Paper Dolls

by Sienna Mynx

  “Oh shit!” she said. She breathed hard, looking at him in horror. “What the hell did I do?” She turned and ran her hands through her locs.

  “Valentina, I’m sorry, babe.”

  “No! Don’t speak! Don’t say anything. This didn’t happen, Matt. It never happened!” Valentina said.

  “Wait!” Matt pleaded. She stormed out of the sound room and grabbed her purse. She headed for the door.

  “Wait!” he yelled after her. He was so grateful when she stopped. “Don’t go. I kissed you. You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. I crossed the line.”

  Valentina turned around with tears in her eyes. “Why did we do that? Ruin everything! Damn it!”

  She walked out on him. Mattel cut his eyes up to the ceiling. That’s exactly what he wanted to do. He was fucking tired of the restraint. He wanted to blow a hole into her cozy friendship. He wanted to put it all on the line. And now it may have cost him any chance of ever having her.

  **

  Valentina escaped to the sanctity of her truck. She tried to stop her racing heart. Less than twelve hours ago she teased Raven over doing the same thing. How could she be so stupid? The sunlight poured in and bounced off the diamond around her neck. She looked down at AK’s ring and felt her betrayal. “Jesus, Valentina, what the hell is wrong with you?”

  Her phone rang and she jumped. Her bones rattled underneath her skin.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “Babe?”

  “Earl?” she sighed with relief.

  “Yeah, I got some bad news,” he said.

  “What? What is it?” she rushed out.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Ah, yeah. I’m cool. Why? I mean what’s wrong? Something’s wrong? Um…what is it?” Valentina closed her eyes and dropped her head on the steering wheel. Could she sound any guiltier than this?

  “I gotta jet and head to L. A. for a few days and then New York. It’s this political crap with BET. I got some meetings I have to be in.”

  “Oh? Okay.”

  “Why don’t you come with me? I’ll take you shopping. You can go see your peeps.”

  “No. You go ahead. I got work to do too,” she said. She lifted her head and looked back at the front of Matt’s studio. “Earl?”

  “Yeah, babe?” he answered.

  “I really do love you, you know that right?” she asked.

  He chuckled. “Of course I know it. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Be safe,” she said.

  “Always.”

  Valentina licked her lips. The feeling of Matt’s lips on hers was still with her. Even his cologne was on her skin. She dialed Zephyr, knowing that Raven would be too busy for her drama.

  “House of beauty this is cutie!” Manuel sang in the phone.

  “Hey, Manny, is Zee there?” she asked.

  “Hey, Valentina? Are you coming next week?” he asked.

  “Huh?”

  “My freak-a-leak beach party. Everybody is going to be there. I’m renting out the marina, and—”

  “Ah, sure. Look can I speak to Zee?” she asked.

  “Well excuse me, honey, for being friendly. Hold on.” Manuel clucked.

  Valentina rolled her eyes. She tapped her hand against the steering wheel while she waited. She heard the phone passing hands.

  “Girl, what did you say that got Manny all worked up?” Zephyr asked.

  “Never mind him. You busy?” she asked.

  “Yes, I got six heads for the Versace mansion shoot. I’m really mad at you two for letting me drink that wine. My stomach hurts and—”

  “Oh, okay I’ll call you back,” Valentina said.

  “Wait? You need something? Hold the phone. Manny! Manny!”

  Valentina listened as Zephyr called out duties to her staff. She heard the clicks of her designer heels echoing over the floor. “Okay, girl, what is it?”

  “Matt kissed me, and AK gave me a ring,” Valentina rushed out.

  “Huh?”

  “Earl gave me a ring and Matt kissed me.”

  “Matt kissed you because Earl gave you a ring?”

  Valentina hit her steering wheel with her hand. “No, Zee! Two different problems. Two different men.”

  “Ah? Matt finally made a move huh?” she chuckled.

  “What do you mean finally?” she asked.

  “Girl, please. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Heck, even that rapper boyfriend of yours has seen it. And we’ve also seen the way you look at him.”

  “We’re—”

  “Best friends I know,” Zephyr laughed.

  “It’s really not funny, Zee. I’m outta my mind right now. I feel crazy, and shitty. My man doesn’t deserve this. AK is the man I love!” Valentina insisted.

  “What did Matt say about the kiss?” Zephyr asked.

  “I don’t know, I forget, I don’t think I heard anything but my beating heart.”

  “And? What else?” she asked.

  “And what?” she answered.

  “Was he good?” Zephyr asked.

  “Oh God yes!” Valentina sighed. She then laughed with Zephyr. “Okay that was one slip. Maybe you’re right and it’s been building for some time between us. But both of us felt weird about it. We won’t cross that line again.”

  “Now this ring, what’s that about?” Zephyr asked.

  “Earl wants a bigger commitment. Today he gave me a promise ring, tomorrow who knows what.”

  “Sounds like you got to make some decisions quick, Valentina.”

  “No I don’t. Matt isn’t even my type,” she reasoned.

  Zephyr sighed. “Why? Cause he’s white? Wait didn’t you say once he’s mixed with Indian?”

  “Native American. And no offense or shade, Zee. It’s not prejudice okay? It’s a preference. I like black men. Period. Mattel and I don’t have anything in common.”

  “Valentina, you should hear the dumb stuff that comes out of your mouth. You and that man have more in common than you and me. How could you dismiss him because he’s white, mixed, or whatever?”

  “That’s not it! I’m in love with my boyfriend. Have you forgotten that?” she shouted in the phone.

  “I know you. I love you, and I know you. You got hang ups about interracial dating. I think if you didn’t you would have seen this thing with Matt way sooner. Especially before you got more involved with rifle guy.”

  “AK!” Valentina shouted.

  “Whatever! You are always getting in your own way, Valentina. It’s going to really catch up with you,” Zephyr warned.

  “Zee! Honey, please. Bottom line is, it was a kiss and that’s all. I’m involved with someone and so is Matt. There is no second chapter to this mistake. It’s done. Look, I’m pissed now so let me go,” Valentina said.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you. Guess I’m a lover of the underdog. You and Raven have men that want to worship you. All I got is a loser that uses his wee-wee as a greeter to any woman he meets.”

  Valentina sighed.

  “Hey? You okay?” Zephyr asked when the silence went on longer than either anticipated.

  “I get what you’re saying. I have a good friendship with Matt. I don’t want to ruin it. Does that make sense? Besides I can’t hurt AK. He was down for me when everyone but you guys walked away. And he’s a good man. A really good man. He doesn’t deserve this.”

  “I agree. Cheaters never win. Unless your name is José Batista,” Zephyr chuckled.

  “I love you, thanks for listening,” she said.

  “Call me if you need anything,” Zephyr said.

  “Okay bye.”

  Valentina hung up. She put a hand on the door to go back inside. She could talk it out with Matt and get past the awkwardness. Something stopped her. Instead she started her truck and backed out into the street. Some distance might do them both some good.

  **

  Valentina sank into the cushion of her chair. She exhaled another plume of smoke through her nostrils. She reclin
ed in her chair. Her focus was trained on the night beyond her patio doors. The joint burned her fingertips and she dropped it in the ashtray. All evening she thought about the kiss. Taking a shower, washing dishes, cleaning her closet, paying her bills online, nothing could get the kiss off her mind.

  When the phone rang she didn’t even look over at it. It was either Earl or one of her girls. Either way she couldn’t talk to them. Not now. Not when she was so confused over why Matt was under her skin. She closed her eyes and let the euphoria of the weed lull her to sleep. Then she heard a knock at her door. She sat up and wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth. Her gaze switched from the clock on her cable box to the door. She’d slept for over an hour? Dazed a bit from the evening of smoking she sat up.

  “Who is it?” She stretched and yawned.

  “Matt.”

  Valentina stopped and stared at the door. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “You won’t answer your phone.”

  She looked back to the phone. She had no idea it was him calling. She went to the door and undid the locks. Smoothing back her locs she stepped back for him to enter. “Hi?”

  Matt walked in. He turned and looked at her. “Why are you avoiding me?”

  “I’m not.”

  “You are. We’re better than this, Valentina. You and I.”

  “Mattel, stop.”

  “I’m in love with you,” he confessed.

  Valentina clenched her fists and stomped her foot. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. I have to be honest about it. I should have told you before this. Then what happened today wouldn’t have happened, not like this. I was out of line to kiss you like that. It’s just, I’ve been trying not to deal with it, and somehow I reacted.”

  “Oh good grief I don’t want to hear this.” Valentina sighed. She went over to her chair and sat down. Matt walked over to the sofa and took a seat.

  “The first time I saw you was back in 2010. You were performing with the Diamonds at a listening party for your Black Gold album. Remember that? I do. Down to the outfit you had on and the song you covered.”

  “I didn’t meet you,” she said.

  “No. You refused to meet with some producer you didn’t know. But you made an impression on me. For years I listened to everything you sang. Watched every video you made. And then one day I was called to come meet you. The woman in my head, whose voice I couldn’t get enough of, was real. That’s who I met. The real you. And that was the day I fell in love.”

  “We’re friends,” she said softly.

  “Are we? That’s the question. Can you answer it honestly for me? Am I crazy or delusional? Is there anything between us?” he asked.

  “You’re my friend. I care about you,” she said softly.

  “Anything else?”

  Valentina drew in her lips and shook her head no. “I’m sorry. I don’t see you like that. I’m not attracted to you, Matt.”

  Mattel nodded. “Can I ask you another question?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is it because I’m not black?” he asked.

  “I’m not prejudice.” She quickly said.

  He smiled. “I know you aren’t. But be honest with me. You always have been before.”

  “Well, I just don’t think we have anything in common. I have to be able to relate to the man I’m with. We’re different.”

  “I see.”

  “Matt?”

  “It’s cool. I can’t expect you to feel what you don’t. Though if I were honest with you, I’d tell you that everything you just said was bullshit.” Mattel sighed and stood.

  “What?” she gasped.

  “You heard me. I have never connected with a woman on the levels I connect with you. And I know you feel it too. But if you aren’t willing to see me beyond the color of my skin, then you’re a coward. And I never thought of you as one.” He started toward the door.

  “Wait a damn minute!” She got to her feet. He paused at the door and looked back at her. “How many black girls have you dated?”

  “What does that have to do with anything?” he asked.

  “Just because I don’t date white men don’t make me less evolved. I haven’t seen you parading sisters around town.”

  “That’s not the point. But I’ll play. Dated and slept with are two different things. I’ve only dated six women, but I’ve slept with plenty. It would be easier for me to tell you how many of them weren’t black than were.”

  Valentina frowned.

  “Your being black never mattered to me. I’d like to think that any woman I dated, I did so because of more than surface bullshit. And, Valentina, ‘white’ isn’t a race. You know who I am. To call me some white guy is pretty damn insulting.”

  Valentina rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. So you have a connection with that teenager I saw you with?”

  Matt smiled.

  “I say something funny?” she crossed her arms.

  “She’s twenty-four, and as a matter of fact we do. She and I go motor biking together. We have that in common.”

  “Spare me the details.” Valentina sneered.

  “What’s with the ring, babe?” he asked.

  “What ring?”

  “On your neck.”

  Valentina looked down. Here she was arguing over the reasons why they couldn’t date, when the real reason for their not getting involved was hanging around her neck. “Oh you know that little detail about me being with someone else? This is my promise to be faithful to him.”

  Matt laughed. “Well there is that. I’ll go.”

  “Don’t,” she said. She couldn’t look him in the eye but she couldn’t let him leave. She was so confused she couldn’t complete a thought. She started to pace. “You’re my friend. I love you. As a friend. Let’s not confuse things. It would be a mistake. You could be purple, Matt, and it would be a mistake.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  “Okay? You agree?” she asked. She couldn’t mask her relief.

  He sat down on the sofa. She sat next to him. He stretched his arm out over the back of the sofa, and she scooted in close to him.

  “I get you’re with somebody, and not into men like me. I may not like it, but I love being your friend. So let’s just leave it at that. No pressure.”

  “Really? You aren’t angry with me?” she asked.

  “Nope. Even I can live with the fact that not every woman wants Big Poppa.”

  She laughed and kissed his cheek. “You are a good guy. You’ll meet the perfect woman some day.”

  “Careful with those cheek kisses. That’s what got you in trouble in the first place,” he said with a raised brow.

  “Well you know what they say?” she said wiggling her toes.

  He smiled. He picked up her foot and turned the ring around on her middle toe. “What do they say?”

  “Once you go black you never go back.” She smirked.

  “Ah? Well I’ve heard it a different way.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Once you go white, you finally got it right.” He winked. Valentina laughed. She snuggled under the comfort of his arm. She gave him the remote and leaned her head into the side of his shoulder. “I want to watch Amazing Race.”

  “Nope, my turn. You got to pick the last time I was here. We’re watching Spike TV. Oh and, Valentina?”

  “Hmmm?” she said.

  “The place smells like weed.”

  Valentina laughed, and he squeezed her, kissing the top of her head.

  **

  Valentina turned and her forehead connected with his. Her long sofa, minus the pillows, allowed for them both to fit comfortably. The TV blared with some Monster Truck show she couldn’t name. Matt was sleep. She reached for the remote and turned the television off. When she rolled to her side to wake him she got a good look at him. Most thought of him as white and didn’t bother to ask if he was. He had a natural sun-kissed tan, and strong-chiseled features, which spoke to his Native
American ancestry. She insulted him. She should have told him of the many things she did like about him.

  For instance, the way his hair lay above his brow. The strength of his jaw line, and the small lump at the bridge of his nose. She ran her hand down his arm. It was solid. His muscles bulged out of the sleeve of his shirt. He was by all definitions a really good-looking guy.

  In his sleep he mumbled something and dropped his arm around her waist drawing her in closer. She should have objected but she didn’t. She lay back down and pressed her face into his chest. Slipping her arm under his, she lifted her leg and hooked it around his thigh. She held on. It just felt right. It felt good. She smiled and closed her eyes as she drifted back to sleep.

  Chapter Thirteen

  All That Glitters Ain’t Gold

  A week later –

  “Stop! Stop!” Valentina squealed.

  She dropped the sponge. Her body and clothes were soaked. She ran around the car to dodge the spray. “Damn it, Matt, you play too much!” she shouted.

  Mattel’s brows shot up. Valentina’s Bob Marley t-shirt was wet and pressed to her skin. To his delight it revealed her black lace bra underneath. Her dreadlocks hung limp around her face. She looked beautiful to him. Pissed, but beautiful.

  “I told you I didn’t want to get my hair wet!” she shouted at him.

  He shrugged. “You started it.”

  Valentina shook her head flinging water. “I look like a drowned cat.”

  He flicked the water at her once more over the roof of the car, and she glared. “You think you’re funny?”

  “Who threw suds first?” he asked.

  “Throwing soap suds and wetting somebody with a hose are two totally different things. Ugh! You make me sick!”

  “Okay, okay, drama queen, calm down. I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You will be,” she glared at him.

  He turned the hose and began to rinse the soapsuds off the tires. They were at his place in South Miami. He had several cars, but his routine was washing his vintage Mustang weekly. Valentina always preferred to wait for him inside or to watch from the sidelines until it was done. Often times this was her punishment if she arrived unannounced or early.