by Bart Tuma
“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened up for us through the curtain, that is his body, and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart with full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we professed for he who promised is faithful.
“We don’t have to stand back separated from Him because of our stains. We don’t have to be followed by guilt because He is holy and His love and forgiveness is sufficient for all times. He has broken down the barriers. We’re urged to draw close to him with a sincere heart, not to sit back in guilt. His sacrifice of blood for us gives us full assurance that His love will never end, for He is holy.”
Laura’s vision of that room swirled in her head until she felt herself physically sick. She turn her head as if to avoid the sight of her child.
That white carpet and her stain was all she could see.
It has to be my fault. I have stained my life and His love, and taken my child’s life with my sin.
Pastor Hodgson continued to call the congregation to embrace His forgiveness, but Laura didn’t hear.
No tears came to Laura’s eyes. She did not cry. She held her head between her hands, hard.
Suddenly, a baby began to cry in the first row. The cry seemed to echo off the walls and Laura thought she heard the cry of her own child, and she became sick in her stomach at such a thought. Laura had to get out and quickly. She didn’t recognize that at the same time the mother was carrying her child to the nursery. The mother and child and Laura bumped hard in the aisle as Laura sprang from her chair, and Laura reached out to prevent them from falling.
“I’m sorry” Laura said. “I wasn’t looking. I should have been looking. It’s all my fault.” Laura saw the mother’s expression move from shock to a look of forgiveness.
“That fine. I didn’t see you either.”
The baby quit crying with the change of events and looked directly at Laura. The baby girl had a bow tied to the small amount of hair on her head. She was held to her mother’s side, but a smile quickly formed as she looked at the stranger. Her eyes were big and brown and beautiful. She wore a lace filled dress that appeared hand-made, and as Laura had reached to prevent a fall, the baby reached her arms back to her. Her hand touched Laura’s bare arms, and Laura saw what her baby would have looked like.
The three walked to the foyer. Laura couldn’t take her eyes off the baby. The mother shifted the child to her other hip and went right when Laura went left. She glanced back to make sure Laura wasn’t following.
Laura recognized the look of fear in the mother’s eyes. She had to get out of there. She fled out the front door and went to the back corner of the building and vomited.
Chapter Seventeen
In summer on the Northern Great Plains the sun raises so early it usually meets even the earliest riser. It’s the best part of the day with fresh coolness making a person forget the coming heat, and quiet allowing thoughts to run without interruption. For the last few mornings, that quiet met Erik as he left the bunkhouse before the sun arose with only the slight hint of color beginning to form on the horizon.
On the two previous days his early rising was rewarded with time to think. Later in the day his mind would be filled with the work of the day, and problems that needed to be fixed. For years the evening hours had been times of daydreaming. Now his mornings were the time to think clearly of the present.
This day he got up early to avoid going to church. He knew that Uncle Henry would come to the bunkhouse to get him. He’d have to have an excuse, so he would be busy with work that he’d claim couldn’t be stopped. It was now one week since he had first met his Lord. It only made sense and was expected for him to go to church with his aunt and uncle, or at least go by himself to the New Life Chapel.
I’ll go next week. I’m just afraid people will make too big a deal of me being saved. It is a big deal, but I don’t want people telling me so.
Earlier in the week, Uncle Henry had come to the bunkhouse carrying a Remington 30/06 hunting rifle. “If you aren’t too busy you might do me a favor and sight-in this rifle for me. I hear the mule deer have gathered in the few green ravines of the Sweet Grass Hills. I thought if you were so inclined we could both go up there and get some venison steaks and jerky. If they’ve been feeding off the grass of those ravines their meat’ll taste more like beef than venison.”
Erik appreciated the gesture. His uncle hadn’t been hunting in years and the rifle would have to be carefully cleaned before it could be trusted to shoot. He knew neither he nor his uncle would ever have the time to go hunting, since the hunting season was in the midst of harvest, but Henry had come to give Erik something to do rather than lay in his room and that was appreciated.
“ Your aunt and I will be leaving for church at eight on Sunday. Can we give you a ride?”
“Thanks, but I need some time to think before I do anything.”
“That’s you choice. The offer stands any time you want it.”
“And I will take that offer, just not yet.” Erik immediately went back into the bunkhouse. Later he found some oil that worked to clear the muzzle and shine the stock, and then he put the rifle away until it was needed.
That Sunday the rifle was needed for a distraction to the day. Stopping by the shop he found an old, discarded and rusted baby moon hubcap from an old Chevy. It was an ideal target.
The ideal place to make a firing range was the coulee behind the farmhouse. He set the hubcap on the opposite ridge of the ravine, slightly below the level he would sit once he returned to his spot. In this manner he had created the distance and the position where he could most likely find a buck deer in the Sweetgrass Hills. He knew they would get busy and never go to the hills, but at least this day he could prepare as if they would.
Erik ran hard back to the spot he had chosen for his blind. He’d be breathing hard when he took a real shot so he needed to be winded now. If there really was a buck across the way, his heart would be pounding much faster than normal.
As he squeezed the trigger for the first shot, it was obvious either his shooting skills or the sights of the rifle had become rusty. He fired off three other quick shots to see if a pattern was created for him to adjust the sights. The dirt flying from each bullet’s impact were all high, but one was high right, one high left, and one high to the middle. He adjusted the front V of the sight a hair lower, and laughed at his own inaccuracy.
“Well, at least I can blame part of this on the old gun. The rest I can blame on the wind, which there is none, or not eating breakfast, or me being out of shape. It couldn’t be that I’m just a lousy shot.” Erik talked to himself a lot on the farm. There was no one else to talk to, so he talked to himself, and even laughed at his own jokes from time to time. The game of sighting in the rifle made his conversation with himself almost natural, as if someone else was there.
Erik put four more shells in the chamber. There was something about the simple pleasure of doing something different from the usual chores that allowed Erik to relax. After every shot he would make comments aloud to no one. The backfire of the light rifle was light to Erik’s shoulder. The sensation was enough to make Erik feel he was at a hunt with others. He freely talked and laughed and joked to himself.
“I bet there isn’t a hubcap in the county that isn’t holding tight to the wheel not wanting to face Black Bart, formerly know as Erik Winter.
“On second thought, maybe the safest thing to be in the county is a hubcap. Their small enough I’ll never hit them anyway. Everything else in a ten yard radius better worry though, cause that’s about how close I’ll be.”
Erik was refreshed with the chance to forget everything and simply shoot the gun. It would be nice to have someone to shoot with and enjoy my witty personality.
If only they won’t put in with asking all their questions.
He only had one box of shells so he would shoot a few, readjust the sights, and rest in the renewed quiet of the morning before he reloaded. There was no reason to leave the coulee.
He had lingered longer than expected when he heard a voice behind him.
“Hey, did you shoot anything to bring home for dinner?”
Erik flinched with surprise. He was embarrassed that someone would know he was talking to himself, but he knew John’s voice even before he turned to see him.
“If you want to eat sod, I’ve got a lot of it this morning.” Erik said. “I’ve been trying to bag the rare, silver humped cap animal all morning, but it’s too crafty for me. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in church?”
“Yes, I should, and I should be there with you. Pack up your ammo, and if we get moving we’ll only be a few minutes late.”
“Did my aunt and uncle rat on me again?” Erik’s voice made it clear he wouldn’t be mad if they had. “Can’t anyone just live without everyone caring about them?”
“I know a lot of people who aren’t cared for, but you aren’t one of them. Now let’s get going. I came out on my own accord to give you a ride and here I find you killing all those helpless blades of grass.”
“They were dead before I got here. I wasn’t planning on going to church today. I thought I’d spend some time in the Bible and have my own service in the temple of His coulee. Say that wouldn’t be a bad name for my new church.”
“Your church needs a few more parishioners. I was planning on taking you, and my plans over-ride your plans.”
Erik gave up without a fight. He knew John wouldn’t give up, and it might be good to be in church now that he knew whom he was worshipping. The rifle and shells were quickly gathered. Another few minutes in the bunkhouse and Erik came out dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. He headed for John’s car where John waited for him.
“How does it feel being His child after one week?” John’s blue Buick was freshly washed and the air conditioning made it feel like a luxury car to Erik. He had on his nicer cloths, but he was still afraid he might dirty the car by his very presence. The gravel roads had just received a fresh sheet of gravel and he would hate for John’s car to get chip marks. If the car’s interior was stained or the paint chipped it would be Erik’ fault that John had to come to pick him up.
“I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Him the last week. If that’s praying, it makes it a lot easier when you know someone is listening.”
“Where did you go when you left Monday?”
“I went to the Park. There’s a great hike to Chief Mountain that not many people know about. It gave me time to think….”
John interrupted Erik before he could get into a long, detailed story. “Great, but I’m not here to quiz you. I’ve done enough of that this week. I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I would like to get to be your friend, and it’s hard to be friends if every time you get together you’re involved in a heavy, deep discussion.”
“I’m about as deep as the topsoil on that hilltop. I do appreciate the thought, however. I know Aunt Mary is going to sit me down pretty soon, but a whole lot has happened in a week and I do need to sort it out,” Erik explained.
“Speaking about things happening, the strangest thing happened on the way back on Monday night. You know the waitress I tried to protect and got my jaw cracked for my effort? I saw her at the Point. Turns out she is a Christian, got fired because of the fight and is trying to move to Fairfield.”
“Got fired? Didn’t you say you went to the Mint to see her?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Boy you know how to impress the ladies; getting her fired from a job is a new approach.”
“She said it wasn’t my fault. The boss wanted to fire her, and she wanted to get away from him and that place, anyway. But it was kind of a shock. I thought I’d never see her again, and it turns out she’s a Christian. Sounds like she had an experience like mine several years ago.”
“How’s she doing now?”
“I don’t really know. I asked her about her, you know, life with Christ. She got real defensive, said she’d walked away from Him. She sure has some problems with something.”
Erik could tell by John’s tone when he began speaking that a warning was coming. “People go through a lot of things in this world. Just because a person got saved several years ago doesn’t always indicate where they’re at today.”
“Well, she asked me where she could find a good church so maybe she’s trying. Like I say it was just strange since my encounter with Christ started with going to see her.”
“God had it all planned out before you were even born, Erik. Was there any significance that this girl started the process? Who knows? I do know IF He started the process through this girl that He uses all the tools He needs.”
Erik was done talking about Laura. He had thought about her a lot in the last week, but he still hadn’t decided what to think of the situation. The rules had changed now. Laura had become more than a daydream. Now she was real, and Christ was real, and everything was different. He hadn’t known Christ for a long enough time to make sense out of all this. Besides he certainly wouldn’t know what to do with a girl friend if he had one. He changed the subject. “How’s the carpentry business? Doesn’t seem like there would be enough work in a small town like Fairfield.”
The ride to town went quickly and quietly.
When they arrived in front of the church, the lot was filled with cars. The doors remained wide open, but the greeters were no longer present at its entranceway, indicating that the services had already started. Erik said, “I want to make some things clear before we go in. I’m here to listen and not to talk.
“I don’t want you to say anything to anyone about me. I want to sit and listen and see what it’s like to be in a service without wondering how come it lasted so long. I do want to be here, but I don’t want to be looked at as some type of new specimen that needs to be examined.”
John nodded his head in agreement. “No problem. I have the ground rules, now you just relax and listen. We’re already twenty minutes late so if there is a commotion you can blame it on yourself.” He parked the car and they both got out and headed towards the church. Movement from the corner facing them caught Erik’s attention. It was a girl moving to stand erect after having been obviously bent at the waist. She moved one shaky hand to the side of the church, supporting herself, while simultaneously releasing her hair from her other hand where she had cupped the long brown locks into a makeshift ponytail held back from her face. It was Laura. Not only did he recognize her by her height, her shape and the color of her long hair, but she wore the same dress she wore to the Mint.
Erik stopped in mid-stride. “John, I know her. It looks like she needs help.”
“How do you know her?”
“It’s Laura, the one I talked about”
“Oh, boy,” were John’s only words. He could only shake his head. What has this boy gotten himself into?
Erik didn’t say anything until he was right next to Laura, who was again bent over.
“Laura, are you okay?”
Laura tried to spit her mouth clean and wiped herself with the back of her hand. She gave Erik a baleful look as she straightened. “I’m just great, can’t you tell.” She dug in her purse for a tissue. “Were did you come from? Did anyone else see me? I guess I must have…must have eaten something bad, but I’m fine now.”
“No, just us. We came late to church and saw you here.”
“Never seen a case of food poisoning that went away that fast,” were John’s first words to Laura.
Laura looked at the man who challenged her. She was used to men with smart mouths like this.
“Laura, this is John,” Erik interceded as he saw the challenging look on both their faces.
“Nice to meet you, John,” Laura said in a non-committal tone. “and
, Erik, you might want to add this to the list of weird things that girl from Sweetgrass does. I knew I shouldn’t have come today, so, my fault.” Laura’s attempt to straighten herself and make light of the situation made her forget the baby’s face. “I just have to get somewhere to clean myself up.”
“There’s a kitchen in the back of the church. You can go in through that door and no one will see you” John’s voice was still harder than Erik had ever heard.
Laura gave a curt nod of thanks. She made her way to the door John had indicated and Erik sensed that she would use the kitchen and leave post-haste. He couldn’t blame her if that were her intention, not after the tone John had taken with her.
“What was that all about?” Erik asked as Laura disappeared into the kitchen. “You sounded like you wanted to bite her head off. She’s my friend. I’d expect you to treat her with a little kindness.”
“What do you mean? I was nice to her.”
“You were nicer to a stranger in the restaurant last week. Your voice was sharper than I’ve ever heard it.”
“Sorry, Erik, but it was a surprise to see the girl you’ve been talking about outside the church vomiting. Who knows what her story is? It looks to me like she could be hung over from a big drunk last night.”
“You didn’t talk to me that way when I’d just been in a bar fight! What, do you just not like women?”
“I’ve got nothing against women, but you’ve got to remember it was only a couple hours ago you were wondering if maybe God might be bringing you two together. You’ve got to be careful. Don’t go running off like God’s going to be pleased with everything you do or that you no longer have to use your head—”
Their conversation was cut short as Laura returned.
“Laura, I’m not sure want you meant by saying you should have never come today, but it’s pretty obvious you’re hurting more than a stomach ache. There’s a rest area right at the west city limits. It’s nice and overlooks the Fairfield River. Let go’s there and talk,” John suggested.