Serial Killer Z: Shadows

by Philip Harris

  Cali hooked her arm through mine and led me across to one of the sofas. She sat beside me, her leg just lightly touching mine. She looked into my eyes without speaking for so long, it became uncomfortable.

  Eventually, she said, “You can tell me anything, I promise.”

  I stared back at her. Was she right? Could I tell her anything? Were we really kindred spirits? The despair I’d felt when I’d realized working on Lucy and Alex hadn’t woken the shadow was still there. I had nothing left to lose.

  I took a deep breath. “The things I do… the killing. It’s driven by a part of me I call the shadow. It’s been with me since I was a child.”

  “Everyone has their dark side.”

  “Yes, but not everyone can physically feel theirs.”

  Cali frowned.

  “I’m not explaining it very well. It’s as though my dark thoughts are alive somehow.”

  “Like another person living inside you?”

  “Yes… no. Not a different person anyway. It’s me but it’s not me.”

  I sighed and shook my head.

  Cali put a hand on my knee.

  I tried again. “For most people, their darkest thoughts are just that—thoughts. But for me, they’re more than that. They manifest as actual visceral reactions. They build up over time, and I can feel the pressure growing inside me. Or I could, anyway.”

  “And this… shadow wants to kill.”

  “No. The killing is a means to an end.”

  The confusion on Cali’s face made it clear she didn’t get what I was talking about but she was listening. She really did want to understand.

  “Everyone’s guilty,” I said, “of something.”

  Cali nodded, encouraging me to go on.

  “The shadow sees that guilt. It’s like oil or tar, maybe. It coats us all, flows through us.”

  Cali’s eyes flashed with excitement. “That’s why you use the scalpels. You cut the people open to remove their guilt.”

  Now it was my turn to smile. “Yes. The shadow shows me the guilt so that I can remove it from the world.” My smile died. “Or it did. Now the shadow’s gone.”

  “I don’t understand. It’s part of you.”

  “Yes, but… I just don’t feel it anymore. I thought using the scalpels again might bring it back, but it didn’t.”

  I was dreading the next question.

  “Why did the shadow leave?”

  I hesitated before replying. “I stopped feeling it when I discovered Jon’s message.”

  Cali’s eyes widened. “Oh my God. I did this. I’m… I’m so sorry.” She shook her head.

  I tried to find a way to reassure her, to tell her it wasn’t her fault, but the emptiness I felt choked off the words. It was her fault. We both knew that.

  “How do I fix this? What can I do?” she said.

  I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  Cali rolled her eyes. “That kind of attitude won’t get you very far.” She nudged me with her elbow. “Come on, how did you wake this shadow up the first time?” Her previous excitement was returning as quickly as it had gone.

  I tried to think back to a time before I’d felt the shadow but couldn’t. It was as though that period of my life didn’t exist. Perhaps it didn’t. The shadow might have always been part of me, guiding me.

  “I don’t think I woke it up. Not really. It was just always there.”

  Cali let out a hmmm. After a few seconds where she looked deep in thought, she straightened up. “We’ll work on it. Are you hungry?”

  Unsettled by the sudden shift, I nodded slowly.

  “Come on, let’s eat.”

  Cali grabbed my hand and dragged me up and across the apartment into a kitchen that was even more well equipped than mine was.

  She washed her hands then pointed toward the sink and told me to do the same. There were a few flecks of black blood on the back of my right hand—either Alex or Lucy’s. I washed them off, scrubbing my hands with a cloth I found beside the sink. Beside me, Cali set to work making us sandwiches.

  “When did they become zombies?” I said. “Alex and Lucy, I mean.”

  “Early this morning.”

  “And you caught them and got them into the apartment that quickly?”

  Cali smiled slightly. “No, they were already in the apartment.”

  “So… you got them bitten once they were there?”

  “Not exactly.”

  She opened the fridge. Instead of removing more ingredients for the sandwiches, she pulled out a square rack of glass vials. There were fifteen of them, each one filled with a semi-transparent blue liquid.

  She put the rack down on the counter, removed one of the vials and held it up to the light. “Alpha-317.”

  I frowned. It was the type of designation we’d used at Hunter Neurologics for the serum we’d been developing. But we’d only gotten as far as 290.

  “That’s a newer version of the serum?” I said.

  “Yup. We were working on an antidote at HNR. That’s how I got this apartment. The government covered up the source of the outbreak, but in return we had to funnel all our energies into finding a cure or a vaccine.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Did you succeed?”

  “We came close. We were able to delay the spread in a few patients. Others we just prevented coming back which was an improvement but not the breakthrough they were looking for. In the end, things got too bad and we were forced to abandon the research. There may be other labs continuing the work, but we lost contact with most of the world weeks ago.”

  The idea that there could be a cure for the zombie infection out there somewhere struck me dumb. If there was, it meant mankind might actually survive this.

  I pointed toward the vial. “So what’s that if it’s not the antidote?”

  “It’s a more virulent form of Alpha-290.”

  “You created a more effective way to create zombies?”

  “Ting! Got it in one.”

  Cali shook the vial. It almost slipped from her fingers, and for a moment I thought it was going to smash onto the floor. Then her hand wrapped around the vial, and she slipped it deftly into the rack. A whirlwind of movement later and the serum was stored safely in the fridge. With the food.

  When Cali saw my face, she laughed. “Don’t worry, it’s inert until it comes into contact with brain tissue.”

  Cali had turned Lucy and Alex into zombies. The inquisitive, scientific part of me wanted to see the transformation. To compare it with that first one at the research lab and the ones I’d seen in the wild.

  “Have you been continuing the research?”

  “No, I don’t have the resources.”

  “So, why have the serum? You can’t have kept it just for Lucy and Alex.”

  Cali dried her hands. “It comes in handy sometimes.”

  Frowning, I puzzled over her words. I doubted she’d been given permission to bring the serum home. So why steal a failed antidote? I could feel the answer just at the edges of my thoughts, but it kept sliding out of reach.

  Cali offered me a glass of orange juice. I took it, still trying to figure out her motivation.

  We walked back into the living room and sat down. Cali took the sofa, but I sat in one of the armchairs. She took a bite of her sandwich and let out a low, murmur of pleasure. I bit into mine and tasted chicken.

  I wrestled with Cali’s possession of the serum. An antidote might be stolen to sell on the black market, or to distribute it to those who couldn’t afford it like some post-apocalyptic Robin Hood. But this serum was worthless. Unless you wanted zombies running around the city.

  The club.

  “You’re creating zombies?” I said.

  Cali smiled. “I knew you’d get there in the end.”

  “But why?”

  “You’ve seen what’s happening. The world is becoming too complacent. The human race is on the verge of extinction, but people are using the dead as props at dance clubs.”


  I could understand her anger. It was just as bizarre to me.

  Cali put her half-finished sandwich down on the table. “There are at least three more clubs like Virtuous, and it doesn’t stop there. Last week I met a man who keeps a zombie in his basement. He takes him out for walks like a dog.”

  It was almost too bizarre to believe.

  “But what are you trying to achieve, long term?” I said. “You can’t just keep on trying to terrify everyone in the city in the hope they contract some common sense.”

  Cali shrugged. “There is no long term. I’ll keep doing this until the walls fail or the dead find their way in through the tunnels. Or maybe I’ll just get bored and find something else to amuse me.”

  “What about Alex and Lucy? Who were you trying to scare with them?”

  “No one. They were a gift. Something to encourage you to help me.”

  “Help you do what?”

  Cali leaned forward. Her mood had changed again. Now where there had been excitement there was nervousness.

  She licked her lips and took a breath. “I want you to teach me to kill.”

  I almost laughed. “What?”

  “You’re a killer. I’ve watched that video a hundred times.” An earnest expression came over Cali’s face. “You kill because it’s who you are. I want you to help me find my own shadow.”

  “I’m not a killer.”

  “You are, your shadow—”

  “My shadow is gone. Whatever I was has gone, too.”

  “Then we’ll find you a new shadow. Together.”

  It was absurd. I had no more idea how to find Cali’s shadow than a fish knows how to drive a car.

  “Please,” she said, “I know you can help me.”

  “What about the serum? You’re already using that to kill people.”

  She shook her head. “Jon takes care of that, and anyway, it’s too detached. I want to feel what it’s like to kill like you do.”

  What she said made sense, at least the part about Jon. She’d been with me all the time at the club. Jon must have sneaked into the building and injected the serum into one of the club goers.

  “We can be a team,” Cali said. “Like Bonnie and Clyde or Mickey and Mallory.”

  I wanted to tell her no, that I worked alone, but the absence of the shadow was like a hole in my chest. Part of me was convinced the loss might actually be killing me.

  Cali leaned closer. “Marcus, you can’t ignore your calling. You know that.”

  Her words slipped into my brain, worming their way past my defenses to attack my doubts.

  I shook my head. “How can I teach you something I don’t even understand myself? The shadow isn’t something I learned. I didn’t read a ‘How to be a Serial Killer’ manual and start slicing and dicing. Maybe it was always there, or maybe it formed as I grew older, or it was brought about by some sort of hormonal imbalance.”

  Exasperated, Cali made an almost growling sound. “You’re glad the shadow is gone, you—”

  “No!”

  The sharpness in my voice made her pull back, but she quickly regained her composure. “Then let me help you get your mojo back. Let’s kill. Together.”

  I shook my head, but it was a halfhearted refusal at best.

  “What have you got to lose?”

  I closed my eyes. My gut was churning. The emotional turmoil created by the conversation, coupled with the ache the shadow had left behind almost had me vomiting. But Cali was right. What did I have to lose? I really did want to bring the shadow back. Maybe she could help? She seemed sincere enough, but what person, what woman, would want to learn how to become a serial killer? Surely that wasn’t something you aspired to be? And what about the kiss the night before? What did it mean? Had it been a simple friendly act or was there more to it?

  Cali didn’t speak, but she was watching me closely, balanced on the edge of the sofa. I squeezed the bridge of my nose. I was being pulled down a path I didn’t want to travel. With the shadow gone, I needed time to think, to find my place in the world again.

  I let out a long, slow breath. “No, I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”

  Cali’s shoulders slumped. “Why not?” The excitement and optimism were gone from her voice. Maybe I’d finally gotten through to her.

  “The shadow’s gone, and it’s never coming back.”

  The moment I spoke the words, I felt my stomach tighten. Saying them aloud felt like prophecy, not fact.

  Cali pressed her lips together. She lowered her eyes, and I could imagine her searching for a new angle to take.

  Eventually, she nodded. “Okay. I understand.” She looked up at me, a forced smile on her face. “Will you at least stay. I could do with the company.”

  “What about Jon?”

  “Jon’s great, but… I’ve known him for years.” She rolled her head back and let out and a sigh. “I need someone new to talk to. Someone who understands what it’s like to hide their true self from the rest of the world.”

  I did know what it was like to hide. I’d spent most of my life pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Maybe that was something we really did have in common. To me, Cali had always been a serious, diligent scientist. That hadn’t been the real Cali, just as the downtrodden researcher she’d worked with wasn’t the real me.

  “I’ll stay,” I said, “but just for a couple of days.”

  “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

  “You did get me out of Faraday’s work camp.”

  Cali’s expression soured. “That’s one person who really does deserve to become a zombie. He’s an animal.”

  “He took one of the women from the camp while I was there.”

  “He takes lots of the women.”

  “Why doesn’t anyone stop him?”

  Cali gave me an almost pitying look. “No one cares.”

  “There must be people running the city.”

  “Oh, there are. People like Rex Cho, in fact. But they’re only interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires.” She grimaced. “Hell, that’s probably where Faraday takes half the women.”

  I shouldn’t have been surprised at that, but part of me was.

  “How did you get involved with Cho? He must have owed you something big for him to help you get me out of the camp.”

  Cali’s face darkened. “I met him through the lab. I could see the writing on the wall, so I… invested some of my time in him.”

  I didn’t press her for more details. A silence settled over us. I was grateful for the lull in the conversation.

  When Cali did speak again, she changed the subject. “What are you planning to do today?”

  I hesitated. I wanted to run, to find a corner of the city where I could hide from Cali and her quest to become a killer.

  “I’d like to spend some time exploring the city. It’s changed since I was last here.”

  “Sure, Jon and I would be happy to show you around.”

  The idea filled me with dread.

  Cali saw my face and gave me a sad smile. “Sorry, you didn’t mean that.”

  “No, I… I’d like some time to myself.”

  “It’s okay, I’m the same.” She narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at me. “But tonight, we’re going out and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  I raised my hands in mock surrender, even as I searched for a way out of the invitation.

  “Good,” Cali said. “Come back here at eight and wear something smart. There are some suits in the apartment.”

  “I’ll take a look, thank you.”

  We stood and walked in silence to the door. Cali opened it for me, and I stepped out into the corridor.

  “Well, enjoy your rediscovery tour. Make sure you take your pass to get food and water, and don’t forget—eight o’clock.”

  “I’ll be here, don’t worry.”

  She closed the door, and I felt a surge of relief at being alone again.

  I pressed the call button. The el
evator arrived a few seconds later. Inside, my finger hovered over the buttons. In the end, I pressed PH2. I hadn’t lied to Cali—I really did want to see how the city had changed, but I wanted to be alone even more. I needed time to think.

  Chapter 23

  The Club

  The elevator opened on my floor, and I almost walked directly into Jon. We both apologized, and he stepped out of my way.

  He put his hand out to stop the elevator door from closing. “You guys finished upstairs?”

  “Yes. Thank you for letting us talk.”

  “She convince you to help her?”

  “No, I can’t. I’m not the person she thinks I am. At least, not anymore.” I frowned. “You know what she wanted?”

  Jon nodded. “Cali and I go back a long way. We’ve known each other since she was a kid.”

  “And you’re… okay with her wanting to learn how to kill.”

  Jon hesitated. “It’s a cliché, but I’d do anything for her.”

  It wasn’t really an answer to my question, not directly at least.

  “Including inject people with a serum that turns them into zombies?”

  He grimaced. The look was uncannily like one I’d seen on Cali’s face when she was talking about the city’s inhabitants. “People are stupid. They’re out there pretending nothing has changed. No, it’s worse than that. They know it’s changed but they’re better off than they were so they don’t care.”

  It was the same justification Cali had used, and I wondered if he felt the same way or was just echoing her words.

  The elevator buzzed. Jon lowered his arm and stepped inside.

  “Goodbye,” I said.

  He nodded and the doors slid closed.

  As soon as I stepped into my apartment, a deep-seated weariness came over me. I headed straight into the bedroom and lay down. There was a stack of books on the cabinet beside the bed—lurid tales of real life killers. I flicked through one of them, wondering if the shadow might stir at the sight of mutilated corpses and blood-spattered crime scenes. I wasn’t surprised when it didn’t.

  I replaced the book and closed my eyes. Cali’s request had seemed absurd at first, but there was something appealing about it as well. Despite the fact that I’d always worked alone, some tiny sliver of my psyche had latched onto the idea of taking her under my wing. She could be my apprentice. Perhaps that would bring the shadow back to me.