Outback Heart

by Palmer, Fiona

  ‘Oh, shit,’ said Jasper.

  Indi’s hand went to her mouth as she mumbled, ‘No.’

  Patrick had jogged across from the other side of the oval.

  ‘What’s going on, little brother? Taking a breather?’ said Pat, leaning over, hands on his thighs.

  Indi slapped Pat. ‘He’s broken his ankle.’

  ‘Oh, really? Shit, I’m sorry, Jasp.’

  Jasper was loaded into the back of the ambulance and the game continued. Troy knew that look on Jasper’s face wasn’t just from the pain. It was the disappointment of realising he’d be out for most of the season. Troy wanted to tell him that at least he’d be back, that his footy playing days weren’t over, but the words stuck in his throat.

  ‘Troy?’ asked Indi. She touched his arm again to get his attention. ‘Is it okay if I go with Jasper?’

  Her concern was sweet. It was like having his mum nearby.

  ‘Of course. Go,’ he said, nudging her. ‘I don’t think we’ll lose today.’

  ‘Will you text us the final score?’ she asked.

  ‘Sure thing.’ Troy walked back to the game. He hated having Indi’s number in his phone. It was like keeping a part of her close to him, and it scared him. So long as he didn’t get drunk and use it, he should be fine.

  After a minute he had this weird sense, maybe it was the sweet vanilla he could smell, and he turned to find Indi standing nearby. ‘What are you still doing here?’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Jasper didn’t want me mothering him. Dad went instead. You’re stuck with me,’ she added with a smile.

  He nodded, crossing his arms as he watched the game. He fought back his own smile.

  ‘Bloody hell!’ screamed Indi when the final siren sounded. Everyone – players and supporters – was in the air celebrating as if they’d just won the AFL grand final. Patrick leaped into Spud’s arms, and the Duckworth brothers were whooping and high-fiving each other.

  Beside Troy, Indi was jumping up and down, hitting his arm as she screamed. ‘We won a game! We won a game!’

  Her joy was infectious and he found himself smiling as they jogged to join the team. All the boys took great delight in hugging Indi. Troy turned away and massaged his tight neck muscles.

  There were going to be some celebrations tonight, that was for sure.

  Back in the change room the boys went straight into a huddle and chanted the team song. Troy didn’t know the words but Limp and Patrick pulled him in, their arms around his back, and he was swept up in the euphoria of the moment.

  Five hours later, drunken slurs had replaced singing voices. By now the Saints song was almost unrecognisable. Troy still didn’t really know the words anyway. But he did know when Indi walked back into the clubroom. He was busy laughing at Lucky, who was wearing the old pink dressing gown and handbag for the clanger he did during last quarter. Limp had come close to winning the ritual award but Lucky had passed off a handball directly to the opposition which led to a goal, giving him the honours tonight. But Lucky was no match for his attention when Indi waltzed in. Most of the boys and the cheer squad – which had grown throughout the night – were packed in the club celebrating but he still felt her presence.

  He knew she’d left to take her dad and Jasper some clothes, and see how he was going. He wasn’t expecting her to drop back in – it was a welcome surprise.

  With the alcohol racing through him, he headed over to talk to her. He should have known better. He was playing with fire.

  ‘How’s Jasper going?’ he asked.

  He could see his approach had surprised her, or maybe it was his smile. Troy straightened his shoulders and tried to sober himself up.

  ‘He’s fine. Whingeing, of course. He’s been told he could be out for a few months. Dad’s down a worker and he’ll have to do some of the spraying. So all in all, not the happiest of chaps.’ She pulled a face and he smiled again.

  God, she’s lovely, he thought. She wasn’t as delicate as Peta but they were similar in other ways.

  ‘Who’s going to replace Jasper on the field?’ she asked.

  Troy blinked as he tried to clear the boozy fog from his brain. ‘Good question. I hope you’ll think about it, and then let me know,’ he said with a giggle.

  ‘Had a few, have we, Troy?’ Her full lips arched in a smile and Troy found himself staring at her mouth. Eventually he processed her words and tried to reply.

  ‘Just celebrating the win. Mind you, I’m faring better than some of them. Huey is talking about bringing out the phone book. God knows what that means.’

  Indi threw her head back and laughed. ‘Oh, you have so much to learn.’

  Jaffa and Tegan walked by. ‘Who’s got to learn what?’ Tegan asked.

  ‘Troy was just wondering about the phone book.’

  Tegan laughed as she tried to stop Jaffa from wandering off. ‘I’ll leave that for you to explain. How’s Jasper?’ Tegan asked as Jaffa kept slapping her hand away from him. He clearly wanted to be back at the party.

  ‘He’ll be fine. Can I come see you tomorrow for a cuppa?’ asked Indi.

  ‘Great idea. I’ll see you then. We have to go.’

  Jaffa shook his head at Tegan. ‘No we don’t. Miss Prissy here is spoiling all the fun,’ said Jaffa, as his eyes rolled around like ping-pong balls.

  Tegan grimaced and pushed him towards the door. ‘Car, Jaffa.’ She glanced back at Indi. ‘Sorry. He’s had too much, so I’m taking him home. We’ll talk tomorrow.’

  Troy said goodbye as they left. ‘I like Tegan. Very pretty. I miss her eyelashes,’ he said, thinking of Peta.

  ‘What?’ asked Indi, confused.

  Troy realised his slip. ‘So what’s up with the phone book?’

  She was too sober to accept his change of subject. He could tell by the way she raised one eyebrow, but thankfully she let it slide. ‘Um, how to explain it. Well, it gets used as a ruler.’

  ‘A ruler for what?’

  ‘Oh, shit. Don’t make me say it,’ she mumbled. Indi actually blushed. She was cute when she blushed. ‘Let’s just say, they use the page to measure up to a certain name.’

  ‘Measure what?’ he said. The look on her face was priceless.

  ‘You know.’ Indi did these funny little actions that were so cute. It took all his effort not to burst out laughing. Troy smiled and playfully nudged Indi’s arm.

  ‘Yeah, I know, I just wanted to hear you tell me.’

  Indi’s eyes grew wide. ‘You bugger,’ she said punching his arm.

  The way she looked at him, her touch and her teasing caused a dizziness within him. His body was waking, burning for her. He swallowed the football-sized lump in his throat and put all his drunken focus on escaping before he pulled her into a kiss. His body was screaming for her, needing to taste everything she had to offer. It took all his effort to gather himself.

  ‘Well, I think I’d better head home,’ he said. ‘I reckon I’ve had enough.’ He was about to leave when Indi reached for his arm.

  Damn, he wished she’d stop doing that.

  ‘You’re not driving, are you?’

  He tried not to think about her fingers, touching him, holding him. ‘Please don’t touch me,’ he said. It came out as a painful low growl.

  Indi withdrew her hand like she’d been burned and shot him a puzzled look. He could tell he’d confused her. ‘Look, I’m fine, I’m gonna walk. It’s not far and it’ll help clear the head.’

  ‘I can drive you, if you like,’ she offered.

  His brain was screaming. If she only knew the thoughts he was having right now. He couldn’t speak. Without a reply he headed for the door. He didn’t dare turn around either. But he heard her soft words follow him. ‘Catch ya, Troy.’

  He shivered and it wasn’t from the cold night air. And as crisp as the walk was, it still didn’t clear his head. When he finally crawled into bed, the only thing on his mind was Indi. It was worse than a hangover.

  16

  2006<
br />
  TROY headed down the corridor with Freddie past a heap of Year Eight kids covered in pimples. They no longer turned to stare at him, the boy who was kept alive by the battery. He’d settled back into boarding and school, although he was behind in his classes. He was alive – schoolwork didn’t seem so important. It had been three months since he’d been released from hospital and life was almost back to normal. Almost.

  He’d had a few scares, his battery running low, causing a few panicked moments when the alarm went off. But he always plugged himself into the mains and kept the battery charged at night. He’d even played a few practical jokes in the classroom by turning on his alarm and freaking everyone out. He felt he was entitled to some perks.

  Every now and then his boarding mates would tease him about turning off his heart machine because the sound of it could be heard in the quiet before sleep, but Troy found it soothing, rhythmical. Sometime his mates would sit on his bed and beat box to the sound of his artificial heart.

  Freddie had said one night that he listened for the machine every night and every morning, just to make sure his mate was still okay. Troy wondered how he would feel if it was Freddie who was being kept alive by a battery powered machine in his chest.

  ‘I wish I could get a day pass too,’ said Freddie, scratching his wayward hair.

  ‘Normally, I’d like that too, but three’s a crowd.’ Troy smiled.

  Troy’s mum had approved him taking leave to be with Peta. She’d come to like and trust Peta, and she wanted to see Troy happy. ‘At least he’s not off doing drugs,’ she’d say to Owen.

  His parents were back home in Geraldton. Mum had wanted to move to Perth, to have Troy by her side so she could watch over him as they waited for a heart. But a new heart could take years, so with gentle nudging from Owen Trish had finally let Troy do his final year back at boarding school while she remained in Geraldton. Troy had been relieved. Mum would have been miserable in the city away from the farm and she would have been glued to him. At least he had his mates to keep him from thinking about his future, whereas his mum was always scanning the newspapers.

  ‘Here’s my guy,’ said Peta as Troy and Freddie walked into the foyer. ‘Hey, Freddie.’

  Troy pulled Peta into his arms, inhaling her scent. She was like a surge of spring – fresh, vibrant and full of new life.

  ‘Hey, beautiful.’ Troy kissed her quickly while the boarding house supervisor was looking the other way.

  ‘Get a room,’ Freddie mumbled.

  ‘See ya when I get back,’ he said to Freddie. ‘We’ll do the test revisions then?’

  ‘Yeah, come find me. Don’t have too much fun.’ Freddie screwed up his face.

  ‘Bye, Freddie,’ called Peta.

  As they walked to her car after he signed out, Peta reached for his hand. ‘You fully charged?’

  ‘I am,’ he said with a wink. He pulled her into him so he could kiss her neck tenderly.

  ‘That’s so not what I meant and you know it,’ she replied, laughing.

  Peta took him back to her place, a house she shared with her cousin Dean. Her cousin had bought the place a year ago when he started work as a fly-in fly-out worker on the mines. Dean was happy that he had someone to look after the place while he was gone for weeks on end.

  ‘Dean still away?’ Troy asked as they pulled into the driveway. The house was nearly ten years old but the cream brick three bedroom, two bathroom house looked quite new.

  ‘Yeah, until Friday. We have the place to ourselves.’ Peta took him inside to the lounge room where they curled up together in front of the TV.

  But neither of them was interested in watching television. Troy ran his hand through her hair, loving the feel of it, while his eyes stayed focused on her face. She had the longest eyelashes. Dropping his head, he sought out her lips, which waited for him, parted. ‘Hmm, I’ve missed you,’ he said. And it was the truth.

  Even though they hadn’t been going out for long, just over two months, he’d never experienced anything like it before. He’d never been in love but he knew he was now. And it wasn’t just because they were both survivors – it was more than that. Peta understood him, the real him, and she was herself, so open and honest. She was easy and undemanding, like Freddie. They were great mates. And they hadn’t rushed their relationship, but when they finally made it into her bedroom and figured out how to manoeuvre around his life-saving device, it had cemented their connection.

  ‘I’ve missed you, too.’ She smiled and his heart soared. They linked fingers. ‘So how’s the study going?’ she asked.

  ‘You know how to spoil a great moment,’ Troy said with a laugh.

  ‘Getting an education is important,’ she said. ‘You could get an awesome job like mine.’

  ‘Yes, I can see myself working in a music store, stocking the latest CDs and earning the big bucks,’ he teased.

  ‘Hey, I get good discounts.’

  ‘I’d best sign up after school, then. It sounds perfect.’ Troy smiled. He caressed her face, trailing kisses from her cheek to her lips. ‘Okay, enough small talk, I can’t wait any longer,’ he mumbled between kisses.

  He knew the way to her bedroom blindfolded – he knew every snow dome on her shelf and the late eighties posters on her door and her cupboard. He knew there would be a few clothes on the floor, that the bed would be roughly made and more often than not there would be music playing.

  She had a pink stuffed unicorn that always sat next to the pillows on her bed, and he wasn’t allowed to throw it to the floor with the rest of the extra bedding. Peta’s dad had bought Faith the unicorn for her when her heart first gave out. She was too old for stuffed toys but her dad had wanted her to believe in miracles. Faith had been by her side through all the operations and each recovery. It had become a symbol. But to Troy, seeing the sparkly pink unicorn in Peta’s dark rock-infused room was like seeing a glimpse of her heart. Sweet, soft, and magical.

  Afterwards, as Peta lay draped across his chest, her hair fanned out, her breasts against his skin and their scars touching, he knew he had to tell Peta how he felt. Troy didn’t think he could hold it in any more. Peta made him feel whole again.

  ‘You know how much I love you, don’t you?’ he asked softly as his fingers trailed up and down her smooth back.

  Peta lifted her head, her chin on his chest as she gazed at him. Her smile said it all. ‘Yes. I love you, too, Troy. So much.’ She dropped her head, kissing his chest, kissing his scar.

  ‘I’m glad we agree.’ Troy propped his head up with his arm. ‘Mum is coming up next weekend for a visit.’

  Peta rolled back on her side. ‘Oh, that will be nice,’ she said.

  Troy groaned. ‘I don’t know. She’ll spend most of the time reading all the papers and watching the news, hoping for someone else’s tragedy.’

  ‘I remember that.’ Peta grabbed a pillow and sat up beside him. ‘My parents were terrible, but they just really care and want us to be better. Don’t worry – I’m sure there is a heart beating its way to you very soon.’

  *

  And Peta had been right. A few days later he’d been playing table tennis with a few mates when one of the Year Ten boys came running towards them.

  ‘Troy, Troy,’ he screamed at the top of his lungs. ‘They might have a heart for you.’ The kid skidded to a stop, puffing and wheezing.

  ‘What do you mean?’ asked Freddie.

  Troy realised then that he’d left his special pager back in his room. ‘How do you know?’ he asked.

  ‘The transplant team have been trying to page you and they ended up ringing the housemother. You gotta come quick.’

  Troy turned to Freddie. ‘Holy shit – it’s real. I might have a heart.’

  Freddie and his mates cheered and then went with him to Mrs O’Donnell, the housemother. Mrs O’Donnell was looking flushed but relieved when Troy appeared.

  ‘Oh Troy, we must go. They have a heart and you need to be tested to see if you’re com
patible.’

  Troy bit his lip; he felt scared, shocked, and unprepared. ‘I can’t believe it, Freddie.’

  Meanwhile his friends were yelling out, ‘Troy’s got a new heart.’ It was almost as if the whole school had begun to gather near him, like the Pied Piper with his magical flute. The housemother left to bring her car around to the front while Troy had a chance to say his goodbyes.

  Freddie grabbed him by the shoulder, his fingers pressing hard. ‘You will be fine, Yoda. You’re tough, you’ll be fine.’

  Troy knew there was a chance he might not come through this alive. He knew the risks.

  ‘Yeah, I know, Freddie.’ They hugged quickly while his other mates patted his back and wished him well before he headed to the car. ‘I have to call Peta,’ he said to the other supervisor, Mr Jansen.

  Troy felt sick, dizzy, as if he were floating, so many mixed emotions as Mr Jansen ushered him into the office.

  Troy picked up the phone and rang Peta, the words tumbling from his lips. ‘Peta, I’m on my way to Royal Perth. They may have a heart for me.’ He smiled as she screamed before saying she was leaving now and would meet him there.

  ‘I love you, Troy.’

  She didn’t give him time to reply. No doubt she’d be racing off towards her little Datsun.

  Mr Jansen quickly led him outside to Mrs O’Donnell, who was waiting in her car. She looked just as nervous as he felt. The relief of a new beginning came with fear. He found the best thing to do was bury all those feelings and just take one step at a time.

  ‘Your parents are trying to get a flight,’ Mrs O’Donnell explained. The peak-hour traffic felt interminable.

  Troy clenched his fists, and took a deep breath. For the second time in four months Troy’s life would be in the hands of the surgeons, if this heart was for him.

  17

  MIDWAY through the next week Indi was ready to scream. She wanted to swear at the top of her lungs and probably would have had she not been in the main street of Hyden, outside the Bush Shopping Village. She’d spent all morning typing up and printing the Busy Bee flyer and the Hyden–Karlgarin Football Club newsletter and now they were blowing around the parking area after tumbling out of her ute. ‘Bloody hell.’