No Sanctuary

by Z. J. Cannon

  “You’re with the Summer Court, you understand Summer magic, and you can’t break the curse,” I said. “And yet Engstrom expects me to do it?”

  “It’s not that.” She hesitated. Her jaw clenched so tightly I thought she might chip a tooth. It wasn’t like her to show her true feelings this freely.

  “I was between the worlds for a long time,” she finally said. She spoke through her teeth, but she didn’t sound angry. More like ashamed. “Many times longer than the number of years that have passed in your world world since we parted ways. The iron…” She rubbed her scars again. “My magic was permanently damaged. It’s as strong as it ever was, but it’s a blunt instrument now. Useless for anything but a frontal attack. Anything more subtle is beyond me now.”

  “I’m sorry.” I tried to find a tactful way of saying that I wasn’t any better off in the subtlety department, and so probably still couldn’t do any more with Engstrom’s curse that she could. I came up empty.

  But Tristra seemed to know what I was thinking. “You have more options than I do. For one thing, you may be able to leave. And…” Her voice trailed off.

  “And you’ve already tried everything else you can think of, so you might as well go with the only option you’ve got left, however unlikely it is to work?” I finished.

  “Precisely,” Tristra admitted, with a twist of her lips.

  This deal Engstrom wanted to rope me into was looking better by the minute. I didn’t know which was worse, the impossible task or the fact that I still didn’t see an alternate option. “That still doesn’t answer my other question. Why do you want to remove his curse to begin with?”

  “Charles and I…” Tristra fingered the locket around her neck. She hadn’t had it the last time I had seen her. A small circle of gold, embossed with flowers and vines twisted together in a pattern of complex knots. “We’ve had a lot of time to get to know each other. There’s not much to do around here but talk, after all. And as hard as it is to tell whether a human is telling the truth… well, you could see it in him, couldn’t you? Just in the few minutes you talked to him? The exhaustion. The despair. Do you really think he’s faking all that?”

  “I think there’s a decent chance.”

  “Wait until you’ve been here as long as I have. You’ll understand.”

  “I don’t plan on sticking around that long.” My foot kicked restlessly at the side of the cliff. Some part of me had really thought Tristra would tell me she had been secretly working against Engstrom all this time. That she had a secret plan, one that would bring both him and Arkanica down.

  I had been hoping she would give me a way out of making this last compromise.

  “He deserves his freedom, Conall,” said Tristra. “Even more than I do, maybe. At least my punishment was commensurate with my crimes. His only crime was being a little too greedy, and a little too naive.”

  Something in her voice made me turn to her sharply. “Are you and he…”

  She tucked her hands into her lap. Her face closed off. “When I didn’t tell you my entire life story within five minutes of seeing you, you thought I was hiding something. I gave you what you wanted, and told you everything, and you still have more questions. And meanwhile, you haven’t told me a single thing that’s happened to you since I saw you last.”

  She was clearly avoiding the question. But as much as I hated to admit it, she was also right. She had answered every question I had asked. And I hadn’t told her a thing.

  I opened my mouth to tell her about the seventy-five years I had spent in Hawaii, trying to deny my nature and learn how to be selfish. That would amuse her, I thought. But what came out was something else entirely. “I have a son.”

  Tristra stared. “Did I mishear you, or did you just say…”

  I nodded. “I didn’t know until recently. He’s seventy-five years old, and still a teenager in every way that counts. It looks like he’s going to age as slowly as me.” I paused. “He’s a prisoner of the Winter Court,” I said more quietly. “Mab has taken a personal interest in him.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Tristra, just as quietly.

  “I’m going to get him back.” I met her gaze levelly. “Which is just one of the reasons I won’t let myself be trapped here.”

  Tristra reached out a hand toward me, then remembered herself and pulled it back to her lap. “I wasn’t going to push you over,” she said with a shy laugh.

  I tried to smile. “I figured that out.”

  Tristra looked down at her hands like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. “To answer your question, yes. Charles and I are… involved. When I first met him, I hated him, for no other reason than that he was human and the memories of everything the humans had done to you were still too vivid. But once I discovered—through a lot of trial and error—that I couldn’t hurt him, at least not permanently, there was nothing left to do but listen. I pitied him when I heard his story. Pity turned to genuine caring. And that turned to something more.” She watched me carefully, waiting for my reaction.

  I supposed I had no room to be jealous. It had been more than two hundred years, after all. Longer for her. I’d had a couple of brief relationships since then, and one deep friendship that would have become more if the stars had been aligned. It had been pure bad luck that Ernest had seen my magic in action before anything could happen between us, and his human fear of the unknown had taken over. He had shot me in the heart instead—which was possibly the most blatant metaphor life had ever tossed at me.

  But even if none of that had ever happened, even if I had been pining after Tristra all this time, that wouldn’t have changed the fact that we had been doomed from the start.

  Chapter 29

  After a long stretch of silence, Tristra finally spoke. “What are you thinking?”

  I thought about my options, and opted for honesty. “I was remembering the day you’d finally had enough of me.”

  That brought a tiny smile to her face. “When I’d had enough of watching you get yourself killed, you mean.”

  “It’s the same thing, isn’t it? That’s who I am. I tried to deny it for almost a hundred years. It didn’t work.”

  “You mean that was true? I heard a rumor. I thought it had to be wrong.”

  “After six hundred years, I had finally had enough—or I thought I had. I decided I was going to live for myself and let the humans handle their own problems. I gave it a good try. You can probably imagine how well that went.” I paused. “I’m sorry I didn’t try earlier.”

  “The day I left,” said Tristra. “Did you get there in time to save those people in the collapsed mine, after I got fed up with trying to stop you?”

  I nodded. “I got every last one of them out alive.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “What do you think happened?” I shook my head ruefully. “They thought they had opened up a portal to hell, and that I was a demon.”

  Tristra let out a burst of musical laughter. She covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “The fact that you can laugh about it is proof that you were right to leave. If you had been there, you would have killed them all.” The same way she had killed the ones who had weighed me down with stones and thrown me in the sea. I had hauled myself to shore to find her waiting for me, covered in blood and ash. That, in retrospect, had been the beginning of the end.

  Tristra frowned thoughtfully. “Hmm. I hadn’t thought about it like that. Time changes everything, I suppose. Whether we want it to or not.”

  “Speaking of changes.” I pulled my legs up under me so I could turn to face her. “Is that the only reason you want me to free Engstrom? Because of what he is to you now?” I wasn’t just asking a simple question. I wanted a specific type of answer—plain, unambiguous, with none of the verbal games of the fae.

  She must have understood what I was after, because that was what she gave me. “No. I want his curse broken because if the island’s magic releases him, ch
ances are good that it will release me too. I don’t relish the thought of an eternity here any more than he does… or you do. I suspect that once the magic goes, this island will rejoin the human world, which could let me build a life for myself there. It wouldn’t be Faerie, but it would be something.” She paused. “But that’s not the only reason. I also want to see Charles free because I’ve come to admire him—if not the man he was when brought his curse on himself, then the one he has become. He deserves better than an eternity of suffering.”

  “Do you really believe he’s telling the truth?”

  “I believe he’s human, and humans can’t be trusted. But he’s never given me any reason to believe he’s lied to me.”

  “Can you think of any other way to stop Arkanica?” I didn’t want her to know how desperate I was to hear a yes. But my voice turned rough.

  Tristra shook her head. “I haven’t thought of anything. But that hasn’t been my focus.”

  “Do you think this will stop them?”

  “I don’t know.” That was more plain honesty than she had an obligation to give me. My heart softened toward her a little at that.

  I hesitated before asking the next question. “If I do this, and it turns out it isn’t enough to stop Arkanica… will you help me destroy them, if I ask?”

  I didn’t know whether I would ever go to her for help. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the thought of Trista as an ally. Once, I had trusted her more deeply than I had anyone else. But I also couldn’t forget about the games we had played. All the coy half-truths. The blood and the danger.

  But I wasn’t asking the question because I wanted her on my side. I was asking because I wanted to know which she would choose, if she could only have one: Engstrom, or stopping Arkanica.

  “I will,” said Tristra. “If you free him.” I knew that tone. It was the same tone she had used when she had told me she was going back to Faerie for good. It was the thing that had finally made me believe she meant it that time.

  “Is there anything else that could convince you to help me?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “I told Charles I would see this through. I won’t turn my back on him just because someone else made me the right offer.” She paused, tapping her chin in mock thoughtfulness. “Although I suppose if you had the means to crown me empress of this world…”

  I laughed, as much out of surprise as anything else. This new Tristra, the one who had dared to try to steal the Summer Court out from under Oberon and Titania themselves, would take some getting used to. “The human world isn’t too fond of me at the moment. Which I guess means I’m stuck with breaking the curse. Although, who knows. I’m not entirely sure it will be any easier than getting you that crown.”

  We both fell silent, mulling over what I had just said.

  Tristra spoke first. “Does that mean you’re going to do it?” She was trying to suppress the hope in her voice, I could tell. But she wasn’t doing a very good job of it. She was slipping—it used to be that no one ever saw anything in Tristra’s demeanor besides what she wanted them to see. Or maybe I just knew her too well, even after all this time.

  I took a few seconds to answer. I told myself I was thinking, but I knew the truth. I was stalling. “He told me I would need to give him a binding promise not to kill him afterward,” I finally said. “I can’t say I like that condition.”

  Tristra shrugged. “There are always loopholes, if it comes to that.”

  “I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so calm about that idea.”

  “I assume you would only turn on him if he turned on you first, in which case you might not even get the chance. He already knows what will happen if he betrays me.” Her quick, sharp grin sent a pang of memory through me. “And if he’s telling the truth, and you decide to betray him anyway… well, I said my magic couldn’t do subtle work anymore. I didn’t say it was gone. You’ve felt my fire before. I doubt you’re eager to repeat the experience.” A small flame sprang to life and danced above her skin.

  I flinched back without meaning to. She smiled and snapped her hand closed. The flame winked out.

  “Can I ask you one thing?” I said.

  “Depends on what it is.”

  She probably assumed it was about Engstrom. But there was nothing else to say about him, and nothing for me to do but delay my inevitable answer. But I hadn’t run out of stalling tactics just yet. “What did you mean when you said my tastes hadn’t changed?”

  Tristra looked at me in confusion for a second, like she was processing the change of subject. Then she burst out laughing. Even now, that laugh of hers made me want to smile. Although this time I had the distinct feeling she was laughing at me, which kept the impulse in check.

  “Really, Conall,” she said, shaking her head at me. “You know exactly what I meant.”

  I gave her a dark look. “How about you assume I don’t?”

  “Oh? Are you honestly going to try to tell me there’s nothing between you and Mab’s Exalted Knight?”

  I had been afraid she was going to say that. “Vicantha is a useful ally,” I said stiffly. “Occasionally. When she’s not trying to kill me. That’s it.”

  “That human blood of yours is quite the gift,” said Tristra with a little chuckle. “I envy your ability to lie.”

  I scowled at her. “While we’re on the subject of Vicantha…”

  “Yes?” Tristra’s eyes twinkled.

  “You said you had heard rumors from Faerie. Have you heard anything about her lately?” I didn’t want to ask, and give Tristra more ammunition. But it had been too long since I had heard from Vicantha. Even my Winter contact hadn’t heard anything. The sensible side of me knew Vicantha had no reason to contact me—she had work of her own to do, and it no longer overlapped with mine. But… well, not all of me was sensible.

  The sparkle left Tristra’s eyes. “The last I heard, she had gone missing in this world while on a mission for the Winter Queen. I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you.”

  “No, that’s good news.” She had gone back through the portal in secret, after refusing to assassinate Delaney for Mab. Once she had found out Mab was secretly planning a war against the human world, she had given herself a new mission: to work against the Winter Court and hobble Mab’s efforts. If no one had heard anything, that meant she hadn’t been captured yet.

  Unless Mab was keeping it under wraps. It couldn’t be good for the Winter Queen’s reputation, after all, to have her loyal right hand turn against her. But for now, for the sake of my own sanity, I was going to take it as a good sign.

  “In that case, I’m happy to ease your mind.” She shot me a teasing smile. “I’m sure she would be pleased to know you’re so concerned about her well-being.”

  My scowl deepened. “She helped me when I needed it. I’d like to know I could call on her again someday, if I had to.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Tristra kept on smiling. “So tell me, what is this Vicantha like? From the stories I’ve heard, you’d think she was the monster under every Summer Court child’s bed.”

  I searched her words for any hint of jealousy, and found none. “She’s… straightforward.” It was the first thing that came to mind. I couldn’t imagine why. “When she wants me dead, she tells me so. Usually with those daggers of hers.”

  “Mmm. Sounds dull.”

  “The daggers were sharp enough. I have the scars to prove it.”

  More silence stretched between us. She was waiting for my answer about Engstrom, I knew. Waiting, and trying not to ask the question aloud. I could feel her tension. Either her years in isolation had made her forget how to keep her feelings hidden, or time hadn’t weakened the bond between us as much as I had thought.

  “I’m here to destroy Arkanica,” I said. “I won’t let anything get in the way of that.”

  She chuckled again at that, although I couldn’t see what was funny. Not until she said, “Of course you won’t. This is your latest cause, isn’t it? You have
n’t changed one bit.”

  I wasn’t sure how to take that. I chose not to respond. I had stalled long enough anyway. “Right now…” My throat tightened, but I forced the rest out. “Right now, freeing Engstrom from the curse looks like the best chance I have.”

  Tristra watched me for a few seconds in tense silence, like she was afraid I was going to change my mind. “Thank you,” she said quietly, when I didn’t say anything else.

  “I’m not doing this for you,” I reminded her. “Or for him. I hope he’s telling the truth, and that I can free both of you. But I won’t promise anything.”

  I nodded. “Except that.”

  “This is really happening, isn’t it? We’re going to be free.” Tristra’s slow grin was almost enough to make me forget everything I had just said about Arkanica and promise her everything she could ever want. Almost. “Where do you think you’ll start?”

  And just like that, I was committed. I had come here to kill the man who had created Arkanica, and bring his creation down with him. Instead, I was going to save his life.

  Exhaustion crashed over me with all the force of the waves below. It hit me that I hadn’t really rested since I had said goodbye to Delaney. I had been arrested; I had tangled with the mob. I had confronted one of the world’s richest and most powerful men, and watched helplessly as he killed himself in front of me. I had been briefly held prisoner by a lawyer even the fae feared. I had died once, and nearly died a second time. I had ripped my last target apart… and watched his body knit itself back together.

  And I had seen Tristra again.

  What I needed was to sleep for a week. Instead, I was going to try to figure out how to undo a bit of fae magic that neither the human world’s foremost expert in the fae nor the actual full-blooded fae right next to me could do anything about.

  “Right now? I’m going to rest.” I tried to hold back a yawn, and failed. “You’re the tour guide—where’s the closest spare bedroom?”

  Tristra stared at me. “You’re going to rest? You?”

  “What can I say? Time changes us all.” I shot her a half-smile. “I did spend seventy-five years as a beach bum, remember?”