Drowning (Tears of Sin Series)

by Rachel Firasek

  He grabs my hands and pulls them from the keys. “Not that. I’ll forget that we’re friends.”

  Oh, he’s feeling it too. I suspected that his game in the truck was a bunch of bullshit.

  He’s staring at my mouth, and positioned the way we are on the bench, it will be so easy to lean into him. “Seth.” For the first time in a long time, I really want to kiss someone. Not for the game, not because I have an itch, but because it’s him.

  Seth breaks the spell and jumps up. He’s pacing and not looking at me.

  I plop to the sofa and curl up, ignoring any vibes still lingering in the air. “Play for me.”

  He stops, glances at me, and hurries to a cabinet and pulls out a harmonica. I laugh. “I didn't know anyone played those anymore.”

  “What?” He sits on the floor and leans back. His head is just below mine, and I see the waves that brush through the back.

  The first few notes are low and kind of sad, but as he plays, I lose myself. It's like the first time. I'm falling so hard. I sink my hand into the loose curls at the base of his neck, and he doesn't move. He continues to play and let me touch him. I can't resist, so I lean over and kiss him on his hollowed cheek. “Thanks for tonight.” He blows into the horn, and I relax. It's so good to just let go.

  I'm not sure how Iong I lay here listening to him. He doesn't seem to mind me playing in his hair, so I continue. It soothes me, this little bit of intimacy. My eyes grow heavy, but I fight the pull of sleep. I'm so tired of constantly fighting my need. I want to let go and trust a man to hold me. To not hurt me. “Seth?”

  He stops blowing and wipes the harmonica on his pant leg. “Yeah?”

  “Would you be weirded out if I asked you to hold me for a while?”

  He clears his throat and sits straighter. “Not really. But I thought we were starting over and that meant being friends.”

  I sit up and swing my feet to the floor. “I know. I just wanted to know what it felt like.”

  He waits a moment, and I think I've messed up until he scoots up on the couch and tugs on my arm. I fall into him, and he leans against the corner of the couch. “Just hold you? Yeah, I can do that.”

  I sigh and enjoy the hard muscles beneath me. “I'm so tired.”

  “Well, just shut your eyes. Don't let the world wear you down. Before you know it, we'll turn this life around.”

  I lean my head back and gaze at his chin. “Is that a song?”

  “I just made it up.”

  “For me?”

  He shrugs and tries to hide the shy smile forming on his lips.

  “I love it.”

  He sings it to me this time in a low but clear voice. His words weave their way past the piranhas, the waves, and the ice-cold chill in my heart. I fall asleep knowing that Seth is the first man I've ever trusted.

  I wake to the bright blast of sun light peeking through the wooden slats of the blinds. I'm in a bed and still fully dressed. I wipe my mouth on his pillow and inhale. Damn, he smells good, like ivory, sage, and something that can only be described as hot man.

  The bed is cool on his side, and I wonder if he even slept here. I slip from the warm sheets and take a moment to freshen up in the bathroom. His bathroom is still massive, but he’s made it more like a man cave now. There are colognes on the vanity, dirty socks on the floor, and a porn magazine by the base of the toilet. It’s fetish porn for Dom and sub relationships. I’ve seen a bit of dominance from Seth on occasion, but he doesn’t take me as the type to get off on this kick.

  I rummage through his drawers and find toothpaste, but no extra toothbrush. The end of my finger will have to do. My hair is a mess of rioting curls, and I won’t even try to tame them.

  I’m stalling, and I don’t understand why. No, that’s a lie. I get it. I spent the night with a guy that didn’t involve discarded clothes, oral sex, or a fiasco of unrequited passion. He’d stayed true to his offer of friendship, and somehow it completely unsettles me.

  The smell of bacon hits me. I follow the aroma and find Seth. He’s in the kitchen, naked from the waist up, and flipping eggs. He turns when I hit the floor, my feet smacking the tile. “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  There’s a light in his eyes this morning, and he’s hopping around the kitchen like a man on a mission. “I'm making you breakfast.”

  I sit at one of the stools along the bar, content to watch his beautiful body move. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Okay, but I did.”

  We both startle when the door into the studio slams against the hallway wall. Gabe storms into the living room in black silk boxers and a good bit of morning wood. “What the hell are you two going on about? I'm trying to get some damn sleep!”

  “I made Alice breakfast, there's plenty here if you don’t want to take that ruler in your pants back to bed.”

  Gabe grabs himself and strokes once. “It's a fucking yard stick, bro.”

  Seth grabs a piece of hot bacon and throws it at Gabe's chest. “Get the fuck out of here.”

  Gabe glances my way and winks. “Wanna come back to bed with me?” For some reason, his words make me feel dirty. Before last night, I don't think I'd have cared, but now... Now, I know I can have more.

  Seth takes my chin in his hand and leans close. “Ignore him.”

  I slide from the seat and make my way to the door. I’m overreacting, but can’t stop myself. This is too much. They are too much. The easy fun between the two of them, the intimacy last night, the sweet breakfast this morning—all for me. People like me don’t deserve men like Seth James or loving brothers like Gabe.

  Seth’s easy grin fades. “Hey, where are you going?”

  “I have to go.” I have to think of something fast. “I have to...to...go to the store before Molly gets home.”

  He turns off the burners and follows me toward the door. “I could take you.”

  “No. Thanks, but I got this. I'll see you around.”

  “Alice...” Seth catches my hand before I can rush out. “Please. What happened?”

  “Uh, nothing. Don't worry about it. See ya, later.” I glance back at Gabe, and he looks so pathetic. He knows. He knows that his words have sent me running, and I can't even pretend that it wasn't the case.

  It has been two days since my last face off with the James brothers. Seth slipped a note beneath my door early this morning with his cell number on it, and I’ve been texting him most of the day. He’s kind of funny when he isn’t being all brooding.

  What are you doing?

  The mound of laundry around me is neatly folded, but taunting me with the task of putting it away.

  Laundry.

  Panties?

  Perv.

  Guilty.

  I laugh. This is the way that most of the day has gone.

  Can Alice come to play?

  She’s busy.

  I’ll help clean.

  I stub my toe on my dresser as I balance my phone on the chin high pile of clothes.

  You? Spoiled lil boys clean?

  I’ll show you little… Damn… We’re friends, right?

  Right?

  Then take back that last sttmnt.

  The shower is my next big chore to tackle, but Molly has promised to kick my butt if I don’t let her take one first. “Mole?”

  I race through the apartment, trip over a pair of shoes, and land hard on my hands and knees. Molly is in the living room, listening to the radio and practicing her brail. “What? Are you okay?”

  The wood floors are going to leave a bruise. I work my way to my feet and rub my stinging palms together. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have left my shoes in the hall. Good thing that was me.”

  She frowns in my direction. “I’m not going to break if I fall.”

  “Yeah, but you might mess up that pretty face.”

  She laughs and places her notebook to the side. “This is taking forever to learn.”

  “You’ll get it.” I pull on her ponytail, and she twists, g
ripping me by the arms and pulling me over the couch. “Stop.”

  She laughs as she tries to tickle me. My phone pings and we both still. What is all that noise?

  I crawl off Molly’s lap. Are you stalking me?

  I’m outside your door.

  Creeper.

  Seriously, are you okay? I thought I heard something fall.

  That wuz me. I’m clumsy, but fine. Seriously, what are you doing n da hall? Seriously, stalking you. Want food? Will buy.

  Is this a date?

  I’d prefer to call it lunch.

  Taking shower.

  With your phone? That’s hot. It’s like you’re with me while you’re naked.

  Molly’s hands cover mine over the phone. “Who are you texting?”

  “Seth. He asked me to lunch. What should I do?”

  Molly laughs and pokes me in the rib. “Go. What else?”

  I want to, but I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough to resist him. “Come with us. I can’t leave you here, and I don’t know that I want to go by myself.” The frown on her brow is the one she uses when she’s almost to her decision. “Mole, please.”

  “Fine. But I’m taking a shower first.”

  Alice?

  Can you wait an hour?

  For your answer?

  No, to eat. Gah, you’re horrible.

  That’s why you like me.

  I throw the phone on the couch and help Molly to the bathroom. It’s been designed to make her as independent as possible. There are hand rails, a bench, and a dispenser for shampoos, body wash, and conditioner. I help her shave her legs when needed, but we’d talked about going and getting waxed together next week. Shaving her wasn’t a problem, but I constantly worried about nicking her.

  We shower and change in a rush of quick hands and bumping knees. I twist Molly’s damp hair into a tight bun and wrap mine up in a messy knot at the base of my head. There wasn’t enough time left to fix it.

  Seth knocks at our door right on time, and I’m lacing up Molly’s shoes—for speed, not because she can’t do it herself. “Come in.”

  He pushes the door open and steps inside. “Hello, ladies.” Heat rises to my face. He’s in a really good mood, and smiling like I just made his day.

  “I hope you don’t mind if Molly comes along.”

  He’s quiet for a moment and then smiles. “Absolutely not! I’ll have two pretty girls on my arm.”

  He’s laying it on thick, and I really hadn’t known that he could be this cute. It’s disarming. I think that’s his goal.

  Molly smiles at his general direction. “We’re ready.”

  “Grab your jackets, it’s raining.”

  I help Molly into hers, and Seth takes mine from me—at least, he tries to. “What are you doing?”

  “Helping you into your jacket.”

  “I know how to put it on.” For someone who only wants to be friends and is taking me to lunch and not on a date, he’s being super fucking charming.

  He yanks it the rest of the way out of my hand and leans in close to me. Molly is laughing behind her fist. “I know that you can, but I want to do this for you.” He shakes the coat. “Now, put your arms in.”

  It’s awkward having someone dress me. I’m not sure if anyone ever has. When I was a baby, my mother must have, but as far as my memory goes back, I’ve been taking care of myself. “Uh, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, let’s go.” He puts an arm over my shoulder and lets Molly hook her hand behind his elbow.

  The restaurant is nice, expensive, and we’re way underdressed. The waiter takes our drink order, and Molly and Seth seem very comfortable in this environment. I’m a bucket of nerves worrying over which water glass I’m supposed to use and why there are so many damn forks at the table.

  Seth bends toward me. “Alice, relax.”

  That’s easy for him to say. “I’m going to make a mess.”

  “We haven’t even been served yet.”

  “There’s water on the table.” I wave at the arrangement in front of us. “They’re in wine glasses.”

  “You are so cute. I could kiss you.” He glances at my lips then back at my eyes. “But I won’t. Because we’re friends.”

  We’re stuck in a trance, alternating between staring into each other’s eyes and glancing at lips. Someone clears their throat, and Seth glances up.

  “Are you ready to order, sir?” The stuffy waiter has arrived to make me feel even more out of place. I can’t read half the crap on the menu.

  Seth orders for me, and I’m totally fine with that.

  Molly shifts in her chair, but smiles at the waiter. She asks for a chef salad and fumbles with the menu before handing it up. The waiter hesitates a moment, but I nod at it. He takes the hint and slips it from her hand.

  Molly folds her napkin in her lap and glances toward us. “So, Seth. Did Alice tell you her mother was a musician?”

  He turns to me and smiles. “Really?”

  I grin. He’s such a goof. “Smart ass.”

  Molly covers her laugh with her hand. “So I guess she told you that she was a bit of a prodigy too?”

  Crap. I should have known that Molly would brag about that. She’s more proud of it than I am. It always makes me feel like a freak. “Not really.”

  “Oh, don’t listen to her. She finished high school at sixteen, and was only one year away from graduating college. The New York Art Institute to be exact.”

  Seth whistles through his teeth, and people turn to watch us. “I knew you were charming, but damn. Charming and smart? I’m impressed.”

  I want to duck under the table when he flashes me a genuine smile. “It’s no big deal. I’m not even sure why Molly brought it up.” I kick her under the table.

  He glances at Molly when she winces. “It’s kind of is a big deal. I don’t understand. If you are that smart, surely you had scholarships. Why did you quit?”

  When he gets the hint that I wasn’t going to answer him, he turns to Molly and touches her hand. I flinch at the intimacy and want to yank his hand away from hers. “Tell me, please.”

  “It’s no big secret. Alice’s mom got sick. She was already overdoing it with college and her job, but then she had to take on a second job to cover rising medical expenses. I’ve been on her to enroll locally for her last year, but she just won’t.”

  Seth looks at me, and his eyes are soft in a way they haven’t been before.

  “You better not be pitying me. I don’t regret my life or the choices that I’ve made. I don’t have time for regrets.”

  He clears his throat. “It’s not pity. More like awe.”

  Yeah, because my life was so freaking awe inspiring. “Whatever.”

  He chuckles at me.

  Molly has the grace not to giggle, and I settle down. It’s not his fault I’m embarrassed by my intelligence. It’s not being smart that’s the problem, because really I wasn’t. I did everything I could in school to make sure not to make my dad irritated. So perfect grades, perfect behavior, and no friends to notice the marks he left behind.

  The rest of the meal is actually pleasant and less personal. We include Molly in the conversation, and she’s eating. I’m happy. She seems to be happy. Seth has been entertaining us both through the whole meal with stories about the band first getting together. He’s totally disarming when his hands fly through the air, and he beats a rhythm on the table.

  When the waiter brings the check, I’m kind of sad that it’s over.

  Seth leans close to me. “Still nervous?”

  I laugh and shove his shoulder. “No.”

  He throws several large bills on the tray and we all stand. Molly takes her place on his left, and he grasps my hand with his right. We lock fingers and walk quietly back to the car. On the drive home, I let Molly and Seth talk, content to sit in the middle and watch the conversation. They seem to have a lot in common and had even moved in some of the same circles before Mole’s accident.

&
nbsp; “You’re awfully quiet, Alice.” Molly reaches over and grips my leg.

  I pat her hand and put my head on her shoulder. “Just enjoying the drive.”

  Seth glances down at me, but quickly turns back toward the road, a funny look plastered across his face.

  We make it back to the apartment, and Molly invites Seth inside. I find him a beer. “I’m not promising how long that’s been in the fridge.”

  He grins and pops the top. “No worries.” He’s following me around the kitchen, invading my personal space on more than one occasion.

  Molly taps her way to the couch and picks up her brail workbook. “Alice, show him the apartment.”

  He owns the apartment, but I doubt that’s really why Molly told me to take him on the guided tour. She wants me to hook up with him. I can smell the match making on her a mile away.

  I grab his hand and pull him down the hall. “That’s Mole’s room.” I point to the left. “This is my studio.” I point to the spare bedroom on the right. “And this is my room.”

  He pushes me inside and shuts the door. “So what do you do for fun in here?”

  The room is mostly clean. There’s a black bra lying over my stereo, but I’m sure he’s seen plenty of those before. He lifts the edge of one cup with his pinky. “Nice décor.”

  “Shut up.” I swat his hand and grab my bra.

  “Seriously. I approve.” He flips one of my curls over my shoulder. “But I'd rather see that draped over something else.”

  “You are such a perv.”

  He gives me that grin that doesn’t quite go all the way up. “Guilty.”

  “Wait. Didn’t we have this conversation already?”

  He laughs. “So, you have me in your room. What will you do with me?”

  Without my permission, my eyes land on my bed. Seth takes my direction and lays on my crisp white sheets. My comforter is shoved to the foot of the bed. “You want me here?”

  I smack his boot. “No. Friends only, remember?”

  “Who made that rule?”

  I sigh. “We both did. You have your music, and I have Molly. Remember now?”