by Lane, Cheryl
I had another memory after Cora and the girls left the room. “Did they bring the food in here through some sort of underground passage?”
Ethan put his arm on the back of my chair and said, “Yes. There is a tunnel underground leading from the kitchen house to the cellar below here, and they come upstairs through that door.” He pointed to a door between the dining room and study.
“I vaguely remember being in that tunnel, for some reason,” I said, looking at Ethan.
“Yes, we used to play in there as children,” he said, smirking at his mother.
“Ah, yes. I remember that, too,” Clarissa said. “I can still hear the screams as you played hide and seek down there.”
I smiled, and suddenly realized that the tunnel was the place where I’d had a dream of playing in as a child. I could remember being in the cool darkness, hearing whispers and feet shuffling on the dirt floor, and someone touching my arm, causing me to scream. “I do remember that,” I said, still looking at Ethan.
I helped Lillie eat during the meal by breaking apart small bites of the tender fish, and held her glass for her while she drank some milk. She made happy content sounds while she ate, jabbering between bites.
Supper was soon finished, and Ethan and his father planned to move over to the study to have some brandy and smoke pipes. Clarissa wanted us ladies to join her in the sitting room. Ethan stood up quickly and held my chair for me while I stood. He bowed politely to me, took my hand in his and kissed it softly once again. I reluctantly left him, took Lillie in my arms, and followed Clarissa and Elizabeth down the hall.
The sitting room sofa and chairs had a dark burgundy velvet material, as well as the drapes on the three windows of the room. Two windows faced the carriage drive, while the other window faced the bachelor’s quarters. The walls of the room were a pale pink color, giving the room a warm feeling. An oil lamp was lit on a big table between the two chairs, and another was lit on top of the piano.
Clarissa sat on the sofa and patted for me to sit next to her. “Come sit next to me, Madeline. It’s so good to have you back with us again.” I sat where she directed, placing Lillie on my lap. Elizabeth sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the fireplace, looking forlorn and disinterested. Cora served us hot tea and some more bread with strawberry jam, served on chipped blue and white china.
“Mm, that jam looks delicious, Miss Cora,” I said. “Thank you.” She bowed politely, smiling. “Are there strawberries nearby?” I asked Clarissa.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, your brother Jonas grows them. He sent some over here just last week. Miss Cora, this looks absolutely delicious,” she said, directing her attention to Cora. “Are you finding everything you need in the kitchen?”
“Oh yes, ma’am. Everything is just fine, ma’am.” She left the room still smiling.
Clarissa talked to me mostly, as Elizabeth sat looking at us, stewing, forcing a smile from time to time. Lillie also remained quiet, content to sit on my lap and suck on her fingers, licking off some strawberry jam from the little bit I had given her.
I told Ethan’s mother that I would like to make myself useful around the house and asked her what I could do to occupy my time. “I worked in the gardens on the Washingtons’ farm.”
“You could help out in our small family garden, if you’d like to.”
“Yes, I would,” I told her.
“Cora and the girls will now be taking care of the cooking and gathering all the kitchen supplies and do some of the cleaning that Elizabeth has still been doing.”
“Yes,” Elizabeth chimed in. “I’m so very grateful to you for bringing new servants to the house, Madeline. That will give me more time to spend with my husband.”
“Now Elizabeth,” Clarissa said. “You know that Madeline here was married to Ethan before, and since she’s lost her memory, she is the one who needs to spend time with him, to get her memory back.”
I looked over at Elizabeth, whose face turned red with anger and probably embarrassment. “Yes, ma’am,” she said quietly. She looked at me with contempt.
“And of course, you can spend some time with little Lillie Rose, as well,” Clarissa said softly to me, patting Lillie on the arm. “It’s so wonderful to see how quickly she has taken to you. She must know you’re her mama.” I smiled at the thought and looked down at Lillie.
She continued talking about the garden. “Our vegetable garden has corn, potatoes, carrots, peas, blackberries, pumpkins, and we have a small patch of lavender. You could help with weeding and gathering ripe vegetables and fruits for Cora if you really wanted to do something. Don’t feel obligated to do anything, though. We want you to work on getting your memory back.”
“I’d be happy to help out. I enjoy working in the garden.”
I thought about Elizabeth’s earlier comment about wanting to spend more time with Ethan, and my heart hurt. I wished she didn’t feel that way. It made it harder for me to not feel guilty about wanting to spend time with him myself. Perhaps gardening would be a nice distraction to occupy myself while Ethan was working out in the fields or whatever it was he did. I really didn’t know what he did and wondered if he had other obligations outside the plantation.
“What does Ethan do around here? When I met him this morning, he’d been working out in the fields.”
“Yes, he does work out in the fields. We don’t have slaves anymore and barely any hired hands to help us. We used to grow tobacco before the war, but the land wasn’t much fit to grow tobacco on anymore, either because of it getting trampled on during the war or because the land was just worn out. Ethan and the hired brothers tried after the war, but it just wouldn’t take. So we’re trying cotton now, which we’ve had better success with. It has taken the whole year to get a decent-sized crop growing. Ethan and his father take the cotton to the marketplace here in Charles City County, across the river to City Point, and also down to Williamsburg to sell it in the fall.” She paused to take a sip of tea.
“Ethan also keeps the book of sales, and he handles the hired men, sharecroppers, and house servants, which now includes Cora and the girls. We’re going to need more help this summer as the cotton gets close to harvest time. Ethan’s father has given him more responsibilities since the war. Poor Edward was shot in the leg during the war and had to have the lower half of it removed. He uses a partial wooden leg, which you may have noticed, so he’s not able to get around like he used to.”
“What does my brother Jonas do, besides grow strawberries?” I asked her next.
“Jonas has continued to grow corn just as your father had started before the war. He also has a small vegetable garden to eat out of along with strawberries. He works awful hard, does it all himself, doesn’t have any servants. Ethan helps him out some when he can. We’d hoped to tell him about finding you, but Jake rode over there this afternoon and said he wasn’t home. He was going to Orange to visit Lucy’s family, though I thought he might be home by now. Lucy was the girl he was going to marry, do you remember?”
I shook my head. “Ethan told me what happened to her.”
“It’s very sad. Perhaps he will be home tomorrow. I’ll have Jake ride back over there and leave a letter for Jonas that you are here.”
“Tell me about your sister,” I said. “Did I know her?”
“Catherine? Yes, you had seen her a few times but not often. As a matter of fact, when I was just there to see her, after I met you in Chester, I told her about you and your accident. She told me she thought she’d seen you at a party on New Year’s Eve. Is that possible?”
That was Clarissa’s sister? “Oh, well, I did go to a party, yes, in Bellwood. I didn’t know your sister was there.” I still didn’t want to tell her about Jefferson just yet. I wondered if Catherine had told her about Jefferson kissing me.
“She wasn’t sure if it was you or not, but it sounds like it was. She didn’t mention it in our correspondence, so I didn’t know about it until I went over to visit her this week.
Like I said, she may be losing her house and may have to come here to live. Edward doesn’t know that yet, but I’ll tell him about that later. She has a daughter. Her husband died during the war.”
“I noticed Lillie drinking milk. Do you have cows here?”
“No. We used to have sheep before the war. Some neighbors of ours, the parishioner, Reverend O’Loughlin, and his wife, have a small herd of Guernseys. We used to trade eggs for milk. I was so glad to see you bringing hens along with you, Madeline. We need those. A fox got our last hen a fortnight ago. Hopefully we’ll get some more eggs. Jake and Zeke will have to repair our chicken coop. The fox made somewhat of a mess.
We were quiet for a moment, while I finished drinking my tea, and then Clarissa touched my arm. “I have a wonderful idea. Why don’t we have a special dinner in honor of your return? Just a simple gathering among the neighboring families, maybe a little music and dancing? I’ll have to see if the fiddle player, John Goodson, is available. Perhaps seeing other people would help trigger your memory. I think Saturday evening would be a good day. Would that be all right with you?” I nodded. “I’ll go and tell the gentlemen.”
Elizabeth didn’t look too thrilled with the idea. She had a frown on her face, which she didn’t try to hide. We got up to follow Clarissa, but Elizabeth caught my arm first.
“If you think I’m just going to step aside and let you take Ethan away from me, you’re dead wrong.”
I stood there holding Lillie with my jaw hung down as Elizabeth walked down the hall toward the dining room. I wasn’t feeling sorry for her anymore. If she wanted a fight, I’d give her one. I had every right to be here.
I was still standing there when Ethan came into the room looking for me. I heard the others’ voices drift away, as they retired to the floor above.
“Madeline? Are you all right?” As he walked across the room to me, I began to feel my heart beat faster with excitement.
“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking about the party your mother wants to have. Did she tell you?”
“Yes, and I think that would be perfect,” he said, smiling at me intently. The thought of dancing with him made my heart skip a beat.
He walked close to me and took Lillie Rose carefully from my arms. “I’ll take her upstairs with me,” he said softly, draping her across one shoulder. I could smell the sweet-scented tobacco from the pipe he had been smoking. It smelled vaguely familiar, and I felt immediately drawn to him. He smelled like home.
“I’m really glad you chose to stay with us. I hope you won’t regret it.” He smiled at me sweetly and took one of my hands in his and kissed it gently. “I hope that this will give us another chance to be together,” he said, pulling my hand towards his heart. I could feel his heart beating fast beneath his soft cotton shirt. I had to close my eyes for a moment, as I breathed in his scent. He continued, “I know you don’t remember me as a grown man, but I hope that you will grow to care about me as much as I do you.” I opened my eyes again, and he was looking into mine, still holding my hand. I felt like a frog had leaped into my throat. I couldn’t speak.
“I know it’s easy to love a child, especially one as sweet and beautiful as our Lillie Rose here, but I hope that you will also come to care about me, as well, more than just the friendship we had as children. I don’t know how much of the past you will come to remember, but whatever happens, I am willing to accept it. If you don’t get the rest of your memory back and decide you don’t want me as a husband, then I will regretfully accept that, too.” His voice broke at those last words, and he cleared his throat.
I didn’t know what to say and didn’t seem to be able to speak, so I just nodded my head in acknowledgement and smiled. He let go of my hand then and held out his arm to escort me upstairs. I joined my arm with his, my heart beating faster as our arms touched, and we walked up the staircase to my room where he said goodnight. Once inside his old room, I wished so much that I could remember the grown-up Ethan, and wondered what our lives had been like together in this house as husband and wife. I was determined to remember, or else have great enjoyment making new memories with him. Regardless of what Elizabeth thought about it.
Chapter 8
Getting To Know You
I awoke to the sound of dogs barking and for a moment was disoriented. I sat up, looked around the room, and then realized where I was. Wellington Cross. I thought about everything that had happened yesterday, from waking up at Oakworth, which had been destroyed by fire, to traveling with a woman I didn’t remember, meeting the man who claimed to have been my husband, who was also my childhood friend I remembered in my dreams, finding out I also had a daughter, and adjusting to a new family, a new life.
It seemed strange to be living around people who knew you before, but you still didn’t know that person they knew, the grown-up Madeline. Even the dogs remembered me. When was I going to remember? I felt more pressure being around people who knew me than I did when I stayed with the Washingtons. It was a little overwhelming.
I smiled thinking about Ethan. I didn’t remember him as this man I saw, but instead as a little child running around, getting into mischief with me and my brother. But the man I did see made me have grown-up thoughts. There was definitely an undercurrent of attraction between us. He genuinely still seemed to care about me and wanted to help me remember who I had grown up to be, and find out if I still cared for him. It warmed my heart. There was evidence that we had loved each other, and I felt connected to him; and because we had loved each other, a daughter had resulted.
Lillie Rose. Such a sweet little baby girl. She made me want to be a mother. I was already becoming attached to her, and I didn’t know how I could live without her again and hoped I wouldn’t have to. I’d missed so much of her life already.
I was startled by a knock at the door and quickly put on a scarlet dressing gown from the clothing of my past life. Ethan was on the other side of the door with a grin on his face and a single red rose in his hand. His grin faded, and he seemed speechless for a moment, looking at my disheveled hair and what I was wearing. I pulled the dressing gown closer around me, imagining that he must be having his own flashes of memories of us being intimate, perhaps of the last time he had seen me wearing this dressing gown.
He came to himself again and cleared his throat, forcing himself to look at my face. “I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said softly.
“No, not at all,” I said, smiling.
He handed me the rose. “I picked this for you from the garden.”
I took the rose, noticing it was free of thorns, and put it up to my nose. “Mm. It smells wonderful. Thank you, Ethan. That’s so sweet of you.” He’s such a romantic.
“I was going out for a ride and wondered if you’d care to join me? It’s a beautiful cool morning.” It was only then that I noticed he was wearing long riding boots and a riding habit.
“Oh, yes. I’d love to. I’ll get dressed and join you.” I started to close the door, but he put his hand on the door to stop me.
“I will be waiting for you in the sitting room downstairs, the room with the piano,” he added, and then he took his hand back off the door and turned to cross the hall towards the staircase.
I quickly closed the door and dressed into a long dark grey skirt, a white chemisette, my leather boots, and a long dark grey riding habit. The riding habit was a bit worn, but that was all I had, and ladies wore riding jackets when riding on horseback, especially in the company of a gentleman. Since I was to be riding on a horse, I didn’t put the crinoline on. I pulled my hair up into a bun and pinned it. I thought about wearing an old sun bonnet, but it looked rather informal with the riding habit, so I left it off, and simply put a hair net over my bun in back. After checking my face in a mirror, I headed downstairs.
I found Ethan in the sitting room looking at a photograph in a silver frame on top of the piano. I walked into the room, stirring him from his thoughts.
“You look wonderful,” he said. “Not
that you didn’t also look wonderful in what you were wearing before, but, well, that was unexpected.”
“Thank you,” I said, blushing. As I got closer to him and the piano, I noticed that the piano had a hole in one of the keys.
Ethan noticed me looking at the piano keys. “That’s from one of the Yankee intrusions during the war.”
I nodded. I looked at the photograph he was holding and realized it was of me and him.
“Is that us?” I asked him, though I knew it was.
“Yes, it’s our wedding photograph. I refused to allow mother to put it away. I left it on the piano because you used to play it.”
He handed me the photograph, and I looked at it, standing close to Ethan. So I really was married to him. There was proof right there in front of me. I stared at our faces, trying to remember the event. Our wedding. The wind suddenly whipped through a nearby open window, blowing wispy white sheer curtains towards my arm, brushing it lightly. It reminded me of a veil, covering my head, brushing against my arms…just like in the photograph. We were in front of the gazebo. The wind swept across my face, gently pushing wisps of hair off my face. I closed my eyes and could hear violins playing, laughter, and then Ethan’s deep voice saying, “This is for you, Maddie,” and he handed me a silver necklace with a Celtic cross hanging from it. I suddenly realized this was part of the scene I had remembered when I held the Celtic wedding ring and heard Ethan’s voice.
The wind stopped blowing, and I opened my eyes. I was excited that I’d had another vision from the past. “Ethan, I remember something about our wedding day.” I reached out and touched his arm and told him what I remembered.
“Stay right here for a moment,” he said, quickly leaving the room. He returned a few moments later, slightly out of breath, with a small box in his hand. He opened it and showed me the same necklace I had seen in my vision. It was silver in an intricate design with small emeralds inside the cross.