LEARNING CURVES

by Joanne Rock

  She took a seat at the table, her whole body so brittle she feared it might break if she moved too fast. She ran an idle finger over the paper bags Cal had folded so meticulously, and struggled to process everything that had happened to her since this morning.

  The best day of her life had turned into the worst, and Madeline wasn't sure how long she had before the numbness would wear off and she'd be left with just the hurt.

  She could have endured the professional consequences of her liaison with Cal. Although her father would have been devastated, Madeline was learning that a career could not be the sum total of her existence. She needed more in her life than her studies, and she didn't want to wait to obtain it until she had ten different degrees on the wall. She wanted to find that extra something—or someone—now.

  The threat to her academic standing she could deal with. But she wasn't at all sure if she could cope with Cal leaving.

  Watching him walk out the door had assured her she was her father's daughter. Her father hadn't been able to juggle a career and a personal life, and it now seemed pretty obvious she couldn't, either. Heck, she couldn't handle either one. She'd just ruined both of hers in one swoop.

  Her gaze strayed to the fruit on the ottoman in the living room. The pile of raspberries had been diminished more than any of the others.

  An image of her and Cal tangled on the couch flashed through her mind.

  Things had been going so well this morning. Where might their relationship have led if not for their untimely interruption?

  Would they have decided to rendezvous again? Perhaps they would have devised another secret tryst so their relationship could remain uncomplicated and discreet.

  Some discretion.

  Maybe they should have just gone out on a regular date like the rest of the single population and faced the consequences at the university openly. Cal had tried to tell her they should go on a real date. But Madeline had been so caught up in her career goals that she'd wanted either a tawdry romance to flaunt around campus, or a low-maintenance friendship that wouldn't interfere with her work.

  All the while, she'd ignored the possibilities of the middle ground. They could have found a way to see each other legitimately. Maybe if they'd discussed their situation with the administration ahead of time, they could have found a simple resolution or a reprieve on the edict against student-teacher relationships.

  She and Cal could have gotten to know each other all over again, this time as more than just friends.

  Apparently, she had more in common with her father than she'd first realized. Her own academic snobbery had made her choose work over Cal.

  And she only recognized her mistake after it was too late to fix. Cal couldn't put enough distance between them now that she'd probably ruined his chance of gaining guardianship for Allison.

  Overall, she couldn't have picked a more rotten time to realize she was in love with Cal.

  * * *

  Chapter 14

  « ^ »

  Madeline had never been so grateful for a Monday morning. After a fitful night with no sleep and plenty of panic attacks, she'd come up with only one possible solution to her current dilemma.

  As soon as nine o'clock rolled around, she would march into Rose Marie's office and resign her teaching assistantship.

  Amazingly, the world hadn't crashed to an end when she'd arrived at that decision. Once she'd admitted to herself she cared more about Cal than achieving the most stellar career any sociologist had ever seen, her choice had been obvious.

  Cal needed to stay in town because of his business. But Maddy could move.

  She'd relocated to Louisville on a lark, just because it sounded pretty. Even though she'd grown to love her adopted home, she could find another university comparable to U of L. The University of Kentucky was only an hour away. She could always transfer there if she wanted—or if someone else wanted her—to stay in the state.

  Although Cal might be just as glad to see her and her high heels head as far out of town as possible.

  A boundless ache stabbed through her at the thought of never seeing Cal again. Madeline drove into work, snapping her gum without much enthusiasm, battling a somber mood. She didn't mind sacrificing a few months of her studies so that Allison's guardianship would be approved without a hitch. Madeline could be in a new program by the spring semester if she started applying right away.

  The thought of leaving Cal continued to weigh on her, however. Deep inside, she still nurtured a tiny hope that he wouldn't want her to go. Maybe he'd just been upset yesterday when he'd walked out, and today he would feel differently.

  She remembered his failed marriage then, and the fact that Cal had told her more than once he'd never marry again. What kind of future could there have been for them anyway if Cal wasn't willing to trust his heart to another woman?

  Still, it would hurt unbearably if he let her go without a blink.

  Checking the clock tower as she pulled in the parking lot, Madeline arrived right on schedule. She had just enough time to swing by Human Resources to deliver a copy of her resignation letter before she met with Rose Marie to announce her news.

  Madeline stared down at her penny loafers as she crossed campus, hoping she wouldn't hear any snippets of gossip about her and Cal along the way. She had no doubt yesterday's incident would be the object of much discussion.

  She pulled open the door to a side entrance of the administration building, hoping there weren't too many people lined up at the main desk. She turned the corner leading to the lobby and found Cal Turner already at the counter, speaking to a pretty administrative assistant.

  The young woman behind the desk nodded at whatever he was saying. "No problem, Mr. Turner," she said as she batted long eyelashes at him. "I'll file your resignation through all the necessary channels. We'll just drop your last check in the mail."

  Madeline froze.

  He couldn't quit. He, unlike Madeline, didn't have the option of packing his trunk and leaving town. He needed to stay here.

  "Cal, wait." Finding her voice, she scrambled over to the counter. "Don't do this."

  * * *

  Cal waved away the woman he'd been speaking to just as Maddy's hand clutched his arm. He closed his eyes to brace himself for a confrontation he hadn't prepared for. Her touch reminded him that they'd spent half of yesterday tangled on her living room couch, but he damn well couldn't afford to travel that path again.

  Too much potential for heartache.

  He took a deep breath and turned to face her. "Hi, Maddy."

  She looked sleep-deprived and worried. Her cheeks lacked the definite pink hue he'd placed there yesterday. Her eyebrows knit together, and even her glasses couldn't hide the dark circles under her eyes.

  "What are you doing?" Her hushed voice reached a higher octave, fraught with concern.

  He pulled her around the corner, away from the main desk. "I'm quitting, Maddy. It's the only thing I can do."

  She straightened her shirt from where he'd tugged on her arm. "No it's not, because I'm quitting." She pulled a white envelope out of her book bag and gestured with it as she spoke. "You can ask the desk to give you your letter back, Cal, because I'm giving my notice right now."

  "No, Maddy." Where had she come up with such a crazy idea?

  "Yes, Cal."

  He sighed. He sure hadn't anticipated this.

  Still, his heart warmed at her gesture. No one had ever given up anything for him before. His parents, much as he loved them, had never put their children before their own interests. His mother's love of money still meant more to her than the people in her life. And his dad had always been too busy with his motorcycles and chasing women to pay much attention to Cal.

  Even his wife hadn't been willing to compromise her lifestyle once they'd married. She'd walked out on him once her lust for him had been appeased, saying she needed to maintain a more upscale lifestyle than Cal could afford at the time.

  But respectable, honorable
Madeline Watson cared enough about him to sacrifice her position for him.

  "No," he repeated, sliding the envelope out of her hands, then tucking it back into her bag.

  She glared at him. "What do you mean, no? It's a fact, Cal. I'm resigning so we don't both end up with tainted professional records. You need to stay here because of Allison and your business, but I can go someplace else to work on my degree."

  "Not in this lifetime, you won't." How could she think he would let her do this? He tugged her a little further down the hall and out the side entrance so they could speak privately. "Maddy, you love Louisville. You have a house here. You've already won the respect of your colleagues and your students. You can't just walk away from that."

  "And you can?" The coil of her hair slipped further back on her head as she spoke.

  He hadn't seen her so fired up since the university turned down her dissertation—and even then, she'd been more upset than full of passionate conviction.

  She poked an accusatory finger at his chest. "I thought this job meant more to you than a paycheck. I thought you started teaching because you couldn't wait to share the secrets to success with other people."

  "I did." No doubt he would miss the classroom. Teaching gave him a sense of self-worth that all his business accomplishments had never managed.

  But Maddy's happiness came first.

  Cal fought the urge to touch her, willing her to understand. Her honey-brown eyes seemed to close out the rest of the world, narrowing his focus to nothing but her.

  He gave her the bottom line. "I'm going to take a couple of years hiatus to give you time to finish up your degree."

  And to give himself plenty of distance. Yesterday's brunch had proven he had zero resolve where the Lady Scholar was concerned. He refused to mess up her career any more than he already had.

  He might lose Maddy for good, but at least he would have made this right for her.

  "But—"

  "I've got to go, Maddy." He needed to start putting space between them—pronto. Two more hours and he'd head down to Tennessee to try to iron a few things out concerning Allison's guardianship. Now that he'd quit the job at U of L, he needed to talk to the social services people in his sister's native state to see how things stood for the hearing. Maybe he could even soften Delia's heart if he showed up in her driveway without the Harley.

  He rushed his words so she couldn't interrupt. He needed to make this break as fast as possible before he changed his mind. "I'm already late for an appointment at the garage this morning. Don't worry about this anymore." He backed away, ignoring the pang in his gut at the thought of never touching her again. "Everything's taken care of."

  Madeline couldn't believe he would walk away from her twice in two days, especially after all they'd shared together. But sure enough, Cal seemed content to take care of everything on his own and expect her to accept it.

  He even tossed her a wave as he left.

  "We'll see about that," she muttered, unwilling to let him steamroll over her with the force of his charismatic personality.

  She could still give her notice today and talk to Cal about it after the fact. He'd go back to his job if she left town.

  Too bad she'd leave her heart behind with her highhanded best friend.

  Battling tears, Madeline made her way to Fultz Hall to find Rose Marie, blind to the comfort the dignified buildings of her academic world usually imparted. Madeline didn't think she could get through the day without unburdening herself to someone. Cal didn't have the time or the inclination to hear her out this morning, it seemed.

  The scent of peppermint beckoned from Rose Marie's door as Madeline knocked.

  "Come in," her friend called.

  Pushing the frosted-glass door open, Madeline edged her way inside Rose Marie's cramped office. Books lined every wall while overflow stacks littered the floor. Photographs from around the world decorated the shelves and camouflaged the back of the computer terminal.

  "Can we talk?" Madeline tossed her book bag on a nearby chair, dismayed to hear the quaver in her voice.

  Rose Marie frowned. "Of course, Maddy. I tried to call you last night but your phone just rang and rang. I'm so, so sorry about walking in on you yesterday."

  Madeline shrugged. She'd been too busy crying and eating her way through a quart of fudge ripple ice cream to pick up any call that didn't have Cal's name on the caller ID. "It's okay."

  "No, it isn't. I shouldn't have just dropped by like that."

  Madeline waved away her friend's concern, more upset about today's events than yesterday's. "We talk all the time on Sunday mornings and I've never had a guy at my house once in the four years you've known me." Madeline's track record had been so squeaky-clean, no one expected her to have a life outside school. "I'm sure it never occurred to you I might have someone there."

  Rose Marie flipped her long blond hair behind one shoulder and sighed. "Still, it was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

  Madeline slumped into the chair across from her. "So I take it you had convinced Dr. Rafferty to join the dissertation committee and maybe swing the vote in my favor?"

  "I thought we could make a good case for replacing one of the other professors who doesn't have as much interest in your topic." Rose Marie blew across the surface of her steaming tea. "Mike Rafferty taught human sexuality for two years at another university, so I thought he'd be a good addition to the committee."

  Madeline nodded. "He did seem rather … open-minded about the whole sex thing."

  Rose Marie rolled her eyes. "He instigated a big 'theoretical' discussion one night in the lounge about the gray area of sleeping with a graduate student, and everyone in the room jumped down his throat."

  "I think it's a little different with me and Cal—"

  "It's nothing like you and Cal. Cal's not full-time faculty, he's not in your program, he's never been your teacher." She counted the list off on her fingers. "And you two had a friendship in place before he even started here."

  Madeline relaxed a little, relieved she wasn't the only one who didn't see anything disreputable about her relationship with Cal.

  "Rafferty is just a bit of an instigator. I don't think he liked the idea that someone else on campus could get away with something off limits for him." She sipped her tea and peered over the desk at Madeline.

  Madeline sniffled. "It doesn't matter now anyway because Cal just quit."

  "How thoughtful!" Rose Marie smiled her approval.

  "No, how awful," Madeline mumbled.

  "He's a businessman first and foremost, Madeline. Teaching has always just been a sideline for him."

  "I can't let him leave because of me." Madeline fished in her bag for her resignation. Seizing it, she flung the missive across Rose Marie's desk. "I'm quitting, not him."

  Her program chair made no move to touch the paper. "I can't accept this, Maddy."

  Madeline shoved the document closer to Rose Marie. "You most certainly can. Cal needs this job."

  "He needs it?" Rose Marie quirked a perfectly arched blond brow. "The man doesn't just operate a storefront, Madeline, he owns a chain of prosperous businesses. I think he'll manage to pay the rent without his two classes a week here."

  "You don't understand!" Madeline slapped the desktop with her hand, causing the tea to ripple in its cup. "Cal has it in his head that being a mechanic isn't good enough. This job gives him a validation that he doesn't find in his day-to-day work."

  Slowly, Rose Marie nodded. "Maybe he only thought he needed the validation to impress you."

  Why would he ever think something like that?

  "No," Madeline replied. "Cal genuinely enjoys teaching."

  "It was just a thought." Rose Marie shrugged and passed Madeline's letter back to her. "But I'm not accepting your resignation when you've got a lecture hall filled with fifty freshmen to teach this morning, Maddy. There's no way I'm setting foot in a Sociology 101 classroom to cover for you."

  Madeline took the letter
and tucked it inside her book bag, frustration nagging at her from every direction. "Okay, but you haven't heard the end of this. I'm going to talk to Cal later, and make him see reason." Why did he have to thwart her one effort to do something nice for him? She'd been putting her career before everything else in her life for long enough.

  She wasn't about to let him cut ties to a teaching position he loved. His students deserved to hear his lectures, especially when he taught such practical things as how to make a living.

  Madeline's academic aspirations centered around the mating process—something everyone but her seemed to be familiar with anyway. Her work, while definitely interesting, lacked the real-life importance of Cal's.

  Rose Marie twirled her fountain pen and eyed Madeline. "This may not be any of my business, Maddy, but I'm going to go ahead and ask anyway. How did you snag the most sought-after man on campus? Because if it had anything to do with the red dress and the awesome makeup job I did the other night, I want some credit."

  Sensual memories washed over Madeline, taunting her with the knowledge that Cal wanted nothing better than to put distance between them.

  "The red dress definitely helped." Although maybe not in the way Rose Marie imagined. Madeline credited her outfit with giving her the courage to explore an adventurous side she'd never known she possessed.

  "I knew it!"

  Madeline couldn't help but smile. "Cal told me he liked me even before the red dress though."

  Rose Marie sighed dreamily. "You have to admire a man who sees beyond the surface."

  Madeline did more than admire him. She wavered somewhere between "head over sensible heels" and the point of no return.

  "You're crazy about him, aren't you?"

  "Certifiable." She sniffed back her tears, searching her bag for a tissue.

  Rose Marie murmured sympathetically, then reached in her desk and withdrew a pack of gum and a packet of Kleenex tissues. "Here, honey."

  "Thanks."