The Hungry Heart Fulfilled (The Hunger of the Heart Series Book 3)

by Shannon Farrell

  She inveigled me then to dance Twinuses' jig.

  It was as we wheeled round that

  She slipped her hand down and

  She left me quite scare of the price of me pig,

  With a torallollora torallollora, torallollora, torall aeeay

  I came all in despair when I missed my share,

  I went tearing my hair seeking her up and down,

  Every corner and lane, but it was all in vain,

  Sure a sprig of the damsel could never be found.

  In Navan next day I striked up my way,

  For I heard people say of a fair being in Trim,

  Ah, but when I went there I was loaded with care,

  You may think I just had my walk all in vain.

  And the first that rolled in being Tatterjack Flynn,

  Oh he danced a few steps of a nice double jig,

  And then by and by I cast my eye on the jade

  That robbed me of the price of my pig

  With a torallollora torallollora, torallollora, torolaya

  Ah by Tara, by Screen,

  By the bog of Armin, by Paddy McGee,

  By the high hill of Hope,

  By the church, by the bell, and by Paddy McKell

  If I swear any more then you’ll know that I’m low.

  If the lord of Mayo had a heard of me woe,

  I’m sure he’d come in a chase or a gig,

  And search high hill and ground till the jade would be found

  And he’d clap her in pound for the price of me pig,

  With a torallollora torallollora, torallollora, torall aeeay

  Ah so now since it’s so, sure it’s homewards I’ll go,

  My shuttle I’ll throw and from drink I’ll be free,

  I’ll stick to me loom, where youth has it’s bloom,

  And I’ll never be caught by a trumpet again.

  Let me turn it out well, I surely will tell,

  And I’ll have the best action of Calvary’s wig,

  And for the transaction I’ll have satisfaction,

  I’ll catch a few notes for the price of me pig,

  With a torallollora, torallollora, torallollora, torall aeeay.

  After a huge round of applause and endless laughter over the mistaken words and colorful language, Terence swung Emer down off the bench into his arms and did a Scottish Strathspey with her, and then Emer was taken around the circle by one after the other of the men.

  Mrs. Jenkins was also a popular dance partner with the men when she arrived a short time later. Dalton had to stand and watch as both women glided across the floor with every prisoner in turn.

  Finally Dalton could stand it no more, and was just about to cut in on O’Brien as he danced with Emer again, when the governor of the prison arrived to say a few words to the men.

  After making a few announcements regarding the arrangements for the new prison farm on New Year’s Day, he declared, “And we all know who we have to thank for making it all possible, Emer Dillon, and her friends. And while I know that Emer initiated the whole scheme long ago, with no thought of ever getting a reward for herself, she and Terence McManus and William Smith O’Brien have made an enormous difference here.

  "It therefore gives me great pleasure to admit that unbeknownst to them, I have been active on their behalfs, and have just received some good news. Effective New Year’s Day, 1849, Terence McManus and William Smith O’Brien will have their sentences commuted from death to fourteen years transportation to Tasmania, and Emer Nugent Dillon is to be granted a full pardon and set free.”

  Emer’s eyes widened, and then Terence and O’Brien enfolded her in their embrace, and they hugged each other as Emer’s tears began to fall.

  Dalton was dumbstruck that the Governor had undertaken the appeal behind his back, but thought it was the best Christmas present he had ever received.

  He made his way over to the Jenkinses, and said, “In that case I will book passage on the next ship bound for North America on New Year’s Day, for all of us, and we'll be home in Quebec before you know it.”

  Captain Jenkins shook his head. “We’re staying, Mr. Randall, with your permission, of course. We have so many plans for the town and the prison farm, we couldn’t just leave like this. And Charlie, my lad, you want to stay as well, don’t you?”

  “Aye, I do. I’ll teach the lads sailing skills, and if you're willing to send over ships and men, Mr. Randall, you’d have the finest fleet in the world in no time,” Charlie vowed.

  Dalton looked from one to the other, and saw that their minds had been made up. “Very well, if you're sure, then, I guess I’ll have to say yes. I’ll book passage for just myself and Emer. We'll miss you.”

  The Jenkinses exchanged looks behind Dalton’s retreating back.

  Emily smiled gently at her husband.

  “Love really is blind, isn’t it?”

  “Dalton’s not blind. He's like a great many other men when it comes to women. He just wants to see what he wishes to see, and ignores the problems he doesn’t know how to deal with,” her husband replied with a shake of his head.

  “You did mean it, though, didn’t you Sam? About staying. You didn’t just say it because you were worried about Emer remaining behind on her own?”

  “No, I really meant it. I know you want to stay too.”

  “And me, sir,” Charlie said firmly. “After everything Emer did for me, I wouldn’t leave her on her own. Besides, I really believe I can teach these men. If they turn out to be one-tenth the sailor Emer was, we will have the finest crews in the British Isles, and do something to right all these terrible wrongs.”

  The three of them turned to watch Dalton hug Emer to him lovingly, and then the happy couple made their way over to the governor to shake him by the hand.

  “Thank you, not just for me, but for Terence and O’Brien as well,” Emer said gratefully, as she watched her two friends dance in the middle of the set together comically as though they hadn’t a care in the world.

  “It was the only way I could think of to get the worst trio of troublemakers I’ve ever met out of my jail,” Governor Collins teased.

  Then he asked Emer for the honour of dancing with her.

  Dalton watched Emer vanish into the throng again, but decided that for once he didn’t care. He believed sincerely that she was coming home with him at the end of the week, and so for once Dalton could afford to be generous.

  As the Jenkinses had said, love was truly blind.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Dalton blithely ignored all the warning signs as Emer remained noticeably reticent about his excited plans for them once they got home to the fabulous new house that he had built for her.

  Emer knew she was being cowardly by not coming straight out and telling him that she wished to remain behind in Clonmel to put into effect all her plans for the prisoners, but her feelings ran deep, and she wasn’t certain she could really explain to Dalton exactly how she felt.

  She loved him dearly, but there was still so much more to do…

  Emer snatched as many moments alone with Dalton that week as she could given the busy nature of the jail, and was able to indulge in some intimate caresses with Dalton that left her aching for him to make love to her.

  Yet as much as she longed for him, it was neither the time nor the place, and she wasn't sure of her feelings about motherhood ever since she had lost William. He had been the greatest joy of her life, and the cause of the most acute suffering. Women died in childbirth all the time. Could she be a good wife to Dalton, and a mother as well, and fulfill her destiny at the same time?

  Dalton held back as much as he could from his burning desires due to the lack of privacy, and tried to stem his frustration with tepid baths. But Emer needed to gain her strength, and in truth he found the atmosphere of the jail depressing.

  The possibility of Terence interrupting them at any moment was also more than a little off-putting. There was just something about him that made Dalton see
red. And green.

  He knew he had no call to be jealous, but all the same, she had been sharing the bed with the lanky young fellow for months. When they at last became lovers again, Dalton wanted it to be a wonderful romantic evening just like the first time, with both of them gloriously naked in a decent bed, not partly clad and hurriedly fumbling under a musty blanket on a splintery plank bed.

  But the trip back to Canada would afford them many opportunities to restore their passionate intimacy once more. He was looking forward to a nice long sea voyage locked in the cabin with Emer, though he also recalled her sentiments about not feeling ready to have more children with the grief of Willliam being gone still so fresh.

  There had been no news of their son thus far, but Joe had reported that he and Myrtle were fine, enjoying their travels out west, and that Dalton’s mother was not only in excellent health, but on her way to Dalton’s house in Quebec to see the son she hadn’t laid eyes on since the day he was born.

  There were several letters from Amanda Dalton Randall as well, which Dalton read aloud to Emer eagerly. He was so full of bright, shiny hope, that Emer hadn’t the heart to tell him her plans until the dawn of the first of January, 1849 arrived, when Dalton came to fetch her in his carriage to take her to Cork harbour to sail for Boston.

  “Are these all your things?” Dalton asked in surprise, lifting the tiny bundle. “No matter, we can buy you a few more items quickly before we board the Hercules, at least enough to tide you over until we reach Boston. I can't wait to shower you with gifts once we're home.

  "You’ll like Boston, darling. It’s a very elegant city, and we can have a few days’ vacation there before returning to Quebec. We’ll find out where Reamann and Cara are, and if they're in port we can have a brief visit with them. But I can’t wait to see my mother, so if you don’t mind, we won’t tarry too long there.”

  Emer summoned up all her courage and declared in a small voice, “Dalton, I’m not going home with you today.”

  “What’s that, sweetheart? I didn’t hear you.” Dalton stooped to hear her, and tilted her chin up to kiss her on the lips.

  “I said, I’m not coming home with you today. I can’t,” Emer repeated more firmly.

  “What the hell are you talking about, Emer!” Dalton exclaimed angrily, when he sensed her pulling away from his embrace in earnest. “What are you saying? That you don’t love me?”

  “You know I do! But I just can’t bring myself to face going home yet, that’s all. It’s so hard to put into words, but it’s the way I feel.”

  “You’re in love with Terence! That’s why you don’t want to leave!” Dalton accused bitterly. “If I find out you’ve been....”

  She shook her head. “No, never! I love you, I want to marry you, Dalton. You see, I’m wearing your ring that you gave me for Christmas. But I love my friends here as well, and I can’t just turn my back on them,” Emer argued hotly.

  Dalton paused in his fury and looked at Emer’s aqua eyes more closely. He felt like a fool for not realising sooner that she had never had any intention of going back to Quebec with him. That it had all been his dream, not hers.

  The past eighteen months had taught him not to underestimate this complex and passionate woman. Dalton swallowed his anger, and forcibly subdued his own tumultuous feelings in order to read hers better.

  “There’s another reason as well, isn’t there,” Dalton said at length, stroking her cheek tenderly. “Tell me. I can see it in your face that you're holding something back, Emer. Tell me the real reason why you don’t want to go home.”

  Emer looked up at him gratefully, and sniffed, “There’s still been no word about poor William, and I fear that I'm going to have to face the fact we may never find him. That he’s dead."

  "Emer, my love, I swear, if there's any chance—"

  "Your father was a clever man," she said angrily, "giving the babe to someone desperate for money on the river. They could have simply pocketed the cash and let the babe slip over the side to drown. I fear he's been dead since that day and you and I just refuse to see it."

  "No. No! He's alive, I feel sure of it—" he insisted, gathering her into his arms for a tender embrace.

  She allowed herself to be comforted for a moment, then pulled away to look up at him once more.

  "But even if he is, we might not find him. Or even if no harm befell him that day, he could have died of any number of childhood illnesses. Not to mention all the terrible tales Charlie has told us about the frontier.

  "No, Dalton, much as I want to keep hoping, I also need time to get used to the idea that we have to start again. I need time to grieve, and then when I'm ready, I’ll come home to you, Dalton.”

  “And you're afraid if we were living together as man and wife, that you would become a mother again before you were ready?” Dalton guessed.

  Emer smiled softly, her aqua eyes shining up into his warm golden ones candidly. “You do understand, then.”

  He swallowed hard, and nodded. “I love you and want you to be happy, even though I desire you so much that I can hardly see straight at times. I do want to try to understand you, Emer, so I can make all your dreams come true.

  "You're young, not even twenty-two yet, compared to my nearly forty, and with so much you wish to accomplish. Motherhood would indeed restrict your lifestyle, and I don’t wish to pressure you into having another baby until you think you're ready. I know what a devastating loss William has been for both of us.

  "As deep as my grief is, I can only imagine how you feel, darling. You carried him next to your heart for nine months, nourished him from your breast. It must be like losing a part of yourself. But without you, my love, I feel as though I've lost a limb. That I'm as crippled as you were when you returned to Ireland."

  "Oh, Dalton," she sniffed.

  "I don't want to go home without you. So if you're willling to trust me, I can promise I will try to restrain myself. But we both know that total abstinence is the only way to be sure accidents don’t happen. As much as I desire you, my dearest, I'm willing to try for your sake because I love you so,” Dalton said nobly.

  "Dalton, I'm so sorry—"

  “I’m not saying I don’t long for you with ever fibre of my being, Emer, for I would only be lying to myself and you. You know how it is between us. You've seen it, you can feel it every time we touch. Every night we've been apart I've dreamt of all we shared our first night together. I know you have too. I can see it in your eyes."

  She stroked his cheek tenderly. "Yes, Dalton, yes, I would give anything to be able to go back to those times. Yet it feels, well, just not the right time, not quite yet, despite the fact that we've waited so long to be together."

  He kissed her ivory brow and nodded. "I think I do know what you mean. I ache for you so badly I can barely breathe, but I want our next time together to be as special as the first, to mark a new beginning. The first night of the rest of our lives together."

  "Thank you, darling," she said, breathing a sigh of relief that it was all out in the open at last. "I knew you would be able to put it all into words."

  "I love you more than life itself, my precious Emer. We've endured more challenges than the mythical one and her beloved, but I've had a lot to make up for. A great deal to do to win your trust. If I hadn't been so stiff-necked and cowardly, lying to you all when we first me, perhaps none of this would have happened."

  She snuggled against him and stroked his chest soothingly. "On the other hand, an open, pitched battle with your father might have made everything that much worse. We can't second-guess any of it, darling. And please don't feel that I'm doing this to punish you, my love. Or that I doubt you any longer. I just have a few more things I need to do, and to have settled in my own mind about the past, before we can move forward into the future."

  Dalton nodded, and fitted himself to her carefully, leaving her in no doubt of his desires, but also not pressing them to their logical conclusion.

  "I know yo
u're not doing it to hurt me, sweetheart. I can see how much you've been wounded by all this, and I certainly don't want to injure you more. I just want you to remember that William was my son too, and I loved him. I miss him more than I can say. I just haven’t let on, because I’ve tried to be brave for you.

  "But I think we have to get over this together, and not be separated any more. Heal each other, as we did in the past, and face our future with confidence.

  “Please, Emer, come home with me now. We can have several weeks, just the two of us, like we shared on the Pegasus , but you wouldn’t have to lie with me unless you felt you could,” Dalton promised, kissing her tenderly on the forehead, and hoping he would be able to keep his word.