SEAL My Love: A SEAL Brotherhood Novel

by Sharon Hamilton

  Trace gently put his arm around the little girl’s shoulders and whispered, “I happen to completely agree with you, Angie. Your mommy is spectacular, especially when she smiles.”

  Her lips formed a straight flat line, but her eyes smiled and then let a big grin take over her face, revealing two upper teeth missing. Trace removed his arm so as not to scare her and watched Angela sit back with a satisfied look on her face, her arms crossed.

  Gretchen entered through the back door and noticed Angela had changed seats. She pretended not to notice. “Want another cup of coffee, Trace?”

  “Yes, ma’am. Love some. Do you have time to join me?”

  She brought the pot over and filled up his cup. “I’m afraid not,” she said as she returned the carafe and started rinsing dishes. “I have to get Angie off to preschool. She has to be there in an hour, and it’s clear across town.”

  “You want some company, then?”

  She beamed. “Angie, what do you think? Want to show Mr. Bennett your classroom and introduce him to some of your friends?”

  “I think that would be cool,” Angie answered. “But, Mommy, who do I say he is? I can’t tell them he’s the one who gets naked with you, can I?”

  Chapter 15

  Gretchen took Trace to one place he’d never expect. It was to be the first of two tests she wanted to try out on him. He’d insisted on driving after Angie was dropped off, so she directed him to the parking lot of the International Rose Test Garden. The garden was just beginning to bloom out, and the buds were still moist from a light misting of rain that would be going on and off all day. The walkways and paths also had a spectacular view of the city and the river basin beyond.

  “Roses. So you like roses, I take it,” Trace said as he helped her out of the car, but kept holding her hand, tucking it inside the right pocket of the Navy Pea Coat that had belonged to her ex. Trace had come from Hawaii without any intention of stopping anywhere wet and cold, so he would have frozen to death without it. She was surprised that it fit perfectly on his muscular frame. Tony was probably taller than Trace, but he didn’t have the huge shoulders of this handsome SEAL.

  “I have about twenty rose bushes of my own back at the house. I love watching how they tend for them here. I don’t quite have the green thumb these guys have, but every year, I find something new. Occasionally, I can actually find them at the nursery.”

  They walked along the crushed granite path between rows of deep green and red-brown new leaves of the compact bushes. Their tops and sides held spikes of velvet color bursts, some of them variegated or tipped in white looking like they’d been dipped in white chocolate. The aroma was heavenly.

  “So tell me your favorite,” he requested.

  This tickled her, and she stared down at her feet, feeling the casual comfort of their gait together in tandem. She stopped and scanned the garden looking for one particular bush. “Over here.”

  She drew him to a deep burgundy-leaved bush with strong greenish purple branches and slightly devoid of thorns. On top perched several large buds of red roses nearly halfway opened, revealing a creamy pink-yellow color at the center. She bent over and gave it a sniff.

  Trace did the same.

  “Wow. Very spicy, but definitely an old rose fragrance,” he said.

  “You say that like you’re an expert.”

  “Back in Virginia, I actually had a vegetable garden, if you can believe such a thing.”

  “Really?” She was fascinated. “You grow them now in San Diego?”

  “Nope. I’m in an apartment. Housing’s a little more expensive. Back there, I actually had a yard. The married quarters.” He winced and rolled his right shoulder then looked to the side, avoiding eye contact.

  “Can I ask you about those years, Trace? It’s none of my business, of course, but, well, you know a lot about my very public divorce. Was yours like that as well?”

  He’d disconnected their handholding and was scanning the horizon with his back to her. When he turned, she saw him grinding his teeth. She wondered if she’d made a mistake.

  “You don’t have to if you don’t want—”

  “I’m not very proud of the fact that my divorce was very similar to yours, except the roles were reversed. My ex cheated on me the same way yours did to you. But she not only cheated on me, she did it with another SEAL.”

  “Someone from your team?”

  “Hell no. A sister team. But I did nearly kill him. The dumb sonofabitch should have known better. She’d been my girlfriend ever since we were sixteen in high school. Our dads were both Navy, so we grew up near Norfolk. I never dated anyone else, and I trusted her one hundred percent. Probably more than I’ll ever be able to trust again.”

  He examined his fingers, lacing them and then straightening them out, his body slightly tipping from side to side as if there was a slow dance in the wings somewhere. It moved Gretchen that someone so big and strong could have such a sweet, pure heart. It was something that completely surprised her. The idea that he married his high school sweetheart brought a smile to her face.

  “What the Hell are you thinking, Gretchen? Did I say something funny?” he asked. His eyes danced with the banter and play of their conversation.

  “Well, I was just thinking that if you only had one girlfriend for all those years—how long were you married?”

  “Ten years. We were together nearly fifteen.”

  “Okay—well, let’s just say that I never would have suspected that. You must have made up for lost time.” She couldn’t hold back her smirk.

  “Two years is a long time in Navy years. A lot of trips, missions, countries…”

  “I can tell,” she whispered.

  “Oh, you think so, do you? Well, how about you?” he asked.

  A late morning breeze had picked up and kept her cheeks chilly. The sun disappeared behind a fluffy cream and gray cloud, and for a few seconds, the temperature dropped nearly ten degrees. But when the sun returned, she fell into his blue eyes, asking all sorts of questions and giving no permissions.

  “Tony has been the only man I’ve ever slept with. I’m not proud to say that the last years of our marriage, I felt like I was looking over my shoulder all the time to discover who else was in bed with us. After awhile, I just wasn’t interested, and I think that’s when he really went off the deep end.”

  Trace stretched out his arms, and she fell into his chest. “You shouldn’t ever be made to think you’re not desired, Gretchen. A woman shouldn’t have to work so hard on herself to get into the mood. That’s her man’s job.”

  His comment brought tears to her eyes, but she buried her head in his coat so that he wouldn’t see them. As her arms slid around his waist and she held her body against his warmth, she felt safe. The feeling was a strange one for her. For the first time in her life, she really felt cherished.

  He held her because he wanted her. He wanted to protect her, because he found her precious. She closed her eyes.

  If it’s all a dream, don’t wake me up. I want to stay here forever.

  The next place she took Trace was Powell’s Book Store downtown Portland. “There’s a reason they call this Powell’s City of Books.”

  Trace stared at the shelves of books, at the tall ceilings, the catwalks, and little alcoves where hundreds of people milled about, read, and chatted with friends. There was a whole section on Inuit art and culture, something Gretchen was interested in. She had a fairly extensive collection of North Coast Shalish masks adorning her living room walls.

  “I’m taking the girls back here in a couple of weeks for some wood carving demonstrations. They have a group of older artisans from British Columbia they’re bringing in, to tell stories and talk about their legends. They love it.”

  “You do a good job with them, Gretchen.”

  “I just teach them what I like to learn about. They catch on and take it to the next level and start showing me. Having kids keeps me connected with the world. The way I like to re
ad, I’d be holed up in a big chair by the fireplace, reading all day long. But these guys make me get out and learn something about the world we live in.”

  “Did Tony—”

  “Oh, God no. Can’t take Tony anywhere. He attracts too much attention. And if he doesn’t, he gets uncomfortable and thinks something’s wrong.”

  They ordered an espresso, and Gretchen could see he was impressed with the whole environment.

  Test two passed with flying colors.

  She leaned on her hands. “So now it’s your turn. What would you like to do?”

  “I’m enjoying just being here,” he said, waving at the two story stacks of shelves and the catwalks switching back and forth. “Coffee’s good, and the company is spectacular.”

  She blushed, unprepared for his answer.

  “You read a lot of books?”

  Trace frowned. “When I have time. We have downtime, and that’s when I read. I don’t really read for leisure. I tend to go for science fiction thrillers.”

  “As if your job wasn’t thrilling enough.”

  Trace cocked his head and winked. “Bingo. But I like the SciFi action, because the spy and military action is a little too close to home, at least when we’re on deployment.”

  “Never figured you for a science fiction kind of reader.”

  “Oh yea. I’ll take aliens any day. Takes my mind off my work sometimes. What do you like to read?”

  “You can’t guess? With a friend like Linda Gray?”

  He smiled in that crooked, sexy way, rubbing his chin stubble and playing with her heartstrings. Did he know he had such an amazing effect on her? Gretchen felt like her whole life was on fire again, blooming, expanding so fast it almost hurt.

  “Love stories,” he finally said.

  “See? That wasn’t hard, was it?” Then she added, “We call them romance. And my particular interest is SEAL Romance.”

  “Like the book with Tyler’s abs on the front.”

  “Exactly. Except I don’t see Tyler when I read them. I only see the character Linda writes, not my brother-in-law.”

  Or maybe now I’ll think of you. She knew all that depended on how their few days together went. The real test would be when he returned to San Diego.

  Trace smiled and rimmed his coffee cup with his forefinger.

  “Okay, I want to know what dirty little thoughts you’re having right now Trace. At this café in the middle of the largest book store in the country.”

  “On deployment, I don’t like to read love stories. It’s too painful. That’s when I go for the pictures. If it’s fantasy love, it’s gotta have pictures.” His return smirk was a challenge. “But I do love to read. Does that qualify?”

  You bet it does.

  “Well, there’s a thought. We could get you your favorite book that has those kinds of pictures, and we could look at it together. What about that?”

  “I’m listening.” He was rocking on the back legs of the chair again. She leaned forward.

  “So what is it, again, you really want to do right now?”

  Trace scanned the store like he was looking for something or someone. “How much time do we have?”

  Gretchen checked her cell. “After I pick up Angie, the three of us could go somewhere.”

  Trace finished his espresso and leaned back on his chair. “I was thinking of something more adult. Like a good foreign film. A brew pub. You have lots of them here in Portland.”

  “How about Italian? There’s a theater here where they deliver your pizza while you watch the movie. As far as foreign film, I’m afraid it would have to be a Disney movie.”

  There was no way in the world she’d have been able to anticipate the answer he gave her.

  Trace leaned forward, took her hand, and kissed her palm. “I could do Disney. But I’d love to buy some dirty magazines with you. I’m sure they have them here. And later on, in the privacy of your bedroom, Clover’s bedroom, the car, or some other place, what I have in mind is definitely not PG.”

  Chapter 16

  Trace had it all planned out. He’d pulled a call to Tyler and Kate and got hold of Tyler’s mom, who he knew still lived in Portland. He hoped the surprise was as thrilling to Gretchen as it was to him. He’d had a boner all afternoon, making the arrangements on his cell between Gretchen’s errands. He didn’t dare tell the girls, but nearly spilled the beans to Angie when she started talking about Kate and Tyler’s new baby. He couldn’t afford a mishap, so kept silent.

  Back at the house, he brought in loads of wood for their wood-burning stove while Gretchen prepared the dinner. He washed clothes and never had such a nice time folding ladies underwear before. He walked out into the dining room holding Gretchen’s red bra and panties, unable to slip them on, but holding them in place.

  “What to you think? Do I have a chance as an underwear model?” he asked her.

  She had just taken a big sip of water and nearly spewed it out over the food she was preparing. Then she had an uncontrollable coughing spasm. He rushed to her side.

  “You okay?”

  “I can’t believe some of the things you think up sometimes, Trace.”

  It felt so right having her in his arms. He studied the bra and panties on the countertop. “Would you wear these to bed tonight?”

  She pulled away and searched his face. “I’d be happy to, as long as you don’t compare me to the ladies in those lingerie magazines we bought today.”

  “They give me ideas, that’s all. But you’re the one I want to feel naked with.”

  Their long kiss was interrupted by Angie’s frail voice.

  “Mom, is Trace a good kisser?”

  They immediately dropped their arms, and Gretchen straightened her hair. Trace discretely tucked the underwear into his back pocket.

  “Angie, I thought you were upstairs playing in your room.” Gretchen’s voice broke mid-sentence.

  “I heard you laugh, so I came to see what it was about. You guys are funny.”

  “Where did you pick up that kind of language, Angie? Good kisser?” she asked her daughter.

  Angie stared at her bare feet. “Clover. She said one of the boys at school was a good kisser.” She suddenly realized her mistake and drilled a desperate plea to her mother. “But, Mom! Don’t tell her I told you that.”

  Trace loved Angie’s spirit. She was not used to backing down or going away quietly into a corner, and that was a very good thing. Images from his past preoccupied him while Gretchen was giving her little one a gentle lecture on using words that were “too old” for her.

  He’d met women who had to fight their whole lives just to survive, to see their children killed on the way to the market or school. He’d seen countries where the fabric of anything that could be called normal life was non-existent. There were thousands of Angies out there who never got the same chances she did.

  People didn’t understand that coming home after deployments was bittersweet. On one hand, the routine of fighting, waiting, planning, doing dry runs, and more waiting was shattered the first time he stepped off a plane. Wives needed reassurance and attention. They needed to feel loved. Those were the days when he tried to put out of his mind his own needs. It was all about making sure his ex was stable, staying with the program, and still able to be a supportive partner. That kind of firm foundation made for a decent career as a SEAL.

  Coming home was also inspiring, just seeing people going about their lives. Walking their dogs, going to church, working in their yards, shopping and finding so much variety. No empty shelves or broken windows. Cars that ran and were clean. House exteriors not marred by missing plaster from a spray of automatic gunfire—an indication of a recent street battle. This was the life they fought to protect. The normal life. The ‘just do something and enjoy life.’ That’s what he was giving his country—the chance to have chances, to have a future that could be planned on.

  No sugar-coating it, Trace knew the instant his marriage had changed. It was at a
graduation ceremony for the new BUD/S class. Several of their team in Little Creek had come out to California to attend some language training in Monterey, brought the wives, and stayed a long weekend in Coronado to meet the new froglettes. The Team Guy his wife left him for from SEAL Team 4 had a little brother graduating with that class. One thing led to another, and Trace noticed several conversations and smiles that got wiped clean when they saw they were being noticed. There was a champagne toast, then a dinner dance, and a party the next night. All the time he was watching as she fell for the oldest story in the world: a recently divorced, lonely SEAL.

  That’s when he knew he’d lost her. Before that, he’d never realized she was even looking. So he understood when Gretchen said she wasn’t sure she could trust again. Certainly, Trace felt that way. Would have continued to feel that way all the way through his Hawaii “vacation,” if it could be called that, and would have felt okay if it lasted the rest of his life. But in Hawaii, he met Gretchen, and that tilted his whole world on a different axis.

  And suddenly, he was surrounded with normal lives that needed protecting—four of them, just doing what they did every day. Eating cereal, visiting a book store, having coffee, drawing pictures, and drinking chocolate milk at school—even talking about “good kissers.” It felt great to be able to provide that service to these wonderful people, whether they knew it or not.

  Angie walked towards him. “Mom said it was okay that I tell you that she says you’re a very good kisser.” She ran off, giggling. Trace heard her little footsteps traveling up the wooden stairs to her bedroom.

  Gretchen had gone back to cooking, but was having difficulty keeping a straight face.

  “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Not surprised to see little Angie so smart. She’ll be a handful when she’s Clover’s age,” Trace said while he wrapped his arms around Gretchen from behind and kissed her neck.

  “I refuse to answer that on the grounds it might incriminate me,” she said to the chopped vegetables in front of her.