by Ruby Dixon
“Good thinking,” I tell her. She hurries to Stacy’s side, removing her fur cloak and putting it gently around Stacy’s shoulders. I wrap Pacy in the fur and tuck him against my hip. His butt-wrap is wet, and I tug it off, then swaddle him in the blanket again. Going commando might not be the best thing for a baby, but it has to beat sitting in your own frozen pee. He calms down a little, hiccupping, and I bounce him on my hip, making faces at him. Okay, one problem down, and now I need to find Farli again. I look out over the scatter of people. A few are moving toward the fire, and I see Kira and Aehako standing near a man kneeling in the snow. He’s cutting at his horns and grabbing handfuls of snow and rubbing them on his face. Weird. His grief is palpable, though, and my heart clenches. We lost someone. I look over at the healer, but she’s still working on Pashov. Not him, then. I quickly glance over at Hassen, just to reassure myself, but he hasn’t moved. Someone else, then.
Farli comes back to my side, a long bone in her hand. “Will this work?”
I nod absently. Pacy babbles something and smacks my shoulder. I grab his tiny hand in mine. “Who’s that, Farli?”
“Warrek.” Her lip trembles, and her eyes fill with tears. “He is grieving. His father, Eklan…” She shakes her head. “He was old. Maybe he was not able to get out in time. He was kind, though. I liked him.”
One dead. Warrek’s pain tugs at me. “Who is he good friends with? Can we find him and have him go sit with him? He needs all the support he can get right now.”
“He has been teaching Sessah how to hunt and cares for him as if he is his own son. Perhaps him? Or Hemalo? They are close.”
“Both are good. You run and tell them to go help him out. That he needs friends right now. Give me the bone and I’ll work on Chompy.”
“The chief…”
I look over where Vektal was last. He’s moved on to Marlene and Zennek, wrapping a length of leather bandage around Zennek’s arm, which looks to be broken. “He’s doing the chief thing. I’m sure he knows. Right now we need to pull together and just do what we can, okay?”
She nods at me and races off. Chompy staggers after her for a step or two, then bleats. I snap my fingers at him, and he turns back toward me. “Come here, lil’ buddy. Me and my baby friend here are gonna make your leg all better. In theory.” I make kissy noises at him like he’s a dog, and he wobbles over to my side. Poor little guy.
I kneel down in the snow and try to figure out how I’m going to bandage a dvisti’s leg while Pacy yanks at handfuls of my hair and babbles nonsense in my ear. Something moves at the corner of my vision, and I glance up. It’s Lila. She stops waving and then makes an exaggerated gesture. Look. She points off into the distance.
I look.
And gasp.
There’s a plume of smoke rising in the distance. It’s like a finger pointing into the sky, leaving a smear of dirt as it goes. A volcanic eruption. I think of the hot spring inside the cave. It’s not the only one. Maybe this entire planet is a hotbed of tectonic activity and that’s why there are so many hot springs.
It explains the noises. The earthquakes.
This one doesn’t look close—it seems very, very far away, farther even than the distant mountains—but I know ash can travel far. I’ve seen the news. What I don’t know is what it means for us.
I can’t help but worry. Life is hard here already, and the brutal season everyone keeps talking about is nearly here.
What are we going to do?
“I bet it’s the island,” Josie says near the fire. “Remember, I told you it was all green? Maybe it was warm enough to keep plants growing there because of all the volcanic heat.”
“If that’s the case, it’s gone now,” Georgie tells her in a tired, dull voice. “I don’t know if anything would survive that explosion.”
“Vol-kay-no?” little Esha asks. She’s resting against Claire’s rounded belly, sucking her thumb.
“It’s a big fiery mountain,” Josie explains. “The fire is in its belly and it flings itself out with smoke.”
“And ash?” Esha asks.
“Lots of ash,” Claire says, picking a fleck out of Esha’s smooth black hair.
As the day has gone on, the scatter of people has slowly flocked together. Most are clustered near the fire, and the crowd has grown bigger as the hunters have gone out to the nearest hunter caves and brought back supplies. A few have ventured back into the rubble of the old cave, but there’s not much to be salvaged that isn’t under a ton of rock. Everyone has furs now, and a few hasty half-tents have been erected with spears and leathers to keep out the worst of the wind…and the ash.
We’re covered in ash.
At first, we thought it was just dirt from the cave, but when the snow around us got progressively filthier, we realized it was coming from the volcano. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s not too bad so far. Just enough to make you feel grimy and remind you that this planet isn’t safe, no matter how comfortable you get.
I’m sitting by the fire next to Lila, sharing a blanket with her. Rokan is sandwiched in on Lila’s other side, his arm around her waist, and I can feel his warmth radiating. It feels weird to want to cozy up to him, but as the suns go down, it’s getting colder and colder. No one’s ready to complain yet, though, so we’re sucking it up. Today we’re just existing. Tomorrow there will be plans for survival and strategy, but for now, we’re just a wounded family leaning on each other.
Across from me, Georgie nurses her daughter, brushing her curls back from her horns over and over again. Her mate, Vektal, sits at her side, his posture strong and proud. Only his face shows the lines of worry and concern. He looks older and more tired as the day goes on. I’m glad I’m not chief—I’m not sure I’d want all of this on my shoulders.
Maylak and Pashov are both resting in a nearby lean-to. Stacy hasn’t left her mate’s side, even though he hasn’t woken up. Maylak collapsed in exhaustion a few hours ago and is taking a much-needed nap, Kashrem providing his lap as a pillow for the healer.
Pashov’s not doing worse…but he’s not doing better, either, and Maylak has wiped herself out trying to help him. Everyone’s cuts and bruises—and some have broken limbs—will have to wait another day. Others are pitching in and helping out, and baby Pacy is currently with Megan. Makash, Maylak’s infant son, is with Liz.
In the distance, there are a few figures hunched over in the snow. They don’t want to join the fire. One is Warrek, who is taking the death of his elderly father badly. He needs space, and I don’t blame him. Sometimes you have to work through things without people talking to you and asking you questions. Two hunters are at his side, offering silent companionship so he doesn’t have to be alone in his grief. One of them is Bek…
And one is Hassen.
My Hassen. It feels weird to say that, but right now, I kind of feel like he’s mine. He snatched me from the cave and saved me from certain death. And I realized as people gathered, flocking to family, that Hassen has none. He is one of the many that has no family surviving the khui-sickness from so many years ago. He’s completely alone.
So I’m claiming him. He’s mine now.
I watch his back as he sits a few feet away from Warrek. He’s normally full of energy and life, but today he’s moving a little slower, and that concerns me. I know it’s because of everything that’s happened and he’s fighting a multitude of bruises and worry—everyone is. But I don’t like to see it in Hassen. I worry about him.
He’s also avoiding me. He woke up a few hours ago, scanned the tribe like he was mentally counting heads, and I felt it the moment he saw me. Goosebumps prickled all over my body. I wanted him to come and hug me in front of everyone, but his gaze went to his chief and then moved on. A few moments later, he got up and went to Warrek’s side, and he’s been there ever since. Poor guy. I’m also a little hurt that all I got was an eyeballing, but how can I bitch at a time like this? He’s comforting a friend.
Okay, mentally I’ll bitc
I know it’s rough right now. I know Hassen’s on shakier ground than ever before, so maybe that’s why he’s deliberately avoiding me. He’s an exile, and I’m the only single female left. And with all that’s going on, relationship stuff should be the least of our problems. But I still wish he was cuddling next to me by the fire, keeping me warm like Rokan is keeping Lila warm. And I know he has to be hurting, too. Not just physically, but mentally. Everyone is. You can only be strong for so long before you crumple on the inside.
I know this. When our parents died, I took over being both Mom and Dad to Lila so she wouldn’t feel the lack. I pushed hard to be everything to her, and I think I ended up needing her more than she needed me. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled so much here on the ice planet while she’s thrived. I’d made her my purpose in life, and now she no longer needs me, so I’ve had to find a new purpose.
I just…haven’t entirely found it yet. And I’m worried that with Hassen, I’m just latching on to a new person to make my ‘project,’ as horrible as that sounds. But I guess I shouldn’t trust my judgment about relationships on a day when a volcano exploded and made everyone homeless. I’m probably freaking out and overreacting, just like everyone else.
But I also can’t sit here. I need to talk to Hassen, if only to make sure he’s coping all right. Some of the sa-khui are completely losing their shit, and I don’t blame them. This is all they’ve ever known, and it’s gone.
I get to my feet, pretending to stretch, and then step away from the fire. Lila gives me a concerned look, but I wave her off. I’m restless and need to get up and move around. Everyone’s all huggy by the fire, and while it’s sweet, it’s also making me feel lonely. I watch the three figures on the horizon and then move to the food and water skins that have been gathered from the hunter caves. It’s a lot of trail mix and dried jerky, neither of which I’m a fan of. Time to learn to enjoy it, though. I get a pouch of each and then hike through the ash and snow toward Hassen, Bek, and Warrek.
Bek gets to his feet as I approach, warning in his gaze. “Now is not the time. Go sit with the humans by the fire.”
I look at Warrek’s slumped shoulders, and my heart breaks for him a little more. “I brought food and water in case you guys were hungry.”
At the sound of my voice, Hassen goes alert and turns around.
“No one is hungry,” Bek says.
Hassen ignores Bek. He gets to his feet and approaches me, and as he does, I hold out the pouch of food and the half-frozen water-skin. Did I think Hassen was giving me a brush-off? I must be insane, because the devouring, hungry, possessive stare in his eyes as he looks me over? Yeah, that pretty much puts all my fears to rest.
He doesn’t take the food, though. He just curls my hands around it and gives them a little squeeze. “You should eat.”
I snort. “Pretty sure I can miss a meal or two. I brought it for you and your friend.” I almost ask if he’s okay, but that’s a stupid question. His home collapsed and his dad died. He’s not okay. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You can go back to the fire,” Bek says, surly. He takes a step forward and he’s standing in front of Warrek. He’s being protective of his friend, I get it. I’m not even annoyed.
Hassen is, though. He bares his teeth at Bek and pulls me protectively against him, his arm going around my shoulders. “Mah-dee is trying to help.”
“It’s okay. Really.” I put a hand around his waist, and I don’t know if it’s to comfort him or me. “I just wanted to check on you guys. Make sure you’re okay.”
“You’re cold,” Hassen says, placing his hand over mine where I press it against his side. “I will come back to the fire and warm you. There are not enough blankets to go around—”
“No, stay here with your friend,” I say in a soft voice. “He needs you. I didn’t come to pull you away. I just…well, I don’t know what I wanted.” I’m just being needy and now is not the time. I’m kind of ashamed of myself for distracting them, and I feel like Bek’s look of displeasure in my direction is sadly appropriate. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. Take it easy if your head hurts, okay?”
Bek gives me an incredulous look.
Okay, yeah, I feel stupid even for suggesting it. Everyone is hurting. Everyone is injured. No one has the luxury of taking it easy, and I’m making a mess of things. I give Hassen’s side a squeeze. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”
“You are cold—”
“I’m fine, really. I’ll go sleep with Lila and Rokan.”
He growls low in his throat. “Next to Lila.”
I laugh, because I guess that did sound weird. “Yes, next to Lila. I promise.” On impulse, I take his hand in mine and lift it to my lips, and kiss his knuckles. His hands are torn up from digging earlier, scabs and scratches everywhere. I smooth my fingers over his skin, wishing I could help. “I’m going to go back to the fire now. Just say something if there’s anything we can bring you, all right?”
And I leave and turn back to the fire, to my sister, and the tribe. I’m not exactly sure I fit in there, but I know I’m not needed up here on the ridge. I’m just intruding. I feel Hassen’s gaze on my back as I go, and I have mixed emotions about that. On one hand I’m ashamed that I went and bothered them. On the other hand…I’m relieved that Hassen needs me and wants to be with me. It’s his sense of loyalty to his friend that is keeping him at his side.
I can’t fault him for that. I know all about that sort of thing, I muse as I head back to my sister’s side.
11
HASSEN
I go to Mah-dee in the middle of the night. My people are piled into the snow, huddled together under the makeshift awnings, doing their best to avoid the wind and the ash it brings with it. Mah-dee’s yellow mane is easy to find even in the darkness, and she sleeps on the edges of one blanket, her sister on the other side. She shivers even in her sleep, and I am filled with protectiveness at the sight of her. I should be here warming her with my body. Let the chief snarl at me in the morning. He is busy right now keeping his mate warm, their kit snuggled between their bodies.
Mah-dee needs me.
Bek remains at Warrek’s side after I am gone. My old friend is silent in his grief, but I am glad he has company. I went to him because I know what it is to lose family. I lost mine to khui-sickness and grieved alone. Bek lost his parents then, and even now, I suspect he grieves the loss of Claire. His silent company will be a comfort of sorts, even if Warrek will not realize it for some time.
I shrug my cloak off of my shoulders and lie on the ground next to Mah-dee. The snow does not bother me. The wind is a bit crisp, but the weather is still pleasant yet. I try not to think about the fact that it will turn in less than a moon’s time. I try not to think about all of the supplies in the storage caves, crushed. I try not to think about the fact that we have no place to live. I try not to think about old Eklan, or Pashov, who has yet to awaken. I try to ignore the low weeping of Pashov’s mate.
Instead, I focus on Mah-dee. I pull her against me, and she turns immediately against my chest, nestling close. I wrap her in my cloak and hold her tight. My cock aches with the need to be inside her, but it is reflex only and easy to ignore. Right now, all I want to do is feel her pressed against me and know that she is safe. I tuck her head under my chin, wrap my arms around her, and try to sleep. Tomorrow will be a difficult day.
Even when I close my eyes, though, I can hear Stay-see’s broken sobs. I do not sleep for long, and when I do, I dream of Mah-dee, trapped behind rock. I see her fingers reaching through the hole, trying to get to me. I wake up covered in sweat, my hands knotted in her hair as if I am trying to cling to her even in my slumber.
Mah-dee sleeps on, though. She drools against my chest, and her breath rumbles out of her, unaware of my nightmares.
I hold her until dawn. At least, it should be dawn. Instead, the light is dull and ominous. The clouds overhead are thick and dark, and more ash continues to fall. I worry that Mah-dee is breathing it in, and cover her head as she sleeps. We will need to make masks for everyone in the tribe, I think, until the ash stops falling. It is yet another thing that must be done. My heart aches at the thought of just how much.
I sit up slowly, making sure that Mah-dee is bundled against the cold, and look around for Vektal. My chief is standing in front of the collapsed cave, his arms crossed. From here, I cannot read his expression, but I know what he must be thinking.
I rise to my feet, noticing that ash cascades off of my body as I do. It is a concern, but then again, what is not? We have no home, no supplies, and there are so many small kits and fragile human females that we must work even harder to keep all fed. I would not change it for anything, but it weighs heavily on my mind.
I approach my chief, passing by Aehako, who is stoking the fire. Raahosh is stringing his bow, readying to go out on the hunt. Others are rising, and I hear the gurgle of more than one kit being fed. Today, we must have solutions. And I must be one of them, exile or not.
“My chief?” I ask, coming to his side. “What can I do to help?”
He turns away from the cave to look at me, and there is stark grief in his eyes. His jaw is set in a grim line and he nods at me. “Hassen. Are you injured?”
“I am well enough.” I can hear now. My limbs ache, but my bruises are fading. Nothing is broken. “Tell me what to do and it shall be done.”
Rokan approaches, and Salukh, too. Taushen is nearby and gets to his feet. Even Hemalo, who is not a hunter, has a spear in his hands and comes forward.
“We cannot stay here,” Vektal says. “The cave is ruined.”
“Can we go inside? Salvage what we can with a bit of digging?” Salukh asks.
Vektal shakes his head. “I have been standing here watching and I see rocks continue to fall inside. One more shake and anyone inside could be killed. We cannot risk it.”
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