Fathers

by David J. Daniel

  But despite his rotten day he was happy. Happy but tired and all he wanted was a good scrub up, a cup of tea and a hot meal, thank you very much! Oh, and by the way, how was your day Jack? Get many possums? Jack couldn’t believe he just asked him that question. He was eating his meal at the table, listening to all this tripe pouring from this, this monster’s mouth, and now he’s trying to have a conversation with him? Like it’s perfectly normal to kill a person and chop up the body and bury it in the bush. He couldn’t look at him. He just couldn’t look that man in the eye and act like nothing had happened. He was worried he would scream at him or that he would burst into tears. That he might take his knife he held in his hand for cutting up his rare meat and stab it into Doug’s gleeful eye, right up to the hilt! He took a mouthful of food, shovelled it in till he could hardly get a word out. Stuffed in that food he could barely taste, that he could hardly swallow, that he just did not feel like eating at all and without looking up he mumbled his answer, “Alright, got a few.”

  And Doug smiled and chuckled and said, “Good on ya son, that’s the story!” And then as he was heading out the room, heading towards the bathroom he cheerfully saidm “Oh and by the way Jack I might be gettin’ another horse soon and I’ll be needin’ that cover as soon as possible. If you could bring that tarp back and anything else you took into the bush it would be much appreciated!”

  And so a couple of days later Jack and Wiremu visited the campsite and removed all the gear they had given Konosu, the tarp, the trap, a bag, the knife, the coat even the spotlessly clean axe that had been carefully washed by Doug, and they took it back home with them. There was no trace of Konosu. No clue that he had ever existed and they never looked for him either. Couldn’t bring themselves to go looking for... body parts. In fact they just wanted to get the hell out of there. Because in the back of their minds they had a nagging thought that maybe they were being watched and maybe, just maybe, Doug may do to them what he did to Konosu. So they left in a hurry and only returned today, Victory over Japan Day, V - J Day, to honour and remember and cry for their Japanese friend and, to bury the nightmarish memories of that day deep, deep down in their minds.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  SUMMER 1946

  A

  s the soldiers came home and others left our shores to make up the occupation force in Japan, Jacks world came crashing down around him as his mother made a shock announcement. They were at the dinner table. Jack on one side and Doug and Ellen on the other. They were enjoying a light meal. The day had been hot and it was the right season to be eating salad and new potatoes and cold mutton. Jack had just popped in his mouth the last morsel on his plate when his mother said, “Jack, I’ve, no...” Then she took a breath and started again. “Jack, we’ve got something to tell you.” She looked at Doug then back at Jack and smiled and flushed with nervousness as she waited for him to finish his mouthful and say something. Doug laid down his knife and fork and leaned back in his chair. His eyes were fixed on Jacks face. Jack looked at his mother, only his mother, as he still had trouble looking Doug in the eye. (And only spoke to him when it was absolutely necessary). Jack swallowed and said, “Okay, what is it?”

  Very formally Ellen said, “We’ll Jack, for some time now, Mister Brown and I have become more than friends...”

  “Mum, I know that,” Jack interrupted.

  “Oh, you do?” She replied genuinely surprised. Doug smiled and said, “Nothing gets past this lad, I tell ya!”

  Jack continued, “I know you and him have been more than friends for some time now. You’re not very good at hiding it from me.”

  “Oh?” Was all Ellen could say. Doug laughed out loud. Ellen continued. “And what do you think Jack. Have you accepted it? I know it must be hard for you.”

  Jack shrugged and said, “I dunno.”

  Doug’s laughter stopped abruptly and the smile turned into a scowl.

  “Well, what you think counts Jack, so if you’ve got any issues regarding our relationship I think we should discuss them,” said Ellen.

  “Don’t really care either way. If you want to be more than friends, well, that’s up to you, not me.” And he didn’t care. Jack was past caring.

  “Aw, come on Jack. I’d like to have your blessing,” pleaded Ellen.

  Doug jumped in. “Let it go Ellen, for chrissakes. He said he doesn’t care either way...Tell him our other news Ellen. That’ll cheer him up!” Doug smirked.

  Ellen turned and gave Doug a dumbfounded look. “Doug not now. We’ll leave that for another time.”

  Doug kept his eyes on Jack but said to Ellen, “You ashamed Ellen? Ashamed of our little surprise.”

  She stammered, “No, no of course not Doug. How could you say such a thing?”

  “Well tell ‘im then. Stop muckin’ around,” he growled.

  There was a pause as Ellen looked down at the table while she thought about the right words to say. She looked up again and Jack could see a slight quiver in her lip. She reached under the table and felt for Doug’s hand. Gripping it tightly she lifted their hands onto the table and announced in a rush of breath, “Were going to have a baby!”

  Jack was shocked. His jaw dropped open and he gawked at his mother, the colour draining from his face. Doug chuckled away to himself while Ellen gnawed away at her bottom lip, a petrified look on her face. Their hands come apart and Doug jumped up from the table and said, “I’ll put the jug on while you chew that one over Jack, heh, heh, heh.”

  “Well say something, Jack,” said Ellen.

  But he didn’t, he couldn’t. He had nothing to say and besides she wouldn’t listen to him anyway. He was too stunned to speak. Too shocked to say anything and he felt betrayed. If he could say something, if he thought it would make a difference, he would grab his mother and shake her and bang her head against the wall and shout in her ear, scream in her ear, ‘Are you mad? Do you know what you are doing? This man is evil. Anything that is born from him will be evil. You need to realise what he is like. Get out of this relationship. Get rid of this bad, sick, bastard. Reject him. Toss him out. Tell him to go. Banish him. Before he destroys you. Before he destroys us. Before it is too late!’ But he didn’t, he kept quiet. Didn’t say a word. He got up from the table and like a person who had lost all hope, who has had everything they cherished, destroyed or taken away from them, he walked away. Like a dead man, with lead filled legs, shoulders slumped and head hung so low that his chin touched his chest, he walked away. Slowly across the floor and out the back door of his home.

  “Well that went well!” Sniggered Doug.

  “Shut up Doug... And stick to your own bed tonight. I need some space!” Snapped Ellen as she too left the kitchen, and headed to her bedroom.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Doug lay on his bed in the dark. It was too hot to be under the covers so he lay on top, smoking a cigarette and listening to the screeching sound of a cricket or some bloody insect outside his window. And it was really annoying him. Really pissing him off in fact. It was disturbing his train of thought. It was like it was actually inside his head. Piercing his brain. Drilling into it with a high pitched squealing auger. He had trouble sleeping these days. Kept having crazy dreams. Nightmares really. About dead people and zombies and fuckin’ Asians. But that wasn’t what was keeping him awake tonight. Tonight it was the heat and this bloody cricket and the fact that Ellen had packed a wobbly with him. How the hell was it his fault, that her snot nosed spoilt brat wasn’t over the moon with their news? Frankly he couldn’t give a shit about having the baby. Preferred not to have another mouth to feed. Another screaming, whining, useless rat bag that would come and spoil his life, his carefully worked out life. And after Ellen had the damn thing, would go and spoil her body no doubt. Sure it would be good for a while when her tits got bigger with the milk, but then, after she’s spat it out, it would leave her body all loose and flabby and well, just downright disgusting. N
o, if he had his way he would get rid of the damn thing. Get it aborted, quick smart. But she wants to keep it. Of course she does. She’s a silly woman. Believes in love and all that crap. Well that’s okay, for now. I’ll play along. See where it takes me. Jesus Christ, that damn cricket is DRIVING ME CRAZY! Go away, just go away and die! Okay, okay calm down Doug. Breathe, relax. Now where was I? That’s right, Ellen. Yeah, Ellen. She needs to realise there’s one thing I’m not going to put up with and that’s being told that I’m not welcome in her room. Her room. Like it’s just her house. By God it’s our house now. I’ve done enough work around here to make it our house. Without me, she and her sneaky little shit she calls her son would have walked away. Walked off the land. I saved the farm! Me. I did it and with bugger all help from them. Strictly speaking it’s my place. Not theirs. Because without me this place would be no more. The farm would not exist. The house would be falling down by now, overrun by rats and possums. The land covered in gorse and thistle and ragwort. And she has the gall to tell me to stay away from her tonight? Well fuck her. Fuck the bitch. I’m just about running out of patience. And I’m a very patient man. She needs to be taught a lesson. To be put in her place. And it’s gonna happen right now! So get ready Ellen, ‘cause it’s no more Mister Nice Guy. You are gonna meet the real Douglas Brown. Right here and now. Tonight.

  Whether you like it or not.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Jack was in the kennel, hugging his dog Jess. The crying was over and done with and the hatred now took its place, the hatred which was now bubbling inside him. Eating away at him like a cancer. His stomach churning. Growling and angry like a wounded animal. He was tense. His body screwed up into a tight fist ready to strike. And he felt like striking. Hitting both of them. At his mother to make her see sense. At him so as to hurt the bastard. Hurt him badly. Perhaps even kill him...

  But he knew he would do neither. Knew it wouldn’t solve anything. Would only make them more determined to stick together and have their child. Their love child. A child that would have no choice but to love both of them, equally. Unlike him, it would be Doug’s child and it would call him father. So he would leave. Tonight. He would go tonight, after they were asleep and take his dog and his horse and head away and never return unless she begged him to come back. Unless she chose between them. He would leave a note for his mother explaining his reasons, and in it he would tell her that he could no longer live in the same house as that monster, that she was crazy to be with him, that it would only be a matter of time before he harmed her, that he was dangerous, was mental and unpredictable and that he feared for his life, that he was sure Doug would more than likely end up killing him if he didn’t get out of there now! Jack would ask her to choose between him and Doug. Insist on it. Explain that she would have to choose because she could not have both of them, that’s for sure. But in the meantime he would leave and live, perhaps as Konosu lived, in the bush until she made up her mind and came for him. Yes, he would only tell Wiremu where he was, who would promise him, only to tell her where he was, once she had rejected Doug and wanted only him back. Just him. Just the two of them, mother and son like it should’ve stayed after father had died. Yes, that would work. He would leave and he would do it very soon. In a matter of hours. In the middle of the night.

  Doug entered her room. He had passed the brat’s room and seen he wasn’t there. Didn’t know where he was and didn’t care. He unbuckled his belt holding his trousers, pulled it through the loops and let it hang down at his side as he held on by the buckle. He approached the bed and could see her form, in the dim light, curled up; only a sheet covering her, her body facing away from him. He could just hear her long steady rhythmic breathing, she was asleep. The bitch was asleep and he stood for sometime just watching her, listening to her breathe and then without warning he was lost. His mind went blank and he stood there in a trance. In a catatonic state he floated there, like a dead thing, his mind as slack as his arms and jaw. And his eyes stared unblinking and unseeing for how long? Who knew? Until his fingers went slack and he released his grip on the belt and it clattered, metal on wood, as the buckle hit the floor. Ellen stirred, mumbled something and rolled over, facing Doug now, but her eyes remained closed, asleep. The noise had woken Doug from his stupor and he bent and snatched the belt up off the floor and in one fluid motion stood straight again, lifting his arm high and brought the belt down across her body like a whip. The leather striking her face and arm, and she screamed with pain and fright and panic and instantly rolled onto her back and threw her arms up to her face, in an instinctive protective measure, as he struck again and again, lashing the belt across her body in a frenzied attack.

  Jack heard his mother scream and he bolted out of the kennel, the dog next to him as he ran for the house. He burst through the back door and into the dark house and then stood in silence. All was quiet. No screams. Nothing apart from his breathing and the dog panting. The dog growled and Jack whispered, “Quiet boy” and then fetched his rifle from the corner, near the back door. He felt in his pocket and produced a bullet which he loaded into the breech closing the bolt quietly. He ordered Jess outside and reluctantly she went with ears flattened and tail between her legs. He closed the door shutting her out and stealthily made his way to the hall door. Opening it very quietly he entered the hall and listened again. He heard grunting and groaning and he thought maybe even crying coming from his mothers room. He snuck towards her door, the rifle held in his hands but pointed at the floor, and on reaching the entrance to her room he cautiously peered around the doorway. There were all sorts of strange noises coming from the bed, noises he didn’t want to know about and although he couldn’t quite see what was going on, he could make out some things like him on top of her, and he knew exactly what they were doing. They were ‘doing it’. As if they needed to do it anymore. They already had a kid on the way so what could possibly be the point of ‘doing it’ again? Jack stepped back and turned. Disgusted, he walked away and left them to their fun and games.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  He never left. His great intentions of the night before came to nothing as he went back to the kennel after seeing them ‘doing it’ and tried to stay awake until he thought they would be asleep. But tiredness overwhelmed him and it was a loud crash on the tin roof of the kennel that woke him the next morning. THUNK! As another stone hit the roof and Jack yelled out, “Hey watch it. I’m in here!” The dog was out in the pen growling and barking and pacing back and forth. “Get your arse out here boy and come and get your breakfast. I’ve got things for you to do today, so hop to it!” Yelled Doug, the stone thrower.

  “Yeah alright!” Jack yelled back.

  Jack sat at the table eating toast and sipping a cup of tea while Doug fouled the air with his cigarette smoke. Doug spoke. “Ya mother’s crook today so I need you to go into town to get some supplies. Think ya can handle that?”

  “Yep. Whatta you want,” said Jack uninterested.

  “Aren’t ya goin’ ta ask about ya mother first? Thought ya might show a little concern for her?”

  “Aw yeah... What’s wrong with her?” He asked not looking at Doug.

  “Woman troubles,” replied Doug as if that explained everything. “Don’t know how long she’ll be off her feet so you’ll have ta start pullin’ ya weight round here.”

  Jack remained quiet and sipped his tea.

  Doug continued. “And don’t you be goin’ inta her room disturbin’ her or anythin’, she needs her rest. She said she doesn’t want any visitors, okay?”

  “Okay.” As if I would, thought Jack. I couldn’t care less about her. He asked “What do you want from town?”

  Doug handed him a piece of paper. “Here’s a list. Get what ya can on it and put it on tick. Make sure ya get my tobacco otherwise it won’t be worth ya comin’ home,” he sneered.

  “Hmph,” g
runted Jack. “When do you want it by?” He asked.

  “I want it now boy. You will go into town, get the gear and be right back. No muckin’ about ya hear!”

  Jack got up and took his plate and cup to the sink. He rinsed it and left on the bench to dry. Without a word he walked out the door. Thoughts of running away had evaporated like the early morning mist as he stepped into the sunshine and began the new day.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Ellen lay in her bed staring blankly at a spot on the wall, tucked up in blankets like it was the middle of winter, not the middle of January. Curled up in a foetal position and she was cold, very cold, and every now and then she shook with it. Shivered, as she tried to stay warm even though the room was already over 70 degrees Fahrenheit. And she was sore, so terribly sore, not only on the outside from the beating she took, but the inside too, from the rape. From the way he had forced himself on her and penetrated her time and time again even though she was dry; keeping at it, like he was stabbing her, wanting to punish her, not caring even though it must have hurt him too. And it burned in her and tore her up inside, both physically and mentally. And at first she wanted to kill him. To get the .303 and blow his fucking brains out! How dare he do this to me? How dare he thrash me like a wicked master would a slave? How dare he hold me down and slap and punch me and then enter me as if I was a worthless whore, using his cock as a weapon? And she was going to order him from her home. Tell him to leave their lives never to return. This despicable man. This Jeckle and Hyde. This man that she once loved.