Fragile Longing

by Cora Reilly

  I climbed out of the water, grabbed my towel and headed up the path.

  My heart sped up, thinking of what to say, and worse: what to do. I tried to channel my inner Anna. I’d be daring and take a risk. I wanted a reaction from him. No risk, no fun—that was pretty much her motto.

  I was glad to be away from Sofia. In the past, our encounters had been mildly entertaining due to her awkwardness and crush on me. I’d watched her innocent flirting with amusement but never taken it seriously. She was a child and I couldn’t imagine her as a grown-up, much less my wife. Our life together had been an abstract concept.

  Already at our last encounter I’d noticed a change, and now it was impossible to ignore. I noticed Sofia, not because she deserved my attention due to our planned future together. No. I noticed her curves, her beautiful face. Sofia wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a young woman with a desirable body. Now, her flirting didn’t seem amusing or like a game. It felt like a promise of what would soon be in my reach, a dangerous temptation.

  I wasn’t a man who acted on impulse or followed his sexual drive without a second thought, but the mere fact that Sofia tempted me when she was still off-limits set my teeth on edge. I didn’t enjoy this feeling of being a slave to my instincts, but when I saw Sofia’s body, certain body parts definitely held more power than others.

  The house was quiet and dark as I made my way toward Emma’s room. I carefully opened the door and peered in. Emma was asleep, her back turned to me. She was still my little sister, still a little girl in my eyes, which was at odds with my perception of Sofia who was barely older.

  I closed the door again and headed back out because I’d promised to return.

  When I stepped out onto the patio, my body tensed at the sound of steps but relaxed when Sofia appeared before me. She had her towel wrapped around her shoulders, for which I was grateful.

  “Are you heading to bed?”

  She shook her head. “Actually, I was looking for you.”

  My eyebrows shot up. The way she said it raised my hackles. It was difficult to make out her face in the dim light, but I had a feeling she was flirting with me.

  “Maybe we can take a walk?”

  “Okay,” I said slowly, not wanting to deny her even if I didn’t think being away from the others was a good idea. To my brain’s displeasure and my body’s delight, Sofia dropped her towel on the chair then headed down the path that meandered around the house. I followed her, trying not to pay too close attention to her peach-formed ass in her tiny bikini bottoms. “Is there something specific you want to discuss with me?”

  Sofia stopped and looked up at me. She appeared nervous. “I just wanted to be alone with you. We’re engaged and are soon going to be married, but we’ve never been alone. We never really got the chance to get to know each other better.”

  Sofia probably meant it in a very innocent way, but I couldn’t help but imagine all the ways I wanted to get to know her, especially when my gaze dipped to her erect nipples straining against the wet fabric of her bikini top. “We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other once we’re married. Being alone with you like this is against our rules.”

  Sofia shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but it did. We didn’t need another scandal on our hands. The Serafina debacle had caused enough uproar.

  Sofia glanced around, and then without a warning, she tugged her skimpy bikini top off, standing before me with her perky breasts and puckering nipples.

  Blood roared in my ears. “What are you doing?” I growled, grabbing her arm. The motion caused her nipple to graze my skin. I released her and picked up her top, then held it out for her. “Put that back on.”

  She stared at me. “I’m not a child.”

  “Put your top back on,” I gritted out, keeping my eyes on her face. She’d be eighteen in a few months, and I wouldn’t fucking touch her until then. Eight long months to go.

  She snatched the bikini top out of my hand and finally covered herself with it. “I bet you wouldn’t have made Serafina put it back on.”

  She’d mumbled the words under her breath, so I almost missed them, but I got the gist of it. As usual, the mention of her sister made my blood boil, but I held onto my control.

  I chose to ignore her comment, saying instead, “I swore to your parents not to touch you before our wedding, and I’m a man who keeps his oath.”

  “But you don’t want to keep your oath?” she teased, trying to sound all flirty, but there was a darker undertone to her voice that hadn’t been there before.

  What a question.

  Of course, I wanted her body, but not before we’d said our vows. If things went downhill for whatever reason before our wedding day—if I got killed—Sofia would still be able to marry someone else.

  I looked back toward the house, avoiding her question. On the outside, I was the epitome of control, but inside a storm was raging. In my darker hours, I’d have gladly taken Sofia up on her offer, to make her mine before someone else could take that from me. Like Remo had taken Serafina from me. Women often connected sex to emotions, especially if it was their first time. That’s why Remo had had it easy winning Serafina’s heart after he’d fucked her. I wasn’t sure if he’d raped her or if it had been consensual like she claimed—if there’s even such a thing as consensual in a captive situation—but whatever had happened, it had made Serafina fall for him.

  Sofia stepped closer and touched my arm lightly. The feel of her soft fingers against my skin felt good, but I pulled back. “Sofia,” I scolded her, trying to make her feel like a child so I could keep thinking of her as one, even if she wasn’t anymore. “You should go back to the lake.”

  “Yeah, I should,” she whispered. It wasn’t what she wanted, and I could tell that she took my rebuke to heart. What had she hoped for? That I’d whisk her away to a secluded corner of the forest and kiss her, maybe even more? Though in her innocent fantasies, she probably would have stopped at kissing, making our encounter into some kind of romantic fairytale. Problem was, I didn’t want to stop there. I wanted to make her mine as soon as possible, wanted to stake my claim. But unlike Remo Falcone, I had honor and a sliver of a conscience. I’d wait until our wedding night and give Sofia the chance to make people forget the shame Serafina had brought over her family.

  I waited until Sofia was out of sight before I followed her. I didn’t want to make Samuel suspicious. Of course, he narrowed his eyes at me in distrust when I appeared on the lower deck. Sofia was already back in the water and talking to Anna. I could imagine who they’d be talking about. Another reason for me to be wary. Maybe Sofia trusted Anna not to blabber to Dante or Valentina, but I didn’t want to take the risk. Dante hadn’t been my biggest fan since I’d challenged his decisions in the months after Serafina’s escape with Remo.

  “Took you two awfully long to return,” Samuel said, climbing out of the lake. He stopped close in front of me. “What the fuck happened up there?” he asked in a low voice.

  “Nothing,” I said with a hard smile. What happened between Sofia and me wasn’t his business. He was too pushy.

  “I doubt you’d be happy if I went off into the dark woods with your sister.”

  I leaned forward. “So far, you hardly notice her existence, so anything else would be a fucking improvement, Mione.”

  His lips curled. “Stay away from Sofia until the wedding. Our family doesn’t need another pregnancy out of wedlock.”

  “You don’t seem to have much faith in your sister.”

  His eyes flashed with rage, but he didn’t say anything.

  I doubted Sofia would have gone further than kissing. She sought my closeness, but she wouldn’t risk more. Yet, I understood Samuel. He’d put all his trust in his twin and she’d thrown it in his face.

  “Maybe we should have another talk when we’ve calmed down,” I said eventually. I didn’t want a war between Samuel and me, especially because Emma’s well-being would soon be in his hands.

  “Tomorro
w morning. I want to work out at the lake. You can join me at sunrise.”

  I nodded my consent, then with a last glance at Sofia, who was watching me and her brother, I went back to the lodge.

  I couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning all night long. I still cringed when I thought of how Danilo had reacted to me flashing my boobs at him. Why had I thought it would be a good idea? I’d tried to act like Anna, or how I thought Anna might act, but I obviously hadn’t pulled it off with the necessary confidence.

  I was such an idiot, thinking Danilo would swoon because he saw me topless. He wasn’t a teenager. He was a grown man and had seen enough breasts in his life.

  Sighing, I sat up, staring into the dark of the room. The nights out here in the woods were darker than in the city, and with it being a new moon hardly any light came through the windows, but the hints of gray lit up the sky. It wouldn’t be long until sunrise.

  Eventually, I slipped out of my bed. There was no way I’d fall asleep again anyway. I opened my window wide, inhaling the crisp early morning air. Outside, the birds were waking up, their morning song soothing in its own way. I leaned against the window ledge and enjoyed the view over the tree-lined lake. From this vantage point, it looked like a huge mirror, still except for a few gentle ripples where fish burst through the surface. The sun rose behind the tree line, turning the horizon gray rather than yellow and orange. Footsteps crunched outside. I peered out of the window, searching for the source of the sounds. Samuel wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, and I doubted Danilo would, either—at least not without saying goodbye to his sister.

  Samuel and Danilo came into view, dressed in gym shorts and tight t-shirts. I hid behind the curtains so they wouldn’t detect me, but I still got a good look at them. They talked for a couple of minutes before they started jogging and disappeared in the forest. I took a shower and dressed in another beautiful halter summer dress. When I emerged from the bathroom, Danilo and Samuel were back from their run and were working out on the lower deck by the lake.

  For a few minutes, I watched them doing push-ups and crunches before I decided to stop the stalking and head downstairs. The house was quiet, except for the chirping of the birds that drifted through the open windows. I made myself a black tea, a Darjeeling, my favorite—with milk and sugar naturally. The terrace door was ajar, letting the morning air in. It was cool and crisp. I tiptoed closer to the terrace door, peering outside. I couldn’t see much from my position, so I crept out onto the patio with my teacup. Danilo and Samuel were still busy with their workout. I curled up in the lounge shell, even though I couldn’t see them.

  I sipped at my tea and read the messages I’d gotten from friends at school as well as Mom. Soon, I heard them coming closer.

  I was about to announce my presence but then Danilo said, “People are asking many questions. It was inevitable. I hope you have the right answers. I don’t want Emma to find out about the deal. Most people don’t dare spreading their rumors yet.”

  What kind of deal?

  “Don’t worry. I can handle it, or do you really think I want Sofia to find out you only agreed to marry her if I married your sister? She’d be fucking heartbroken.”

  I stifled a gasp, my chest clenching with acute pain. Danilo had only agreed to marrying me in exchange for Samuel’s engagement to Emma? But Emma and his bond had only been made this year . . . right?

  Or had everyone just kept the truth from me and the public all this time? Mom, Dad, Samuel, Danilo. How many more had known?

  “Marriage in our world is based on logic.”

  Danilo sounded so . . . emotionless. He hadn’t been emotionless in the slightest when Serafina had been concerned.

  I backed deeper into the lounge shell, scared they’d catch sight of me. The opening of the shell faced toward the other direction of the lake, not the path leading up from the lower deck. I didn’t want to hear more, but I couldn’t run off without them noticing. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to compose myself. I didn’t want to lose it now.

  “You know it. I know it,” Samuel said, his voice briefly muffled as if he were towel-wiping his face. “But girls want romance and magic. They don’t want cold logic. Especially Sofia.”

  “Emma’s the same way,” Danilo said regretfully. “It’s our duty to make the bond work.”

  I was a chore.

  His duty.

  He was only marrying me so Samuel would marry Emma in turn. He’d never wanted me for myself.

  He probably still wanted Serafina after all these years.

  I blamed her and I hated myself for feeling that way. It wasn’t her fault that my fiancé couldn’t let go of her.

  I blinked rapidly to stop myself from bawling. I didn’t want to cry because of Danilo. He didn’t deserve my tears.

  I tucked my legs in, holding my breath when their steps came even closer, but then they went into the lodge. I waited a couple more heartbeats before I slid out of the lounge shell and ran down the path, away from the lodge. I didn’t stop until I reached the lower deck, where I sank down and lowered my feet into the cold water.

  I tried to let the lake calm me. I’d always known this marriage wasn’t based on emotions. It had been a deal from the very start—me as a substitute for Serafina. Still the knowledge about the additional deal tore at me. Emma didn’t know, either. For the briefest moment, I considered telling her, but then I decided against it. The truth would only cause her heartache. At least, she should enter her marriage thinking we weren’t exchanged like cattle.

  I sat like that for a long time until my toes became numb from the cold water.

  “Hey, what are you doing out here all alone?” Anna asked, startling me.

  She sank down beside me, still in pajama shorts and a top. I felt like a broken record whining to her about Danilo, but I needed to get it off my chest. She listened quietly, a frown on her face. When I was done, I waited for her to start a rant, but she didn’t look that shocked.

  “Did you know?” I asked, horrified.

  She shook her head. Her eyes were still puffy with sleep and her hair all over the place. Her reactions were slower, too. “I didn’t know. It’s not like Dad shares these kinds of things with me. I mostly find out about them when I sneak around the house or force Leonas to do the spying for me.”

  “But?” I asked because I could tell there was more.

  “I had a strange feeling when they announced Samuel’s engagement to Emma. First, why had they stopped looking for a suitor for her years ago? Second, why would Samuel or your parents agree to the bond? No matter how horrible it sounds, you know in our world Emma is considered damaged goods.” Her lips curled, and she shook her head. “Samuel was a sought-after bachelor. He could have had the daughter of any Captain or even Underboss. That would have made more sense from a tactical standpoint as well because then your family would have furthered their bonds with another city. With your marriage to Danilo, they are already linked to Indianapolis.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “So, Danilo forced Samuel to marry Emma in turn for marrying me.”

  Anna touched my hand. “I don’t think it says anything about you, Sofia. He used his chance to save his sister. It was probably his only chance. He would have married you either way, but he needed to secure a good match for Emma.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “But it doesn’t really make me feel any better.”

  She bumped her shoulder against mine. “And it doesn’t really matter what happened years ago. What matters is that Danilo now keeps checking you out and acts very protective. That’s a good sign.”

  I hadn’t told Anna about my embarrassing boob flashing yet. Closing my eyes, I burst out with the story. For a second, silence followed, then Anna started laughing.

  I gave her an incredulous look.

  She covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry. But that’s hilarious. I can’t imagine you being so forward.”

  My cheeks burned. “Yeah, well, I was, and it didn’t go over well.”


  Anna lowered her hand, still fighting laughter. “He’s trying to be a gentleman. That’s kind of cute.”

  “Since when do you like gentlemen?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t, but you are all about the gentlemanly Disney princes.”

  “I’m not delusional. I know men aren’t princes. Especially our men.”

  “Good,” Anna said firmly. “That’s going to spare you a lot of heartache in the future. It would have been stupid of him to do anything with Samuel close by. Your brother would have lost his shit. Danilo won’t risk that much trouble for a boob squeeze.”

  I slapped her thigh. “You make it sound really stupid.”

  “It was stupid, but also cool. I wish I could have seen his face when you showed him your boobs. I know they’re nice. Next time you want to flash your boobs, do it in front of Leonas and his friends. They’d holler like the horny idiots that they are.”

  I shook my head but smiled. “How do you manage to make me feel stupid but at the same time make me feel better about myself?”

  “Being stupid is the best thing about being young,” she said. “We’ll be tied down with responsibilities soon enough. Let’s make stupid decisions as long as we can.”

  “Do I even want to know what kind of stupid decisions you have planned?”

  Anna grinned. “No, but I’ll tell you anyway. But hey, who says I’ll be the only one being stupid. You seem to be catching up with me.”

  Anna’s words proved to be correct. The boob flashing wasn’t the last stupid thing I did, nor was it the worst. Where Danilo was concerned, my brain just short-circuited.

  It started one evening when Anna mentioned on the phone that Santino had met Danilo at a party and that he’d left with a blonde girl. I checked the news for Indianapolis afterward but didn’t find anything. Danilo had become more careful with his conquests, keeping them out of the public eye, but he still seemed to be sleeping with blonde girls. Anna kept me up to date after that because Santino reluctantly shared information with her. Apparently, Danilo was sleeping his way through the high society of Indianapolis—the blonde high-society, mind you.