“That’s probably a safe bet.” I shook my head to clear it a little. “So, you don’t want to go on like everything’s okay and then…?”
“And then have her meet some guy and marry him,” he answered promptly.
“Ah. And you want to be the one to marry her?”
“Yeah, I think I do. That’s what I realized this week. I really love her. And not only that – the four of us are a family; we should all be together. I know that now. And if she marries someone else, not only will I lose her, then I have to deal with some other guy butting into how we raise our kids. And all of that makes me feel...” He blew out a breath and looked away from me, while he tried to come up with a word.
“Afraid?” I suggested.
He turned back to me and answered simply, “Yeah.”
I absently tugged on my earlobe while I leaned on an elbow and thought about that. “So what’s stopping you from telling her how you feel?” I said it as if that was the simplest thing in the world to do.
He laughed. “Fear again. Fear of what will happen if I do - and fear of what will happen if I don’t.”
“Well, it seems to me you don’t have anything to be afraid of. My considered drunken opinion is that she feels the same way.”
“Do you really think so? Tell me what makes you think that.” He was leaning forward on the table again as he looked at me earnestly.
I shot him a look that took in the table and his position on it and waited until he obediently straightened in his chair before I continued. “Look, Nate. She’s a very attractive woman. I’m sure she gets plenty of offers – and yet she doesn’t date anyone.”
“I told you why she doesn’t.”
“No, you told me what she told you about why she doesn’t. Not having sex because you’re afraid of getting pregnant is one thing. But if a woman is still looking for the right guy, she will at least accept a few offers and see where they go. She might not have sex with them, but she would still go to dinner or a movie or whatever. You see what I’m saying?”
He bit the corner of his bottom lip and looked confused. “Are you saying she’s decided she doesn’t want to be with anyone? That she’d rather be alone?”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “No, you idiot! I’m saying that she’s not looking for the right guy because she’s already found him.”
“She has?” He looked startled and then angry. “Who?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Nate!” I exclaimed in exasperation. “You’re not usually this dense. Think!”
“You mean me? You think she thinks I’m the right one?”
“Yes, of course it’s you.” I picked up my beer and took a long drink, while Nate did the same. “Let’s look at the facts. She was nineteen or twenty years old and holding onto her virginity. Yet, she gave that up to you, under less than ideal circumstances. And I don’t think she did that just because she wanted to get rid of it and you were convenient. That wouldn’t make sense.”
“No, you’re right. She’s not that kind of person at all.” He sat there for a few seconds, seemingly lost in his memories and again biting his bottom lip. “Do you think…do you think she was waiting for me?”
“That’s exactly what I think. And I think that after Michael was born she probably had a brief period where she told herself you weren’t ever going to be interested in her in that way and she should move on.“
“The sperm donor,” he stated, finally catching on.
“Right. And after that disaster, I would guess she decided she wasn’t willing to settle for less than what she wanted. And what she wanted was you.”
“Do you really think so?” he asked for the second time.
“Well, I don’t know her. But from everything you’ve said about her, I would say yes. You told me yourself she’s not the kind of person to put people in a position where they would feel forced to do something they didn’t want to do. So she probably wouldn’t come right out and tell you how she feels. I think she’s waiting for you to make the move.”
“So you think she might actually be…in love with me?”
His hopeful expression made me smile and I leaned across the table to squeeze his hand. “Oh, Nate – how could she not be?”
He smiled broadly and returned the squeeze before releasing my hand. “Thank you.” He picked up his phone from the table and swiped across the screen. “I’m going to call her right now and tell her how I feel.”
I quickly snatched the phone out of his hand and sat back in my chair. “Bad idea,” I told him.
“What? Why? You just said – “
“I know what I just said. But it’s already after 10:30 and you’re drunk. I really think that’s the kind of conversation you should have sober.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I don’t think she’ll meet someone else before I see her tomorrow.”
“Nope. So, problem solved?” I lifted both my beer bottle and my eyebrows and hoped he would answer in the affirmative. I was pretty sure I had used my last functioning brain cell trying to be coherent while I offered my advice. Now I was just ready to go to bed.
“Problem solved,” he confirmed, clinking his bottle against mine. We took what I hoped was our last drink.
“So,” Nate said, looking at me slyly. “Are you going to take your own advice?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. Obviously you’ve been waiting for Jack and now he’s making his move and you’re pretending not to notice. Are you going to tell him how you feel? You have an advantage – you already know he’s in love with you.”
I set down my beer bottle with a sigh and reached for the tequila. “I haven’t been waiting for Jack,” I said as I poured us both another shot. “I didn’t even realize I was in love with him until a couple of days ago.”
“Jack told me you never date anyone who’s right for you. If it seems like the guy you’re with is a nice guy, you find a reason to dump him early. If he seems like someone you would never care about, you keep him around for a while.”
I stopped, shot halfway to my lips. “He actually said that?” Jack was paying more attention than I had given him credit for.
“Yeah. He thinks you don’t want to get emotionally involved.”
I threw back the shot and didn’t bother to chase it with the beer. “Yeah. I guess you could say that.”
“Even with Jack? Seriously, he’s perfect for you. And you’re never going to find a nicer guy.” He swallowed his own shot and gave me a look that defied me to argue with that.
“Nate. You don’t have to try to convince me. I love him. And I already know he’s a great guy. And I know he’s almost perfect for me.”
“Almost?”
“Yeah.” I looked down at the table, blinking away tears and hoping I wasn’t about to go on an alcohol-induced crying jag. I got the tears under control, sniffed loudly and raised my eyes back to Nate. “As much as I want it, I don’t think it can ever work between us.”
“I don’t understand. Why not?”
“I can’t tell you. I can’t even tell him.” I finished off my beer and moved the bottle to the side of the table. I was done.
“Is it unfixable?”
“My gut feeling is yes. But then I think, maybe not. Shit. I just don’t know.”
“Angie.” Nate moved his own beer bottle to the side of the table. “You have to tell him whatever it is. You have to give him a chance to decide if it’s unfixable or not. Right now, he still has hope. It’s not fair to him to make that decision without his input.”
“Yeah.” I put my elbows on the table and pushed my hands through my hair at the sides of my head. “You’re right, I know you’re right – but I’m still afraid.” I sat up and let go of my hair after giving it a few shakes.
“What are you afraid of? Losing him?”
“Yes. I’m going to lose him either way.”
“You know that doesn’t make sense, right?”
“I know,” I said on a bi
g sigh. “But I’m going to have to think about it tomorrow. I’m too drunk for that now. Besides, I’m going to be spending the weekend at his house. Maybe I can work up the courage then.”
I stood up carefully, not wanting a repeat of my earlier tripping episode, and Nate followed my lead. “No ‘maybe,’ Angie. Just tell him. He’s a reasonable guy who loves you. I think you’re not giving him enough credit.”
“I know that in my heart. It’s my head that’s giving me fits.” I offered him a weak smile and he walked around the table and hugged me.
“Tell your head to shut up and just be brave. I promise you it will all work out.”
“You sound awfully sure of that,” I said doubtfully against his chest.
“I know Jack. He’s not going to let you get away if there’s anything he can do to stop it from happening.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving him a squeeze and moving away.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile. “Is it okay if I crash on your couch? I’m in no condition to drive.”
“I’ll do you one better – you can sleep in Jack’s room. I’m sure he won’t mind.”
“That’d be great, thanks. And I’d better send Jack a text and let him know I won’t be back tonight. He’ll be happy to know that I’m taking my bodyguard duties so seriously.”
We both laughed, doubting Jack would be pleased about the drunken condition my bodyguard was in. I watched in amusement as he raised his phone almost to his nose and read aloud as he very carefully texted, “Spending the night with Angie. See you in the morning.” He put his phone in his pocket and said, “Duty completed. I’m ready for bed.”
I shut off the lights as Nate followed me through the house. I stopped by the bathroom and pointed out Jack’s room. “It’s right there. Make yourself at home and I’ll see you in the morning.”
He grabbed me and hugged me again. “Thanks for everything.”
“You’re welcome. Wake me up if you get up before me.”
“I will – and you do the same.”
“Sure thing. Good night.”
“Night.”
I left him by the bathroom and went into my own room, closing the door behind me. I fell fully clothed across my bed and passed out – unaware it would be the last night I would ever spend under this roof.
Chapter 23 – Jack
It was 7:40 a.m. and he should have already been on his way to work but, instead, Jack was standing rigidly against the counter in his kitchen, eyes to the back door, and he was fuming.
He had been up since 4:00 when, after tossing and turning all night, he finally got up, showered, and threw on jeans and an old tee shirt – not giving the first shit about what he looked like.
Spending the night with Angie. See you in the morning.
The casual text had started his blood boiling with anger and jealousy - until the feelings of betrayal overrode everything else. He spent most of the night trying to turn off visions of Luke in bed with Angie, but they kept coming and his anger escalated until he couldn’t sleep at all.
He drank coffee as he paced, slowly, back and forth across his kitchen, waiting, cursing out loud and occasionally slamming a fist against a cupboard or a wall. It didn’t make him feel any better; all it did was give him a sore fist - so he made himself stop doing that.
He didn’t know who he was angrier at: Luke, who knew damn well how Jack felt about Angie; or Angie herself, who didn’t even give him a chance before hooking herself up with the very first guy who entered the picture.
And that she did that knowing how he felt about her was what really hurt. There was no way she didn’t know. He couldn’t have made it any more obvious without coming right out and saying it. He cursed again, regretting his decision to give her a little time.
And now, as he waited for Luke to make his appearance, he knew he was at a crossroads. He had to make a decision about the direction he wanted his life to take. And the one thing he knew for sure was that he had no interest in wasting weeks, or even months, while he waited, again, for Angie to play at another relationship - one that wasn’t with him.
He heard Luke’s car pull into the driveway and his whole body tensed in anticipation of conflict.
The back door opened and Luke walked through it, looking freshly showered and wearing a wide smile. It was the smile that made Jack’s jaw clench and his hands automatically tighten back into fists.
“Hey. Good morning.” Luke’s smile dropped when he got a look at Jack’s face and he stopped dead just inside the door.
“You know how I feel about her. You know it!” The accusation was quiet, but vehement, and Luke pushed the door closed behind him as he faced Jack.
“Yeah, I do know,” Luke said slowly, eying him warily. “But I’m not really sure what you’re so angry about.”
Jack’s fists clenched tighter at his sides and he blew out a calming breath before responding. “You know how I feel about her and you still fucked her.”
Luke’s eyes widened and he raised a hand. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Don’t lie to me, Luke. I need the truth.”
“I swear to you, I didn’t fuck her. We got drunk, I couldn’t drive and I spent the night in your room. That’s all.”
Jack stared at him, assessing the probability of that being the truth, then his fists unclenched and his whole body relaxed into a slump. “Jesus,” he said, raking a hand through his hair. “I think I’m losing my fucking mind.”
“She loves you,” Luke said, leaning with his back against the door.
“I know she loves me. She just isn’t ever going to see me as anything other than a friend. And now I’m thinking I’m never going to be able to convince her that she should.”
“You’re wrong.” Luke sat down at the table and made himself comfortable. “Get me some coffee and a handful of aspirin and I’ll tell you a story.”
Forty-five minutes later, Luke stood up and took his empty cup to the sink. “And now I have to get home and, as your dad says, seal this deal before she gets away from me.” He laughed and then turned to look at Jack. “I suggest you do the same.”
Jack gave a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks, but I don’t think it’s that simple. I have a lot of thinking to do.”
“Why do you two have to make this so complicated? She loves you and you love her. Easy, right?”
Jack snorted out a non-committal response and then waited for Luke to gather up his things before they left the house together. They shook hands in the driveway as they said goodbye, then Luke drove off to seal his deal and Jack headed, unhappily, for the office.
Chapter 24
I was worried about Jack.
He arrived at the office more than an hour late, unshaven, and wearing old jeans and a navy blue tee shirt, frayed at the collar – a shirt so ragged he normally only wore it when he was working in his yard. Those were my first signs that something was not quite right. Jack was never late, he always shaved Monday through Friday and he never participated in Casual Friday.
But when he strode right past me on his way to his office, his face tense and unsmiling, and didn’t even acknowledge my greeting before closing the door firmly behind him, I knew something was definitely wrong.
I gave him his space, working quietly in my office, and keeping other people away. He would talk when he was ready and I didn’t want to irritate him by pestering him with questions.
He came into my office twice to drop off work but he was cool and distant and avoided making eye contact. He didn’t speak to me unless I spoke first. And when he did, his responses were abrupt, bordering on rude, and he didn’t laugh, or even smile, all morning.
I knocked on his door just before lunch and went in. He glanced up, then went back to his paperwork.
“Here’s your flight and hotel information for Chicago,” I said, sliding an envelope onto his desk. “The flight leaves at 10:00 a.m. on Monday and your return flight leaves around 8:00 a.m. on Tuesday.”<
br />
“Thanks,” he said curtly, taking the envelope and tossing it into his open briefcase. He returned to his work without another word.
“Jack? Is everything all right?”
“Yes.”
He still wouldn’t look at me and I knew everything was not all right, but I also knew better than to press an issue with someone who made it clear they didn’t want to talk.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “If you don’t need anything, I’m going to lunch. Do you want me to pick something up for you?”
“No.”
“Be back in an hour.” When he didn’t respond, I left his office and pulled the door closed behind me.
I sat in my car in the parking lot, forcing down half of a sandwich and worrying. In all the time I’d known him, I had only seen Jack really angry twice before. Both times were related to issues on a job site, caused by employee carelessness. But even then, he blew off steam and then let it go. He avoided staying angry over things that couldn’t be changed, and that made his current attitude even more upsetting. He was definitely stewing.
He had never been angry with me before, but I was finally wising up to the idea that whatever was going on with him had to do with me, personally. But I had absolutely no clue what had caused it.
Everything seemed fine yesterday, so whatever was causing his mood happened after work yesterday. I started to worry that Finn had given him some information that made me look guilty. It seemed ridiculous and, if that was the case, I would have thought Jack would confront me directly. If he would even believe such a thing in the first place, which I doubted.
The whole situation was making me tense and that, combined with the over-imbibing I had done the night before, was giving me a pounding headache. I pulled a bottle of aspirin out of my purse and took two, then picked up my phone.
I had my finger on the screen, ready to dial Nate to see if he could offer any insight, when I paused, realizing my call might interrupt an important conversation between him and Kayla. I cancelled the call before it went through.
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the seat and tried to relax as I willed the answer to come to me. Several minutes and no answers later, I again picked up my phone and checked the time. Twelve fifty-five. I had to go back.
Isn't It Time Page 22