Almost Dead In Suburbia

by Douglas Pearce

  ‘Cross? Me? Of course I’m not cross! Not one bit,’ Ralph looked almost hurt. ‘Is that what you were thinking, Michael?’

  Michael nodded as he sat down in a chair. Ralph moved a chair and sat next to the young boy.

  ‘I am underage, Mister Fenwick. Kids my age aren’t allowed to open bank accounts and run competitions for money. Not without an adult’s permission. I got worried that if you did know who I was and revealed my identity I would be in serious trouble. What I did was illegal.’

  ‘If I had known who you were. Anyway, don’t worry about that for the moment. I have something in mind to get around any possible legal infractions. Remember, your game has helped a lot of people, Michael. The idea of donating a large portion of the proceeds to charity was a masterstroke. I think you are a brilliant young man. An absolute hero. All I want to know is how you did it?’

  Michael still didn’t seem convinced. He glanced at Fred. Ralph was quick to notice the look of uncertainty.

  ‘Perhaps it’s better then, if first I tell you how I eventually realised that you were Teddy Remback? You can fill in anything I miss, and then afterwards you can tell me how you set up Treasure Hunt. Would you prefer it that way?’ Ralph asked.

  ‘Yes please, Mister Fenwick,’ Michael nodded.

  ‘Fair enough. Oh, and it’s Ralph. Or Gordon, if you prefer.’

  ‘I read all about someone called Gordon. But I’ve only ever met someone called Ralph,’ he said with a cheeky smile

  ‘Fair enough,’ said Ralph, returning the smile. ‘Well, then. Things had become a bit crazy at ISAW, as you were obviously aware, especially after the press had suggested that I or one of the staff was Teddy Remback. In fact it became almost impossible to work, and we were all getting worried for our safety. So I decided to go into hiding, firstly to draw attention away from the rest of the staff and, secondly, I hoped that you would realise the problems we were having and come forward and reveal your identity.

  ‘Anyway, every email you’d sent, telling me when to expect delivery of a new disc, had been sent from a different location. I discovered they were sent from branches of the same bank. It wasn’t much to go on, but I had begun to make enquiries.’

  ‘My dad works for the bank,’ Michael explained. ‘He is the Southern England area manager. He travels to the various branches and takes me with him on Saturdays.’

  ‘Ah! Well that solves one part of the mystery, at least,’ said Ralph, smiling.

  ‘When I received the last email, something on it made me suspect that Teddy Remback lived in Corlington, even though it wasn’t sent from a bank in Corlington. This was the reason I decided to go into hiding down here. And it was because of what I suspected that I told the press I soon hoped to reveal Remback’s identity. It was a long shot, as I was still hoping that you would come forward. And fortunately, a few days after my disappearance, you sent that email saying you wanted to meet. What made you decide to do that, Michael?’

  ‘Actually, I didn’t want to. But I read that you had told the Times newspaper that you believed you knew my identity, so I hacked into ISAW’s computer to see if I could find anything. There was nothing there. I got scared and that’s why I contacted you, to set up a meeting. I had to persuade you not to reveal who I was. It would have ruined everything.’

  ‘That makes sense,’ said Ralph. ‘And may I ask how you hacked ISAW’s computer? That’s illegal, I hope you know that? And how did you figure out the password for my personal files?’

  Ralph had a smile of admiration on his face but Michael looked genuinely sorry.

  ‘Luck, mostly. I found a website with an unofficial biography of your career. I learnt all about you. I even found out your favourite pizza. It’s the same as mine.’ Michael beamed in hero-worship. ‘You were quoted as saying you took a degree in Roman history only because you liked to watch films about Romans. I did a search on the internet and eventually I came across Caligula. I also found out this meant ‘Little Boot’.’ Michael laughed. ‘He was a horrible person.’

  ‘Yes, he was. Whereas my history professor, who we also called Little Boot, or rather Boot, for short, was a great guy. You would have loved him, I’m sure. Anyway,’ Ralph continued, ‘by this time I had already found a house in Wiggleswood and was ready to move. Little did I know that your granddad lived in the same road!’

  ‘So what was it about the email that made you suspect Michael?’ Fred asked.

  ‘Oh, I didn’t suspect Michael. I had no idea, in fact. All I had to go on was a typo on an email. This suggested Remback probably lived in Corlington, and he may be a bank employee.’

  Michael frowned slightly. ‘A typo?’

  ‘Sorry, a typing mistake, I mean,’ Ralph explained.

  ‘Oh, I know what a typo is, Ralph. I just don’t remember being that careless.’

  Ralph’s respect for the lad was increasing exponentially. He arched an eyebrow and grinned.

  ‘Even the best make mistakes. It’s part of the game, I’m afraid.’

  ‘What did I do?’ Michael asked. He was now sitting on his hands and swinging his legs under the chair. It looked like he was beginning to enjoy himself.

  Fred pulled up another chair and the cat came and sat in front of Michael on the desk.

  Michael began scratching Hendrix behind its ears.

  ‘There was a small ‘m’ in front of the name, Teddy Remback. It seemed so uncharacteristic that it got me wondering. Not being a letter anywhere near ‘t’, or even ‘e’, how or why? And I had seen a similar ‘m’ somewhere before. Remember where, Michael?’

  Michael grinned. He had been rumbled by a sleuth as good as himself. Well, almost.

  ‘The first game you produced, Alternate Universe, offered the opportunity to record a player’s score at your shop’s website. I signed my entry ‘m’ and won a gift voucher for fifty pounds. It was sent to my postbox.’

  ‘Right! That’s where I remembered seeing it,’ Ralph confirmed. ‘I traced the postbox to Corlington but that was as far as I got. Someone,’ Ralph smiled and winked at Michael, ‘had cleverly removed all personal details from the Post Office computer.’

  ‘I only removed the details once I’d invented Teddy Remback. I learnt how to get into computers from a man at Dad’s work.’

  Ralph looked shocked. He was relieved Bill Williams wasn’t in the room listening to this. ‘Someone at the bank taught you how to hack a computer?’

  ‘Er . . . not exactly. The bank’s mainframe had crashed. They called in some computer experts who said the security system may have been compromised. I sat and watched this man repair it. He told me that people in his job had to know how to hack into a computer so as to be able to combat real hackers who tried to steal people’s money. He let me sit next to him while he worked. People don’t pay much attention to kids.’

  ‘No, they don’t, do they?’ Ralph agreed. ‘And they ought to. The technician was probably a hacker himself.’

  Michael nodded. ‘He told me he was . . . once. But since coming out of prison, he said it was better working for the bank.’

  ‘Hmm,’ said Fred in cautionary tone. ‘I hope you didn’t get any funny ideas, young man?’

  ‘I hardly think Michael has to worry about a career as a bank robber, Fred,’ said Hendrix. ‘The way he’s going, he’ll soon be able to offer the bank a loan.’

  ‘Isn’t that a fact,’ said Ralph. ‘So, where were we? Oh, yes. Alternate Universe. How did you manage to get a copy of that first game so soon after it was produced, by the way? It was only ever released as a limited edition, and your entry was one of the first the shop received.’

  ‘Granddad took me to watch a football match in Watford. We went for a walk afterwards and we passed your shop. It was still called EYESORE then, I think?’

  ‘Yes, it was,’ Ralph acknowledged. ‘The place used to belong to a firm of optometrists. I can’t understand why Merv never changed the name.’

  Michael smiled. ‘He was a funny man.’
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  ‘Unusual, certainly, said Ralph. ‘So what did you do?’

  ‘I asked if we could pop in to have a look round.’

  ‘Yes, I remember!’ Fred chipped in brightly. ‘Scruffy looking place it was too. There was an odd chap behind the counter unpacking a box. It had some discs in. Michael asked to buy one. The chap seemed thrilled that we would even consider parting with money for it.’

  ‘That’s Merv all right. Never did have a head for business.’

  The office door opened. Bill poked his head in.

  ‘Everything okay?’ he asked.

  ‘Fine, Bill, just fine,’ said Fred. ‘We should be done in a few minutes. ‘

  ‘No rush. Liz and Gary are okay. I’ll send something in to drink. Coke, Michael?’

  ‘Yes please, Sergeant Williams,’ Michael replied.

  ‘I like this kid,’ said Hendrix. ‘Smart and well-mannered.’

  Michael stroked the cat in appreciation.

  ‘Where was I?’ Ralph asked.

  ‘You were due to meet Michael, I think,’ said Fred.

  ‘Right. The meeting,’ Ralph nodded. ‘But first, though, you have to tell me how you realised that I was Gordon Hartley?’

  Michael smiled.

  ‘Oh, that was easy. When granddad brought me over to your house to say hello just after you moved in, I saw the picture of you and your friend on the wall in your study. The one where you have long hair. I could hardly believe it. They used the same picture in an article in a computer magazine.’

  ‘Good grief! I never realized. That photo was taken years ago. And you recognised me from that?’

  Michael nodded, but then he became serious. Turning slightly to look directly at his granddad, he reached across the table and took hold of Fred’s hand. The confident Michael of the past few minutes was now looking pale and tearful.

  Fred squeezed his hand, and stroked his hair.

  ‘It’s okay, Michael. Everything will be fine,’ F said red in a soothing voice.

  Michael took a deep breath and forced a smile. Then he continued, this time directing his speech at Fred.

  ‘Ralph was coming to meet me at the library in Corlington. But when he didn’t arrive I got worried. Then Dad came to fetch me and told me what had happened to you, and also that Ralph had had an accident and he’d been taken to hospital in the same ambulance as you, granddad.’

  Michael turned to look at Ralph once again.

  ‘That’s why I broke into your house, Ralph. I was worried you might have had some information about Teddy Remback’s identity on your computer. There was nothing on your hard drive, but then I found the disc. I’m sorry. I thought you had . . . had died . . . like granddad.’

  Ralph leaned across and squeezed Michael’s shoulder. In a quiet voice he said,

  ‘In truth, Michael, I did die, in a way. But not quite like your granddad. But I didn’t know your identity, did I? And the disc contained nothing but supposition. The label on the cover merely said, Teddy Remback - List of possibles. Your name was not even on that list, only the initial “M”. It was only after Sergeant Williams said that your Mum and Dad were coming to the police station that I figured out what that letter stood for. I can’t believe I missed it.’ Ralph smiled once again and shook his head in admiration for the young boy.

  ‘Once I realised that you were Teddy Remback I knew straight away who it was that broke into my house. And if it makes you feel any better, I would have done the same thing if I’d been in your position. But you must have had an accomplice, right? Sergeant Williams has told me you went over my back fence. It’s seven feet high, so someone gave you a boost, didn’t they? Who was it?’

  Michael smiled. He didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to admit to everything, either.

  ‘I’d rather not say, Ralph. But if you promise not to tell Sergeant Williams, I can give you a clue?’

  Ralph grinned. ‘Fire away. My lips are sealed, I promise.’

  ‘M,’ said Michael. ‘And it’s not me!’

  It only took Ralph a second. He laughed.

  ‘Well, well, well. She’s a dark horse, that’s for sure.’ Fred chuckled and ruffled Michael’s hair

  19: Teddy Remback is?

  The door opened once more and PC Griffith entered carrying a tray of refreshments which included another saucer of milk. The cat sort-of smirked. Ralph held his finger to his lips and whispered ‘Sssh.’

  Fred thanked her, but Sharon merely smiled nervously in return.

  Hendrix stuck out his tongue as she put the tray on the desk, and Michael almost burst out laughing.

  Sharon Griffith eyed the saucer of milk suspiciously for a few seconds. When nothing out of the ordinary happened, she backed out of the room without saying a word.

  After the door closed Michael, Fred and Hendrix took a breather for a few minutes.

  Michael sipped his coke, Fred drank his tea and Hendrix lapped his milk.

  Michael saw that Ralph wasn’t drinking; he noticed there was nothing else on the tray. Wordlessly he offered him his glass of coke.

  Ralph smiled thinly. ‘Er . . . thanks, but no thanks. I tend to leak.’

  He flashed a look at the cat. ‘Don’t, all right?’

  ‘Me? Not a word, Ralph. Not a word,’ said Hendrix.

  ‘Okay. So now tell me about Treasure Hunt,’ said Ralph.

  Michael nodded, put his glass on the tray, and took a breath.’ I began to get interested in designing computer games about two years ago. It was mostly because of you, Ralph, actually.’

  ‘Me?’ Ralph asked a little surprised. ‘Why?’

  ‘I was really impressed with Alternate Universe. Also, I subscribe to the computer magazine, Cyber Space, and there was an interview in one of the issues after you bought EYESORE and changed the shop’s name. They said you were one of the top new game designers in the country. I agree. You are. Your games are brilliant.’

  Ralph grinned. ‘Thanks! That’s quite a compliment coming from someone with the ability to design Treasure Hunt.’

  Ralph nodded for Michael to continue.

  ‘I started working on a few games and after about a year I came up with Treasure Hunt. It ran on your operating system and was originally only going to be about pirates. There was no money or anything. It was just a game. I was going to offer it to your company. Like you did when you made your first game.

  ‘Then I read what that American company was doing to you over your operating system and I got very angry. People shouldn’t be allowed to do that sort of thing. It’s just like bullying. So that’s when I decided to make it a real treasure hunt, with prize money for the winner. I had to do it like that because I knew ISAW was going bankrupt, so even if you were able to sell my game you probably wouldn’t be able to make enough money fast enough to save your company.’

  ‘Hold on a sec . . .’ Ralph interrupted. ‘Are you saying you changed the design of the game because of what those Yanks tried to do to my company?’

  Michael shrugged. ‘It only took a bit of fiddling.’

  Ralph shook his head in genuine admiration at what Michael had done. He could almost feel the beginnings of an emotional knot in his non-existent throat.

  ‘Then what did you do?’ he croaked.

  ‘Well, first I needed to raise the prize money. I had a few hundred pounds saved from birthdays and Christmases and I asked dad if I could buy shares. He didn’t know anything about shares and stuff, but I did. So he said, sure.’

  Michael looked down at his knees and grinned.

  ‘So I began to buy and sell shares at every opportunity. Just small companies to start with, until I became more confident. A bit later I read about a Japanese company that was developing a video games console. In the beginning there wasn’t a lot of interest, but it looked good to me and as the shares were not that expensive I invested nearly all of what I had.’

  ‘You bought shares in Sony, didn’t you? I don’t believe it! Ralph shook his head.

  Mic
hael smiled.

  Ralph and Fred were almost speechless at the way this young boy was busy telling them how he had single-handedly become a multi-millionaire as if he were describing buying a bicycle.

  ‘So, anyway, that’s how I raised the prize money for the game. Once that was done the bank account and everything was easy. You can do almost anything over the internet these days.’ Michael paused and smiled.

  ‘Your company is worth a lot of money, Ralph.’

  And mostly because of you, young man, Ralph thought.

  Ralph slapped his thighs in a way that suggested the story had reached its conclusion.

  It had . . . almost.

  ‘So the mystery of Teddy Remback’s identity is finally solved. Though, under the circumstances, I don’t think it would be such a good idea to announce to the world that he just happens to be a young boy. We certainly don’t want the press getting hold of such a juicy bit of info. You’ll never get a minute’s peace. And of course there’s the small detail of legality, as you pointed out.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’ Michael asked.

  ‘Well, we have to tell them something, so I was thinking . . . Fred, how would you feel about being a very famous person for a few minutes?’

  Fred realised what Ralph had in mind and smiled.

  ‘It’ll drive them crazy,’

  ‘Without a doubt! But dead men tell no tales, which seems quite apt in a way, seeing as Treasure Hunt is about pirates.’

  ‘Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum!’ Fred sang.

  ‘Quite. Don’t give up your day job, Fred. Anyway, this way it will save Michael and his family getting a lot of aggro. That’s the last thing you want to happen. It would not be very pleasant. Trust me on this. As soon as I can get my hands on a computer, I’ll contact my office and let them know I have discovered Remback’s identity. Well, sort-of. But it would be best if even they don’t know the whole story.’

  Fred nodded. ‘I don’t think you could explain the whole story, even if you tried.’

  ‘Isn’t that the truth,’ Ralph agreed. ‘So, Michael?’

  ‘Yes, Ralph?’