Courting Cate

by Leslie Gould

  “Cate?”

  We’d reached the barn door. “Ach, no, Dat,” I answered as we stepped inside, into the cool shadows, thinking about my conversation with Pete in the buggy. “But God’s love has—at least I hope.”

  That night, after dark, Dat and Pete took care of a wasps’ nest on the far side of the house that we’d noticed when we were cleaning the windows. First they sprayed it with the hose and then knocked it down with a long extension handle. I was in my room, listening to them laugh as they worked.

  I stepped to my window. Dat shone a flashlight on the papery nest that had landed on the lawn while Pete approached it with a pitchfork.

  “Wait!” Dat shouted. “There’s still a lot in there. Let me spray it again.”

  He aimed the hose and unleashed a powerful force of water. By the beam of the flashlight, I could see wasps flying up and circling around. One took after Pete, and I thought he was going to be stung, but Dat aimed the hose in that direction, soaking Pete and scaring the wasp away at the same time. Their laughter made me smile.

  I turned from the window, remembering how waspish I used to be. I knew now it was more from woundedness than meanness and was grateful for Dat’s patience with me through the years. I know his parents had been extra harsh on him, which is probably why he’d been so gentle with me—up until proclaiming his edict.

  But even then, I was sure, if I had begged to be released from marrying Pete on our wedding day, Dat would have relented. I was sure he’d be hurt even now to know how I’d deceived him.

  I think we all fell into bed exhausted, except for Pete, who probably felt as if he were on vacation after how hard he worked in New York. It took me a long time to fall asleep, though, thinking about Betsy’s wedding day, wondering what was really going on with her, envious of Levi’s love for her and the family they would soon have.

  Ach, Cate, I chided myself. Sure, I wasn’t Betsy or Jana or all the other pretty young women I knew, but God loved me just the same, just as he’d loved Queen Esther so long ago. Why couldn’t I seem to hold on to that?

  The next morning we all rose early again and pitched in to get the chores done and finish the last of the preparations. The helpers started to arrive at seven, including Addie, who was already in her attendant’s dress, and Aunt Laurel. Betsy headed up to her room to put on her dress, and I followed a few minutes later.

  As I entered the room, she stood facing me, bare except for her underwear. I couldn’t help but gawk. Her stomach was nearly concave. By my estimation, she should have been a month into her second trimester. Sure, she would be able to hide it with clothes. But without them, she would surely be showing.

  Then I realized what happened. “Betsy, why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, heartbroken.

  “What?” She reached for the new slip she’d made.

  “That you lost the baby.”

  Her face began to redden as she pulled her slip over her head. “Oh, that,” she said, wiggling the garment into position. “I didn’t lose it.” She shrugged. “I was mistaken. . . .”

  “What?”

  “I was confused. I’d overheard Aunt Laurel, back when she was last pregnant, say that’s how she knew, because she was late—so I thought that was the sure sign.”

  She pointed to the stack of books on her bedside table, the ones Nan had been renewing for so long. “But then I finally read those.” Her face was beet red now. “And . . . I had my facts all confused.” She giggled. “There wasn’t any way I could be pregnant. I think I was just stressed and missed—”

  “Betsy!” I fought the old, familiar rage.

  “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. “We did more than Dat—or you—would approve of, but we didn’t . . . you know . . .”

  I put my hand up for her to stop. “You don’t need to say any more.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I guess I should have gone to the doctor or at least read the books sooner. Or even told Levi what I was thinking . . .”

  “What?” My head began to pound.

  “I just told him I wanted to get married. Not why.”

  “Oh, Betsy.” I collapsed onto my old bed.

  Her eyes were heavy. “I know I was thinking about myself, about what was best for me. While you were being so unselfish and doing all you could to help. I’m afraid . . .” She heaved a sigh. “I may have . . . hurt you.”

  She stood in the middle of the room and started to talk a mile a minute. “But I truly think this has all worked out for the best. Don’t you? You and Pete make such a good couple. I was a little worried on your wedding day, when he yanked you away, but I can tell you’ve grown fond of him. You’re going to be really happy. I just know it. And you’re such a handsome pair. Your babies—”

  “Stop!” I bellowed.

  Her face fell. “Cate?”

  I stood. I had to get away from her. In one quick motion I grabbed my purple dress, hanging on my side of the room, and fled the bedroom into the bathroom, leaning against the locked door as my anger turned to grief.

  A moment later Betsy’s voice came through the wood. “Cate? Are you all right? I really am sorry.”

  “I know,” I said through my tears. I was sick that, not only had I altered my life for her, I’d changed Pete’s life forever too, on a false pretense.

  “Can I come in?” Betsy begged.

  I thought for a moment. Of her happiness. Of my misery. I exhaled. “No,” I said. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  After I pinned my dress and Kapp, I felt compelled to find Pete.

  He was standing in the driveway, talking with two of Addie’s brothers who were the Hoestlers for the wedding. Pete was telling them to make sure to feed all the horses at noon. “Give them extra water,” he said. “It’s going to be hot.”

  “May I talk with you?” I asked.

  He nodded and walked with me to the silver maple tree.

  “Betsy’s not pregnant,” I said quietly. “She was . . . confused.”

  An odd smile started to spread across his face.

  “I’d told her to read about the facts of life. I gave her the books. She didn’t—not until it was too late. I honestly thought she was . . .”

  He was chuckling now, not loudly or diabolically. Or sarcastically. Perhaps ironically best described it.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. “It’s not how it looks. I didn’t intend to rope you into this. . . . And now that you have this business opportunity with your uncle Wes, you don’t need me or my father’s—”

  “Cate!” It was Dat, calling for me.

  “We need to talk more,” I said to Pete. “About how to fix this. How to make things less complicated . . . for you.”

  Dat’s voice was closer. “Cate!”

  Pete wasn’t smiling any longer.

  “Later,” I said. “After the wedding . . .”

  Without waiting for his response, I turned and fled.

  I’d never heard of an Amish couple getting an annulment—but I’d never heard of anyone in the predicament we were in either. I didn’t think I could spend the rest of my life living with someone who didn’t love me.

  But more than that, I didn’t want Pete to live with someone he didn’t love. I’d felt trapped on the Tregers’ farm at first, but now I knew Pete was the one who was being held hostage. Sure, he hadn’t been able to marry Jana, but there was another love out there for him. Someone like her. Someone like Betsy. Someone less complicated than I was. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find the right girl.

  As for me, I’d learned a lot, including that my suspicions had been proven wrong—twice. There was no doubt Betsy had set me up in a sense, but I’d jumped to conclusions with Jana too. Maybe Pete was right. Maybe I did speculate too much.

  In the long run, I was going to bring much more shame to Dat and dishonor to our family than if I’d never married Pete. But I knew, regardless of the pain that was ahead, I needed to set my husband free. Because I loved him.

  D
at was standing in the driveway, waiting for me. “Betsy needs you,” he said.

  I was pretty sure she really didn’t need me. She just needed me not to be mad at her. The funny thing was, I wasn’t. Sure I was upset about the predicament I was in, but I was relieved she hadn’t been as promiscuous as I’d feared.

  “And I need to talk to you.” Dat’s expression was as serious as I’d ever seen it. “I was praying last night, for Betsy and Levi. Then for you and Pete. And God convicted me of my selfishness.”

  Puzzled, I put my hand flat on top of my Kapp.

  “I was wrong,” he said. “Besides your commitment to Christ and the church, who you choose to marry is the most important decision of your life. I attempted to control that by coming up with that ridiculous edict, forcing you to choose sooner, perhaps, than God would have had you.”

  “Dat—”

  “Nan helped me see, very gently, of course, that I had no right to do that. My intentions were good. . . .” His brow was furrowed.

  “I know,” I said.

  He relaxed a little. “I’m so relieved it’s worked out.” Obviously Nan hadn’t shared what I’d told her. “I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I have,” I said, my stomach roiling, knowing I needed to tell him the truth.

  His face softened. “I thought Betsy was too young to get married, but I’ve seen some growth in her. And I have to be willing to trust God with her decision and her future, just like I should have trusted him with you.”

  Dat wasn’t a prideful person. I couldn’t fathom why I’d been so determined to protect him. Sure, Betsy had labeled it honor and I’d agreed. But he was willing to trust God with her decision and her future. Why had I thought he wouldn’t have been able to do that if he’d known the truth? Or what I thought was the truth.

  I put both my hands over my face.

  “Cate?”

  “I need to talk to you later,” I said through the cracks of my splayed fingers. “After the wedding.” I didn’t have time to tell him everything now, not before the service.

  Betsy’s wedding was even more of a blur than my own. A few times I found myself staring at Pete across the aisle from me. Once I glanced up to see his eyes on me. I quickly looked away.

  When the bishop clasped Betsy’s and Levi’s hands together, I teared up and offered a silent blessing, asking God to give them a long and loving marriage, trying my hardest to ignore my situation.

  After the service was over, Nan found me in the kitchen and asked what she could do to help. I gave her a quick hug and asked her to make sure my father sat down with the first group. As I was directing the servers, I saw that she and Dat were sitting together at a table with Uncle Cap and Aunt Laurel. I stopped for a moment, staring at them. All four looked like old friends. And Dat and Nan looked so right together. Maybe everyone in my family but me would end up in a happy marriage.

  It took three seatings to get everyone fed. I hadn’t realized Pete hadn’t eaten until I finally had a chance to sit down. He joined me, his plate heaped high, and devoured his meal while I could only pick at mine. When he stood to clear his plate, his arm brushed against mine, spreading goose bumps across my skin.

  As I watched him walk away, I spotted Mervin and Martin across the living room. Both wore sunglasses now, even in the house. They looked as forlorn as could be, and a wave of compassion swept over me. I felt their pain. We were three peas in a pod when it came to love, or more accurately, when it came to a lack of love.

  Maybe Seth noticed the expression on my face, because he approached me with his Bobli in his arms.

  “This is Amanda.” He turned the little one toward me.

  She looked up at me with big happy eyes.

  “I’m sorry we missed your wedding,” he said.

  “You had a good excuse.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the Bobli. She was beautiful with her dark hair and round face.

  “I’m so happy you found a good man.”

  I cocked my head, wondering what M&M had told their older brother.

  He continued, “You know, I teased you more than I should have, back in school.”

  I nodded.

  His brow furrowed. “And then, that night after the singing, I never should have said what I did.”

  “Jah . . .” I wasn’t going to let him off the hook.

  “The thing was, I didn’t even mean it. I cared about you, but I didn’t know how to show it.”

  I cringed.

  “I know I hurt you,” he said. “I can see that, even more now that I’m a Dat. I’m sorry.”

  I took a deep breath. M&M were walking toward us. “Denki,” I said to Seth, “for your words.” Then I reached for the Bobli. “May I hold her?”

  I stood there for a long minute with the warm weight of the little one pressed against my body—her uncles cooing over her, her Dat as happy as could be.

  “I told Cate I was sorry,” Seth told his brothers, “for the way I treated her.”

  “Jah,” Mervin said. “Me too. You’re not so bad after all.”

  “Jah,” Martin added. “My apologies too.”

  I gave a curt nod, although I appreciated the gesture, and then addressed Martin and Mervin gently, “Why the glasses, especially inside?”

  “We’re feeling down,” Mervin said quietly.

  “About Betsy?” I glanced from Martin to Mervin. “And Addie?”

  “Jah,” they answered together.

  “And you think the glasses will hide your emotions?”

  They nodded.

  “Please take them off.”

  For some reason they obeyed, revealing their sad matching hazel eyes. “You’ll find the right girls, in time. Someone right for each of you,” I said.

  “Do you really think so?” Martin asked. Both their faces were as sweet as I’d ever seen them.

  “I know so,” I answered.

  “Ach, Cate . . .” Martin’s voice trailed off, and then he smiled too. “I appreciate you caring. And”—he cleared his throat—“I’m sorry about the envelope on your wedding day.”

  “Jah,” Mervin chimed in. “That was really low of us.”

  I blinked hard, delaying my response for just a moment, feeling the old anger return. . . . But then I swallowed and squeaked out, “I forgive you.”

  All three brothers nodded in appreciation and then started cooing over the Bobli again. My eyes fell on her too, and when I looked back up, Pete had joined our circle, a look of tenderness on his face. I fumbled the Bobli back into her father’s arms, intending to flee to the kitchen. But Betsy came laughing through the front door just then, followed by a befuddled Levi.

  In another moment, my public humiliation was complete.

  CHAPTER

  25

  “We were just down at the Dawdi Haus.” Betsy’s voice was full of fun. She giggled and pointed at me as she announced to everyone, “They’re sleeping in separate rooms.”

  Silence fell over the room.

  “Betsy,” I gasped.

  She looked around, speaking loudly. “Pete’s mummy bag is on the guest room floor.” She giggled again and wagged her finger at me. “That’s no way to treat your husband.”

  My hands flew to my face, as if I could cover my shame.

  Dat, who had been on the porch, bellowed, “Betsy!”

  I couldn’t see well through my fingers, so I may or may not have imagined that Pete stepped toward me, but it was Dat who reached me first, firmly taking my elbow.

  “Let’s walk.” He led me through the crowded kitchen and out the back door, past the garden, away from my spoiled Schwester and our curious guests.

  “Why didn’t you tell me something was wrong?” Dat finally asked as we reached the shade of the barn.

  “I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t stop the tears. “I’ve embarrassed you again. Shamed you—when that’s exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”

  He turned me toward him. “What are you talking about?” He lifted my chin. “You h
ave never brought me shame. You are the one who has always held our family together.”

  “That’s not true,” I said, fighting off a new round of tears. “Hear me out.” I exhaled. “This is what I would have told you this morning, if I’d had more time.” I spilled every detail of the story, including Martin and Mervin paying Pete, right up to Betsy’s prewedding revelation.

  His face grew paler with each turn of events.

  “I’m so sorry for keeping what I thought was Betsy’s secret,” I said, “and for deceiving you about my relationship with Pete.”

  He shook his head. “It’s all because of that ridiculous edict of mine.”

  “You already apologized for that. And, in the end, marrying Pete was my choice, mine alone.”

  In a hoarse voice, he said, “Tell me what I can do.”

  “Pete and I should probably try to get an annulment. . . .”

  “I’ll go to the bishop immediately.”

  “No,” I answered. “Wait until I talk things through with Pete.”

  “Then I’ll move you back into the big house tonight,” Dat said.

  I shook my head. “Pete and I need to figure this out. I’ll let you know.”

  He put both of his hands on my shoulders. “None of this brings me shame. Sure, I wish you’d talked to me, hadn’t tried to fix things on your own. . . . But you wanting to do the right thing for your family, now, that’s what honors me.”

  I swallowed hard, determined not to cry again. “Denki,” I whispered.

  His eyes met mine. “Tell me something I can do to help you, right now.”

  “Please pray,” I said. “For Pete and me.”

  “Of course,” he said, hugging me tightly. “And I’m going to fetch Betsy. She needs to apologize—now.”

  “Oh, Dat . . .”

  “You two need to work this through. Wait here.”

  He could be a softie, but I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer on this.

  As he left, I stumbled through the open barn door and down to Thunder’s stall. As I stepped inside, he greeted me with a nudge and then nuzzled my hand. I wrapped my arms around his neck.