Constant

by Lexi Ander

  Canry blinked, coming out of the memory, his chest constricting until he remembered to breathe.

  On the sofa was a Dar Massaga and Alpha-Zetamite, Zeus’s mates. Golden skin, and teardrop ears lined with gems and hoops complemented Dargon’s feline features. The line of copper hair stood up like a bristle brush, a striking contrast to the bright green eyes that watched the female Mar’Sani with intensity and a little fear. Visible at the neckline of his robe was the dark green symbiote, Alpha.

  Nervously, Canry quickly glanced away from Alpha, the most dangerous being in the room, to the female holding Dargon’s hand. Pegasus the Explorer produced six royal lines, one of which Meme’s family had descended from, and as such, she shared the polished black scales and red ridge with the other three Mar’Sani bulls. But there was something about her warm amber eyes that ensured he would never mistake her for anyone other than his meme, and it tugged at him, making him think of warm waters and sunny skies. Perhaps it was the color of her robes or—

  Zeus sighed a breathy exhale that said so much without him murmuring a word. Love. Desire. Contentment. Humor.

  Canry looked again at the tableau of the family gathering. Meme was speaking to Dargon, her voice carrying a wealth of yearning that tugged at the cord that connected him to her.

  She released Dargon to clasp her hands in her lap as if she restrained herself. “I have two sons who left home to find their own way, and I want them to be happy, to find their places in the universe. In an impossible situation, Zeus found you and Alpha. Although, I wish you had waited to start a family until after the commitment ceremony.” Dargon’s eyes widened, his expression indignant. Meme patted his hand as if soothing away the gentle rebuke. Her voice took on a wistful quality. “My other son has been away for much longer, and I do not think I can be in the same city, much less one room away, and keep myself from him any longer.” She choked out a mirthless laugh that did not hide her longing. “He may not even remember me; he was so young—”

  He could not stand to listen to her describe him with such positive reflections that dug grooves into his already weeping heart. She would not speak of him so if she knew what he had done. In order to make her stop, he said the first thing that came to mind. “I remember.”

  She turned toward him; her eyes wide with an emotion he was afraid to name. The three bulls surged to their feet and quickly crossed the room, greeting Zeus with hiss-click exuberance. Canry took a guilty step back, yearning eating away at his spine even as he reminded himself that the greeting song was not meant for him. Then Valdor—Father—turned to him and grasped his shoulders in a steely grip, keeping him from retreating more.

  The song…

  Sun and stars, the song of greeting made his knees tremble. His father’s forehead touched his, and Canry had to fight the urge to lean into the well of strength and shelter his father offered. The hiss-click turned to chirps and whistles as Father sang of reunion and love, of bonds, and family. Mestor and Azaes added to the song, jostling to be the next one to press foreheads to his. The twins were more demonstrative, clutching Canry between them, their excitement and joy adding more notes to the greeting. Even Dargon stepped into the bubble of Mar’Sani to wrap Canry in a back-breaking embrace, murmuring in his ear. “I will never forget how you saved my beloveds. I am in your debt.”

  He could not say anything past the invisible hand squeezing his throat, but he nodded his understanding. Zeus pushed everyone out of the way, his smile almost blinding when he grabbed Canry’s hand. “See, I told you,” he whispered before leading him to where Meme sat.

  Had she remained seated because she could see the black stain of his guilt? Then she quickly rose to her feet, the bangles on her wrists tinkling as her hands shook. Meme pressed a palm against her breast over her heart, her warm amber eyes shimmering as she stretched her free hand to him. He was responsible for the vulnerability in her gaze and yet she offered him a touch. He reached for her and when his palm slid over hers, she choked back a sob. He went willingly into her arms, unable to stand by when she made such heart-rending sounds. Like Father and the twins, she was much taller than him and when she drew him close, her sobs were the only sounds he heard. Canry’s heart twisted sourly, the weight of responsibility bearing down on him with her every ragged breath. He had caused this sorrow that she had carried since he had disappeared. The life thread that tied him to her told him so, had reminded him every day, and yet he had not returned to soothe her as a good youngling would have. He did not deserve her tears.

  “My sweet, sweet son,” she murmured in his ear, her voice watery and soft. She reached for Zeus, pulling him into her embrace next to Canry. He could practically feel waves of happiness coming from Zeus. “My younglings, how I have missed you.”

  He could not remember the last time he was held like this. He needed… Though he did not deserve it, he needed this closeness. Meme pressed her forehead to his, her gaze so full of adoration, promising her love for him had not diminished over the summers. Taking a chance, Canry looped his arms around her and Zeus, the stance unfamiliar and he considered pulling away. But Zeus clutched him, keeping Canry close as he pressed his forehead to both him and Meme, looking extremely pleased even as his eyes filled with unshed tears. How could someone who had not grown up with him, who did not know him, feel so much emotion toward him? Canry did not understand how any of them could love him, but decided, for the moment at least, that he would not fight it. He would soak up the love until it was no longer given to him. He tightened his arms, trying to convey how much he loved her—them—in return.

  Father, Azaes, Mestor, even Dargon suddenly surrounded them. Meme’s crying deepened, sobs racking her body. Father moved behind her, holding her up, but her grip on Canry did not loosen, tightening instead. Judging by Zeus’s grunt, he was the recipient of her strength as well. Azaes started a new song of reunion, of the lost being found, of unchanging love. The song was taken up by Mestor, then Zeus. Canry had hurt them for summers by not coming home and yet they sang to him, rejoicing that he was here now. A tremble worked its way down his spine. The flopping minnows in his stomach morphed into angry sharks trying to escape through his throat. He pressed his face into Meme’s neck, fighting the sobs the sharks were pushing before them.

  “I am sorry, Meme, I did not mean to go away.” His voice broke, silent tears spilling over his cheeks but hidden from everyone else. “I heard the call and I had to answer.”

  “It is not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for. You are here now, and that is all that matters.” Her voice was soothing, reassuring, but she did not know, none of them knew, and when they found out they would see him for the monster he truly was.

  He hurried to compose himself as everyone moved away, leaving him with Meme. Hastily he dried his face, too distraught to marvel that he could produce saltwater from his eyes like other land dwellers.

  “I love you. I have always loved you. And I am so proud of the bull you have become.”

  How could she be proud of who he was? One day, she would take back those words. But it would not be today, he hoped.

  “Were you cared for?” Her warm amber gaze intent on him. He suspected that very little ever escaped her sharp eyes.

  He answered carefully. “I was given everything I needed. I have a mentor who is responsible for teaching me how to handle my abilities as they awaken.”

  Her eyes blazed with curiosity and he knew that she would not be satisfied until she knew everything about him.

  Behind Meme, Zeus watched with a tired smile, then took Dargon’s hand and headed for the sleeping chamber. Meme turned from Canry, somehow sensing the movement.

  “You will halt your steps right there, Zeus Pylos Vondorian. You have yet to greet me properly. Then you will explain why you left Atlainticia without a word to your family. And then, my youngest, you will explain how it is you started a family without introduction, announcement, or ceremony.”

  Canry’s eyes widened along with
Zeus’s. Azaes and Mestor made noises into their fists, eyes bright with mischievous glee as their gazes bounced between Meme and Zeus.

  Was she angry? She looked stern, but there was no rage emanating from her. Zeus’s alabaster skin turned a fiery red as he deviated from his course and crossed back to the conversation seating. Canry sat on the sofa and Meme took the cushion next to his, holding one of his hands. Father brought a chair close to his other side, watching his every move but not touching.

  “My apologies,” Zeus said, stopping a couple meters away. “I thought since Dargon and Alpha were already here with you that…”

  Meme’s brow ridge climbed higher with Zeus’s every word.

  “Oh, little brother, you had better try again,” Mestor said in a stage whisper.

  Zeus shot him an annoyed glance but took a deep breath. “Meme, Father, I would like for you to meet my amors, Captain Dargon Kal-Turak and Alpha. They have agreed to join with me in a commitment ceremony. And become my lifemates.” Dargon purred loudly, his green gaze full of adoration as he stared at Zeus.

  “Captain Dargon Kal-Turak and Alpha,” Valdor said formally. “We welcome you into the Vondorian family. I understand congratulations are in order.”

  Dargon preened, ruffling his line of hair as his expression took on a look of love and pride. “Alpha gave birth to twins after we landed on Valespia. Two males, both strong and resilient.” His hand went to his stomach. “They are in my pouch where they will stay for several moons. Since they are of mixed species, the doctors here think they will emerge sooner than the cycle Dar Massaga experience on Hedisa.”

  “We will make sure your physicians have everything you and Alpha need,” Meme assured.

  Canry blinked. He had not seen this development with Zeus. He enjoyed the surprise since there was very little unknown to him about his family already.

  “Have you chosen a ceremony date?” Meme asked, a slight twist to her lips, telling Canry she was withholding a smile.

  Zeus squirmed. “Sometime after we return to Atlainticia.”

  Even Canry thought that was a vague answer.

  Meme tapped a finger against her mouth. “Hmmm. Azaes and Ariafella’s commitment ceremony is still a summer away and the planning has been put on hold since she and I had to leave.”

  “It does not have to be a large ceremony,” Zeus said hurriedly.

  Meme’s eyes narrowed as if she was reading Zeus’s energy, which had taken on an almost agitated quality.

  “Absolutely not!” Mestor interrupted. “I plan on having a huge ceremony with Sohm’lan. He will try to find every excuse in the book not to have one at all, and if you have a small one then he will try to do the same.”

  “You just want to show off that you caught him,” Azaes teased. The ease between the three made Canry long for the same friendship.

  “Of course, I do. People need to know he is mine and that I value him,” Mestor replied gleefully.

  “Now you make it sound like I do not value Dargon and Alpha,” Zeus groused. “I just… there has been turmoil with Timsah sowing unrest and I want my amors and kits safe.”

  Azaes rolled his eyes. “We are not going to allow him or anyone else to dictate through word or deed how we share our commitment with the people of Atlainticia.”

  “Well said.” Father nodded. “Our people adore you. I had hoped you would have realized that by now.”

  “I do!” Zeus moved a chair closer and bid Dargon to sit. “The soldiers and Monticore have honored me repeatedly and have shown me what I was blind to.”

  Meme made a noise in the back of her throat. “Is that the reason you left Atlainticia so abruptly, without saying goodbye to us?” Zeus turned pale but his spine stiffened even as he glanced at Azaes. As ever, Zeus tried to keep the peace in all the wrong ways. Canry understood his reasoning, but it was not yet time for that wound to be opened. Meme must have surmised the same since she changed the subject. “Have you formally asked Dargon and Alpha to be your lifemates, or did you just assume, son of mine?

  A fierce blush flushed Zeus’s pale complexion. “Meme! I was going to ask them properly but—”

  “And asking them in front of your family is not proper?” she asked, a glint of humor in her gaze, but Zeus was too busy being flustered to notice.

  Canry was glad that he would never be serious about another being like his brothers were about their future lifemates. He was not interested in anyone in a sexual manner. He wondered if it was because the people who usually came around Nethus’s home were undesirable in all ways. But not all Numina were despicable, and he had met many People of the Longing through Shaneva. He loved and wanted to be loved, but mating was not for him. That did not mean he did not enjoy Meme’s gentle prodding and Zeus’s reaction.

  Suddenly Zeus turned serious and he slid out of his chair and kneeled before Dargon. The loved and adoration directed at the Dar Massaga and Alpha-Zetamite made Canry catch his breath and smile. Dargon’s green eyes widened when Zeus set both palms on his knees.

  “Captain Dargon Kal-Turak and Alpha,” Zeus’s voice was husky and full of emotion, eyes soft and shining. “When I thought I would spend my life alone, you stole me away and proved how wrong I was. You have been patient when I know you wanted to rush ahead and claim me as something more than your Marked. You know that when I agreed to be a part of the Trine that I was committed to us. Now I ask you if you wish to stand before my people and be committed as lifemates in the Mar’Sani tradition?”

  Alpha flowed down Dargon’s body and covered Zeus’s hands. Dargon’s throat visibly flexed when he swallowed. “We would follow you anywhere. So, yes, we will stand before the Mar’Sani so you can claim us as yours.”

  Zeus surged forward and kissed Dargon, ignoring Mestor’s quiet laughter. When he pulled back, he lifted Alpha in his palms. Alpha’s boneless body inexplicably reached up and caressed Zeus’s face, the static of telepathy barely audible since Canry knew how to tune it out. Zeus brushed a kiss against the dark green skin and set Alpha back upon Dargon’s collarbone.

  “I think we three should share a ceremony day.” Azaes smiled smugly as if Zeus had walked into a hidden trap.

  Both Zeus and Mestor gaped. Zeus was the first to recover and he returned to his chair. “I would never do anything to diminish your commitment day with Ariafella. That is supposed to be a special day for the two of you.”

  “If I were you, I would wait and discuss such things with Ariafella,” Mestor commented.

  “Who said I have not? I could say that dancing next to my brothers as our amors accepted us, that committing and then celebrating alongside you would only enhance the day. But I will not argue with you right now.”

  If Canry was reading Azaes correctly, this was something he wanted, and he would find a way to have it. His brothers had not heard the last of this suggestion.

  “There is something else we need to speak to you about, Zeus,” Valdor said, motioning for Zeus to bring his chair closer. Canry wanted to grin, for it was obvious that Zeus wanted to escape with Dargon and Alpha, but it seemed the family would not let him go so soon.

  “Do not look so distraught, son. We only needed to talk about you studying with a tutor.”

  Zeus frowned. “For what purpose?”

  “The storms,” Meme said gently.

  Canry held his breath. This was another crossroads he had foreseen. The branches sprouting from this point were varied and though Canry had been watching his family through farseeing, he really did not know any of them well enough to predict what direction Zeus would go.

  Zeus paled. “I always suspected that something was odd about the storms, but I never thought it was me.”

  “There is no need to be distressed,” Father soothed. “No one has ever been hurt. We kept our suspicions to ourselves, in part to protect you. You have never acted like a human youngling. We did not realize how much that was true until we researched humans so that we could anticipate your needs as you grew. Now tha
t your parentage will come to light, and after the storm that accompanied your battle, Sohm’lan, Meme, and I feel it is time we sought someone to identify your ability and teach you how to control and use it safely.”

  Canry hid his excitement. He had always seen the future, but not once had he had the chance to experience in person the events a vision had shown him.

  Zeus rubbed his chest. “I always thought I was influenced by the storms. So many times, the lightning and thunder mirrored what was in here. Are you sure I have never hurt anyone? During the battle, I did not think about it. The lightning struck in the trees where the V’Saar gathered and hid. I thought if they perished by way of the storm… I feel stupid. Why did I not notice the correlation?”

  Father and Meme rushed to give assurances while Dargon made a noise that was not quite a yowl, scooting his chair closer to Zeus in order to lean into him. With rising alarm, Canry watched every member of the family, realizing they did not understand, did not know, about quickening. Now that he was not on the verge of panicking over reuniting with his family, he sensed the power rolling off not only Zeus but Mestor. His energy was not uncontrolled, so someone had taught him a few things, one of them being how to hold his energy close like Zeus was doing. Yet Mestor seemed ignorant of how to detect the sameness in others.

  Mestor stared at Zeus, as if contemplating something. Did he suspect?

  “It was Sohm’lan who first connected you to the sudden storms,” Father said. “He swore the Monticore to secrecy and that worked well as we searched for your true heritage after we realized you were not human. Terrens do not have such abilities and we wondered if you were a human mutation like the Erdaians.”