To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Did you know that you and Liam are the only ones that do not call me Meggy? I think the family continues to call me that so I do not appear grown up in their eyes, especially Justin. I hate my brother,” she stated vehemently, anger tingeing her words.

  “What brought this on?”

  “Where do I even begin?”

  “The beginning. Believe me, I have all day.”

  “Liam and I want to be married.”

  “That is wonderful!”

  “Justin has Da’s ear.”

  “Oh.”

  “Liam has been in Dumbarton this entire time. He kept trying to find a way to talk to Justin, to get him to listen to him, but Justin refused. We want to marry soon. You see, Liam has joined with one of the government offices to help with the war. We were going to move to London so that he could be close to the office. He approached Da, but Da would not give his answer right then. He said he needed to think about it, which meant he wanted to talk to Justin.”

  A sense of foreboding washed over Clarissa. “And?” she asked encouragingly, not sure if she really wanted to hear the rest of the story.

  “Da’ refused him.”

  “Refused him?”

  “Yes, but we weren’t going to let that stop us.”

  “Gretna Green,” Clarissa guessed.

  “Yes. We were going to leave last night, but Liam never showed up. Instead I received this note from him.” Megan handed the crumpled piece of paper over to Clarissa.

  Meg,

  I’ve been called to London on an emergency. I will be staying with Thorn Wulfe. Should you need me, send all correspondence to the War Office. I hope to be back in a few weeks to carry on with our plans.

  Love always,

  Liam

  “Oh dear,” Clarissa said. “But he says he will be back in a few weeks.”

  “He hopes to be back in a few weeks. Clarissa, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Perhaps I should leave for London. Find him. Yes, that’s what I can do.”

  “Megan, stop. You can’t make that journey all by yourself. You are overwrought. You need to calm down and look at this positively. Now you have a few weeks to talk to your father. Perhaps you can get your mother to talk to him. You have plenty of time to woo your father to your side.”

  “No, Clarissa, I don’t. I’m out of time.”

  “What do you mean?

  “I’m going to have a baby,” Megan burst into tears again at the announcement. The news shocked Clarissa, but didn’t she, herself, stand the same risk? She and Megan were the same age, and she could no more condemn Megan for what she might be facing, too. Instead, she gathered Megan in her arms and let her cry. “I’ve known for a week or two. I was going to tell Liam the night we were going to marry. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. What am I going to do? What will my family think of me?”

  “They will love you, and help you find Liam and make things right,” Clarissa said, as she stroked the girls straight dark hair. Clarissa held her in her arms, rocking her.

  “My brother will never speak to me again. He called me a trollop once after seeing Liam kiss me. He told me that he found my behavior embarrassing.”

  “After a simple kiss?”

  “He said only harlots gave themselves to men before marriage, and I should tread lightly or people would believe that of me. Now I have and look what has happened. I need to get to London,” she said and clutched tightly at Clarissa’s arms.

  “You are overwrought and that is not good for you or the baby. Why don’t you lie down? I will tell everyone that you have a headache and do not wish to be disturbed.” Megan merely nodded and let Clarissa guide her inside. Once Megan was settled and resting, Clarissa went to her own room.

  She looked around and nothing looked disturbed or changed, so very unlike herself. Did Justin truly believe a woman a harlot if she gave herself to a man before marriage, or were those merely words he had used against his sister? Did he think her a harlot? Had he only proposed for fear they might have created a life? This morning had brought proof they had not. Mayhap he really did care for her. Should she call off the engagement? No, she could not cause that type of embarrassment to either Justin’s family or hers. She squared her shoulders as if she were a military man preparing for a battle. Instead, she was a woman preparing for a loveless marriage, where her future husband thought so little of her and her behavior. But wasn’t he as much a part of her downfall as she had been? Of course, but men loved the double-edged sword.

  Well, she might not be able to call off the engagement in good conscience, but she could deal with the situation in another manner. Clarissa smiled and turned to leave the room catching her reflection in a mirror. Of a sudden, she looked quite older than her twenty years, and the smile slashing across her face gave her a slightly evil and cynnical look. She wiped the smile from her face and deep in her eyes she saw a sadness that had not been there earlier.

  “Damn him,” Clarissa said to the empty room. He made her feel such exquisiteness, then had ripped her to shreds with callous words spoken to another woman. Oh, how she despised the male race at this moment. She began to make her way downstairs when her father stopped her and beckoned her into his room. He motioned for her to sit on the empty chair across from him. The duke spent many minutes carefully studying her.

  “There is something different about you today. Is all well?”

  “Of course. I’m engaged just like you wished me to be. What could possibly be wrong?”

  “Clarissa, I know you don’t understand why I have put certain stipulations on you, but know that I did it because I love you.”

  “Love? Forcing me to marry when I am not ready is what you call love?”

  “I believe young Southerby will be a good mate for you. He will be a good father for my grandchildren.”

  “Is that all I am to you? A broodmare to supply you with grandchildren so that the lineage may be carried on?”

  “Clarissa, enough.”

  “No, it is not enough. Did you ever truly care for me, Papa, or has it all been an act all these years?”

  “Clarissa, you are my daughter. I love you more than life itself. That is why I put those stipulations in my will.”

  “Why? Explain it to me.”

  “I wanted you to have what your mother and I had. We loved each other deeply and then when you came along, princess, perfection was somehow improved upon.” Clarissa watched as a tear escaped the corner of her father’s eye. “Then when your mother and the babe died, I did us both an injustice. I should have allowed the proper mourning period pass and then searched for a new wife. Instead, I let it be just us for too long.”

  “And Lorraine?” She questioned, fighting against the emotion of the moment.

  “A moment of senility perhaps?”

  “Why couldn’t you have just sat down and told me all this months ago? Why put the demands in a will? Do you realize how cold and calculating those terms sound when put to paper? Do you understand how it makes me feel?”

  “I will not take them back,” he muttered stubbornly.

  “Regardless of what you have done, I cannot help but love you because you are my father. Part of the stipulation in your will may be met with my marriage, but I will tell you now that I will do everything in my power to keep a grandchild from being born by my twenty-first birthday. I will not have my life commandeered like a puppet on a string.” And with those parting words she stood and left the room.

  ***

  Clarissa needed a place where she could be alone, and no one would bother her. She remembered a seldom-used balcony off of the gallery, so she began to walk in that direction her strides revealing her determination. She passed an open door and heard the whispered words of two of the maids.

  “Young Miss Megan’s in the family way.”

  “No!”

  “Aye! I imagine it is that handsome Liam, the Laird McTavish’s nephew.”

  “Oh, he is a handsome one.”


  “That he is. When do you think they’ll marry?”

  “Better be soon, or she’ll have a hard time passin’ the babe off as a an early one.”

  Clarissa heard them come closer to where she stood and quickly looked for somewhere to hide. She slipped behind some heavy drapes that were pulled closed, covering an alcove.

  The women continued their conversation. “Did Edith tell you what she ‘eard master Justin and the duke discussin’?”

  “Aye. Poor man to be stuck in a marriage like that. I didna’ think master Justin was one to dance to another’s tune.”

  “Men are all the same. Amazin’ what they’ll do for a little extra blunt and an heir or two.”

  “Accordin’ to Edith, it’ll be more than a lil’ blunt.”

  “And more to be paid if the babe comes before Lady Clarissa’s next birthday. If a man did that to me and I found out ‘bout it, I’d kill him.”

  “Or somethin’ worse,” the other maid said, and they giggled as they walked down the hall. Clarissa didn’t realize she held her breath until she heard the muted clicking of the women’s shoes on the runner fade down the hallway. Anger and embarrassment suffused her entire being. Her face became an alarming shade of red and her entire body grew hot. Her muscles shook from the tension. Clarissa peeked out of the drapes, saw that they were gone and continued towards the balcony in a state of shock.

  Making certain the door was unlocked so that she could get back in, she stepped out onto the balcony and shut the door behind her. She definitely did not want any company. So Justin and her father had planned this marriage. Did Justin seduce her with marriage in mind? Thank goodness there would be no child, for now there would be no wedding. She would see to that one way or another.

  Her father and his stipulations, and he had twisted Justin up in them so easily. She was now betrothed. Everything had moved so quickly. She felt as if she were being catapulted over a wall, only the wall moved towards her, and she was not high enough in the air to clear it. A shivering set in her bones that had nothing to do with the brisk afternoon air. Perhaps it was stress, or fear of the unknown. It could be knowing that she would be moving from the control of one man to the other.

  Clarissa slowly sank to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest. Her cheek sank to rest on her knees. This is when she missed having a mother. Oh, she had Aunt Gertie, but as much as she loved her, she tended to flutter. Never had she had the opportunity to have a mother to run to when times were difficult. Her father had been her everything, until recently. People thought she had the perfect life, that she was a diamond of the first water. Even she had thought her life perfect until she had her first Season. All the mothers wanted their sons to marry her because she was of excellent ton. All the other girls hated her because the men flocked around her.

  Yet no one understood how much she hated all of it. She felt like a piece of livestock being poked and prodded. How much value would she bring to the family? Look at how her bloodlines will add to ours. She will make an excellent hostess for social engagements. She is of the right temperament for a lord of your standing. She is beautiful. She will look the other way when you take a mistress. She had overheard all these conversations in reference to her and a future husband.

  Clarissa could feel the tension creeping into her muscles. Her betrothed thought her a trollop, nay a harlot. He must if he thought that of his own sister after finding her kissing a man. Her father had turned on her at some point in their relationship. A depraved man in London wanted her despite being married. The man’s wife had caused her father into bigamy without knowing it. She could no longer hold back all the things that had happened to her in the past year. What had she done to deserve this kind of fallout?

  Clarissa’s head began to pound. She pulled pins out of her hair allowing her golden tresses to fall about her shoulders. The pounding dulled some, but odd twinges shot through her right temple every so often. It reminded her of a debilitating headache she had had during her teens. It had left her lying in a dark room for days unable to eat or move with its severity. Clarissa stared at the landscape and watched as a doe and yearling ambled across the grounds, grazing. A stag came up beside them, his head lifted as if searching the area for intruders. Clarissa let the peacefulness of the scene wash over her.

  A glint of something shiny in the trees caught her eye. A hunter took aim at the big stag. Unaware of what she was doing, Clarissa stood and screamed at the top of her lungs. The echo of gunfire bounced off the stone of the house, and stone and mortar sprinkled down on her. The deer ran in the opposite direction of the hunter, unharmed, disappearing down the hill and into a thickly wooded area beyond. Clarissa knew that hunting was necessary at times, but the moment had been too perfect to ruin. It never crossed her mind that they were too close to town for hunting to be safe.

  Justin stepped out of the stables when he heard the scream punctuated by gunfire. He quickly scanned the area and saw Clarissa standing on a balcony.

  “Get inside!” he yelled before running back into the stable and demanding someone bring him a gun. Justin ran back outside, armed and saw Clarissa still standing on the balcony, her hands covering her mouth. “Get inside!” he roared and this time she turned around, fighting to open the doors that would lead her back into the gallery. They gave way, and she practically fell through them before slamming them closed. She moved away from the windows and took a step into the hallway before sinking to the floor, her legs unable to hold her as she realized someone had tried to kill her.

  ***

  Justin stood at the edge of the woods that bordered the back of his parents’ property, a gun in hand. He followed the footsteps as far as they led before they turned into horse hooves and vanished among the rocky terrain.

  “Dammit!” Justin growled before hearing footsteps behind him. He whirled, pulling back the hammer on the pistol, his finger lying lightly on the trigger. He saw his father and quickly pointed his forearm to the sky, releasing the hammer.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Someone took a shot at Clare. They got away.”

  “It looks like trouble followed you.”

  “It would seem so. I need to go and check on her.” He skirted past his father, not making eye contact with him. He had been in the stables working off excess energy. He had received a note from Liam today, and it had unsettled him. The two had once been friends, almost like brothers, but that seemed a lifetime ago. Now the man begged him to talk to his Da to give him permission to marry Meg, as Liam called her. In the missive, he said there were things he needed to explain about Jonathan, but it should be done in person.

  Now he shook for an entirely different reason. He realized that his life would be empty if anything had happened to her. His heart still pounded and would not settle until he held her in his arms. Why had she even been out on that balcony? He wondered harshly. And then he saw the look of horror on her face, even from this distance. Had she realized that bullet had been meant for her? He shook his head as he began walking up to the house, wishing that he were in London and could go to Gentleman Jackson’s for a few hours.

  Clarissa knew when he entered the house because he bellowed her name. She managed to get to her feet and unsteadily made it to railing of the staircase and looked below. “Here,” the word came out weakly. She cleared her throat before trying once more. “Justin, I’m here.”

  “Thank God,” he sounded relieved, and she watched as he took the stairs two at a time. When he stood in front of her he pulled her into his arms, and she felt a tremor run through him. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” In a moment of weakness she let her arms wrap around him, and she held on tightly.

  ***

  Clarissa, feeling less shaky, but still fighting the pounding in her head, checked on Megan before the evening meal. The girl truly did have a headache after all the crying and declined even food. Clarissa called for lavender water and wet a washcloth to place over Megan’s eyes and forehead. Tears s
till leaked from her eyes.

  “Megan, I know you’re hurting right now, but you have to stop crying at some point.”

  “I know,” she moaned, the back of her right arm flung across her face.

  “Megan, you must remember the babe.”

  “I know,” she mumbled.

  “People in this house do not quite consider you grown up. You are to be a mother, and you want to be a wife. You are going to have to prove to them that you are capable of both.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Good. Now, rest for the remainder of the night then be prepared to face tomorrow.” Clarissa stayed with her until she slept once more.

  She left Megan’s room, quietly shutting the door behind her, when she backed into a solid figure. She jumped in surprise and let out a startled yelp.

  “It’s only me,” Justin said quietly.

  “Oh,” she pulled herself away from him and stood stiffly. “Shall we go down to dinner?”

  “I should like to have a word with my sister.”

  “Your sister is exhausted and suffering from a severe headache. I should think your talk can wait until the morrow.” She could not help the coldness that laced her voice. After the scare of this afternoon had passed, she had remembered all he had said to Megan. The words ‘common trollop’ and ‘harlot’ kept repeating themselves in her mind. Every time she thought about it she became angry all over again.

  “What’s the matter with you?”

  “Nothing. I would like to go to dinner now if you don’t mind.” She felt a steely hand on her upper arm halt her progress down the stairs.

  “Clarissa, why did you scream outside this afternoon?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I heard you scream before the gunshot. Are we really going to play this game now?”

  “I saw the sun glint off the rifle and something in me thought to scare the deer off, to save it’s life. I know it is irrational, but it just seemed so peaceful and someone wanted to ruin it all. Then it turned out they wanted to kill me instead of the deer.”