Seasons

by Bonnie Hopkins

  “Maxie,” she said calmly, but in a shaking voice. “What in the world do you want?”

  Maxie casually explained that he had run into her uncle who had given him her number. Under her breath, Jaci berated her uncle’s thoughtlessness. Aloud she said, “Now why would he do that? And better still, why would you want my number?” Her chaotic thoughts vigorously sought a reasonable explanation for his calling after all this time. Why now, when the years of struggling to eke out survival for herself and her child were over? Why now, when she was burdened with other issues?

  Jaci recalled all the years she had hoped and prayed for this call . . . to hear this voice . . . to not be so utterly alone in raising their child . . . when just a little support from him would have made a gigantic difference in her child’s life. But that child was a woman now, married with children of her own. Now, all this voice represented was an unneeded problem. She dug into her reservoir of inner strength to deal with this added stress. “What do you want?” she asked him again, valiantly holding on to her anger.

  Maxie arrogantly said, “What do you mean, what do I want? I believe I have a right to check on my daughter if I want to. By the way, how is Randi doing? Your uncle was telling me something about her baby being in the hospital. I should have been informed about all of this before now.”

  Jaci quickly and totally lost it! “What! . . . Who! . . . do you think you are, mister? You don’t have any rights where my daughter is concerned. You have some kind of nerve calling here trying to act like . . .” She sputtered. “You do not! And I repeat, do not! have a daughter. I took your advice. Remember your advice about what to do with our child? Well, as far as you’re concerned, I did that. And in case you didn’t know, that’s irreversible. You can’t change your mind about that.”

  Maxie, as cool and collected as he could be, came back with a ready retort. “I do have a daughter. Her name is Randi and if you had let me know where you were, I could have been a part of her life down through the years. In fact, you’re the one who deprived me of a relationship with my daughter. You are the one who sneaked off to Houston with my child. You are the one responsible for her not knowing me, and you’re the one wrong in this situation, not me.”

  Jaci dropped the phone and grabbed the top of her head, which felt as if it were about to blow off. She tried to think of some curse words strong enough to fling at him—words that would adequately express her rage. But the few she knew were much too mild, and even they were hiding somewhere in her shell-shocked mind. She was quiet for so long that Maxie must have thought she had hung up. She could hear him yelling, “Jacetta! Jacetta! You there?”

  She picked up the phone. “This is ludicrous,” she quietly stated. “I’m not going to argue with you. The time for that is long past and I’m not going there. But for the record, let me tell you something, you low-life bastard. I won’t go into how you deceived me by pretending you were not married. I realized long ago that was actually a blessing in disguise. But I want you to know, I worked right up to the hour I went into labor. And I was back on the job after only two weeks because I couldn’t afford to lose anymore time off. Otherwise, we would have starved to death. I didn’t leave Dallas until my daughter was several months old. In all that time you couldn’t—or wouldn’t—be found. I’m still waiting for the call from you to let me know how you were going to help me. But I guess all of that was my fault too!” By this time Jaci was screaming into the phone. “Now, how YOU have the audacity to tell ME I’m responsible for your not knowing your child is beyond me.”

  Her head was pounding, her hands were shaking, and her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was about to burst through her chest. She definitely didn’t need this!

  Maxie, not to be outdone, went on to say how hard he had tried to keep track of her and the baby. “I always knew where you were until you left town. You were doing all right. So don’t try to put that guilt trip on me. You shouldn’t have left town with my baby.”

  Jaci’s head almost exploded. She tried to calm herself, thinking it was stupid to let this man give her a stroke. “You are crazy, but like I said, it’s over and done with. It’s not even worth discussing. Now why are you calling me?” Jaci muttered through clenched teeth.

  “I want to see my daughter and grandchildren. Your uncle said she has two children, and that one is in the hospital. What’s wrong with the baby? How old is it? How old is the other one?”

  Jaci fought to regain a modicum of control. She spoke quietly but forcefully into the phone. “I don’t have any information to give you about my daughter and grandchildren. I will tell her that you inquired. Of course, I’ll have to explain who you are (God forgive me for lying—Randi was well aware of who he was) and why you want this information. As far as she knows, you’re dead. If she chooses to talk to you, I’ll let you know. You may call me back in a few days. I really have to go now. I can’t say it’s been nice talking to you.”

  “You told my daughter I was dead?! Wh—”

  She hung up on him.

  Jaci fell across the king-size bed. I can’t believe this! Oh God, what is going on? Tears of frustration slid down her face. Every time I get on top of one problem, another one pops up! Lord, I’m so weary. As if on cue, the telephone rang again.

  There was no question as to whether she would answer it—NO! After the beep sounded on the answering machine, she heard her uncle’s voice. “Hey, Jace, this is Uncle George calling from Dallas. Just wanted to let you know that I ran into Maxie a while back, and we’ve been talking every now and then. I gave him your phone number. He uh . . . he’s been real sick—some sort of heart trouble. When he asked for your number, I gave it to him thinking he needs to get to know his child and grandchildren. I hope I’m not too late calling. I doubt he’ll call anyway. I hope everything’s okay. Bye.”

  “Doggone it uncle!” Jaci yelled to the empty house, “You are way too late!” Her tears continued. Maxie’s calling and demanding to see Randi added to her already overloaded mind and physically tired body. It was like the proverbial last straw.

  The phone rang, and again, she let the machine answer. She heard J.P’s voice.

  “Hello? Jaci, it’s J.P. again. Please pick up the phone or call me back as soon as you can.”

  In agitation, Jaci yelled back at the phone. “No!” She was not up to talking to him. But before she could get back to her contemplation, she heard her pager go off. “Darn it!” She knew he would keep calling and paging her until she answered. She picked up the phone on the nightstand, called his home number, and hoped he wouldn’t be there. When the answering machine picked up, she gave a sigh of relief and left her number. Her relief was short-lived. A few minutes later, her phone rang. Accepting the inevitable, she picked up the receiver and said, trying to sound as normal as possible, “Hello.” There was a pause on the other end.

  “Jaci? What’s wrong? Have you gotten some bad news on the baby? Is Randi okay? What is it?”

  Jaci racked her tired brain for a response. She really didn’t want to tell J.P. about Maxie’s call, but she couldn’t lead him to believe something was wrong with the baby. He was almost as concerned about the tiny infant as she was, and had been through too much with her to mislead him. She tried to play it off as stress getting the best of her.

  “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just let everything get on top of me. The baby had to undergo a really serious operation today and she’s in ICU. I’m worried about Randi trying to be a superwoman when she hasn’t had time for her own body to heal properly. The hearing I’m working on is troublesome. There’s a new problem every day. And now I have this person on the phone bugging me about his job. I’m totally stressed out.”

  “Jaci!” J.P.’s voice indicated his aggravation. “I don’t believe you’re stressed over the hearing, you’ve been doing them long enough to know they always come off just fine. Randi is okay and hanging in there. The baby came through the surgery and is doing okay, isn’t she?” At her softly spok
en “yes,” he continued. “And you know doggone well I’m not calling you about my job. You’re crying aren’t you? I know you well enough to know you don’t cry easily over your own problems. Everybody else’s maybe but not yours. Now what’s going on? What has you so rattled?”

  Silence. She dithered—trying to come up with a plausible explanation—one that would satisfy him. Why was she reluctant to tell him about Maxie’s call? She questioned herself. But not long on patience, J.P. spoke before she had formed an answer.

  “Jaci, I’m coming over. I’ll be there as soon as I can fight my way through traffic. Do you need anything? Have you had anything to eat?” When she responded with a choked up “No,” he made a disapproving sound. “That’s part of the blasted problem right there. You need to eat. I’ll stop and pick something up.”

  J.P’s kindness pushed her over the edge. Sobbing quietly as she hung up the phone, she prayed, “Lord, help me get myself together before he gets here.” She was angry with herself for letting Maxie’s call affect her like this. She had promised herself long ago that she would shed no more tears over that episode and for the most part had kept that promise.

  She went into the bathroom and was horrified when she looked in the mirror and saw how she looked. A shower was definitely in order. After her shower, she threw on jeans and a T-shirt and tried to prepare herself to deal with J.P. Just how much should she tell him? There was no reason not to tell him about Maxie’s call, other than her reluctance to break down further barriers between them.

  J.P.

  As he traveled across the freeway on his way to Jaci, J.P. wondered what kind of food he could pick up that would be somewhat nutritious. Lord, I have a bad case for this woman and I need to hurry up and do something about it.Why this particular woman? He didn’t have an answer. He just knew that he cared very deeply for her, that he would have absorbed all her hurt and pain if he could, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. It scared the heck out of him.

  When he arrived at her house with a bag filled with chicken burgers and fries, he noticed her red eyes, but she was calm and in control of her emotions.

  They sat in the family room and ate on TV trays. When they finished, he looked at her, waiting. He wanted her to open up and talk to him about what was wrong, but knew that would probably not happen.

  “Why didn’t you call me on my cell phone this morning? If I had known what was going on, I would have come by the hospital and sat with you.”

  “I just didn’t want to bother you with any more of my personal problems. Lord knows, you’re doing enough already. And I . . .”

  “Jaci!” he interrupted. “How many times do I have to tell you, it’s no bother. You bother me when you don’t give me the chance to help you. You’re always complaining about Randi trying too hard to be superstrong, but who do you think she got it from? Everybody, including you, needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes. Jaci, every man is not like Randi’s father. It’s time you understood that.”

  Jaci sighed tiredly. “J.P., I’m not going to apologize for who I am, nor for standing on my own two feet and handling my own problems. If you came over here to yell at me for doing that, then you’d better leave. I’ll come by your office around ten in the morning and give you my briefing on the Corpus job.”

  His patience wore thin. “That’s not why I came over here and you know it Jacetta.” He made a point of stressing her full name. “I came because I care about you, and I know something has really upset you.”

  Jaci

  Jaci felt shame burn through her for being so ungrateful. She dropped her head into her hands and spoke in a quivering voice. “I’m sorry. I . . . do know better. Strange you should call me that—Jacetta, I mean.” She took a deep breath to quiet her emotions. “Because the thing that really got to me and threw me over the edge tonight was a call from Maxie. And that’s what he calls me.”

  “What!” Incredulity was written all over his face. “Randi’s father called here tonight? Why?”

  “He was demanding information about Randi and the baby and . . . everything. He sounded so cavalier, as if it doesn’t matter that he’s been missing all these years and has every right to be calling now. Anyway, we had a terrible argument. I . . . I . . . think if I could have gotten to him, I would have tried to kill him. I was just that angry. Anyway, he uh . . . he wants to see them.” She felt tears slide down her face. “Oh God, help me not to hate him!” she prayed.

  J.P. listened quietly, wanting to comfort her but knowing she needed to give vent to her anger.

  “The fact that he’s done nothing to help us get to this point doesn’t faze him in the least. And I find that insulting. We went without so much—never had enough of anything. And where was he? Somewhere hiding from us and having a good time. And now he has the nerve to waltz back into our lives making demands and acting like a concerned father. That’s extremely hard for me to deal with. And I don’t want him anywhere near my child and grandchildren. I had just hung up on him when you called.”

  “And why couldn’t you tell me that over the phone, Jaci?” he asked softly. “Why were you so determined to handle this by yourself? Honey, when are you going to realize I want to share things with you? And don’t worry, Maxie will find out that he’s lost his opportunity to be nothing but a good-for-nothing jerk in Randi’s eyes. Now . . . tell me how I can help. Believe me, I’ll gladly punch that sucker out for you,” he said, smiling that gorgeous smile of his.

  His words lifted her spirits. “Good. I would greatly appreciate it. My uncle George called and left a message right after I talked to Maxie and said that he’s having some health problems. It might not take much to kill him.”

  “My pleasure, baby. I can’t think of a thing that would make me happier,” J.P. said, chuckling, but meaning every word. The guy had a butt whipping coming and J.P. wanted to be the one to do it.

  “Anyway, I told him I would talk to Randi to see if she wants to see him. He’s supposed to call back in a few days. You know . . . , Randi really doesn’t need this right now,” Jaci said in frustration. “But he doesn’t care. He even had the nerve to accuse me of leaving Dallas without letting him know. Never mind that I couldn’t find him. He’s conveniently forgotten that he told me to get an abortion and then hid from me. He’s turned it all around in his mind and basically, he’s convinced himself that I’m responsible for everything he failed to do.”

  “If I ever see that jerk . . . !” J.P. said angrily. “Baby, he almost destroyed you, do you know that? And after all these years, as hard as you’ve worked to build a good life for you and your daughter, you still don’t realize what a rare and beautiful lady you are. Yeah, I would like to do some real damage to that lowlife.” While he was talking, he moved closer and pulled her into his arms.

  Jaci cried again. Not over Maxie, but because this strong and kind man was her friend. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

  J.P.

  They sat like that for a long time. Not saying anything, just holding each other. J.P. again thought about the powerful feelings he had for her. And as they held each other, he wondered if he could be the kind of man he knew she deserved. He had been around and experienced all kinds of women, but Jaci was the one who touched a place deep within himself that he hadn’t even known existed. She made all other women insignificant to him. She was special and, he conceded, had captured his heart.

  When he felt her relax against him and realized she was asleep, he knew he should go home, but he hated to leave her.

  She stirred in his arms and whispered, “Please stay with me tonight.” J.P. couldn’t say no. “Okay, but just for a while. Come on, you need to go to bed.”

  When they got to the bedroom, Jaci slipped out of her jeans but left her oversized T-shirt on and got into bed. He slipped off his shoes and followed her. “Have I lost my doggone mind?” he asked himself as he got into the bed. She slid over to him and laid her head on his chest with one arm draped acros
s him. He held her until she fell asleep. When he attempted to slip out of the bed, she mumbled “no” and began to kiss his neck and chest.

  “Jaci, stop baby. This is not a good idea. You’re not yourself tonight and I can’t take advantage of that. I think I should leave now.”

  Again, she mumbled, “No, stay with me please. I don’t want to be by myself tonight.”

  He leaned over and kissed her lightly. “You are a beautiful and desirable woman, and as much as I would love to stay here with you, I can’t, honey. You’re very vulnerable, and I’m not the strongest right now. If I stayed, there’s no telling what would happen, and if it did, I wouldn’t be much better than Maxie. Come on, walk me to the door.”

  Maxie

  Maxie’s thoughts were anywhere but on the pictures flashing on the tube. Jacetta. The forceful woman he had spoken to was definitely not the same timid, soft-spoken one he remembered. For some reason this intrigued him and made him want to know more about this present-day Jacetta. At any rate, if she thought she was going to keep him away from his daughter and grandchildren, she had another think coming. He picked up the phone.

  “Hey, George! How you doing man?”

  “Great!” George answered. “What’s up with you, Maxie? You still coming along okay?”

  “Oh yeah, man. I’m doing okay. I was wondering if you had talked to Jacetta lately?”

  “No. Not really. I’ve talked to that answering machine of hers, but not her directly. Why? What’s up?”

  “Well, I finally talked to her and told her I wanted to see my daughter and grandchildren. She’s kind of bitter—wouldn’t tell me anything. Yelled at me and told me that I don’t have a daughter as far as she’s concerned. She sounded nothing like the Jacetta I remember.”