Holding Back

by Helen Pollard

  "You're staring at me again," she grumbled half-heartedly.

  "I can't help staring at you. And alongside the staring, I wouldn't mind a little kissing."

  He lowered his head a fraction, until his lips were inches from hers. He could sense her tremble lightly. Hoping it was anticipation, he slowly lowered his mouth to hers, allowing time for her to stop him before their lips met. To his surprise, she didn't.

  Daniel kept the kiss light, not wanting to spook her, half expecting her to protest and pull away—maybe even to slap his face—but to his delight she began to respond, her lips softening under his, inviting … until, with flushed cheeks, she broke his hold and pushed at his chest.

  "Why do you mind the idea of kissing me so much?" he asked her.

  "I . . . don't think it's a good idea," she said with a conviction that sounded forced.

  "Come on, Laura, we both know there's a physical attraction here." His lips quirked. "It might explain why we fight half the time."

  "That's not why we fight half the time! The reason we fight is that you . . ."

  "We're both adults," Daniel cut in, suddenly frustrated with her—and himself. "Why can't you just admit there's some chemistry between us?"

  She glared at him, defiant. "Why? What's the point? Even if I did admit it—which I don't—it wouldn't make any difference. It wouldn't mean I want to act on it."

  He wouldn't allow her to lose eye contact. "We just did. Or did I imagine that kiss?"

  Laura threw her hands up. "Oh, you're impossible! What is it you want from me?"

  "All I want is a little honesty."

  "Daniel, that's not . . . you're not . . . what I want." There was a pleading in her voice to let the subject drop.

  Daniel sighed. What had started out lighthearted had become a battle of wills again. Why push her further than she wanted to go? He'd thought she was as attracted to him as he was to her. He'd thought her response to his kiss had confirmed it. But if the past few days had taught him anything at all, it was that he was losing his touch. He hadn't managed to hide his purpose at the hotel, he hadn't dealt with Natalie well, and he couldn't work Laura out. If he was losing his ability to read other people, his business was in big trouble.

  "I don't believe you," he said stubbornly.

  Laura pursed her lips and folded her arms across her chest. "Do you know what I think, Daniel? I think that you think you're irresistible to all women, and you don't like the idea that someone might actually possess some resistance to your much-practised charm!"

  His eyes widened in surprise. If he ever found the time to practise his charm on someone, it would be a miracle! But by the mutinous look on her face, she wasn't in the mood to believe it.

  "For the record, you couldn't be more wrong," he said carefully. "But I wouldn't dream of forcing my attentions on a woman. I never have so far, and I'm certainly not going to start now."

  With nothing left to say that wouldn't make things worse, and irritated with himself for letting a perfectly pleasant conversation and a little teasing turn into an argument, he made his way to the front of the boat, leaving Laura to gather her things.

  She waited until the last possible minute to join him at the ramp. "You go on ahead," she told him as they left they boat. "I have some shopping I need to do in town. I can get a taxi back when I've finished."

  Daniel frowned but didn't argue. "You're sure?" When she nodded, he said, "Fine. See you later."

  Reaching his car, he started the engine, then threw his head back against the headrest so hard it hurt. What on earth was he doing, pursuing a woman who didn't want to be pursued? And even if she did, what would that achieve? A quick summer fling? A few years ago that might have held a certain appeal, but he was surprised to realise it didn't anymore.

  "Must be getting old," he muttered as he threw the car in gear.

  ****

  Laura wandered the streets, glancing unseeingly at window displays of linens and towels, pottery, and wine, her mind in turmoil, depressed at her own dishonesty with Daniel. Of course she was attracted to him—how could she not be, when his presence somehow squeezed the air from her lungs and caused her usually logical brain to scramble? It had taken every effort she possessed to control the spiralling anticipation she'd felt as he stood so close to her at the railing, his voice like velvet, his lips dangerously near hers …

  But she'd made her decision; she couldn't let him know there was any shred of truth in what he said about the chemistry between them. Everything she'd fought for – her independence, the shield she'd worked so hard to build – she couldn't change it all now.

  It wasn't only a matter of self-preservation. She had the Silva family to think about, too. During their chat with Carlos and his wife, Daniel had surprised her with his relaxed charm. It was obvious he was good at that sort of thing, but she couldn't allow his easy manner to lull her into a false sense of security—it didn't mean he couldn't be ruthless. His company's success proved he was a hard-headed businessman.

  He'd indicated his interest in the hotel, but she had no idea what direction that interest might take. It was nice to think he might recommend the Quinta to his clients, but since his company arranged and booked every detail, he might want to negotiate the lowest rate he could with Paulo. And that put Laura in an uncomfortable position. She'd already decided to keep this from Maria for now—the poor woman had enough to worry about with the upcoming wedding at the weekend. And so, as she and Daniel walked away from Carlos, she'd rushed back and hurriedly asked him not to mention anything to the family. Thankfully, he'd agreed without any awkward questions.

  Laura toyed with the idea of phoning Paulo, but she wasn't sure what that would achieve. He would either spend the rest of his holiday worrying about it, or cut the trip short and come dashing back—and that might make him seem desperate in Daniel's eyes. Besides, he and Rachel needed their break. Let them enjoy it!

  Her head was spinning with all the threads she was trying to juggle in her tired brain. Admitting defeat on the shopping front—which had only been a ruse anyway—she plonked herself down at the nearest café and ordered a strong coffee to counteract the effect of the port. She'd only got as far as her first sip, and was considering asking for an intravenous drip for faster caffeine absorption, when Natalie Hartman walked past.

  Feigning a double take, she stepped up to Laura's table. "Well, hello there! Aren't you the woman from the Quinta Maria?"

  Great. This was all she needed. As she took another gulp of coffee to soften the moment, Laura hoped Natalie never tried to audition for drama school. She was the worst actress she'd ever seen.

  "Yes, that's right," she managed. "How are you? Is your new hotel up to scratch?"

  "Fine, thank you. Not as pretty as the Quinta, of course, but . . ." She shrugged. "Mind if I join you?" When Laura hesitated, she added sweetly, "I owe you an apology."

  Defeated by the dictates of courtesy, Laura indicated the seat opposite. "Of course, be my guest."

  The waiter came over, sealing Laura's fate. Flirting outrageously with him, Natalie ordered and then turned back to her. Her smile was sickly sweet, but it didn't reach her eyes.

  "So, as I was saying, I'd like to apologise. I was unforgivably rude with you the other day."

  Laura managed a tight smile. "Don't worry, we all have our bad days." And this is definitely turning into one of mine.

  The waiter brought Natalie's coffee. She took a sip, then grimaced. "Bitter." She reached for the sugar and fiddled around with adding it to the coffee and stirring, as though playing for time.

  "The thing is, Miss . . . I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name the other morning."

  No, because you were too busy being absolutely horrible. "Matheson. Laura Matheson."

  "Well, Laura—can I call you Laura?" She didn't wait for a reply before continuing. "It's quite fortuitous that I've bumped into you like this."

  Laura wasn't sure she believed it was a coincidence, but since Natalie was s
taying in a hotel nearby, she had no evidence to the contrary.

  "Fortuitous in what way?"

  "Two things. Firstly, as I said, to apologise for the other day. Daniel and I are going through a bad patch at the moment . . ."

  Bad patch? Is that what she'd call it? "Miss Hartman, there's no need to explain," Laura said hastily.

  "Oh, but there is. I wouldn't want you to think I usually behave that way. I'm sure you can imagine how distraught I was to go to all the trouble of planning my little . . . surprise . . . only for Daniel to be so cross. He's been working too hard lately, and I think tiredness got the better of him. That's why I'm giving him some space."

  Laura shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Natalie seemed to have put her own spin on events. Daniel had been adamant his relationship with her was finished, but Natalie seemed to be suggesting it was still ongoing. Was she embroidering the truth? Or was Daniel simply having a little fun during their "bad patch" and lying to Laura into the bargain about the relationship being over? Whatever the truth, Laura was keen to finish this conversation.

  She drained her coffee. "Well, I hope it all works out, Miss Hartman." She made a move to rise, but Natalie stopped her.

  "I did say there were two reasons I was glad I bumped into you," she said. "I'd like to give you a little advice, if I may."

  "Oh?"

  "I spotted you with Daniel as the boat came back in."

  Ah, so now they were getting down to it. "He asked me to accompany him," Laura said carefully, not sure how much Natalie had seen. "I speak Portuguese and he wanted me to interpret."

  Natalie gave her a knowing look. "I don't think that's all he wants, do you?"

  When Laura opened her mouth to object, Natalie stopped her with a hand gesture. "You can't kid a kidder, Laura. You two were rather close at that railing."

  Laura could find no reply to that, but unfortunately Natalie still had plenty left to say.

  "Daniel has many charms—I should know." Her giggle was a brittle tinkle. "But if I were you, I'd think twice before falling for them."

  "And why is that?" Not that Laura had any intention of falling for them, but she certainly didn't like Natalie's patronising tone.

  "Daniel isn't cut out to hold down a relationship. His job and his family commitments don't allow it. His previous girlfriend couldn't handle it. I can. I'm in the same business, so I understand. That's why we got together in the first place."

  Not together at the moment, though, are you? "Look, Miss Hartman . . ."

  "What I'm trying to say is, there could never be any future in it for you. Daniel's married to his job and he always will be. His brother's made sure of that." She looked directly into Laura's eyes. "And then there's the little matter of muscling in on another woman's territory. We both know that's not nice . . ."

  Laura stood abruptly, her temper reined in by a fine thread. "Let's end this conversation there, Miss Hartman, shall we?" She pulled cash from her purse and thrust it at a startled passing waiter. "There is nothing between Daniel and myself. However, if there was, I believe that would be my business and his—not yours!"

  Seething with rage, she stormed away from the café, adrenaline mixing unhappily with the alcohol and caffeine in her bloodstream. The busy streets felt claustrophobic, so she headed blindly back to the waterfront to sit on a bench and gulp air.

  How had Natalie seen them on the boat? Was it a coincidence? Pretty unlikely. In which case she must have known they were on the trip and waited at the quay. But how? And how dare she speak to her that way?

  Laura closed her eyes and willed herself to calm down. She might have a right to be indignant, but Natalie's general gist was another matter. If she'd picked up on the attraction between Daniel and Laura enough to feel threatened by it, how on earth did Laura expect to hide it from Daniel? Especially after that kiss! He was no fool, and she was well aware her body language and response had betrayed her, even as her words denied it.

  But to give voice to it would be to give in. She had no intention of allowing him the leeway to seduce her into having an affair she didn't want. And she had to assume that was all he wanted from her. If she hadn't already worked it out for herself, Natalie had made it more than clear that his wandering lifestyle prevented him from concentrating on anything long-term; and since she'd managed to steer clear of holiday romances so far, she didn't intend to spoil her track record now.

  Then again, she hadn't had to resist anyone quite like Daniel, and she didn't like her own lack of control.

  Or was she worried she might like it too much?

  Chapter Eleven

  Daniel might not have liked the way Laura stormed off on her own after the trip—he certainly didn't believe it was because she had urgent shopping to do—but he supposed he couldn't blame her. He'd come on a bit strong on the boat, but honestly, it was like waving a red rag at a bull, denying there was any spark between them when it was so obvious there was. He couldn't understand why she was so averse to seeing where it led them.

  At that thought, he ran a hand across his face in frustration. Maybe he should be less worried about her motivation and more worried about his own. Why was he so keen to see where it led them? She'd made it clear she wanted to keep her distance, and every sensible brain cell he had was screaming at him to stop pushing her. He had no time for a proper relationship, even for a holiday romance—which, since he wasn't technically on holiday, was an impossibility anyway.

  But his body was telling him a different story. It reacted whenever he saw her, making his mouth go dry and his palms sweat and his pulse pep up the pace. It was as though he had no control over his own reactions. And while his head was fighting it out with his hormones, there was something deeper going on, an undercurrent of . . . he wasn't sure what. Longing? A desire for something beyond what he'd settled for over the past few years? And as though he'd suppressed something too hard and too long, now it was coming out twice as big and twice as mad.

  Well, it would just have to stay mad. Ben's situation meant his own needs would have to remain on the back burner. Daniel shook his head with the irony of it. On the boat today, Laura had implied he was some kind of womaniser. Chance would be a fine thing!

  ****

  The next morning, his phone dredged him out of a deep sleep. Glancing at the caller display, he blessed his brother when he saw the time. His alarm must have gone off ten minutes ago, and he'd slept right through it.

  "Hi, Ben."

  "Hi yourself. You sound awful."

  Daniel scrubbed at his eyes. "Just woke up. You did me a favour. Slept through my alarm."

  "Glad to be of service. What have you got on today?"

  "Sightseeing. Meetings. The usual."

  "Ah, it's a hard life."

  He'd never worked out whether Ben did this thing about what an easy life Daniel had because he genuinely believed it and was jealous, or because he knew it was wearing thin and needed to keep up the pretence so he didn't feel bad about it.

  It didn't matter. It was what it was, and Ben feeling guilty wasn't going to help either of them.

  No harm in keeping up his part in the pretence. "I know. It's warm and sunny, the hotel's fabulous, and it has grounds to match."

  "I had a glance through your schedule," Ben commented. "I noticed you'd booked into the one hotel for a whole fortnight. That's not like you. What's that all about?"

  Daniel hesitated. "I decided to try doing it differently this time."

  "And is it working?"

  He was too sleepy to lie. "Yes and no. It's good for me personally to have a stable base, but it's harder to get a feel for the other hotels when I'm not actually staying there and doing the mystery shopper thing." He changed the subject. "How come you're phoning so early?"

  Ben sighed. "Up most of the night. Jake wouldn't settle, and of course that woke Oliver up. Becky's worn-out. I had to take a couple of shifts."

  Daniel closed his eyes. However hard he had it, Ben and Becky had it ten times w
orse. "I'm sorry, Ben. Anything I can do?"

  "You're already doing everything you can just by doing what you're doing." There was a pause. "I appreciate it, Dan."

  "No problem. Pen-pushers shouldn't be let loose abroad anyway."

  Ben forced a chuckle. "I gather Natalie's still out there?"

  "Yeah. Bumped into her in a restaurant in town the other night. I tried to get her to fly back, but she's digging her heels in."

  "Well, there's not much we can do about it. She's earned her holiday entitlement. We can't dictate where she spends it." There was a loud yell and the sound of something breaking in the background. "Sorry, got to go. Cavalry required."

  "I know. Bye, Ben." Daniel clicked off the phone and sat staring at it a while, then squared his shoulders. Come on, Daniel, stop whining and man up. You have a business to run.

  ****

  Laura was also on the phone that morning—to Rachel. During a sleepless patch in the middle of the night, she decided she'd held back long enough. It was one thing to want her friends to enjoy their holiday without worry when she didn't know what was going on, but now that she knew Daniel was interested in the hotel, and Maria had confessed that Paulo was worried about the other company pulling out, she felt he and Rachel had a right to know about Stone Brothers.

  "Hi, how's the holiday going?" she asked in a bright and breezy voice when Rachel answered.

  Rachel sounded anything but bright and breezy. "Fine. Is anything wrong?"

  "Not at all! Just wanted to check you two are doing what you're told for a change and relaxing."

  There was a pause. "Of course."

  "Much rain?"

  "That's a given." Rachel forced a chuckle.

  Laura frowned. "Are you okay?"

  Another pause. "I'm fine, it's just a little early, that's all."

  "Oops. Sorry. I just wanted to . . ."

  There was a retching sound at the other end of the phone. "I'll ring you back!" Rachel gasped, and the phone went dead.