Just Like Yesterday

by Brenda Barrett

  Hazel put on the kettle after her reverie and awaited Kenzy's visit. Maybe from now on she should stick to the present and her various current issues and leave the past alone.

  *****

  "Say what!" Kenzy exclaimed after Hazel had finished telling her about Curtis Decker. "That's nice of him."

  "Yes," Hazel said dreamily. She looked over at Kenzy who, surprisingly, was in a conventional hairstyle. Her hair was in its original brown state and was brushed back, exposing her sharp cheekbones and highlighting her light eyes. Kenzy wasn't conventionally pretty but her face was interesting nonetheless.

  Physically they resembled each other a bit. People would mistake them for sisters. They had the same light golden skin and they were basically the same height and build. Hazel sometimes thought that that was why Kenzy had chosen her to be her friend. Kenzy had always wanted a sister and she fit the bill physically.

  "What's going on?" she asked Kenzy. "You look...how should I put this? Normal."

  Kenzy laughed. "I broke up with Shawn. The engagement is over and med school is kicking my butt. I have no time for fancy hairstyles. Besides, all of the messing that I have been doing with my hair is finally coming back to haunt me. My Mom predicted it. I hate when she is right."

  "I didn't like Shawn." Hazel shrugged. "He was too smug and I am so surprised that you are actually doing med school. I still haven't gotten used to you doing medicine yet. As for your hair, no comment."

  "I like med school," Kenzy said ruefully. "I think I am going to specialize in dermatology. Now that is a cool specialty."

  "And will fit you perfectly," Hazel murmured.

  "So, what are you going to do if the new will is legit?" Kenzy asked, after a pause.

  "I don't know, save some of the money. I already have this house. Maybe I will open a restaurant." Hazel shrugged. "My whole reason for marrying Baron is null and void. I can do without the stress of his vast cash and his catty family. I am telling you, his first wife looks like she would kill me just to have me gone from the face of the earth."

  Kenzy chuckled. "I wish I could have gone with you to the reading of the will. I would love to give the finger to all of them sneering at you."

  Hazel chuckled. "I could see you doing that too. You are so disgraceful."

  "I only do disgraceful stuff for you, Hazy baby. I guess that's why your sisters resent me, because they know that I love you too. They view me as competition, your fourth sister."

  Hazel groaned. "They resent you squarely because of that summer when I left them to live with you."

  "Ah," Kenzy laughed. "We had mad fun."

  "I wouldn't know," Hazel said. "I have trouble remembering this mad fun we had."

  Kenzy changed the subject quickly. "Want to come to dinner at the house tomorrow? Dad invited this chef guy who won some food prize last year."

  "No, sorry. Tomorrow is packed," Hazel said, sipping her tea. "I have the DNA test thing tomorrow and lunch with Curtis after, and I am going to have to do something with my hair."

  "What on earth are you going to do with your hair?" Kenzy said enviously. "It's gorg'. You have wash and go spiral curly hair. Don't you dare do a thing to your hair!"

  Hazel chuckled. This was a far cry from the Kenzy who used to pressure her to do something with her boring curls. "It feels coarse. I need a deep conditioner or something."

  "Well good," Kenzy nodded, "but don't let anybody do anything to your hair. Curtis wouldn't like it."

  Hazel giggled. "I don't know what Curtis Decker would like, I don't even know if he likes me. He just wants me to get to know my son better."

  Kenzy rolled her eyes. "I think I’ve heard this before."

  "What?" Hazel asked curiously.

  "You, putting yourself down," Kenzy said. "Yes, Curtis likes you. He is a good guy, obviously. You better not let him slip through your fingers. It’s time you find some happiness."

  Chapter Four

  Hazel woke up at seven. The house was quiet. There was no wheelchair squeaking on the upper floor as Baron wheeled himself to the garden to take in his morning sunshine. The house felt empty, as if it knew that its owner was dead.

  Baron had lived a long, full life, though she hadn't known him that long. When she had just come to the house he had been a miserable old man. He had found fault with everything, but when she argued back with him he seemed to like that.

  That was when he stopped being such a ball of misery and started showing interest in life again. She would miss their early morning chats. One day she had attempted to have devotion with him and he had claimed that there was no heaven and hell. They had had a debate about that for months.

  She got up now and stretched, walking to her balcony. She looked out over the swimming pool. When Baron was forced to use his breathing apparatus he had asked her to pray for him. Maybe feeling the fragility of his mortality, he had been inclined to think that indeed there was a higher power and there was a place for those who served him.

  Hazel reflected on how fragile life was and the fact that she only had one shot at it. She didn't want to end up like Baron, rich and miserable, at odds with his family over money. He basically spent the end of his days alone, surrounded by staff, and reminiscing about his glory days as a tycoon people feared. In the dying rays of his glory he had come to Jamaica to escape his family.

  There was a lone bird bathing at the shallow end of the pool and Hazel watched it for a while. Maybe she was disassociating. She was still debating with herself whether or not to take that DNA test.

  She wanted to know and then again she didn't want to know. Her own mind was confusing her. On one hand she felt as if she had passed the stage where she cared whether she had parents and then the little girl, the one who had spent most of her life looking to see if she saw anybody else with her features, was urging her to get on and get it over with.

  She took a bath, fought her hair into a bun and dressed leisurely in a simple red wrap dress. When she got to the car it was ten to eight; she wouldn't make it to Sunrise Medical on time; the traffic was awful at this time of the day in New Kingston. She would miss the appointment with Nick. Caitlin had said that he had surgery all day and the morning was his only available time.

  Oh well, too bad, she thought fatalistically. Maybe she shouldn't do it today, but she still headed to Sunrise Medical and reached there quarter to nine. The outside looked more like a hotel than a place of medicine. She liked that.

  She stepped through the doors and was greeted by a polite nurse who told her that Nick was in the lab. "Second door to the right down the hallway to the left."

  Hazel looked around, confused at the directions, but the nurse had already gone back to a phone call.

  She was relieved to see Luca with a cup of tea in his hand, heading toward the lobby.

  "Luca!" she called out to him and he looked up. His grey eyes looked heavy.

  "Hey Hazel." His face lit up into a warm smile. "How are you?"

  "Fine." Hazel walked closer to him. "I was supposed to meet Nick here."

  "Right," Luca said. "Come on. I think he had to go to surgery. He likes to be on time but I can do the test for you. The technicians are not here yet to do their analysis. So you should get the results tomorrow."

  "It's that simple, huh?" Hazel said, suddenly feeling a dragging fear in the pit of her stomach. Suppose she wasn't Helen Benedict's child? That would make her anonymous again.

  "Yes, it is. So how is it going?"

  "Okay." Hazel shrugged. "Baron died. I inherited an obscene sum of money. It maybe reduced, who knows. I can get to see my son when he is back from Trinidad. I may or may not be a Benedict. The end."

  Luca chuckled. "That's a lot. Sorry to hear about the death of Mr. Baron, happy to hear that you'll get to see your son, I hope that the whole money thing works out in your favor. As for being a Benedict, they are a good family, as you know from having Patricia in your life. They are one of the best and I am sure they will welcome you with open arms
."

  "Thanks," Hazel said. She followed him as he pushed through a door and they stood in a room with a lot of lab equipment. "So how is it going with you?"

  "I am happy," Luca said. "I really love my wife. I hope she's happy too. She hasn't said anything to the contrary, has she?"

  It was Hazel's turn to laugh. "No. Casey is fine. More than fine."

  "Well then, all is well in my world." Luca put his tea down on a side table and headed for the gloves. "This won't take long. I am just going to swab the inside of your mouth and that is it. Nick will call you with the results."

  "Thanks," Hazel said. They chit-chatted for a while and then she left the building. It was too early for lunch with Curtis, way too early, and she was feeling restless.

  She headed for Magnolia House. She hadn't visited in a while.

  *****

  Matron Nash was sitting in her office tapping away at the computer when Hazel walked in. She had a few more gray hairs than Hazel remembered. Through the years she had always combed her hair in the same style, cut low and brushed back from her round face.

  Matron had one of those friendly faces that invited you to relax. She had big cheeks, a kind expression in her eyes and full lips that invited you to smile. Hazel had rarely seen Matron in a bad temper. She had once told them that she gave her day over to God and if he sent bad stuff her way, she was sure that he had already equipped her to deal with it. Hence, there was no need to get mad. She just needed to handle it.

  She looked up when Hazel entered the office and smiled.

  "Hazel!" She got up and crossed the desk, and hugged Hazel warmly. "How is my little girl?"

  Hazel laughed. She was never going to be a grown-up for Matron Nash.

  She sat across from her and looked around. There were numerous pictures of various girls who passed through the home over the years. There was even one with her and her sisters, the first girls of Bungalow Seven. Matron Nash and their very first house mother, Nora, were also in the picture. Of course, Patricia was in the middle.

  "To what do I owe this visit?" Matron Nash asked her warmly.

  Hazel sighed. "I have issues."

  Matron leaned back in her chair; it squeaked a little. "It's not about the Deckers again, is it?"

  "No," Hazel said, "not them. I don't know if you have heard but Caitlin has this theory that I am related to the Benedicts."

  "Yes," Matron nodded, "Patricia mentioned it. She was quite excited at the possibility."

  "She was?" Hazel sighed. "She hasn't said anything to me."

  Matron nodded. "Maybe she doesn't want to get your hopes up if it turns out not to be true..."

  "Yes, I know." Hazel got up and looked through the window. She could clearly see Bungalow Seven. There was a girl outside sweeping the walkway. A slim girl with long hair, maybe a Brigid lookalike, but when she turned around Hazel saw that she wasn't.

  "Who lives in Bungalow Seven now?" she asked Matron Nash. "Are you guys still putting the worst of the worst in there?"

  "Yes," Matron said, "but of course it's not the same. Our new batch of girls hates each other. We got them at about the same age as we got you four but that is where the similarity ends. Two of them ran away recently; one still has not returned. Out of the remaining three, one stabbed the other one last week and she is still in hospital. One is in police custody. Bungalow Seven has not been the same since you guys left but of course they don't have the attention of Patricia as you guys did. It's either that or this time Patricia has really chosen the worst of the worst."

  Hazel frowned. "I was thinking of contributing to Magnolia House."

  Matron Nash nodded. "I expected that, knowing you."

  "But money is just money. It wouldn't be the same for the new girls in Bungalow Seven even if they had all the money in the world." Hazel turned to her. "The difference with me and my sisters was Patricia. Maybe I should do some of that too, along with the money."

  Matron looked at her assessingly. "Patricia is childless and she dedicated time and attention and she treated each of you as her own and I am thinking that she was led to choose you guys as a batch. I think God ordained her choice. I firmly believe that it wasn't chance or luck that she got the four of you together.

  "You on the other hand, you are young, you have loads of stuff to do. Pray about this before you even attempt to do it. As you can see from your life, taking up mentorship is not an easy task nor should it be taken lightly."

  "You are right as usual and it's true, getting the four of us together wasn't chance at all." Hazel cleared her throat. "Matron, tell me about the Deckers."

  Matron sighed. "I knew that this would be the eventual topic."

  Hazel looked at her fully, her back pressing into the window sill. "Did you know that they didn't raise Sebastian; they gave him up to their youngest son, Curtis?"

  "Yes," Matron said uncomfortably. "Sebastian hasn't suffered, has he?"

  "No," Hazel murmured, "but I just want to point out that you guys were wrong. I could have kept him."

  "Hazel, Hazel, Hazel..." Matron said in her most longsuffering tone.

  "Just tell me how they knew about me," Hazel insisted. "Why'd you give him to them?"

  Matron pursed her lips as if she was contemplating what to say and then released a pent-up sigh. "I was in the office sorting out some legal documents for a couple of girls. It was a Wednesday. February 3, I think. It had rained the day before."

  "You can skip the details," Hazel whispered.

  "Nope," Matron insisted, "I am going to tell this story from my point of view exactly and you are going to listen. Please note that I am not lying or embellishing for you to feel better or anything. And this is the very last time that you come to me with this. Okay?

  "Okay," Hazel whispered.

  "So anyway," Matron cleared her throat. "The phone rang. The caller was one Mrs. Wendy Decker. She and her husband Keith are very generous donators to the Magnolia House coffers so of course I took her call promptly and we chit-chatted for a while. She asked me if there was a resident of Magnolia House named Hazel Brown.

  "I paused before I answered because you were heavily pregnant and clueless as to how you got that way but eventually I said yes.

  "Her next question was, ‘Is she seven months pregnant?’

  "I said yes again.

  "She said, ‘We would like to adopt the child.’ I told her I would get back to her. I hung up the phone and called Patricia. As it was with anything pertaining to the four of you, Patricia was to be called first. I spoke to Patricia and she said she would deal with it."

  "Where is the paperwork?" Hazel asked. "Where is Sebastian's birth certificate? Adoption papers... I didn't sign any."

  "I've told you this a million times," Matron Nash stressed the million. "There is no paperwork on this end. Talk to Patricia about this, Hazel. As I understood it, because you were under the care of the home your guardians were the ones who had to sign the adoption papers. And Patricia made herself solely responsible for the four of you for so many years. She overrode a lot of the rules here for you four.

  "After a while the four of you just lived here because she got married to that man, Simeon. You know that. Ultimately she was your guardian and you were unofficially hers."

  "I have talked to Patricia," Hazel said, frustration creeping in her voice, "and she has always given me the runaround. The only thing she does is urge me to remember. What kind of cryptic response is that? Sometimes I think that the Deckers didn't adopt Sebastian legally. I was very prepared to deal with this in court but..."

  Matron shrugged. "You have the resources; go deal with it."

  "Curtis wants me to be a part of his life. It wouldn't make sense to do that now. I think I should tread softly with this."

  "Good," Matron said. "So why are you still pursuing this, then? Let the past go and thank God for his blessing: you get to be a part of your son's life. Not many girls from this home are as blessed as you are. Give thanks."

 
Chapter Five

  Was she ungrateful? Hazel pondered the question after she called Curtis to confirm lunch and he told her to meet him at his new office.

  Why was she still so hung up on what happened and who did what? Shouldn't she be living in the moment? Thanking God that though she had not made the best decisions in the past she was more than blessed now? She was going to have a relationship with her son. That should be enough. That was all she ever wanted and now she was getting it.

  She drove up to the office on Seventh Avenue. It was a fair-sized, futuristic building with lots of glass and steel. Though it looked like glass Hazel couldn't see inside. She stood outside, admiring it for a minute.

  She was caught in her contemplation by a lady who had just exited the building with a toddler beside her.

  "Hey," the lady said brightly. The toddler waved at her.

  She waved back, her heart giving her a little lurch. She had missed seeing Sebastian as a toddler.

  Hazel blinked a bit. She recognized the lady from somewhere and then it hit her: she was Nadine, a singer and producer. She had recently been featured in Caitlin's Lux Magazine as a wife and mom who was juggling her career with the help of her husband.

  "Hello," she smiled.

  Nadine headed to her car and then she stopped. "Are you Hazel Baron?"

  "Yes." Hazel nodded.

  "Curtis is expecting you inside. It’s a bit untidy in there. They haven't sorted out the furniture yet. I am Nadine Blake, Brandon's wife."

  "Oh yes." Hazel nodded. "I remember reading an interview about you. Besides, you are one of my favorite singers."

  Nadine smiled. "Thank you, Hazel. We will be seeing more of each other, I am sure, with our husbands working together."

  "Curtis is not my husband," Hazel corrected her.

  "Oh yes, sorry," Nadine nodded, "that's right, you have a son together."