The Kingdom Land

by Bart Tuma

  The Cooper farm was located just south of the Milk River Ridge. Uncle Henry always said this ridge raised the clouds and brought more rain. He said that if it rained an inch in Fairfield it rained an inch and a half at the Cooper farm. He constantly bragged how smart his dad was to pick such a great location. Other farmers had like stories of their preferential locations. No one ever knew if there was any fact to these claims, but one thing was certain: no matter how good the farmer’s land he still had to carefully work the land to coax the largest harvest from its soil. There had to be a constant vigilance to bring in the harvest from the time of seeding to the time the combine entered the field.

  Erik found it difficult to give the same vigilance to his own life. God’s presence had allowed him to hope and feel joy as never before, but the full harvest of God’s life would not be enjoyed until he could cultivate and join in the strength of other people.

  Only one person was able to break Erik’s solitude. He allowed John O’Brian into his life. John was a lifeline to the outside world that Erik still held. He trusted John because it was John who had explained Christ to him that first day and never tried to sugar coat with an easy answer for Erik’s problems. Erik was sure he would always get a straight answer from John. If Erik needed to be straightened out, John wouldn’t be shy to tell him.

  At the same time, John was very aware of the hurt and distrust that had been a real part of Erik’s past. He was always careful not to push too hard. Erik could trust John more than the Coopers. Although the Coopers had never done anything wrong except to hide secrets they felt would hurt Erik. John volunteered to spend time with Erik as if he enjoyed it. Erik hadn’t been thrust upon John like he had been with the Coopers. What he didn’t realize was that John felt the Lord had brought Erik to his doorstep just as events had brought Erik to the Cooper’s.

  John held a Wednesday evening Bible study at his house each week. It was a loosely structured meeting of study, but even more importantly, caring for those that attended. It was a small group of five or six people. Sometimes the other people got so busy they couldn’t made it. At times Erik was the only one who attended. It was those times of being alone with John that Erik appreciated the most. Those meetings allowed Erik to be free with his questions, and John to speak directly to Erik.

  These studies were the highlight of Erik’s week and in many ways his life. It was there that Erik could certify all his studies in the bunkhouse. These times alone were important times with Christ, but somehow they seemed hollow until they were shared with someone he trusted. It was as if people would go on a vacation by themselves and see the great monuments of the world. The trip would not be complete until they shared the pictures with those at home.

  Erik didn’t set out to be a loner, nor did he desire to be by himself. It was the course of his life and Erik seemed incapable to forge a change. Christ gave him an opportunity to talk to a Present God, but Erik also needed someone to sit with and eat with and be with. John did that, but John wasn’t enough.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Erik, come and get it. Dinner’s ready!” In the open land you could hear Mary’s shout and the clang of the dinner bell for miles, but it was all unnecessary. Erik was already out of his work clothes in the bunkhouse and even a whisper could have brought him to dinner.

  “How much of the baling have you got done?” Henry quizzed as Erik sat down at the table looking like a starved animal.

  “I got the three old pond bottoms done next to the Benders.”

  “Getting many bales off the bottoms?” Henry’s first concern always was and always would be the yield of the farm. Now, however, he was old enough that he didn’t participate in the direct labor on the farm except for crucial times like seeding and harvest.

  “Yeah, I’d say about forty bales per bottom. That rain last spring must’ve left more water in those holes than I expected,” Erik said as he shoveled the food into his mouth.

  There had been several heavy rains that spring, but now the end of July had come, and after the one satisfying rain earlier in the month, there was no more rain. Most of the prairie was rapidly turning brown. Only the areas that somehow could hold onto the moisture were different.

  “Good, that’ll be enough to keep our steers fat until we can get them to auction. But I’m not surprised that there were that many bales. You always short-change what there is. You’d think you’re the bearer of doom the way you talk sometimes,” Henry said with a grin. He was joking with Erik. At the same time he was serious. He and Mary were trying as hard as they could to help Erik to change his outlook.

  “Someone’s got to be realistic around here,” Erik replied. “The way you and Aunt Mary talk, I’d expect this to be paradise rather than a prairie.” Erik also was half joking, half serious.

  Henry was not to be outtalked. “I’ll never forget the quote my teacher made me memorize in high school. The quote is, ‘The mind is its own place; in itself it can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven’. That’s from Milton’s Paradise Lost.”

  “In high school! Your mind has worked a major miracle to remember that far back, but I still don’t know if anyone can make this place a heaven,” Erik mused.

  “I wish you’d try to make something out of it more than your complaining. Here, I’ve gone out to get something nice for you and all you do is complain.” Henry’s eyes now contained a hint of mischief.

  “You got something nice for me? What, a one-way ticket to Bermuda?” Erik was still joking, but he realized his remarks were beginning to be cutting and it was time to bring the joke to a close. Besides, he was curious what Henry had up his sleeve.

  “Ha, ha, ha. No, I got you a one-way ticket to the Henry Cooper farm and a new place to live.” Henry checked Erik’s eyes to catch a reaction.

  “A new place to live? What do you mean? I live in the bunkhouse.”

  “The bunkhouse is beginning to rub off on you. You’re starting to smell like it even when you’re away. The place has a pack of mice living in it, and it’s only fit for them, not for my family. You are my family, Erik. I got a loan approved from next year’s crop to buy a used mobile home. It’ll be a place that you can make your own and not share with the hired hands during harvest. It can be your own place that other people can come to and you won’t be ashamed to have them over. It will be here in a couple of weeks and we can park it next to the Quonset hut, put blocks under it, a skirt around it, and it’ll be your real house.”

  “But Uncle, that’s a lot of money, and who knows how good next year’s crop will be,” Erik protested. “Why don’t we get those seeders that you need so badly instead? I’ve lived in the bunkhouse for this long. It won’t hurt me to live there a little longer. Besides, I don’t see a lot of visitors in my future anyway.” He was grateful because he knew how hard it was for his uncle to spare the money, but it was a gesture he wished hadn’t happened. Erik already had other plans. He meant to leave the farm, not have his uncle buy something that would tie him to this land even further.

  “No, a little longer won’t hurt you,” his uncle conceded, “but you’ve lived in that place since high school as it is, and since there are so many more years to come, now is as good a time as any. There will always be things we can buy for the farm, but we don’t get that many chances to buy you something. Those seeders can wait another season or two.”

  “But, Uncle, I don’t know…”

  “What don’t you know? You’d think you had buried treasure under that bunkhouse the way you’re attached to it. As long as you’re living with us, you need someplace decent to live.” Henry’s voice was firm with conviction as if to bring the conversation to an end.

  “The thing I don’t know about is how much longer I’m going to be on this farm.” Erik almost choked on the words as he blurted them out. It was not his intent to hurt his uncle, and this wasn’t the time, especially if the mobile home had already been bought.

  “What do you mean? Is something the matter? Is ther
e something you haven’t told us?” Henry was more concerned than hurt with Erik’s unexpected revelation.

  “No, nothing’s wrong. I just have plans. I was hoping … I guess hoping for a change. I’ve thought before of signing up for the Havre Vo-Tech. They have a welding degree you can get in nine months. I hear there are a lot of openings on the West Coast for trained welders. I thought I might check it out.” Erik didn’t look Henry in the eyes as he talked.

  Erik had started to talk and he couldn’t stop now. “But I want to make sure the both of you know how much I appreciate each of you. I won’t be leaving because of you. I just need my own life, not just my own house. I’ve got to get out of this wind blown country and if I don’t leave soon, I never will.”

  Erik’s voice raised.. He wanted to get his explanation out as quickly as possible, as if the words stung his throat as they were spoken. He felt bad that once again he was refusing to accept the kindness of the Coopers. It wasn’t the first time he had turned his back on them, but others had done the same to him. Actually, he hadn’t fully thought out the move to Havre. The offer for the trailer house had forced him to push up his plans. He couldn’t allow them to get that trailer, and the move to Havre was the best explanation he knew. He had already thought about it, but thinking was all he had done.

  If the Coopers bought the trailer they might as well put bars on its windows. There was no way he could leave once it was moved to the farm. Erik was twenty-four now. If he stayed on this farm much longer he knew he would never leave. In fact, he saw his uncle getting older and the childless Coopers probably intended for Erik to completely take over the farm at some point. Certainly the Coopers would see this as a great honor to give the farm that they loved so much to Erik, but Erik would only see it as the end to any hope of any dreams being fulfilled.

  Vo-Tech and a welding job were far from past dreams of Erik. Once, Erik dreamt of playing football at a four-year university that would lead to a city job with a brick house and a nice car and a boat. The dream had seemed reasonable to him. He had seen that house and car and boat many times in his dreams.

  Now, he just wanted out.

  A nine-month course at an inexpensive tech school was the quickest way to leave Fairfield. He had convinced himself that once out, he could do what he wanted. Working for someone else wasn’t a possibility. He didn’t need another person telling him what to do. He thought that once he graduated he could buy a van with a portable welding unit and work for himself as a contractor. At some point he would start his own shop, and buy his own building. Being an owner of a welding shop was a dream worth dreaming.

  All of these plans had been only dreams in the bunkhouse, and he didn’t know if he even had the courage to leave. Now, with the offer of the trailer, those dreams needed to fast become reality. Erik didn’t know if he was actually ready to move to Havre, but the current conversation was forcing him to make a choice.

  Henry said, “You could have said something before I got the loan.”

  “You could have said something to me about getting the loan,” Erik retorted. He sighed and went on, trying to explain. “It’s just that I don’t feel like I’m going anyplace in Fairfield. There is no future for me here that I can look forward to. I feel God would want me to do more.” Erik wasn’t sure what God wanted at that point, but the more he talked the more he was convinced this was God’s plan. “You know, this land has never been my place. Too many things have happened here. Too many bad things happened here for me to forget. No matter how hard I try, it just isn’t the place I want to spend my life.”

  Erik hated his timing, but now that the trailer was offered he had no choice. He looked at both his aunt and uncle, and both were looking away. He made some excuses about work that needed to be done and left the table. He knew that the matter wasn’t finished and after their silence, he didn’t look forward to that next conversation.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It wasn’t long before Erik received his acceptance letter from Havre Vo-Tech. He was amazed that he had received an answer only a week after he had sent in his application. He then realized that a place of this caliber, or lack of caliber, wasn’t picky about who they accepted as long as the cash followed. Erik had mailed in the application the day after the talk in the hopes that the Coopers would think it had been done earlier. Actually, there had been little talk since that first conversation. Now the letter sealed the reality of Erik’s departure. Mary and Henry seemed to be carrying out plans for Erik’s leaving without discussion. There were questions about the farm and the harvest, but nothing about the decision itself. They rightfully concluded that Erik had made up his mind and there was nothing they could say to change it. It wasn’t as if Erik was a person who was free with sharing what was on his mind anyway.

  In a sense, this decision had been made the day his father died and sealed when his mother would never return. The associations with his past were too bitter for Erik, no matter what the land was like. Maybe that quote from Paradise Lost was right. Maybe he made this land into more of a hell in his mind, but all he knew was that he had to leave.

  Uncle Henry and Aunt Mary had long discussions about Erik’s move, but the discussions were always private.

  “Honey, do you think Erik’s running or does he really need to leave the farm?” Henry asked his wife.

  “I’m not sure. I do know that a lot has happened in Erik’s short life and I think he sees this place as a reminder of his dad and then being left alone. I’m afraid there are so many bad memories, maybe he does need to leave.”

  “I agree,” Henry said as he stared vacantly at his already empty coffee cup. “I’m just afraid that if he leaves, he’ll also be leaving John and the Bible studies that are so good for him, and us looking after him. I know he’s a man, but I’m afraid in Havre he won’t have anyone to pull him from his shell or depression or whatever it is that cuts him off to everyone else. He can’t survive if he climbs into his own little world with no one to pull him out. I know he dearly loves God, but he needs people who can show him love here in this world also,” Henry added.

  “I know what you’re talking about, dear. I so hoped that the Lord would open his heart and show him he could trust people. But I guess that would be forcing Erik to do something he isn’t ready to do. He opened up for awhile and really tried, and I was so glad when he got involved with Laurie. I saw the same thing when his dad first met Maggie, but just like his dad, the ending of a relationship seemed to drive him further into himself. Then there were those silly gossip stories he heard in the church. In a way, I can’t blame him. People have never really proven themselves to Erik. It’s too easy for him to merely say, ‘I tried’, when people disappoint him again. I honestly don’t know where that will leave him in a new town.”

  The Coopers didn’t know how to approach Erik since it always seemed to backfire. They thought about going to John O’Brian to see if he could talk to Erik, but Erik beat them and went to John himself. Maybe John’ll understand, although sometimes he doesn’t get me either, he thought.

  That day John was working in the hot July sun on a housing site on the south end of Fairfield. Carpentry is usually regarded a good, earthy type of work. John’s face betrayed the fact that the labor was also very hard in the hot sun, and maybe not as noble as expected. Sweat dripped off his head and rolled down his barrel chest, completely saturating his body.

  As a rule, John coped with the sun by working bare-chested, and this had made his skin rough with a deep copper tone. He looked much different from what Erik had first seen in the restaurant. At the restaurant his hair had been neatly combed and Erik hadn’t noticed the strength of his shoulders. Now he looked more like a tavern brawler than a Christian saint.

  However, Erik had also gotten to know John much better than that first impression. He knew John to have an earnest, soft personality that only highlighted his rough exterior. Although softness was present, John was also a confronting, honest person. That honesty g
ave him a transparent quality. Nothing was hidden in John, and he let other people know how he felt in any situation. It was a trait that Erik envied, but doubted he would ever possess.

  Such openness would be considered offensive to Erik in any other person, but somehow it attracted him to John. He seemed to know how to speak honestly without hurting with his assessment. It was a rare ability, but one that Erik needed.

  “Erik, looks like you’ve come just in time to do some work. I got a hammer over there for you.”

  “No, thanks, I already gave at the office. Besides, I have ten thumbs as it is, and I don’t want to lose any of them whacking them with a hammer. Looks to me like you’re having too much fun by yourself.”

  “Loads of fun, but that’s fine,” John joked in return. “You know us Christians, we love to share. But what brought you into town on a Wednesday? Did you get off for good behavior or are you AWOL?”

  “Well, it’s certainly not for good behavior,” Erik said with a hint of seriousness in his voice. He quickly recounted the story of the trailer to John and then continued. “I know that I’ve hurt the Coopers and I know I have to leave. At least I feel like I have to leave. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t want me to hurt anymore, either. I need to start over. I know the Coopers are thinking that I’m not grateful, but they’ve never come out and really said anything. In a way, it’s like right after my dad died and I was left at the farm. There’s a feeling that something needs to be said, but it’s not. Dad was dead and I was at their farm, but nothing was said.”