The Secret Baby

by Harper, Leddy

  He laughed. Actually laughed. Which made my chest rumble and shoulders jump as I joined in the amusement. Moving into the weekend, I’d had so much against me—my issues with Kelsey on top of finding out I was going to be a father—that adding one more thing to the pile had nearly knocked me down. What had made it worse was that the one more thing happened to have been my best friend cornering me outside to tell me how disgusting he thought I was. How I was scum and didn’t deserve Kelsey. That whatever had happened between us was my fault, and she was better off without me.

  I’d never seen him so angry, and there’d been many things in high school that should’ve made him rage, yet it’d never happened. So to see him so pissed and have that fury directed at me had sent me running.

  Granted, I hadn’t engaged, which had probably only irritated him more. Had I defended myself, then maybe we could’ve hashed it out and been done with it before I left the driveway this morning, but I hadn’t seen a point in it. As mad as he’d been at me, I’d been just as angry with myself.

  “Come on and get your shit together. I don’t have all night. I have to work in the morning,” he said with a slap on my back and a smile across his face.

  “You’re such a dick.” I laughed and stepped away. “I’ll stay at your place, but only because my back has been killing me. However, I’ll head that way tomorrow. I’m dead on my feet, man. I don’t have the energy or care to pack all this up and drive to your house before getting back to sleep.”

  “Not a problem. I get it.” And with a solid nod, he left.

  As much as I wanted to fall back asleep, it wasn’t that easy. I tossed and turned, unable to get Kelsey off my mind. The final straw, though, was when my phone buzzed next to me, and her name flashed across the screen. That was enough to get me up . . . and keep me up.

  Kelsey: Thank you for being there today. I wasn’t expecting you to come, but I’m glad you did. Sorry if my dad and Jason made things worse on you.

  It took a few minutes, but I eventually found the words I wanted to say.

  Me: You didn’t have to do that alone. And it’s all right. I kind of expected it. From your dad, I mean. Not so much from Jason

  Me: BTW thanks for telling him where I’m staying

  Kelsey: I thought you’d be sleeping.

  Kelsey: And I didn’t tell him. I told Tatum. Blame her for blabbing.

  Me: If you thought I would be asleep, why did you text me?

  Kelsey: Did you not read the first message?? To say thanks. Also . . . I figured you’d see it in the morning, which would save me the awkwardness of an uncomfortable conversation. But here we are . . .

  My smile only grew bigger.

  Kelsey: I didn’t wake you up, did I?

  Me: No. Jason did. When he stopped by. I came here so I wouldn’t be bothered, but I think I’ve had more visitors in the last five days than I had the entire time I lived with my parents

  Kelsey: Speaking of your parents . . . have you told them yet?

  Falling back into easy banter with Kelsey wasn’t hard to do. But the reminder of our situation put an end to that. I wasn’t sure how we would move forward or what our relationship would look like for the next eighteen years, but for now, I needed a breather. And I couldn’t do that while talking to her.

  Me: Yeah. I talked to them yesterday

  While they were happy to have a grandchild, they weren’t thrilled about how it’d happened. Then again, these were two people who’d probably thought I was still a virgin, considering I wasn’t married. They had their opinions, and they’d advised me on what to do and how to handle the situation. But I wasn’t about to tell her any of that. She didn’t need to know how everyone—even my family—seemed to be on her side. Granted, they claimed they weren’t on a “side,” yet I wasn’t sure what else it would be called when they told me to give her a chance.

  Me: Listen, I have to go. Sleep beckons

  A response never came, so I put the phone down and rolled over, praying slumber would come. And just before I dozed off, my cell buzzed once. I didn’t need to look at it to know it was Kelsey, and I knew if I read her message, it’d be that much longer before sleep would come again. So I left it for the morning.

  It was a sock emoji.

  “Are you ever gonna tell me what’s going on with you?” Noel invited herself into my office after the last patient left. “Something happened on Friday; it’s now Tuesday. You said you’d probably talk to me after the weekend. Well, the weekend’s over. Talk to me. You’re starting to worry me.”

  “I’m having a baby.”

  I expected shock to color her face, yet that’s not what happened at all. A smile stretched across her lips, her gaze softened, and her arms—crossed over her chest—relaxed. “That’s amazing news, Aaron. How far along are you? You look great, by the way. Would’ve never guessed you were with child.”

  My shoulders shook with the humor that filled me, and had I not been in the middle of typing up notes, I probably would’ve laughed out loud. Instead, I picked up a pencil out of the pen holder and threw it at her. “You’re a dick.”

  “See . . . that’s what I thought you had, but it seems I was wrong. Granted, I’ve never checked, but I’d like to believe that if you didn’t have one, I would’ve figured it out by now. I guess it does make perfect sense, though—you don’t date much, can’t get laid too often. I always chalked those up to you living with your parents, but now it’s all so clear.”

  “What the hell are you going on about?” I stopped what I was doing and turned to give her my full attention. “And don’t say you’re still hung up on the bullshit that I’m the one who’s having the baby, because we both know that’s not the case.”

  She shrugged and then took a seat across from me, leaning into the desk with her elbows. “I figured this way you could tell me without making me pry it out of you. I don’t want to be nosy and ask, so I thought this would be a better way.”

  “When have you ever been worried about butting into my personal life? You’ve done it for the last four years. Just ask, Noel.”

  “I don’t butt into anything. You’ve always offered it up, and I’m clearly not going to stop you and tell you that I don’t wanna hear the comedy show that is your dating life. So I listen. And laugh—behind your back, of course. Never to your face.” Her gaze narrowed when I glared at her. “Okay, fine. I’ve laughed at you a few times. But in my defense . . . well, I don’t really have a defense. Carry on.”

  I covered my face with my palms, hoping she couldn’t see just how big my grin was. This was ridiculous. I’d had a shitty few days, more stress than I ever cared to have again, and this woman had me laughing like a teenager, like I had no reason to be so high strung.

  After recovering, I shook it off and sat forward, matching her posture with my elbows on my side of the desk. “Kelsey’s pregnant.” I ignored her gasp and continued. “Apparently, it happened that very first night—when we met at Boots and then went back to her place. She’s known since before Jason’s wedding, before I moved in with her. And she’s kept it from me this whole time.”

  It wasn’t until I saw the sorrow in her eyes that I remembered her struggle with getting pregnant. I felt like an asshole, like I was complaining about my situation when I knew damn well she would’ve given her left arm to be in my shoes.

  “I’m so sorry, Noel. I didn’t mean—”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not like you could control any of this—well, I guess technically you could’ve controlled getting Kelsey pregnant by wearing a condom. But I think it’s a little too late to revisit that lesson from health class.”

  “I did wear one. I’ve never not worn one.”

  “And you’re sure it’s your baby?”

  I took a moment to contemplate that theory. “I’m about as sure as I can be without a DNA test. I don’t see why she’d lie about it, especially to her family. Jason wasn’t happy when he found out, and I’m just waiting for her dad to show up with a sho
tgun and either shoot me or demand I marry her. So really, nothing good could’ve possibly come from her lying about me being the father.”

  “And you’re sure you wore one?”

  I shifted on my chair and pulled my wallet from my back pocket. Right behind the credit card slots was a small pocket, where I’d always kept a few condoms just in case. You could never be too prepared. I pulled one out and tossed it on the desk. “I’ve always worn one.”

  Noel picked it up, examining the wrapper in the light at all angles, and then threw it at me with a large, ridiculous smile on her face, eyes bright and filled with amusement. “I don’t understand how you can be such a brilliant professional, yet so damn stupid in the real world. Seriously, Aaron, what the hell happened to you in grad school?”

  “What do you mean?” I examined the foil packet she’d tossed at me, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I even tilted it in the light, but I didn’t find any holes or puncture marks, so I didn’t have the slightest clue what she’d seen when she looked at it.

  “You do know they put expiration dates on those for a reason, right?” She grabbed the condom from my hand, slapped it onto the desk between us, and pointed to the numbers along the ridges at the top.

  “That’s fucking stupid. Why in the world would they put that there? And why is it stamped instead of printed? You think I could see that?” I picked it up for a closer look. “Eh, it’s not that out of date.”

  Noel giggled, leaning back in her chair with her arms stretched over her head. “It’s about as out of date as curdled milk.”

  I rolled my eyes and tossed the packet into the trash beneath my desk, then thought better of it and put it back in my wallet to toss it somewhere else. The last thing I needed was to have someone see it in my office and question why I’d have it there.

  “What I don’t understand is how you could possibly keep those things for that long.” She didn’t have to come out and say it, as her question insinuated it enough—it definitely made me look like I never got laid.

  “I found them when I was packing up my room. They were always my favorite kind, so I put a few in my wallet just in case. It’s not like they’ve been in there since I bought them.”

  “Let’s hope not.” She smirked and pulled herself to her feet. “Anyway, if you need to talk to anyone, I’m here. I’m sure you have other people to go to, but figured I’d offer in case you wanted a different view on it.”

  “Wait,” I called out, stopping her before she left the room. “What do you mean, a different view on it?”

  “Well, I’m sure your guy friends have their opinions, and I’d be willing to bet your parents have their own—I just might be able to provide a female’s perspective on it. You know, say, let you get a glimpse into what it might be like in her shoes.”

  She made a good point, though I wasn’t ready to hear it yet. “I think I’ll take you up on your offer, but not now. I’m not there—mentally. As much as I want to have an idea of her motivations, I need a bit to wrap my mind around everything.”

  “No worries. You know where to find me when you’re ready.” And with that, she was gone, leaving me with my thoughts and her words.

  While I was grateful that Jason had given me a place to stay for the last two weeks—one with a real bed—that didn’t mean I spent much time at his house. Things were still a little . . . off around him, and for the first time ever, I actually felt uncomfortable around Tatum. She hadn’t done anything to make me feel that way, other than being Kelsey’s best friend. I had no idea what those two talked about, but I definitely didn’t care to be the topic of any conversation.

  As I stepped out of the bathroom, hair still wet from my shower, I was surprised to see Tatum standing in the hall, a cold beer in her hand. I pointed at it and asked, “Should you be drinking that? I may not be a real doctor, but I’m fairly certain you should avoid alcohol while pregnant.”

  With an easy laugh, she extended her arm and held the beer out for me to take. “I grabbed it for you.”

  “And then waited for me to get out of the shower? You don’t find that the slightest bit weird? What if I don’t want it?”

  “Too bad. It’s already opened, so it looks like you’ll have to drink it. And while you do that, maybe we should sit down and have a chat?”

  I dropped my head forward and groaned. “Will this chat be over when the beer is gone?”

  “Yup.”

  With that, I took the cold bottle from her hand and followed her to the couch. If all I had to do was finish this one drink before I could leave the room, then she was about to have the world’s quickest conversation.

  “Why have you avoided Kelsey since she told you about the baby?” At least she didn’t waste any time getting straight to the hard questions.

  “I haven’t avoided her.” That wasn’t completely true. Over the last two weeks, anytime she’d texted me about the pregnancy or the baby, I’d responded. And recently, she’d resorted to sending emojis. But every time I saw that pair of blue socks pop up in a text, I broke a little more. Became weaker. Thoughts muddled and off track. I couldn’t handle that, and the only thing I could do to safeguard myself was not respond. At all.

  “Really? Then what would you call it?”

  “What am I supposed to say to her, Tatum?” I glanced around the quiet room in search of some sort of backup. “And where’s Jason? Shouldn’t he be out here for this? You’re in your pajamas, for Christ’s sake . . . and I just got out of the shower. This seems rather inappropriate.”

  She laughed and glanced down at her outfit. “I’m in a T-shirt and yoga pants. And we’re not even sitting next to each other.” She had a point there—while I’d taken the recliner, she sat on the sofa with plenty of space between us. “Not to mention, we’re talking about Kelsey. Nothing inappropriate here, so stop deflecting and start talking.”

  I dropped my head against the back of the recliner in a desperate attempt to melt into the cushion and disappear. “It’s not that I’m ignoring her. I just don’t have anything to say. It’s not like she was overly chatty for the weeks on end that she knew she was pregnant with my child and never told me. So why am I the bad guy for not reaching out to her about it?”

  “That’s not what I mean, Aaron.” Her eyes softened as she relaxed into her seat, likely assured I wasn’t going to jump up and leave. “But this was the reason she was so scared to tell you about it in the first place, and in a way, you’re proving her right. All you’re doing is justifying her fears.”

  “Except it wouldn’t be like this had she been honest with me from the start.”

  “Is that all you’re pissy about? That she didn’t tell you when she found out?”

  I picked at the label on the bottle, trying to sort through the last couple of weeks. “This is my first child, Tatum. She stole moments and memories from me that I’ll never get back. I feel robbed of the excitement of finding out I’m going to be a dad for the first time. That first doctor’s appointment. Hearing the heartbeat. And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she would’ve found out the sex before telling me. So no, this is more than being pissy that she waited so long. She took things I’ll never be able to get back.”

  She was quiet for a moment, but when her eyes met mine, I could see the sympathy that flowed through her veins. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to get over that? Or will you hold this against her forever?”

  “No, not forever. Honestly, the only reason it’s gone on for this long is because I’ve been swamped with the house stuff—the appraisal, inspection, on top of furnishing the entire place. I haven’t had a lot of time to process it all.” There was also this issue of not being ready to delve into those feelings, but that was irrelevant.

  “Why haven’t you just told her these things? You found out that she’d kept it from you, and you left. Don’t you think she deserves a conversation—or, at the very least, to hear why you’re so angry? As it stands right now, she has no idea what your rea
sons are for ignoring her.”

  I nodded, though it was more to myself as I absorbed her opinion on the matter. “You’re right . . . she does. But I guess I haven’t been ready to discuss it with her yet. It’s not like I’m trying to punish her or anything. Honestly, Tatum, I’ve been busy. I’ve had a lot on my plate, and I don’t think it’s fair or right to go to her about what I’m feeling until I’ve fully dissected how I feel.”

  “Agreed. But you’re closing on your house tomorrow, and I think I overheard you tell Jay that the furniture company is delivering everything by four. So about how much longer do you think it’ll be before you’ll be in a place to explain it all to her?”

  I rubbed my eyes, already tired of the pressure. “I don’t know. I guess that all depends on how long it takes me to get settled in and back to a somewhat regular routine where I’ll have a few moments to analyze the entire situation. I don’t want to have to keep going back and forth with it. I would like to sit down, explain it all, and then move the fuck on.”

  “Is there anything she could do or say that would make this better for you?”

  I shrugged. “I doubt it. It’s not like she can give me these things, allow me the chance to experience it all with her. I think it more or less comes down to me taking the time to move through the emotions and put it behind me so I can move on.”

  Her smile was sad, though her eyes held understanding. “I get it. I just hate seeing my best friend so broken, you know? I don’t condone her actions—I tried to get her to tell you before I even knew you were the stripper—but that doesn’t mean I think she deserves to be isolated during this time. She’s having a baby. Your baby. And above all else, that kid should come first. Not your resentment; not her fears.”

  Well, wasn’t that a punch in the gut.

  “I agree, and I promise, I’m doing what I can to move past this with her. But the last thing I want to do is open a discussion about it before I’ve sorted through it all. She’s had her time to process it. Now it’s my turn. It’s not my fault she didn’t allow us to do it simultaneously.”