Pieces

by G. Benson

“Did you go?”

  “I asked her, with my chest all puffed out, like I could look tough in the state I was in, what if I didn’t want to go with her?”

  Ollie chuckled.

  “I know, right? And she just shrugged and said it was up to me. It only took a few seconds for me to run after her. She took me to the warehouse, and I almost shook in front of Jia, who asked me some questions. I don’t know what she saw in me to say yes, but she took me in.”

  “I’m glad she did.”

  “So was I. I don’t know where I’d be if she hadn’t.”

  The entrance door closed, and Carmen looked up in time for Rae to grin at them.

  “You were pathetic. That’s why she took you in.” She plopped onto a stool next to Ollie. Sara dragged up a stool between the two of them.

  “I was not pathetic,” Carmen said.

  But Rae just stared straight at her, eyebrows crawling up her forehead.

  “I wasn’t.” Carmen’s voice was sounding sulky, even to herself. Ollie was clearly holding back a smile.

  “Oh!” Rae turned to face Ollie and Sara, her hands buried in her jacket pockets.

  A sinking feeling swept through Carmen’s stomach.

  “And if you really want to picture pathetic, you should have seen her at her first training session with Dex and me.”

  “Pathetic?” Sara asked.

  “Pathetic,” Rae confirmed.

  Carmen grabbed a dirty dishrag and lobbed it at Ray, who ducked it easily, smirking.

  “Almost as pathetic as that throw.”

  Ollie gave a bark of laughter, and Carmen turned to her. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

  Before Ollie could defend herself, Dex’s voice washed over them all as he carried a crate in from the door behind the bar that led to a storage area. “You want to speak about pathetic? You should have seen Rae in her first training. Skinny little toe rag, all red-faced and fire-eyed, who threw a punch so hard she spun herself around and fell over on the mat.”

  Delighted, Carmen stared at Rae, who was scowling at Dex. Sara snorted a laugh, then Ollie actually burst into giggles. “Oh really?”

  Rae crossed her arms. “Didn’t happen.”

  “It did,” Dex said.

  “Nope.”

  “Yep.” He stashed the crate under the bar. “More than once.”

  Sara and Ollie fell on each other, laughing loudly. Carmen couldn’t stop her smirk. “Well, well, well.”

  “Not a word, García, or I tell the story of your first try at stealing from a supermarket. You know, when you—”

  “Okay!” Carmen interrupted loudly, eyes narrowed at Rae. But Ollie straightened, looking interested.

  “What story?” she asked.

  It took five minutes to get Ollie sufficiently distracted. They ended up in a booth, Jia sliding in among them just before they flipped the sign on the door to Closed. As she sat between the wall and Ollie, with the warm weight of her girlfriend along Carmen’s side and the reassuring touch of her hand on Carmen’s thigh, Carmen listened to their stories and let herself sink into the safety of that circle.

  Tomorrow, she would try to see Mattie at school. It had been almost a week. She would lay her eyes on him and actually have physical proof he was okay.

  Tonight, her family was making sure she was okay.

  Carmen’s hands were clammy. Her heart was pounding too fast.

  It was Monday afternoon. Finally.

  The bell at Mattie’s school was loud, ringing in her ears even from across the road. Mattie had to be at the school. The records indicated so. The next closest school was miles away, well out of the district. All Carmen had to do was wait and search for her brother’s head. His hair had needed a cut again before this had happened. He would be easy for her to spot. She always knew him, the shape of him imprinted on her by heart.

  Students streamed down the stairs, flooding the pavement.

  Cars were stopping and starting; kids were piling into backseats. The sun was warm, but Carmen pulled her hood around her ears anyway, then tugged it down when she realized that would look more conspicuous. What a way to scream nonchalance. She rolled her eyes at herself.

  Mattie was still nowhere to be seen.

  The day of waiting had dragged forever. She couldn’t arrive too early. Loitering around would draw attention to herself, and that was the last thing she needed. The warehouse had been hot, and Carmen had prowled around it, itching to spar and her body still way too bruised and sore to do so. After lunch, she’d tried a run, but her ribs were screaming at her when all she did was walk upstairs, so that had lasted all of five steps. In the end, Rae had dragged her to the river and they’d walked, the breeze playing over the water, and their hair flying around their faces.

  And now here she was: about to see him. Excitement was crawling up her throat—more anticipation than excitement—and it made it hard to breathe.

  Kids were still filtering out. Buses had started pulling up and pulling away. Hands in her pockets, Carmen crossed the road and faced the scene in front of her. Kids ran up to their parents, trailing art projects behind them that would get put up on refrigerators. One kid was crying, while another was trying to do up his shoelaces on the steps and failing miserably. Others Carmen’s age stood around, obviously having rushed from the high school down the road to collect younger siblings. She fit right in now.

  Where was Mattie?

  He wouldn’t leave without looking for her. He’d know she was coming.

  He would know that, wouldn’t he?

  After thirty minutes had gone by, Carmen had to yank her hood back up over her head and accept he wasn’t there. This couldn’t be the wrong school.

  With hunched shoulders, Carmen bit her lip and walked away quickly.

  Was he okay? Maybe he’d had to go back to the hospital. Was the foster place one that didn’t care enough to even send him to school?

  No. That never happened, no matter how bad one was. School was a legal requirement, and none got out of it. If kids skipped too much school, the school contacted child services, house calls were made—there were repercussions.

  So where was he?

  What if something had happened?

  Carmen didn’t know what to do with herself. She walked, each step sending jolts up her back and settling low in her belly to twist with the worry writhing there.

  Mattie needed her, and she didn’t even know how to find him.

  “Can you go to the foster home?”

  Ollie knew it was a stupid question. She knew there had to be a reason Carmen hadn’t done that. Her desperation to see her brother was obvious. She lay across Ollie’s bed, an arm thrown over her face while Ollie stood uselessly next to it, hovering. Carmen had shown up at her door, her face drawn and her lip trembling, and Ollie had led her straight to her room.

  The sigh Carmen gave made Ollie want to wince. So it had been a stupid question. But when Carmen pushed up onto her elbows, her brow furrowed, her teeth gnawing at her lip, she didn’t look annoyed.

  “I’ve thought about it. If they caught me, it wouldn’t be worth it. Everything I want to get done later would be ruined.”

  Ollie tried to hide her sigh of relief. “Oh. Okay.” That bruise over Carmen’s eye and cheek was still dark, and her face was washed out, but Carmen smiled at her, all soft at the edges, a little sad. At the sight, Ollie was suddenly out of her depth, with no idea what she was supposed to do to help. The two of them: seventeen and drowning in life.

  “Thank you for trying to help, though.”

  That lifeline made the feeling go away. But then Carmen broke their eye contact, her gaze jumping around the room.

  “Are you okay?” Sometimes, she was learning, Carmen needed a little nudge to
talk.

  “I didn’t know where to go. I was walking and I just…” Carmen finally looked back at her. “I ended up here. I didn’t even realize it. I just wanted somewhere to…”

  She didn’t need to finish it. Ollie knew what Carmen wanted to say, because she felt the same way. No one or anything had ever made Ollie feel so at peace as everything with Carmen did.

  When Carmen sat up and on the edge of the bed, pulling Ollie to stand between her legs, she let Carmen melt into the front of her body. Carmen pressed her face against Ollie’s stomach, and Ollie wrapped her arms around her. Gently. She wanted to grip her, but Carmen still grimaced if she even so much as breathed wrong. Bruises still smattered her ribs, and her back was a solid line of dark purple that was now tinged with green and yellow. It was an ever-changing constellation Ollie couldn’t wait to see faded, that evidence of violence.

  For ages, they stayed like that, Ollie raking her fingers through Carmen’s hair and Carmen’s arms around her legs and hips. A patch over Carmen’s ear was still shaved, and Ollie loved the contrasting feel of the softness of the rest of her hair and the slight prickle.

  “I just want to see he’s okay.”

  The words murmured into her stomach, warm through the material of her shirt.

  Ollie hummed. “I know.” Her fingers stayed in Carmen’s hair. “Stay for dinner.”

  “Okay.”

  Ollie texted her dad and let him know Carmen would be there.

  When he got home, they were sprawled on the sofa. A movie was playing, and Ollie wasn’t sure how much attention Carmen had been giving it, but both of them seemed to be enjoying the closeness regardless. It was nice to do something like this. Almost like normal.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hi, girls. How are you, Carmen?”

  Carmen smiled. “Good, thanks. And you?”

  “Fine, fine. I bought dinner.” He held up plastic bags.

  The smell of Chinese hit Ollie, setting her stomach rumbling. Heat crawled up her neck when Carmen laughed.

  “You all hungry?”

  “Ollie clearly is.”

  They sat at the table again. Carmen was as useless as Ollie’s dad with chopsticks, no matter how much Ollie tried to teach her. They both gave up and went to forks. Though Ollie could tell she was trying, Carmen was quieter this time, her conversation more sporadic. If her father noticed, he didn’t say anything. Only occasionally, Ollie’s stomach twinged at the empty chair her mother once used.

  It wasn’t a gaping hole anymore. But it was always there, like a small bump in the floor you kept scuffing your feet over, almost tripping but never completely.

  Later, back in Ollie’s room, they sprawled on her bed. Ollie checked her phone, and Carmen’s face lay against her chest, as close as she could be. “I asked Deon to check for us.”

  “Mm?” Carmen’s voice was heavy with sleep.

  Had Carmen slept at all the night before, waiting for it to be Monday, the day she could finally see Mattie?

  “There were no changes to the files at child services, and the hospital he was in before hasn’t seen him again. Surely they’d be updated if something had happened?”

  Carmen wiggled closer, their legs entangled. Her arms tightened around Ollie’s waist, and she dropped her phone. Her head fell on the pillow. “They would, I imagine.”

  And that was all Carmen said. They lay, their bodies flush together. Ollie could feel Carmen’s heart beating. Her face was pushed into Ollie’s neck. When her breaths puffed against Ollie’s skin, she knew Carmen had fallen asleep. Gradually she, too, fell under.

  She woke up hours later with her glasses digging painfully into the side of her head. She’d rolled onto her back at some point, and Carmen had followed her, still close, an arm thrown over her stomach. The room was dark. Hadn’t the light been on when they’d fallen asleep? Actually, a blanket was over them, one from the closet down the hall. As Ollie rolled over onto her other side, glasses safely on the bedside table and Carmen along her back, she realized her dad must have found them.

  The last thing she thought, before her eyes drifted shut, was that sleeping with Carmen was probably one of her favorite things.

  On Tuesday, Mattie still didn’t appear.

  Not on Wednesday either.

  Carmen was sick each day. She couldn’t eat properly, her stomach churning. Ollie watched her with worried eyes, and Rae didn’t even try to soothe her, just let her vibrate with frustration next to her on the roof. The sky was cloudless and smattered with stars.

  “I miss him,” Artie had said on Tuesday night. With a jolt, Carmen remembered he was only a few years older than Mattie.

  On Thursday, she was standing near a group of people her age, near the steps of the school he should be in. A backpack was looped over one shoulder in the hopes it helped her look like she belonged. Her eyes stayed on the stream of kids, and then her heart stilled in her chest.

  There he was.

  The sun was pouring down, and his face scrunched up at the glare of it as he stepped down the stairs carefully. One eye was still closed. The swelling looked hideous, and Carmen’s heart started up again, double time, at the sight of it. The cut looked like it was healing well. But it was still puffy. Had it been too long for it to be like that? Though the injury had been severe. Maybe the recovery time was normal.

  She didn’t shout out. She didn’t have to.

  Mattie stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking around. Carmen, trying to remember the vague plan she’d made, took steps backward. There was an alcove she could step back into once he saw her, one that would stop them being noticed as much. But each step felt as if she was tearing herself away from Mattie, like Velcro ripped apart so slowly you felt each loop break free.

  She refused to blink. Her gaze stayed on him, heavy; he had to feel it. He’d be looking for her. He’d see her.

  He turned and caught her eye. Carmen faltered.

  His good eye widened, and Carmen saw the wet shine in it immediately. Her throat closed over, a lump growing so fast that the shock of it left her reeling. One by one, her senses came back to her, beyond what she could see and feel. She could smell the warm heat rolling off the asphalt, could hear the chatter and shouts of kids as they hit her eardrums, could taste her own anticipation, almost bitter on her tongue.

  She kept walking backward, and Mattie followed her, their gazes never leaving each other’s until Carmen turned the corner and she took one more big step backward. Mattie tore around the corner, and she was on her knees. He slammed into her.

  She bit back her yelp of pain as her ribs and back protested and just clutched him tighter. His fingers gripped her back, the tips biting into her skin, and he gave a hot sob into her neck.

  “Mattie.”

  It took him minutes to pull back, clutching her shoulders. They drank each other in. Carmen tried not to flinch at his face, so bruised and swollen still; it was so much worse up close. But he seemed fine. He smelled like soap and shampoo, like a kid who had been at school all day. He looked well. He looked like Mattie, and Carmen thought she may come apart right then and there with relief.

  “Carmen.” He said her name like he’d been holding it in since they parted. And his jaw tightened, a duskiness crawling up his neck and over his cheeks. His eye swam, and he blinked rapidly. “You just left me there.”

  The words hit her harder than when his hand came up, shoving her backward. Not that it hurt; he didn’t push her hard. It jolted her back and ribs a little. The force of it was just enough that she fell back and sat against the backs of her ankles. But those words were what she felt slam into her chest, what made her gasp.

  “You left me behind! You just walked out and I woke up and you were gone.”

  Her mouth opened, then she closed it. He shoved her aga
in, one hand open against her shoulder. She’d never seen him so angry while looking so close to giving in to sobs.

  “Carmen.” He hiccupped her name.

  The lump in Carmen’s throat was going to choke her, she was sure.

  “You left me.” He gave her another push against her shoulder, but weaker this time.

  She just watched him, and he glared her down, tears splashing down his cheeks.

  “You left me.” The venom had disappeared. Still, the fractured sound of the words made that lump in her throat explode. His hand came up again, but this time, his fingers clenched around her shirt, digging in. His chest was rising and falling fast; Carmen wanted him to keep shoving her, to keep throwing anger at her, rather than look at her like she’d broken him. “You’re crying.” His voice was hoarse.

  With one hand, she swiped at her cheeks, the other covering the hand that clung to her shoulder. “I’m not. I’m leaking.”

  He choked a laugh. “Liar.”

  “I’m sorry.” But she couldn’t tell him she wished she hadn’t done this, because now he was in front of her and okay, and she was sure; it had definitely been the right thing to do. But she was sorry.

  He didn’t answer that. Just tilted his head, his grip not weakening. “Whatever. You’re crying.”

  Carmen hazarded a smile, rolling her eyes. “Well, I missed you.” She deserved everything he’d just thrown at her. Giving him a minute to see if he had anything more, she repeated when he didn’t, “I missed you.”

  His fingers twitched on her shoulders.

  “Mattie, where were you the last few days? I was going out of my mind.”

  Swallowing, he shrugged. “My face looked really bad. When I got to the new place, I got really dizzy and threw up again. They took me to an emergency clinic, and they told me to stay home a few extra days and not move around much.”

  “They took you to an emergency clinic?”

  “Right away.”