Paradox Lost

by Libby Drew

  “Don’t want you to.”

  Saul pushed inside, but despite his words, stilled as soon as he did, running soothing hands down Reegan’s flank while he battled the initial discomfort. “Okay?”

  Reegan nodded, and Saul took him at his word, not asking again. He tried to hold back. Reegan sensed that. The restraint translated into slow, rigid thrusts, erasing the vestiges of Reegan’s pain. He hung his head low between his shoulders, sinking onto his elbows. “What are you waiting for?”

  Saul’s clipped laugh brought a smile to Reegan’s face, but he hid it against his folded arms, embarrassed at how his heart twisted.

  Panting, Saul had trouble getting his words out. “I just…Jesus. It’s amazing. It’s—”

  Indescribable, apparently, because Saul didn’t bother to finish the thought. He realigned his grip on Reegan’s hips, fingers digging deep. When he started moving again, it was with a fluidity and dispatch that proved his control had finally snapped.

  Trying to hold against the onslaught, Reegan braced his elbows on the counter, but soon the relentless pounding stole his strength to do anything but drift with the rising tide of climax. A vicious thrust drove him into the neat row of perfumes and body creams that lined the back of the sink. They scattered across the vanity, and Reegan gasped as the changed angle propelled him past his own point of no return. He reached for his straining cock, wrapping it tight in his fist, stripping it in time with Saul’s frenzied thrusts.

  Climax hit with the force and speed of a bullet, and Reegan held his instinctive shout behind clenched teeth as his body jerked and emptied in ecstatic pulses. Saul buried his answering cry against Reegan’s shoulder. His pace faltered, and he came, swelling and throbbing inside Reegan’s body.

  Strength gone, they fell forward, Saul still buried inside him, arms wrapped tight around his lover. Even as their breathing calmed, his grip stayed firm. Reegan’s ebbing pleasure redoubled, the possessiveness striking a bell-like peal in his heart and mind.

  Saul shifted. Lips brushed Reegan’s hair, ruffling it above his ear. His voice purred one expectant, tortured word. “Reegan.”

  Reegan shushed him. “I know.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Don’t even think about trying to sneak out of here without me. You’re not going over there alone.”

  Saul scowled as he slid his jeans over his hips and reached for his wadded-up shirt. “You’ll slow me down.”

  Reegan’s sharp laugh preceded a smack to Saul’s ass. “I’m not six. Stop with the playground insults. I won’t slow you down, and going alone is hands-down reckless. Now put your damn shoes on, and let’s get moving.” He began straightening Cammie’s scattered toiletries. “You said we could do this in an hour?”

  That was pushing it. He’d said that to keep Reegan out of danger, though he wasn’t really safe anywhere. “On the inside. Maybe ninety minutes.”

  Reegan grunted an acknowledgement as he finished repairing the damage their overzealous encounter had done to the spotless vanity top. “Let me fill Silvia in. Then we can go.”

  They found Silvia still cuddled into the chair where they’d left her. Reegan might have been trying for a disapproving stare, but Saul noticed quite a bit of fondness in his expression.

  “Don’t wake her.” Cammie spoke quietly from the doorway. “I’ll pass on any message you need me to.”

  It might be for the best. Saul tried to judge the look in Reegan’s eye. “You okay with that?”

  Reegan took several seconds to consider. “Maybe she’ll sleep through it. Saul said we’d be back in an hour or so.”

  He had said that, but inexplicably, on hearing Reegan repeat it, a bad feeling took seed in his brain, unfurling with alarming speed. He grappled with the premonition as though it were a living thing, shoving it deep into the recesses of his mind.

  Cammie waved off his concern. “Do what you have to do. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.”

  Goose bumps rose on Saul’s neck as the dark premonition pulsed with renewed life, a swirling mass of alternate possibilities. Saul hadn’t felt so helpless since the night Lisa had been killed. He shook off the paranoia and squeezed Cammie’s shoulder. “I’m holding you to that.”

  *

  Reegan waited until Saul had pulled away from the curb to speak. “How long will it take us to get to the church? And once we’re there, how much time will you need?”

  “Maybe an hour to check the place out. Maybe only half that long. A lot will depend on how close we can get without being seen. How long to get there? Traffic should be light this time of night. We have to cross town, though. Twenty minutes? Maybe half an hour.”

  Saul had no idea if Reegan considered that a long time or not. Did they still use the Metro in 2145? Drive cars? Whatever options existed, Saul had to believe they were faster and more efficient. And probably cheaper. Being forced into using archaic methods of transportation might have been exciting at first—Saul remembered Reegan’s initial wonder at riding in the Rover—but now, when every second counted, their lack of speed had to chafe.

  What might have distracted Reegan yesterday barely warranted a head turn tonight. Their race had turned deadly. His fingers drummed out a nervous beat on his thigh, and the corner of his mouth twitched from time to time. Saul detected few other signs of agitation, but by now he knew that didn’t mean Reegan wasn’t upset. He couldn’t lie worth a damn, but he had a rock-solid hold on his emotions.

  The pressure to rush pressed on Saul’s nerves He racked his brain for the best way to the church, sitting up straighter when the obvious occurred to him. “I might know a shortcut.”

  Only Reegan’s eyes shifted, locking in on Saul’s. “Might?”

  “There are a few service roads that run through Rock Creek Park. Official use only. There’s one in particular that would shave some time off our trip.”

  “Are you allowed to still use those?”

  He let his silence answer Reegan’s question. “They’re not patrolled regularly, and the chance of running into a cop this time of the night is slim.”

  Fair odds, and odds were all they had at this point. Still, he’d have to let Reegan make the call.

  Reegan answered, voice echoing with a hollowness that made Saul’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Silvia was right. We have to trust you. Do what you think is best.”

  It wasn’t a yes exactly, but close enough. And regardless of the tone, Saul clung to the hidden meaning he sensed behind the words themselves. “I’ll do my best.”

  In the past, he might’ve said I’ll get you there safe. I won’t let you down. But the past year had been a harsh wakeup call, and promises like those didn’t mean a damn thing anymore. All he had these days was his best. It would have to be enough.

  He veered the Rover east, cut through Chevy Chase and found the entrance to the metro police service road where it had always been, tucked away at the end of a residential street. Saul flicked his high beams on when they reached the orange metal gate. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”

  Reegan took his hand off the door handle. “Where are you going?”

  “To unlock the gate.” Saul pulled the keys from the ignition and jiggled the ring.

  “They didn’t take those away from you when you left the department?”

  “They took one set.” Saul ducked his head when Reegan huffed a laugh. “I kept one.”

  “That’s not exactly on the up and up, Officer Kildare.”

  “Thank your lucky stars I’m not an up-and-up type of guy.”

  “Now that is pure bullshit.”

  Saul couldn’t stop smiling as he walked to the gate and fit the key into the padlock. It took a few seconds of twisting and turning for the key to turn the rusted mechanism, but it eventually disengaged. Saul had the chain unwound and the gates pushed wide in record time.

  He pulled through and relocked the gate behind him, turning the car south as he wound through the park. The paved road made reachi
ng decent speeds easy. Probably too easy. Trees rose on both sides of the car, but in several places, the hill dropped off on the left side. No shiny guardrails here. Those were for the public. Public servants got to fly by the seat of their pants.

  Reegan stared out the window, silent once more. Saul darted several glances at him before daring to speak. “How’re you doing?”

  “I love this park.”

  Saul blinked at the non-sequitur.

  “It feels primeval. Raw and untamed. I hike here sometimes.”

  The park was hard not to love. A question popped from Saul’s mouth before he could stop it. “Has it changed much?” He shouldn’t have asked, and Reegan shouldn’t answer. Every bit of information shared about the future would cause a new set of ripples. “I’m sorry. Forget I asked.”

  “No.” Reegan’s mouth set into a stubborn frown. “I’ll tell you.”

  Saul hesitated before nodding, trying to ignore the sizzle of excitement burning in his chest.

  “It’s hard to tell in the dark. And unless we see a landmark I recognize I won’t be able to say for sure, but…it’s endured. Not without incident. There’s been an uptick in hurricanes the past few decades, and some of the oldest trees have come down. A genetically-engineered beetle that was supposed to save China’s rice crops made its way to Europe and the United States. Those suckers did a lot of damage to local flora before they were eradicated. But…” He placed a hand against the glass, gaze tracking over the trees as they raced by. “It’s still thriving. Different, but alive.” His fingers tapped the window before falling back to his lap. “That’s the nature of time.”

  Different, but alive. In the case of Rock Creek Park, the phrase implied success. In Saul’s case, the transformation hadn’t been as rosy. He held his other questions, burying them deep.

  His gamble almost paid off. Saul judged them to be less than a quarter mile from the service road’s exit when they broke a crest of a hill and had to skid to a stop in front of a black Chevy Suburban that was parked across the road. Saul caught sight of two men in dark suits before a bright spotlight blinded him.

  “Trouble?” Reegan asked.

  “We’ll see.” But of course it would be. He was driving a restricted road. Not damning considering his history with the Metro police, but his passenger was another matter. Reegan wasn’t carrying any identification, a sure way to draw the wrong sort of attention. “Let me talk. Find out what’s going on, okay?”

  “No problem.”

  The first of the two men approached the Rover, stopping twenty feet away. His hand disappeared inside his jacket and reappeared with a gun. “Step out of the vehicle, please,” he called.

  Cursing silently, Saul gave Reegan a short nod, and together they exited the car. Saul lifted his hands above his head, and after a moment, Reegan did the same.

  The man gave them each a thorough once-over. “You’re driving on a restricted access road, sir.”

  The politeness put Saul on edge. Especially mixed with the man’s robotic voice.

  “I realize that.” Honesty would have to be their ally. Playing dumb would end in disaster. They weren’t dealing with Metro PD. Saul had been on the force long enough to recognize government men when he saw them. “They’re usually deserted. I didn’t see the harm. I used to drive these roads all the time when I was with the second district.”

  “Second district?” The man lowered his floodlight so Saul wasn’t forced to squint.

  “That’s right.”

  “Stay right there, please. Don’t move.”

  He turned his back, and Saul didn’t so much as draw a deep breath. The fact that his interrogator was willing to take such a risk proved he had armed backup.

  Reegan caught his eye over the hood of the Rover. “What now?”

  “Wait and pray.”

  A moment later, a handful of other men bled out of the darkness, emerging from behind trees and boulders. One of them, dressed in an MPDC uniform, looked familiar enough to set Saul’s heart pounding.

  No, it couldn’t be. Of all the damn cops in the district, he had to run into this one. “Son of a bitch,” he whispered. “Ron.”

  On the other side of the car, Reegan stiffened but held his tongue.

  Saul kept his eyes fixed on where his ex-partner was talking with the two suited men. Their conversation lasted several minutes. More than once, Ron’s gaze swung his way. Saul made sure to meet it every time. Finally, the group separated. The government men returned to stand beside their Suburban. Ron started toward Saul and Reegan.

  Their parting had been ugly, the way Saul remembered it, and the months since fraught with bullying. He prepared himself for the worst.

  Ron looked the same as always. Blond and clean-cut, laugh lines etched into the corners of his mouth. A face that had never failed to make Saul’s heart pound faster.

  What a difference a year made.

  “Ron,” he said softly.

  Ron stopped a few feet away, tossing a dismissive glance at Reegan before refocusing on Saul. “Hey there, troublemaker.”

  The old nickname sliced deep into Saul’s heart. He swallowed against the pain. “Didn’t mean to crash your party.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t. Which is what I told our friends back there. Just an unlucky coincidence.” He shifted on his feet. “You shouldn’t be using these roads.”

  “I don’t make a habit of it.” In fact, it was the first time he’d considered such a thing. Since saying so would be perceived as an outright lie, he kept that fact to himself.

  “I vouched for you, but these guys are edgy. The city’s packed full of crazies. ’Cause of the speech. You know.”

  “I can imagine.” No doubt about what they’d happened upon. He should’ve known the second he saw the Suburban, standard issue for the president’s guard. “I take it Pioneer’s on the move?” The Secret Service codename for President McAfee wasn’t exactly a secret. The way Reegan swung to look at him, sucking in a shocked breath, proved that.

  “You know I can’t discuss that.”

  Saul nodded once. “Sorry.”

  Ron blew out a breath, glancing over his shoulder at the stoic men behind them. “You’ll have to stay put until the motorcade passes through. Then you and your friend can go.”

  The derision was muted, but present, and it took Saul a moment to catch on. Ron thought he was using the park as some sort of sordid cruising spot. Acid burned up his throat, but he pasted a smile on his face. “I appreciate that.”

  Ron nodded, motioning for the two to get back in the car. “I’ll wave you through when I can. It might be a while until I get the all-clear.”

  Saul resisted pressing for more information. They’d already dodged one hell of a bullet. He wasn’t going to push his luck. “Thanks.” Then, because he couldn’t resist the devil whispering in his ear, added, “Great to see you. You look good.”

  His aim was perfect. Blush crawling up his face, Ron spun on his heel and stalked away. Saul ignored Reegan’s snort and climbed back into the car, shutting the door with a quiet snick.

  “Well, that was interesting.” Reegan ran a finger over his lips. “Was that him?”

  No need to specify who he meant. “Yeah, that was him.”

  “He didn’t seem like a total asshole.” Reegan peered through the windshield to where Ron was speaking with the Secret Service.

  “I told you he wasn’t.”

  A fact Reegan had struggled with. One he still struggled with based on the disgusted shake of his head. “I got the impression he’d been harassing you.”

  “It’s self-defense. His way of dealing with what happened between us. I’m sure he doesn’t consider it harassment. To him, it’s all about proving he’s straight.”

  “Uh-huh. You ever read Hamlet?”

  Despite himself, Saul smiled. “He does put a lot of effort into protesting the possibility.”

  “When you said Pioneer, you were talking about the president.”

&nbs
p; Saul rolled his head to look at Reegan. “Yes.”

  “He’s going to be passing by here?”

  “No way. They wouldn’t let us stay if that were the case. I’m sure their job is simply to block all intersecting roads that might cross the motorcade’s path.”

  “Oh.”

  Reegan’s dejection rubbed over Saul’s raw nerves. “Sorry to disappoint you.” Sarcasm leaked through in his tone, and Reegan tilted his head, leaning closer.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He counted out two minutes of silence before Reegan spoke again, tone wistful.

  “I just would have liked the opportunity to meet him. Look him in the eye. Judge if he’s the type of man I’ve always thought he was.”

  “Did you expect to be able to discern that with one look?”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  No, he wouldn’t be. He’d judged more than his share of people over the years, many at first sight. Sometimes he got it right. Other times not. The high price of those mistakes had broken him more than once.

  “What kind of man did you think he was?” Saul hated himself as soon as the question left his lips. He might as well have held his hand out to a coiled snake. Because he knew what Reegan was going to say. A man with courage, tenacity, and patience. One who relied on presence and humility to make him strong. One who possessed an unerring sense of responsibility.

  Everything that made an effective leader, and a good man. Everything that Saul struggled with.

  “Well.” Reegan scratched idly at his chin and stared into the distance as he thought. “Someone like you.”

  There wasn’t a cruel bone in Reegan’s body. Which meant all those blows to the head had finally knocked him senseless. Saul spun toward him, sputtering. “Are you crazy?” He spoke over Reegan’s wide-eyed surprise. “You think he’s like me?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never met him.”

  “Well, I have. I served with him in Afghanistan. Two tours. One in Kandahar and one in Jalalabad. He brought us home safe more times than I can count. He was perfection under fire. A rock. He never flinched and he never ran away.” Saul stopped, lowering his voice with effort. “Let me assure you, we are nothing alike.”