The World's Finest Mystery...

by Ed Gorman

  "Not worried about any treasure! That's a loud one! You who've been punting on River Tick for I don't know how long!"

  "If Mama could hear you using such terms—"

  "Mama is sound asleep. Go on, deny that you're one step ahead of the bailiff."

  "All right, I deny it. I'm not in debt. I've come about— thanks to Cousin Lucien."

  "What!"

  "I never told you or Henry, but it's true. He helped me, Fanny."

  "Why you?"

  "Because he cared about the family, bacon-brain! Wasn't just the money— he talked to me. Made me think, I tell you. So anyone planning further mischief around here will have to come through me. I was too late for Lucien, and last night I was sure I was too late to help Charles. But now I've caught you, and I tell you I won't allow it!"

  "Help Charles? Mischief? What on earth are you talking about?"

  "My horse is in the stall next to Fine Lad. I think you know what that means."

  "That he's eating his head off at his lordship's expense."

  "Fanny!"

  She eyed him malevolently.

  "Enough of your nonsense, William. Let me by. Edward and the brat will be here any minute— probably working their way through the secret passage now."

  "Secret passage!" William said. "What secret passage?"

  "The place is full of them. Don't you remember my telling you so when we were down here that last Christmas?"

  William frowned. "No."

  "Well, maybe I told Henry, then. Which is of no importance in any case! Move off this staircase before I have to shove you off!"

  "Touch me, and I'll tell Mama that nothing pleases her spinster daughter so much as to dress up like a man and ride astride!"

  "Oh! You won't be alive to tell her! They'll burying you next to Lucien!"

  "Now!" I heard Lucien say, and I pulled the shield off the lantern.

  The sudden light caught the attention of the two Banes. But it was Lucien who caused William to give out a bloodcurdling scream.

  Charles clung to me, apparently more frightened by the scream than anything that had gone before.

  "Lord Almighty!" Fanny said. "You frightened the life right out of me. What's gotten into you! You'll bring the whole house down on us!"

  William, the color gone from his face, pointed a shaking hand toward Lucien.

  "What?" Fanny said. "Speak up, now!"

  "The Headless Abbot."

  "Headless Abbot! I don't see any Headless Abbot! It's just a light coming from one of those passages I told you about."

  "Don't you see him?" William cried. "In riding clothes!"

  "Are you back to giving me trouble over that? What's it to you if I find men's clothes more sensible for riding?"

  Lucien tried moving closer to her. But while William swayed on his feet, Fanny was oblivious to him.

  "William?" she said. "Are you feeling quite the thing?"

  In frustration Lucien materialized completely.

  "Lucien!" William said and fainted. Unfortunately, he was still on the stairs when this happened. Lucien tried to make a grab for him, but William fell right through him, tumbling down to the ledge.

  Now Fanny screamed, but obviously she still could not see my brother.

  "Fibbens, please take his lordship to safety," I said over Charles's protests. "Ask Bogsley to bring some men with a litter to me." And picking up a lantern, I limped out as quickly as I could to the landing, where William lay in a heap.

  "Edward!" Fanny called, hurrying down the stairs and straight through Lucien without so much as a blink, "Oh, help him, Edward!"

  She stood nervously watching me. William made a groaning sound and opened his eyes. "Edward?" he said dazedly. "Was it you all along?"

  He then caught sight of Lucien standing behind me, though, and fainted once again.

  I did my best to make him more comfortable. "Help will be here soon, Fanny," I said.

  "He's broken his arm," Lucien said, "but I don't think he has any more serious injuries. Why do you suppose he could see me but she can't?"

  "I don't understand it," I said.

  Fanny, thinking I spoke to her, said, "Well! I understand it! It's all because of Lucien's stupid story about the monk. He thought he saw the ghost. Just your lantern light, I daresay."

  We heard a sound then, a faint cracking noise from below.

  Fanny's face grew pale. "The abbot!" she said weakly.

  "Henry," I called, "are you down there in the dark eating walnuts?"

  A long laugh echoed up the tower.

  "Henry!" Fanny exclaimed.

  "Get help," I said to Lucien.

  "I'll stay here, thank you," Fanny replied. "Besides, you said help is already on the way."

  "Oh, it is, dear Fanny, it is!" Henry said, lighting a lantern. He started up the stone stairs. "Where's Charles?"

  Lucien made a wild banshee sound and swooped toward Henry. Nothing.

  "Never mind the brat," Fanny said impatiently. "Here's your brother broken to bits!"

  "I wouldn't trouble yourself too much over William, Fanny," Henry said. "He discovered my little plan, so I think it's best if the next accident concerning an earl has something to do with trying to save my brother. Edward and Charles make a valiant, combined effort. Alas, it will be unsuccessful."

  "Will no one talk sense to me?" Fanny asked.

  "Your brother Henry wants to be an earl," I said. "So he murdered Lucien— right, Lucien?"

  "Right."

  But Henry laughed and said, "Don't tell me you think you can try that ghost business on me at this age, Edward! Now where's that treasure? I warn you, I'm armed."

  "You'll never own The Abbey's treasure," I said. "The Abbey's treasure then, as it is now, was in the good men who have lived here— Lucien and his father and Charles."

  "Henry," Fanny said, "tell me you didn't harm Lucien!"

  "Lucien? Oh, not just Lucien. Don't forget his father and his ninnyhammer of a stepmother— you didn't think that carriage overturned by chance?" I heard the sound of rock falling, and Henry said, "When I am earl, I shall have these steps repaired."

  "You'll never be earl!" Lucien vowed.

  I heard a commotion in the passageway. Fibbens' voice was calling desperately, "Your lordship, no!"

  Suddenly a white, headless figure with a bloodstained cassock came barreling onto the landing. Fanny, who did not see me grab hold of the small boy who carried it, let out the fourth scream to assault my ears in nearly as many minutes.

  Lucien grabbed the pillow ghost, and went flying off the landing. Literally. Previously unable to support it, this time— perhaps somehow strengthened by his need to protect Charles— he was able to make the Headless Abbot billow impressively and to aim it directly at Henry Bane. Henry fired his pistol at it, but the stuffed costume came at him inexorably and knocked him from the stone stairs. His fall was harder than William's, and fatal.

  I called to Lucien, but he had disappeared.

  Two weeks later, William, recovered enough to be moved, left with his sister and the much quieter dowager for Bane House. They wanted to be home in time for Christmas, which was drawing near. William and his sister were getting along fairly well by then— as we all were— and none of us told the dowager about her daughter's clothing preferences. Although a scandal of a far more serious nature had been avoided, both Henry's duplicity and his death had left Lady Bane shaken.

  But even with the Banes gone and the immediate crisis over, I was feeling dismal, as was Charles. One night he came to the library at midnight, upset— not because he saw a ghost, but because it had been so long since he had seen one. I tried to explain his father's traveling coach analogy, but Charles wanted that coach to return. "At least for visits," he said tearfully.

  I took out the packet of letters again, and read to him— this time, the letter Lucien had written to me on the death of his wife.

  "I used to be able to picture her so clearly after she was gone," a familiar voice
said. "To feel her watching over Charles and me, sharing our joys. Do you know, I believe I now know why Fanny and Henry couldn't see me but you who've loved me can?"

  "Papa!" Charles cried out.

  "Yes, my boy, I'm back— for a visit."

  * * *

  Gradually, over the years, we saw less and less of him. By the time Charles had grown into a man, it was no longer necessary to trouble Lucien to be our ghost. By then we knew how to recall his spirit in other ways— through fond remembrance, and the knowledge that we can never be truly parted from those we love.

  And that, I've come to believe, is the true spirit of Christmas.

  Doug Allyn

  The Country of the Blind

  DOUG ALLYN is not only one of our most prolific short story writers but one of our best, as his Edgar Award for best short story of 1994 with "The Dancing Bear" and several Edgar nominations demonstrate. He is also a first-rate novelist, with books such as Motown Underground and Icewater Mansions proving that the dazzle of his short stories can also be found in his longer works. His series character, the bard Tallifer, makes another welcome appearance in our year-end collection in "The Country of the Blind," solving a tale of children lost and hope regained in the Scottish Highlands in the Middle Ages. This story first appeared in Murder Most Medieval.

  The Country of the Blind

  Doug Allyn

  I've never much cared for my own singing. Oh, I carry a tune well enough, and my tenor won't scare hogs from a trough, but as a minstrel, I would rate my talent as slightly above adequate. Which is a pity, since I sing for my living nowadays.

  As a young soldier I sang for fun, bellowing ballads with my mates on battlements or around war fires, amusing each other and showing our bravery, though I usually sang loudest when I was most afraid.

  The minstrel who taught me the finer points of the singer's art had a truly fine voice, dark and rich as brown ale. Arnim O'Beck was no barracks room balladeer; he was a Meistersinger, honored with a medallion by the Minstrel Guild at York.

  An amiable charmer, Arnim could easily have won a permanent position in a noble house, but he preferred the itinerant life of the road, trading doggerel tunes in taverns for wine and the favors of women.

  My friend ended dead in a cage of iron, dangling above the village gate of Grahmsby-on-Tweed with ravens picking his poor bones. I hadn't bawled since my old ma died, but I shed tears for Arnim, though I knew damned well he would have laughed to see it. In truth, he ended as we'd both known he would.

  But it wasn't only for my friend that I cried. I was a soldier long years before I became a singer. Death has brushed past me many times to hack down my friends or brothers-in-arms.

  I mourned them, but I never felt their passing had dimmed the light of the world. A soldier's life counts for little, even in battle. His place in the line will be filled.

  But when a minstrel like Arnim dies, we lose his voice and all the songs in his memory. And in these dark times, with the Lionheart abroad, Prince John on his throne, and the Five Kings contending in Scotland, this sorry world needs songs to remind us of ancient honor all the more.

  My friend the Meistersinger knew more ballads of love and sagas of heroes than any minstrel I've ever known.

  But even he was not the best singer I ever heard.…

  * * *

  I'd been waiting out a gray week of Scottish drizzle, singing for sausages in a God-cursed log hovel of an alehouse at the rim of the Bewcastle wastes. If the muddy little village had a name, I never heard it nor did I inquire. I was more concerned with getting out of it alive.

  The tumbledown tavern had too many customers. Clearly there was no work to be found in the few seedy wattle and daub huts of the town, yet a half dozen hard-bitten road wolves were drinking ale in the corner away from the fire. They claimed to be a crew of thatchers, but their battle scars and poorly hidden dirks revealed them for what they were: soldiers who'd lost their positions. Or deserted them. Men whose only skill was killing.

  Bandits.

  Ordinarily, outlaws pose no problem for me. Everyone knows singers seldom have a penny, and brigands enjoy a good song as readily as honest folk. If I culled the gallows-bait from my audiences, I'd sing to damned skimpy crowds indeed. But along the Scottish borderlands, thieves are more desperate. And as ill luck would have it, I had some money. And they knew it.

  I'd earned a small purse of silver performing at a fest in the previous town. One of the border rats jostled me, purposely I think. Hearing the clink of coins, he hastily turned away. But not before I glimpsed my death in his eyes.

  And so we played a game of patience, whiling away the hours, waiting for the rain to end. And with it, my life and possibly the innkeeper's. Cutthroats like this lot would leave no witness to sing them to a gallows tree.

  My best hope was sleep. Theirs. And so I strummed my lute softly, murmuring every soothing lullaby I could remember. And praying they would nod off long enough to give me a running start.

  And then I heard it. I was humming a wordless tune when an angel's voice joined my own in perfect harmony, singing high and clear as any Gregorian gelding.

  Startled, I stopped playing, but the melody continued. For a moment I thought it was a voice from heaven calling me to my final journey. Then the innkeeper, a burly oaf with a black bush of a beard, cursed sharply and ended the song.

  "Who was that singing?" I asked.

  "My evil luck," he groused. "A nun."

  "A nun? In this place?"

  "Well, an apprentice nun anyway, a novice or whatever they're called. There were a fire at the abbey at Lachlan Cul, twenty mile north. Most died, but one aud bitch nun stumbled here with her charge before death took her, saddling me with yon useless girl."

  "She has a wonderful voice."

  "It's nought to me. I've no ear for song, and my customers don't care much for hymns. She's heaven's curse on me, I swear. She's blind, no good for work, nor much inclined to it neither."

  "Bring her out, I would like to hear her sing more."

  "Nay," he muttered, glancing sidelong at the louts in the corner. "That's a bad lot there. I'll not risk harm coming to a nun under my roof. My luck's foul enough as 'tis."

  "I'm sure you're wrong about those fellows," I said a bit louder. "I have plenty of money, and they've not troubled me. Buy them an ale, and bring the girl out to sing for us. I'll pay." I tossed a coin on the counter, snapping the thieves to full alert.

  The innkeeper eyed me as though I'd grown a second head, but he snatched up the coin readily enough. Brushing aside the ratty blanket that separated his quarters from the tavern, he thrust a scrawny sparrow of a girl into the room. Sixteen or so, she was clad in a grimy peasant's shift, slender as a riding crop with a narrow face, her eyes wrapped in a gauze bandage.

  "What's your name, girl?"

  "Noelle," she said, turning her face to the sound of my voice. The landlord was right to worry. She was no beauty, but she'd pass for fair with the grime wiped away.

  "Noelle? You're French?"

  "No, the sisters told me I was born at Yuletide."

  "Ah, and so you were named Noelle for Christmas, and your holiday gift was your lovely voice."

  "You're the singer, aren't you?" she asked with surprising directness. She hadn't the mousy manner of a nun. "What are you called?"

  "Tallifer, miss. Of Shrewsbury and York; minstrel, poet, and storyteller."

  "I've been listening to you. You seem to know a great many songs."

  "I've picked up a tune or two in my travels. Most aren't fit for the ears of a nun, I'm afraid. Nor is it proper for you to stay at an alehouse. There is an abbey a few days to the west. I'll escort you there if you like."

  "Hold on," the innkeeper began, "I shan't let—"

  "Come now, friend, the girl can't remain here, and I need a good deed to redeem my misspent life. I'll pay for the privilege." Pulling the purse from beneath my jerkin, I spilled the coins in a heap on the table. "Consider this a
s heaven's reward for your kindness to this poor waif. Have we a bargain?"

  Stunned, the innkeeper stared at me, than hastily glanced at the crew in the corner. Their eyes were locked on the silver like hounds pointing a hare.

  "There's no point in haggling," I continued. "Search me if you like, but I haven't one penny more. Come girl, we'd best be going."