time in my life, and unfortunately, you were a part of that time in my life. I have tried my best to move past that. I went to college, I have a career that I love, and for the first time in my life, I actually have friends.”
Her emotional wounds tugged at my heart. “I’m your friend too, Lex.”
“But yet, nearly every time I’m around you, I find myself in tears. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I cried this much?” She shook her head, willing embarrassment and shame to vanish. “I was a kid. I don’t cry like that anymore.”
I attempted to reach for her again, but she rolled away, out of my grasp.
“I said I wanted you to leave. Now get out of my apartment.” She abruptly stood, still wrapped in that damn comforter with her stormy blue eyes overflowing with a thunderstorm of sadness while anger infused redness into her cheeks.
I heard what she was saying, but more than anything, I wanted her to understand that my new job in life was to make her happy. If she wasn’t going to be happy around me, then maybe I needed to give her some space. Now that I had her back in my life, I wasn’t going anywhere. I would back off for a bit, but it certainly wasn’t going to be forever.
I left her place, but not before I heard her sobbing loudly as I exited. The whole situation definitely sobered me up, but I didn’t have my truck to drive home. So I had to call Louis. Since he was with Charlie, I’d have to explain all of this to her also.
I tried all weekend to call Lex. She didn’t pick up. I left two voicemail messages begging her to call me. I sent a few text messages also. Okay, so maybe a dozen or so texts. So much for giving her space.
By the time Monday arrived, I felt physically ill. My muscles ached, my throat was sore, and I had a throbbing headache. I called out of work so I could wallow and sleep all day. On Tuesday morning, the hangover effect still riddled my body even though I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since Friday night. The intense misery yielded another sick leave day for me, because I decided I wasn’t going to work again. With that realization confirmed, I poured myself a beer for breakfast. I always heard that was the best cure for a hangover, and that was certainly how I felt.
I had never missed a day of work, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when my sister and Louis showed up at my apartment. Well, that, and I hadn’t responded to any of my sister’s calls or texts either. I knew she would worry, but I couldn’t seem to get out of the hole of self-pity I had taken refuge in to think about anyone else other than Lex.
“Really, Cam? Drinking at ten in the morning? What the hell?” Charlie abruptly snatched the bottle from my hand as she busted into my living room and found me in a heap on my couch.
She poured the beer down the kitchen sink while Louis grabbed a bottle of water from my fridge.
“I’m not drunk, Louis. That was the first I’ve had since Friday.”
He unscrewed the cap from the water bottle and took a swallow. “I wasn’t getting water for you. I’m thirsty, and you still don’t keep any damn soda in your fridge.”
With as lousy as I felt, I managed to let go of a quick burst of laughter. I was exhausted, so the smile that I had let slip had quickly faded, and I closed my eyes and relaxed into my couch. I wasn’t in that position long before Charlie was slapping my cheeks and shoving my shoulders. I opened my eyes and gently pushed her arm away. I didn’t want to hurt her, but she was annoying me.
“You need to pull yourself together.” She plopped onto the couch on one side of me, while Louis took a seat on my other side, effectively wedging me between the two of them.
“What the hell is this? An intervention?” I turned my head to one side toward my sister and then swiveled in the other direction at my best friend.
“Hell yes, it is,” she said bluntly but held an expression of concern on her face.
“You look like hell, Callahan.” Louis didn’t hold the same compassion. He was very matter of fact.
“I’ll be back in thirty minutes.” Charlie jumped up quickly and exchanged a glimpse of determination with her boyfriend. “Louis is going to stay with you.” She turned on her heel and was headed for the door when she peered back over her shoulder at me. “And for God’s sake, Cameron, take a shower.” Then she was gone.
11
Alexis
I cried all night on Friday. I understood that Cam didn’t purposely try to hurt me, but I couldn’t get past how I felt so vulnerable with him. I could also feel myself changing around him. That really seemed to knock me off-kilter. I wasn’t sure how to make the situation I had created any better. I didn’t work with Charlie again until Monday night, so I was actively trying to think about how I would explain things to her. She had texted me on Saturday, asking if I was okay. I was sure Cam had told her what had happened if she was inquiring about my well-being.
On Sunday, I received a text from Charlie, asking about Cam. I was driving, and while I shouldn’t have looked down at my phone, I did. I’d seen too many accidents from texting while driving, but I still felt a compulsion to glance at my phone. I was aware of the consequences of that foolish act, so when I hit something in the road and felt my car swerve toward the shoulder, I figured I deserved whatever happened to me.
Luckily, I was able to slow down and make it safely off the road, out of the way of the traffic that whizzed by. I slammed the gearshift into park, annoyed with myself, and proceeded to get out of my car and survey the damage. I had a busted tire, which wasn’t a big deal. Fortunately, I had learned how to change to a spare. I learned how to do a lot of things other women didn’t, because I had always been used to relying solely on myself.
I cursed out loud. I had friends who truly acted like they cared about me, and I’d let the crap from my past ruin it for me. I tried hard not to think too much about my major screw-up while I hitched my car up on the jack. I had the last nut loosened from the wheel and was just about to pull the wheel with the flat off when a car pulled up behind mine.
“Great,” I muttered to myself. I had unwisely left my bag with my knife in the car. What is more vulnerable than a woman stranded on the side of the road? You know better than that, Alexis. I blew out under my breath when I heard the footsteps approaching. I pulled the iron rod out of the jack and was ready to strike at the person moving toward me when I heard a familiar voice.
“You okay, Alexis?”
I quickly jumped to a standing position with the metal lug wrench still in my grasp.
I nodded and faced Cam’s best friend. “Yep. Just a flat. Was changing it to the spare so I can haul the flat to get a plug popped in.”
Something about his demeanor gave me the impression that he was slightly impressed. “If you want, we can throw the tire into my trunk, and I can drive you to get it repaired.”
“No thanks. I’m good.” I wiped my brow where my hair stuck to my forehead. It was late August, after all. “I’ve got it covered.”
“I would really like to take you.” He attempted to grab the tire iron from me, possibly due to the determined look I had on my face when he had originally approached me. “Charlie and Cam would never forgive me if I left you to fend for yourself on the side of the road.”
He was probably right. I didn’t want him to catch the wrath of his friends because of my stubborn nature. I swiped my hands on my shorts and reluctantly nodded in acceptance. Louis grabbed the wheel while I grabbed my purse and locked the doors.
I slid into the passenger seat of Louis’ car and stared at my keychain. Being in the presence of his best friend and holding onto the Batman charm made me think of Cam, of course.
“He misses you, too.” Louis was perceptive.
I remained quiet, not letting out my feelings. It was obvious he was speaking about Cam. I honestly did miss him. What was wrong with me? I had gone over the situation in my head over and over since asking him to leave.
The truth of the matter was that I didn’t have a clue what to say to him. He had called and sent text messages, but I had no idea how to respond. I wasn’t sure what to say without giving away the dark secrets of my past. I swore to myself that I would never share those events with another soul.
“He’s worried. The poor guy is in love with you.”
I heard Louis talking, but I remained focused on the road passing by outside the window on my side of the car.
I guess Cam confessed his feelings about me to Louis. Again, I was sure this information would’ve been passed along to Charlie as well. The realization hit me that not only hadn’t I figured out what I would say to Cam, but I hadn’t decided what I would say to his sister, either.
Louis pulled into a service center and removed my flat from his trunk before I even moved from the passenger seat. I pushed open the door while Louis carried the tire toward the service desk. After explaining my situation, the attendant told us it would only be a few minutes, and he would have it as good as new.
Consequently, those were going to be the longest few minutes of my life. Silence doesn’t necessarily make me uncomfortable, but watching how Louis judged me caused waves of restlessness to shake through every fiber of my being. Sure, I didn’t usually care what people thought of me. But I had grown to care about Cam and Charlie and Louis. It reminded me of a situation my friend had helped me to understand a while ago.
When I was a brand-new nurse, there was an older nurse on day shift who’d given me a hard time. Her name was Carla. She had since retired from the emergency room, but I had to live with her opinions about me for several months. She would tell me that I basically sucked at my job, and that I would never be a good ER nurse.
One early morning when I was giving a report to Carla at the end of my shift, she told me it was evident that I wasn’t progressing like I should be, and that she was going to tell the manager. I was crushed. Actually, I was devastated. Charlie had approached me in the parking lot as I walked to my car.
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