Trusting Stone

by Alexa Sinclaire

  “Yay!” Susan started jumping up and down and jostling Eden, forcing the coffee to spill. “Listen, you won’t regret it, it’s going to be epic. Here.” She handed Eden the invitation. The embossed card with gold inlay looked excessive and decadent, just like everything in her previous life. It weighed heavy in her hand.

  “I said I’d think about it. I haven’t finalized my plans, so don’t get too excited,” she explained. Despite Eden’s dislike for Susan’s approach toward life in general, the girl had been nothing but kind to Eden at every chance and she suddenly felt bad watching Susan go from pleased to disappointed with her statement. Susan was simply a product of her upbringing and Eden felt a hint of guilt at her judgmental aversion of her.

  “Don’t worry, Susan, I’ll look at my schedule, okay? I’m sure I can figure it out.”

  “Oh, you won’t regret it. It will be great. Call me and maybe we can meet up beforehand.”

  Looking past Susan, Eden saw Mara approaching and gave her a wave. Susan glanced back and Eden tried not to react to the look of annoyance that flashed across Susan’s face.

  “I’ll be in touch, alright?” Eden wanted this conversation to be over.

  Susan hesitated. “Not to be a bitch, but it’s invite only…”

  Eden understood immediately—Mara was not invited. Elite American students only. Ugh, and there it was—the exact reason she knew she should avoid Susan.

  “Sure, no problem, message received,” Eden responded with another forced smile.

  “Okay, great, later!” Susan squeezed her arm and practically hopped back into the student union, leaving Eden holding the invitation. She stared down at it, already regretting her promise to Susan.

  “Ah, the lovely Susan Stuart. What did she want?” Mara said as she reached for Eden to kiss her on both cheeks. Mara made no effort to hide her disgust. She knew how Eden felt about the ASA, and the members seemed to get under Mara’s skin as much as they did Eden’s. It didn’t help that whenever they bumped into Eden and Mara together, they effectively ignored her or else talked to her like she was an idiot.

  “Nothing I want to talk about. Come on, let’s go get those packing boxes and face the inevitable!”

  Mara moaned. She knew it had been the plan for the day, but she was obviously reluctant to face reality. “Let’s just ignore the packing and instead go and get drunk on Guinness and call it cultural exploration. Doesn’t that sound so much better, Eden?”

  “One, you know I don’t like to drink, and two, stop avoiding the inevitable. I don’t want to be hysterically packing my stuff into black trash bags the day before I fly out. And neither do you. And you have so many goddamn shoes, Mara, we need to start now if we even want to make a dent in them.”

  Mara pursed her lips and pretended to pout. “What am I going to do without you in Madrid, Eden?”

  Eden shrugged and hooked her arm through Mara’s as she pulled her into the crowd. “I don’t even want to talk about it, Mara, or I’ll start to cry.”

  ****

  The next two weeks flew by. Eden and Mara finished their last exams and spent their final days in a whirlwind of packing and celebrating, despite Eden’s attempts to get the apartment ready earlier. Mara’s parents had surprised them with a two-day spa package at the elite luxury Zone One Spa, located at the top of one of Edinburgh’s most exclusive hotels. Mara had been telling her parents throughout her time there about the amazing support Eden provided, and her parents in turn wanted them to enjoy their last days together.

  On the surface, Mara came across as a serious, committed student. She rarely went out with the other students and went above and beyond on her assignments. But to Eden, Mara was quick-tongued, sarcastic, and often had Eden in hysterics. At first, Eden had wrongly assumed that Mara’s dedication to her studies had something to do with not wanting to waste her parents’ money.

  “God no, nothing to do with that. My parents could care less if I wasted their money, they have more than enough,” Mara had explained one night a few months after they’d met. “I’m just insanely competitive! But you know, that’s not an attractive trait in a woman, so my parents taught me to control it through being humble instead. Or as I see it, meek. You can imagine what a joy that was to learn!” It was after that revelation that Eden realized she and Mara had more in common than she initially thought. Mara had clearly undergone the same social training as Eden and resented it in the same fashion.

  The spa day ended on Friday afternoon and Eden wistfully realized that this would probably be the last time she and Mara would hang out together for who knew how long. They would be on separate flights home by Sunday evening. Eden tightened the robe across her stomach. She wasn’t used to being this bare in front of other people, even though it was just Mara and a few spa assistants. She wasn’t embarrassed about her body, in fact she knew she was lucky to have the sort of body that most women desired—petite and slender but still curvy in all the right places. Although, if she let herself acknowledge it, she wished she had been more well-endowed up top. Her mother had always pointed out that anything larger than a C-cup came across as slutty and she shouldn’t complain.

  But besides her own insecurities about her breasts, Eden knew she should count herself lucky when it came to how she looked. She just didn’t know what to do with it anymore. Eden, who used to secretly love the envy she induced in her peers, now couldn’t even stand to look at herself naked. She had been working on her body confidence with Dr. Shepherd, but it had been something of a stumbling block for her.

  Eden decided to ignore her discomfort and focus on the conversation at hand—whether Mara would say yes to her boyfriend, Enzo, who had asked her to marry him during their Easter break.

  “We’re so young, though. I still want to have fun. Sow my wild oats, right?” Mara exaggerated her accent, pretending her impeccable English was worse than it was. She knew when to play the sexy Spanish card, even with her friends. Eden giggled. She was going to miss her so much.

  “You’ve had plenty of opportunities to jump some bones here in Edinburgh, Mara, but you’d rather sit at home and chat with Enzo on Skype. Don’t give me that crap, you know you’re going to say yes.”

  There was no doubt that Mara was stunning. At five-foot-eight, she was taller than most women and she made no qualms about it. In fact, she insisted on wearing heels whenever the occasion called for it. She had jet-black hair that she wore in a razor sharp bob that hung just under her chin. Mara was naturally slender and that, added with her height, gave her a willowy appearance, making her look like she would do better on a catwalk than a boardroom, which was where she dreamt about being.

  Mixed with her Latin style and attitude, Mara was a whirlwind of intimidating sensuality once she got her nose out of a book. Whenever they went out, men were clearly intrigued by her and also slightly daunted. Mara was not a flirt, but she oozed sex and seemed to know it. Eden had never met Enzo, but she’d seen pictures and knew that, at least physically, he was a perfect match for Mara. He was easily over six feet tall and his own dark Spanish features seemed to mirror Mara’s.

  “I know, I know. I’m not serious. I just need to be sure about Enzo, you know? We’ve been together forever and I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I guess I’m just nervous about going home and facing my old life again.”

  “Oh Mara, you don’t have to tell me. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve logged in to try and change my flight date?”

  Eden was more than aware that moving all the way to Edinburgh hadn’t been nearly as hard as moving to New York was going to be. At least here she had a clear role as a student—she had classes to keep her busy, an internship at the Edinburgh Gallery, and a wonderful roommate to keep her occupied.

  In New York, she would be on her own. Well, not completely. She knew her parents had a list of numbers they would want her to call, mostly grown children of families that lived in Elmbridge, the elite Boston suburb where she grew up. But Eden never would con
tact them. And of course there was Joachim. She pushed the thought out of her head. For now, she was going to enjoy the day. She stretched back, taking in the scent that wafted over them from the aromatherapy candles, and breathed out.

  “And what about Joachim, Eden?” Mara obviously wasn’t going to let her off the hook after teasing her about Enzo.

  Eden had grown up with Joachim. Their parents were best friends and she had let slip to her roommate that she and Joachim had been dating on and off for years since she was 15. He had been her first and really only boyfriend. When she had left Boston for Edinburgh, not even stepping foot in New York where Joachim now lived, despite the St. Leonard’s connection, it had been clear that things were off with them, but that hadn’t stopped him from emailing her almost every week. They couldn’t really be classified as love letters, but general updates sprinkled with a few terms of endearment. Mara had snorted when Eden had waved off the emails as simply polite correspondence.

  “Correspondence! Really? I’m not sure this is the standard signature for ‘polite correspondence,’” Mara had said, pointing to Joachim’s signature that was the same at every email—miss you, yours always, Jo xx.

  “Is he still sending his weekly emails?” Mara continued.

  “Yes, but I haven’t been responding as much. I’m too busy with the move.”

  “Isn’t he in New York? You’re not going to be able to ignore him for much longer.”

  “I’ll figure it out when I get there. I’ve made it pretty clear where I stand, I think. I’m not going to New York to be with Joachim. It’s total coincidence he lives there. And anyway, we won’t be running in the same social circles. I don’t even know how much we’ll be seeing each other.”

  “Unless you’ve flat out said that you are never going to sleep with him in his wildest dreams, I don’t get the impression that this guy is going to back off. And even then…” Mara gave Eden a look, a look that said “you have no idea what you’re doing when it comes to men,” which made Eden blush. She had never told Mara about her sex life, or lack thereof. Mara was happy to divulge all the wild reunion sex she had with Enzo whenever she got a chance to see him, but that was a part of Eden’s life that she had kept quiet.

  She had once revealed that something had happened to her that made her nervous about trusting people when Mara pushed her about why she didn’t hang out with the other American students on campus. Sensing it was a sensitive subject, Mara had backed off. For all her candor and dirty mouth, Mara was incredibly attached to Eden and respected her need for boundaries.

  “Mara! Don’t make it worse for me! I know I’ll have to deal with him. But seriously, it’s not what I want to spend my last days in Edinburgh thinking about!”

  “Well, don’t ignore it for too long. I can’t imagine that Joachim’s going to be happy with emails when you’re living in the same city. Better to face it head-on.”

  Eden stuck her tongue out at Mara. She knew her friend was right, but she just didn’t want to contemplate it.

  “Mara, you and Enzo have more sizzle on the phone than Joachim and I do, even when he would plan one of his romantic evenings. I don’t know why he keeps pushing it. I genuinely think it’s out of habit more than anything else.”

  Mara snorted. “Okay, Eden, yeah, I’m sure Joachim is holding on to you out of habit. You keep telling yourself that, chica, although I’m not sure how much good it will do you.”

  Chapter Three

  Eden glanced in the mirror one last time. She was preparing for the ASA leaving party and asking herself why the hell she had agreed to go. She knew why—a rather scathing conversation with her mother had shamed her into texting Susan and agreeing to go, as well as meet up with Susan and her friends for a ride. Eden knew she was going to have to eventually figure out how to say no to her mother instead of endlessly still behaving as if her parents had some control over her. She saw every interaction as a negotiation instead of simply a conversation.

  Dr. Shepherd told her that she had to keep reassessing how far she had come. Yes, her parents still had the ability to guilt her into doing things they wanted, but she had come so far—changed her degree to art history, moved to Edinburgh, and now was going to be living in New York City on her own. All of which her parents had protested. So her mom could manipulate her into attending a party she didn’t particularly want to go to—it didn’t mean she was becoming a doormat again.

  The black silk shift dress Eden had chosen was cute and sophisticated, or at least she hoped that’s what it came off as. She wasn’t overtly going for sexy, but she was attempting to walk a fine line of attractive and feminine. Dr. Shepherd, who she still had bi-monthly sessions with over the phone from his office in Boston, had been focusing on trying to help Eden normalize behavior that was age appropriate, more specifically her sexuality. Ever since her breakdown, she’d avoided male attention, especially from men her own age.

  Joachim was the only man she still was in regular contact with and that was through email. She was petrified of sending the wrong message. Dr. Shepherd was pushing her to explore the idea of owning her sexuality not simply as a means of attracting men, but for her own self-confidence as an integral part of the healing process. There was a part of her that still believed that what had happened that summer night almost two years ago was really her fault. If she hadn’t worn that red camisole top, if she hadn’t worn so much makeup, if she hadn’t danced to that Kesha song and ground her hips against that frat boy, none of it would have happened. It’s what had driven her eventually to lock herself in her dorm room and down a bottle of sleeping pills.

  Eden had told Dr. Shepherd about the ASA party. He pointed out that this would be a perfect occasion to push her comfort levels and he encouraged her to go. Instead of going for formal black trousers and high-neck blouse, one that hid her figure, she should try for a dress and heels, he suggested. Eden hadn’t enjoyed shopping since her breakdown and had established a standard uniform of skinny jeans, boat-neck shirts and roll neck sweaters for winter, and semi-fitted t-shirts for spring and summer. Her outfits suited the Scottish climate most of the year and she felt most comfortable wearing her heavy, woollen, dark grey sweater she had bought the first week in Edinburgh. She hadn’t even packed a skirt or dress in her luggage.

  The Boston Eden would have jumped at the chance to go shopping for a party dress. She probably would have treated herself to a few hours at the salon and some new makeup. Instead, begrudgingly, she had followed Mara around the shops, ignoring all her suggestions—too short, too tight, too sparkly, too fun.

  “How can a dress be too fun, Eden? Seriously?” Mara harped at her.

  “Okay, fine, too skanky.”

  Mara feigned being insulted. “Are you calling my sense of style skanky?”

  “You’re such a twit, Mara. You know perfectly well that dress has skank written all over it. I wouldn’t even be able to bend over without showing my ass and everything else.”

  “That’s the point!” Mara teased her, wiggling the dress in front of her.

  “No! Find me something that doesn’t actually invite someone to grab my ass and then I’ll be happy.”

  Mara didn’t push her, and instead complimented her when Eden did finally settle on one.

  The dress she had eventually found was perfect. The black silk, although not fitted, with the 60s retro cut, moved smoothly across her body, only giving hints at the shapes underneath. It ended above her knee, but with heels on, any shorter would have made her uncomfortable. Too nervous to wear a v-neck or anything backless, she had chosen the dress for what was essentially an extended boat neck reaching across from shoulder to shoulder, revealing her collarbone and slender neck.

  She opted for a strapless bra, easily manageable with her B-cups, so as not to break up the contrasting white stretch of her skin against the black silk. After almost a year in Scottish weather, her skin had lost any hint of tan and she had rediscovered how much she liked her naturally pale skin tone. It
suited her dark hair and she made a note to actually buy some sun cream for when she flew home, especially since she would be arriving in a notoriously hot New England summer.

  Eden decided to wear her shoulder-length dark brown hair down. She had developed a habit of hiding behind it when necessary, a tool to avoid eye contact or keep her hands busy in uncomfortable situations. If Dr. Shepherd really expected her to go out in a dress, he had to allow her some sort of mental relief from the anxiety she could already feel building inside her. Her avoidance tactics in social situations was another issue he had been pushing her to work on.

  Stepping back from the mirror, she smiled at herself. A dash of dark pink lip-gloss and a few swipes of mascara to frame her green eyes and she was ready. Eden knew she looked good even if she didn’t know what to do with it anymore. It was far cry from her former self. Boston Eden would have spent an hour at least doing her hair and makeup, layering up the false lashes, primer, foundation, lipstick—the works. Her mother had taught her how to use makeup well and she had perfected the demure-with-a-hint-of-glamour look. But like her extensive wardrobe, she had left her large makeup collection in Boston.

  Ignoring the feeling of impending doom that she now recognized to be neurotic nerves, she put her phone and keys in her leather clutch and straightened her dress one last time. Susan had texted that she was waiting downstairs and Eden gave herself a brave smile in the mirror before walking out.

  When she opened the door to her apartment building, she wasn’t that surprised to see a black limo waiting for her with the sound of dance music pumping out from the door seams. Already she was regretting her decision to go. Susan opened the door and gestured for Eden to join the other girls inside.