Still Waters

by Linda Kavanagh

  Ivy’s heartbeat returned to normal. “I don’t need to think about it – I think it’s a lovely idea,” she said warmly.

  She gazed down at the baby in her arms, and tenderly caressed his wispy blond hair. Personally, she couldn’t think of a better name for her son. In a way, it was almost like having Joe back again …

  Chapter 46

  When she reached home, Ivy went straight to the study and turned on her computer. She intended checking the ownership of 6 Cherrywood Road, Hampstead. Hannah was always proclaiming that Rosa bought it herself, but Ivy was beginning to suspect that Hannah didn’t know the full story.

  Trying to stay calm, she clicked on the Land Registry site, typed in the Hampstead address and paid the required fee by credit card to view the information she wanted.

  Ivy felt the urge to be sick as she looked at the computer screen, and had her worst fears confirmed. The owner of 6 Cherrywood Road was her own husband! Although her hand was shaking, she scrolled further along and discovered that Danny had bought the house only a few years after they’d gone to London. They hadn’t even had a house of their own back then – they’d lived in a rented flat and Danny had just taken out a mortgage to buy his first small supermarket – so why would he secretly buy a house for Rosa? And since they’d had no money, he’d have needed a mortgage to buy it. Why would he have bought a house for his mistress rather than for his own family? Since Rosa’s child was only ten, it wasn’t as though she was pregnant back then …

  Momentarily, Ivy forgot her own pain as she racked her brain to make sense of it all. Since Rosa seemed to be the beneficiary, why hadn’t Danny put the house in her name? Then again, he probably needed to use it as collateral for the purchase of the next Betterbuys store …

  Everything felt weird to Ivy. Why on earth was she wasting time wondering why her husband hadn’t put the deeds of a secret house into his mistress’s name? Was she going crazy? Maybe if she just closed her eyes and counted to ten, everything would be back to the way it had been. There would be no secret house in Hampstead where her husband was conducting an affair with his childhood sweetheart, who lived there with his child. There would be no need for her to feel betrayed, demoralised, weepy, and very afraid.

  Then anger filled her. How dare Danny and Rosa destroy her happy and comfortable life! Everything had been fine until she’d decided to go and do a good turn for Hannah. If only she hadn’t gone to the Hampstead house!

  No, Ivy told herself, ultimately I’d rather know. I’ve clearly been deceived for a very long time. Then a horrific thought entered her head. Did other people know about Danny’s affair? Did Peggy know, or even Hannah herself? Had any of them known that Danny had bought a house for Rosa? Maybe they all knew he visited her regularly. Ivy’s face flushed crimson at the thought of such humiliation. She couldn’t bear to think that people she cared about might be feeling sorry for her behind her back.

  And how the newspapers would love it if they found out. The paparazzi had been following her for years without ever digging up any salacious gossip about her. Now, they’d finally have their scoop.

  Drying her tears, Ivy closed down her computer. She’d never expected her marriage to end, and certainly not this way. She’d expected that she and Danny would grow old together, and only be parted when one of them passed away.

  Ivy buried her head in her hands. She’d no tears left, and a pounding headache. She felt drained and used, like an old threadbare kitchen cloth that had been wrung out so tightly that there was no moisture left. For the first time in her life, she felt old and tired. In place of the vibrant and dynamic actress was a shell of the woman she’d previously been. Had it been only this evening that her world had fallen apart? She felt as though she’d lived a lifetime in the last few hours.

  Ivy massaged her temples to ease the throbbing in her head. She needed to direct her energies into some sort of plan, otherwise she was in danger of moping, crying, and challenging Danny when he got home – which was definitely not something she wanted to do. Not yet anyway. Her situation was so new and frightening, and the prospect of breaking up with Danny was heartbreaking. But it seemed he had a whole other life and an enduring relationship with another woman.

  Ivy gave a hysterical laugh. It was amazing how the business of the lake had suddenly paled to insignificance. For months, it had been uppermost in her mind. But right now, she was hurting so badly over Danny’s betrayal that the mystery caller and her search in the lake might as well be happening on another planet. The very foundations of her life were crumbling, and nothing else seemed to matter any more.

  Ivy headed towards their bedroom. Luckily, Danny wouldn’t be back that night – it was supposedly one of his nights for making impromptu visits to Betterbuys stores – so she could cry herself to sleep in private. No doubt at this very moment, he and Rosa were snuggled up in bed together, probably making love, and maybe even laughing at poor easily deceived Ivy.

  As she climbed into bed without bothering to wash her face or clean her teeth, Ivy felt overwhelmed by all that had happened that evening. Her entire marriage was a lie, since there was no longer any part of it that had truly belonged to her and Danny. Rosa had always been there in the middle. Each night as he’d lain beside her, or made love to her, had Danny been thinking of Rosa? It was frightening to review the life she’d considered near-perfect, and discover all its flaws and hidden innuendos. With hindsight, it was possible to read all sorts of meanings into simple events that had seemed so wonderful at the time.

  Ivy knew she was making herself sick with all the permutations and combinations that her brain kept coming up with. At times, she felt that her head would explode. But she had to know the truth, and she wanted to work everything out before confronting Danny. If she didn’t know the full story, he’d sense it and try to convince her it wasn’t true. And she wanted so much to be convinced …

  No, she needed to know every little detail before she confronted him. And the only way to find out the truth was to go and talk to Rosa.

  As she tossed and turned, unable to sleep, Ivy imagined confronting her nemesis. Out of courtesy, she’d tell her about Hannah’s illness. Then she’d demand answers to the questions that Danny would probably refuse to answer. She intended being informed about every detail of the affair by the time she finally confronted Danny.

  Ivy could feel anger boiling up inside her. What sort of woman would steal another woman’s husband? She bit her lip. But hadn’t she herself been the one to take Danny from Rosa in the first place? Was this Rosa’s revenge? Whatever the reason, Ivy felt that first and foremost, her duty was to Hannah. The least Rosa could do was look after her terminally ill mother. Hannah deserves better treatment than she’s getting, Ivy thought angrily. And so do I.

  Eventually, she drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

  Chapter 47

  The following evening, when Danny returned home from work, he was in good spirits as he walked into the drawing room, where Ivy was pretending to read the daily newspaper.

  “Well, pet – did you miss me?” he asked, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her lips.

  “Of course!” said Ivy lightly, deftly turning her head so that his kiss landed on her cheek instead. Inside, she was livid but, being a talented actress, she was adept at hiding her feelings. Truthfully, she wanted to strangle him. She couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her, and she longed to challenge him about his affair. But she was determined to wait until after she’d confronted Rosa.

  Later that night, Ivy claimed to have a monumental headache in order to avoid Danny’s advances. As she lay rigidly on her own side of the bed, a damp towel covering her eyes, she groaned for effect as Danny hovered anxiously, offering to bring her tea, painkillers or anything else she needed. Ivy longed to shout that what she wanted was the truth, but after years of deceiving her he was hardly likely to give her that now.

  Stupidly, she’d felt immune from extra-marital affairs. Everyone viewed her and D
anny as one of society’s golden couples, and Danny had always shown his devotion with every little gesture, smile and unexpected gift. It just shows what a good actor he is too, Ivy thought wryly. And if it weren’t for Hannah’s illness, I might never have known what was going on.

  The following morning, Danny had an early meeting, so he was up and gone from the house by eight o’clock, for which Ivy was very grateful. She doubted if she could have made any attempt at civility over breakfast.

  Fortunately, it was one of Ivy’s late days, so she didn’t have to be on the set of Bright Lights until the afternoon. She had only a few lines to speak today, and she knew them off by heart already. As she shuffled around in dressing gown and slippers, a cup of coffee in hand, she wondered how she would fill her morning. She was still reeling from the impact of her discoveries, and she longed to have someone she could confide in. But celebrities rarely had trusted friends, since their secrets were too tempting for others to keep to themselves.

  Ivy sighed. Her own secret was so heinous that she was destined to be alone forever. She couldn’t even confide in Peggy, her closest woman friend, because Peggy herself was a victim of her deceit. Anyway, how could she talk to her sister-in-law about her own brother’s infidelity?

  Ivy longed to ring Brian, and tell him what she’d found out. But what exactly would she say? Somehow it didn’t feel right to burden a man for whom she still had such warm feelings. Besides, he might consider her pathetic because her husband had managed to fool her so easily. And she’d be embarrassed if he thought she was looking for more than she had a right to ask for, or more than he wanted to give.

  But she could ring Owen and, if Brian was there, she felt sure he’d want to say hello to her.

  Quickly, she dialled the phone number of Siyak’atala, and was pleased when Owen answered.

  “Hello, brother – how are you?”

  “Kiddo – it’s great to hear your voice!”

  “Just thought I’d give you a call – I miss you all so much!”

  Suddenly, Ivy had tears in her eyes as she realised just how true her statement had been. She really missed South Africa, and all the wonderful people she’d met there, and one man in particular.

  “Are you okay, sis? You sound a bit – I don’t know, not quite your usual cheery self –”

  “I’m fine,” Ivy told him firmly, making an effort to inject some gaiety into her voice. “I hope you and Charmaine are well too?”

  “Yep, we’re up to our eyes in plans for the wedding – originally, we were going to hold it in Knysna, where Charmaine’s family live, but we’ve finally decided to hold it here at Siyak’atala. It’ll be easier for friends and family to fly into Port Elizabeth. Lumka says she can handle all the catering, but I don’t think it would be fair to burden her. Charmaine thinks we should get outside caterers to handle the food –”

  “Whatever you decide, I’m looking forward to seeing you all again,” Ivy told him, hoping her voice didn’t sound too shaky or emotional. She was pleased that her brother had found happiness at last. But the irony of their situations wasn’t lost on her. Just as his life was getting on track, her own was falling to pieces …

  “Have you seen the parents lately?” Owen asked.

  “Yes, we were down in Willow Haven last weekend,” Ivy told him, avoiding mentioning Danny’s name. “They’re both fine – as usual, Dad is trying to avoid taking any exercise, and Mum is determined to get him fit!”

  Owen chuckled. “I hope they’re coming out for the wedding?”

  “Definitely,” Ivy told him. “Mum’s been hassling Dad about getting into shape for South Africa, and I’ve had to take him jogging with me!”

  “That sounds positive – it would mean a lot to have them here with us. I think I’m turning into a sentimental old fool in my dotage!”

  Ivy laughed back, although it was the last thing she felt like doing.

  “How’s everyone in Willow Haven?” Owen asked.

  “Oh, fine.”

  It suddenly occurred to Ivy that Hannah would probably be dead by the time Owen and Charmaine got married. But she didn’t want to burst Owen’s bubble of happiness by mentioning Hannah’s illness, because he’d always been fond of Hannah too.

  She also longed to tell him about her own situation, but somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Why ruin his happy mood when he couldn’t do anything about it? Besides, she needed to acquire a lot more information before she was in a position to make a definitive judgement on Danny’s behaviour. A tiny part of her brain was still hoping there was some other explanation for what he was doing in Hampstead.

  “How’s Joseph?”

  “Oh, he’s fine – he’s hoping to come out for the wedding too.”

  “Great! Hang on, Brian’s just come out of the operating theatre. I’m sure he’d like to say hello …”

  Ivy could feel herself blushing at Owen’s words, and was relieved that he couldn’t see her.

  She could hear mumbling voices, then the sound of a closing door, and she realised that Brian was ensuring they had privacy for their chat. Then she heard the phone being lifted, and she found her heart beating faster.

  “How are you, Ivy?”

  “Fine thanks, Brian,” she replied, which was a total lie.

  He lowered his voice. “I hope you haven’t received any more of those phone calls?”

  “No,” Ivy lied. Right now, the phone calls were just one of the many problems she had to cope with. If only Brian knew what else was going on!

  She guessed he was smiling at the other end of the phone.

  “Well, that’s got to be a relief,” he said cheerfully. “Hopefully, whoever it was has given up.”

  “Yes, I’m sure you’re right,” Ivy said dully.

  “And the lake – I hope you’ve decided against diving in there again?”

  “Yes, of course I have,” Ivy replied, depressed at being reminded of yet another problem she still had to deal with.

  “Ivy, are you okay? You don’t sound great –”

  “I’m fine,” Ivy assured him. Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t phoned at all. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Brian what she’d discovered about Danny. Besides, she’d already burdened him with all her past history – it simply wasn’t fair to use him as a sounding board and repository of all her fears and insecurities. And anyway, she still didn’t know for certain if Danny was cheating on her. Maybe she was being unfair to her husband, and there really was a simple explanation for what he was doing.

  It seemed that Brian could also sense her change of mood, and he quickly directed the conversation to a more neutral topic.

  “How’s work going?”

  “Oh, it’s fine. We’re shooting a complicated storyline at the moment,” Ivy replied, now feeling that he was humouring her, and that the magic had somehow been lost.

  “Oh. Well, I hope it works out okay.”

  Suddenly, Ivy felt the distance of each and every mile that separated them. Brian knew nothing about her world, and she felt overwhelmed by all the differences between them. How had she ever thought that they had a special bond?

  It was clear that Brian could also feel the strain.

  “Will I get Owen back to say goodbye to you?”

  “No, it’s okay – I just rang to say hello.”

  “Well, that was nice of you, Ivy. And I’m glad things are working out okay for you. You’ll be out for the wedding?”

  “Yes – see you then.”

  Ivy hung up, wanting to scream with frustration, a dull pain in the pit of her stomach. Nothing was working out for her! And phoning seemed to have made everything worse. She desperately wanted someone to realise how hurt and frightened she was, but she also knew she was asking too much. Had she expected Owen or Brian to pick up on her mood by osmosis, and instinctively know that she was suffering? She couldn’t expect either of them to be mind readers. She’d had every opportunity to tell them how much she was hurting, but her pri
de had prevented her. It was as though an invisible barrier had formed between her and everyone else.

  As for Owen’s wedding – right now she suspected she’d be going to it alone, or just with Joseph. If Danny was having an affair with Rosa, he certainly wouldn’t be accompanying her.

  Chapter 48

  As she waited on the set of Bright Lights for her scene to commence, Ivy was shivering. She dreaded the thought of losing Danny, but if he was bedding Rosa, there was no way she could stay married to him. Not for an instant. She’d file for divorce and they’d split their assets in a fair and equitable manner. The only favour she’d ask of him was that he keep the details of his affair under wraps. She didn’t want to be portrayed in the newspapers as a victim.

  How and when had Danny and Rosa got together? Ivy knew she was torturing herself, but somehow she couldn’t stop her mind running riot as she kept going over every detail. Initially, she’d wondered if they’d become reacquainted on a flight, when he was en route to one of the retail conferences he attended abroad. But Danny had bought the house in Hampstead a long time ago, so he and Rosa must have stayed in contact even after she’d left Willow Haven. Could Danny have felt guilty and gone to London to find her? Maybe he’d secretly regretted being forced into marriage so young, and he and Rosa had resumed their relationship behind her back …

  Suddenly, Anton, Ivy’s screen husband, appeared by her side and slipped an arm around her, immediately shaking her out of her reverie. But not quickly enough to dispel Anton’s concerns.

  “Are you all right, Ivy?” he asked, a quizzical look on his wrinkled old face. He looked so kindly and father-like that Ivy longed to confide in him. But the instinct for self-preservation immediately kicked in – she’d been relying on herself for a lifetime, and she wasn’t about to let down her guard now.

  “I’m fine thanks, Anton,” she replied, smiling.