“There is nothing wrong with you because you choose work over love, Amelia.” Something in Amelia’s voice sounded bad, and I reached to stroke her soft, smooth cheek and shuffle closer to her. “Your work is your love… just because it’s not a person doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful.”
“… I’ve had this dream since I was old enough to know what a camera could do. I wouldn’t give it up for anyone or anything. It’s just… sometimes, I wish I could have this without the guilt that comes along with it, you know?” Coming willing to my side, Amelia heaved a heavy sigh as she rested her cheek against my shoulder. Carefully wrapping my arm around her, I pressed a kiss to her crown as understanding washed through me. Pursing my lips together, I gave a sigh of my own through my nose before opening my mouth to reveal yet more of what I shouldn’t have.
“My father was not a nice man. He wasn’t like his brother, fiercely competitive to the point of being easily manipulated. My father… my father was very destructive. When I was growing up, my uncle was a saint by comparison. But… when my father was put to death, I realized the two were bad in their own ways but equally so. During my few relationships, my uncle became paranoid that it was always a power play- that I was trying to make myself more attractive to the public than my cousin was. There is always some sort of guilt… is my point. Whether it’s because you are never around, or there is embarrassment about your family…”
“How did you turn out so good, then?” Reaching with my free hand to swipe my jaw roughly, I rubbed my tongue against the roof of my mouth as I contemplated that question. I’d asked myself the same thing so many times, but the answer wasn’t simple in the least.
“I guess… I just didn’t want to turn into that. Honestly, I consider myself lucky that I’m not my cousin. Things might be… uncomfortable… for me, but they could be worse. After all, I was only allowed to come to America because Jason was a good friend growing up, but, despite all the time Jason spent in Kastav, he’d never met my uncle or his children. My uncle didn’t want Jason to taint them.”
“You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place… Uh, so-… you haven’t once mentioned your mother…” Stiffening at the gentle probe, I sucked in a sharp breath as Amelia’s breath hitching echoed in my ears. “You don’t have to tell me, Erich. I just was… wondering…”
“No- no…” Clearing my throat roughly as she faltered, I squeezed her to my side even as a cold sweat beaded my back under my t-shirt. “No. It’s fine. My mother… my mother was originally going to marry my uncle- become Queen of Kastav… but my father- my father decided he wanted her more. He wooed her away from my uncle, they married in secret, and I came to be. There wasn’t much my uncle did to stop it. My mother ‘married up’ either way, as you would say in America. But she disappeared as soon as I was born, and the story goes that she fled the country once she realized she was a bird in a cage.”
“You don’t think she disappeared, do you?” Thick with horror and sympathy, Amelia stared at me as I stared at the dark abyss of the blank television screen. Shaking my head, I pressed my cheek to her forehead while my chest tightened. Any time I tried to think of my mother, my aunt would take her place. There was no betrayal, no remorse, no wishful thinking of what could’ve been. I came into being one day, and that was that.
“I don’t know what I think. I try not to think about it.” Pursing my lips together, I sighed heavily through my nose and slouched in my seat. “So, what’s happening on Thursday?”
Changing the subject sharply, I pushed away all of the dark thoughts that threatened to infiltrate my mind. For a long moment, Amelia was quiet, and she physically shook herself of the topic of my mother before opening her mouth. Focusing on her smell, on the light atmosphere, on her softness against me, I closed my eyes to rest my cheek on her crown.
“I’m just having dinner at my parents’ house. It’s my mom’s birthday- which is why I made this week the vacation week. 4 or 5 years ago, I had to work on my mom’s birthday, and it was the worst workday I’d ever had. For 9 hours, I hated my job. I figured that this was the best solution.”
Humming softly, I nodded in understanding before Amelia leaned away from me to snatch the television remote from the coffee table. The quiet that spread between us was comfortable, and I focused on whatever bridal show she wanted to put on. Even while she was relaxing, on vacation, she wanted to work, and I smiled slightly as I forced the unpleasant conversation we’d just had out of my mind.
Chapter Eighteen Amelia
“Happy birthday, Mom!” Giggling across the table like an excited teenager, my mom clapped her hands together before taking a big breath. The soft, golden light illuminating her beautiful face flickered wildly before being blown out, and I raised my hands in elation with a loud whoop. A laugh burst from my warmed chest as my mother dragged her pointer finger through the brown frosting of her cake, and she smiled broadly even as her lips parted.
“My favorite cake… peanut butter…” Groaning in delight, my mom went to swipe her finger through a lump of decorative, chocolate frosting a second time only to pause when my step-father put his hand on her shoulder.
“Watch your fingers while I cut this, meine geliebte.“ Watching my parents interact, momentarily cutting me out of the picture as my step-father slipped his palm down my mother’s arm to hold her hand, was bittersweet. My chest tightened at the scene, and I wrung my hands in my lap under the table as they exchanged tender, intimate smiles. Slowly slicing through the cake’s edge with a sharp knife, my step-father never let go of her hand, and my heart ached at the display of love that they shared.
Theirs was something I’d probably never experience, but Erich’s words from the night before floated into my mind’s eye to banish the thought. After my step-father’s sudden appearance on Tuesday, Erich made it his mission to spoil me- lavishly. His uncle paid for everything, he’d said- so why not exploit it? He’d taken me to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city last night, determined above all else to do exactly as he’d promised.
To give me enough of everything to last a lifetime.
“-elia? Honey- is everything alright?” Blinking hard, I nodded automatically under my mom’s wise, searching gaze, and an automatic smile stretched my lips. “You got a little lost there… Anything you want to talk about?”
“No.” Answering quickly, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth as my mother arched a brow in disbelieving curiosity, and I shook my head insistently. “It’s fine. This is your birthday party, Mom.”
“That’s not an excuse, honey. Today is just a day that I happened to be born on. I don’t stop being your mom because I’m being reminded of how old I’m getting.” Choking out a small laugh, I cleared my throat roughly as discomfort slithered down my spine. There was no way to deny my mom, and after a long moment, I set my forearms on the table with a huff of a sigh.
“I was just wondering what I’ll be like when I’m 42… if I’ll still be working, or if I’ll get married myself and maybe have what you have.” Giving off a sigh of an ‘ah’ in understanding, my mom leaned over the edge of the table to grab my hand. Smiling softly, I ducked my head as blood filled my cheeks; even after 20 years, just her touch was enough to fill me with something warm and fuzzy.
“You can never predict what the future holds, Amelia. When I was 26, you were only 9 years old, and I remember worrying so much that you wouldn’t like Aleks. If you didn’t like him, I would’ve broken it off right then and there. I worried about it for weeks. But you did like him, and now- we’re here. There’s so many different places to go, you know.” Always wise, always knowing exactly what to say, my mother’s assurance wafted into my ears on the light scent emanating from the candles on the paper plate between us. “Is this about that man you brought to the picnic? Erich?”
“… A little. I thought it’d be easy because he’s not staying in the country, and there’s a really good chance he won’t come back… but… it’s not easy.” It took me
a long moment to realize what I’d said, and I whipped my head up to stare at my mom’s gentle, understanding smile with wide eyes. “I mean, he’s only going to be staying for a couple more weeks, and not to say I don’t like the definition of our relationship, but I just really like him, so…”
Blushing fiercely as I only dug my hole deeper, I pursed my lips tightly to stop the flow of word vomit that spewed forth. My heart stuttered in its cage, and I held my breath as my mom leaned back with a soft hum. Glancing between her and my step-father, I clenched and released my fist under the table as she stroked the back of my other hand with her fingertips.
“The most gratifying, special things you can have in life are never easy to obtain, Amelia.” My step-father was the one that answered me, and I sucked in a sharp breath through flared nostrils. Wide eyes trained on him, and he shuffled around my mom to sit across from me at the small, four-person table. “You didn’t just leave him in your apartment, right? You could’ve brought him.”
“N- no!” Sputtering a high-pitched response, I shook my head wildly, and my mom chuckled softly as my cheeks flamed. Uncertainty rocketed through me; whether I was answering the question or responding to the statement, I didn’t know. Across the small tabletop, my step-dad stared at me intently with that look that made me spill secrets. “He’s- he’s at his friend’s house right now. I’m going to pick him up on my way home. I just… I thought that having an expiration date would keep things… separate, you know?”
“That’s how it usually goes, honey. That’s why it’s called ‘being involved’. He seemed like a very nice man- very moral and considerate. But you both do acknowledge that you won’t sustain anything long-term, right? It’s wrong to give up something you love for someone, and he must understand that that’s what you’d have to do if he stayed.”
“Yeah.” Nodding at my mom, I propped my elbow on the table to hold my face in my palm, and guilt tweaked my heart. I had tried to avoid this becoming a therapy session, but, obviously, I had failed miserably. “We know. He understands, and he doesn’t want to stay in that case. So… when did you know that you wanted to be together?”
Trying to retrain the subject to my parents, I stared under furrowed brows as my mom sighed in content. Reaching her free hand to hold my step-father’s palm, she squeezed his fingers affectionately before opening her mouth. This was the exact reason I liked my step-father so much; he never got involved in stuff between my mom and I. He knew his boundaries, and he stuck to them. It allowed for a perfect dynamic between my mom and I, my step-father and I, and my mom and my step-dad. There were things I couldn’t go to him with, just like he was there when I couldn’t go to my mom, and things couldn’t be better.
“When I first saw him. It started out slow. I worked at the grocery store and nights at the gas station, if you remember, so we saw each other by chance a lot. After the first time Aleks asked me out, things just raced like… fire. Every time I saw him, there was this relief that he’d be there for me- that he would help me through my problems and not block them out. After a year and a half, we decided you were old enough, and we knew each other enough, to let the two of you meet. Like I said- if you didn’t like him, I would’ve sacrificed him for you. He knew that. We waited until you were out of high school to marry each other, and I think that helped a lot rather than rushing into things. There was always the option of distance if we ever needed it. You never knew, but Aleks kept his rental apartment even after we were married. That way, we both had places to go to be by ourselves.” Glancing between my parents, my eyes misted over at the absolute serenity, surety, and affection in my mom’s voice. Leaning to release my hand and cup my cheek, she smiled tenderly for a long moment as I struggled to breathe past the thick, dense lump in my throat. “You’re not like me, Amelia. You work because you love it, not because you have no choice. If this man understands you, then make the most of it. Don’t let the uncertainty of the future make you hesitate. You never know if this opportunity will ever come again. I got lucky- I was able to marry the man that understood me.”
“I’m not going to marry him, Mom…” Rasping a reply, I tried to frown only for the corners of my lips to quirk up, and I tilted my cheek into my mom’s warm, smooth palm.
“You’re not going to marry him right now, honey. You don’t know what will happen in a year, or 5 years, or ten years. Do you really want to minimize the time you’ve got right now?” The echo of Erich’s words that night rang in my ears, and I shook my head quietly. Squeezing my cheek comfortingly, my mom left me cold, but her smile never dimmed even in the slightest. “So, do the things that make you happy- whether it’s work, or it’s Erich, you should do what you think will fill your life. Don’t hurt yourself by worrying about how much it’ll hurt in the end.”
“Why do you always know what to say to make me feel better?” The sound of my mom’s laughter at my almost bitter question eased the pressure on my chest. Finally taking a breath larger than a shallow gasp, I reached to wipe my face roughly with a heaving sigh. “Okay- that’s enough about me. Let’s do cake and presents. I got you something really good this year, Mom.”
Pushing himself up at my declaration, my step-father began to cut the cake once again with deft movements, and I blinked away the sting in my eyes to watch him intently. He had surprisingly little to say about Erich, and I pursed my lips tightly to inhale through flared nostrils. There was no way to tell if his lack of verbal opinion was a good thing or not, but his face let nothing slip about Erich as he focused on serving my mom a corner piece of confectionary greatness.
The smell of peanut butter and chocolate wafted up my nose to wrap around my brain, and I exhaled a sigh. I didn’t actually like peanut butter-chocolate cake; it was just too much of a good thing.
But I’d eat it because I loved my mom- plus, she’d eat the entire cake if my step-father and I didn’t shave some off.
“So, how is Helen enjoying Hawaii, Ame?” Speaking once we were fork-deep in cake, my step-dad propped his elbow on the table to watch me. Pausing with my mouth open, fork poised, I caught his gaze before lowering my loaded utensil and licking my stained lips heavily.
“She likes the hotel and stuff, but she said she hasn’t gone to the beaches or anything, really. It’s tourist season there, I guess, and super crowded and stuff. But the hotel has pools and some really good restaurants and stuff. She told me to tell you ‘Happy Birthday’ for her.”
“She should like it- she spent 3 years saving up for, and planning, the trip. I can’t even imagine how bad she’d feel if she was miserable the entire time.” Huffing a laugh at my mom’s firm nod as she spoke up between large bites, I glanced down at my small piece of cake quietly. Helen had, in fact, spent three entire years planning her getaway to Hawaii, but her dissatisfaction came in the form of a text before she’d even boarded the plane there. The trip wasn’t what she’d expected it to be despite the fact that she was far from miserable.
Disappointed would be a good word for it, I suppose.
At least my vacation isn’t disappointing. The thought tilted up the corners of my mouth, and I stabbed a piece of dense cake absently. Relaxation- sex- food- company- the four great levelers of any great vacation were within my grasp, and I wasn’t going to let go any time soon.
Chapter Nineteen Amelia
“No- no- no- no- Tyler- you will not do that!” Pacing the length of my kitchen furiously, I reached to pinch the bridge of my nose with my free hand as I squeezed my cell phone in frustration. “Don’t you dare compromise this opportunity to clean up here. I can manage without you. They were so impressed they contacted you within a month- don’t you make them wait. I’ll tell your mom to ship your stuff out to California- don’t worry about any of that.”
“But-“ Cutting Tyler off before he had a chance to get beyond the first word of his protest, I raked my fingers through my hair as my chest tightened.
“No- no ‘but’s. You’ve spent your entire adult life working for this. I
’ll take care of everything here. Tell them you’ll take the job and start immediately.” Maybe Tyler was still star-struck by his chance meeting touring the studios only to bump into the very man he needed to impress. Maybe he just didn’t fully realize this opportunity- that his dreams were on the cusp of reality. Speaking fiercely into the receiver, I nodded firmly to myself during the half-second of silence before opening my mouth again. “Trust me, Tyler. We’ll be okay. We’ve known for a long time now, and you’re replaceable- as much as that sounds crappy, it’s not. You’re finally there… all you have to do is accept the job and tear up your return flight ticket.”
“… Are you sure…?” The relief that surged through me was indescribable, and my shoulders slumped at the guilt-riddled resignation in Tyler’s voice.
“Yes, I’m very sure. Stay in California, Tyler. No one will fault you- I certainly won’t begrudge you. This is your dream studio- the best of the best… and you deserve to be there.”
“You know… I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, Ame.” Smiling fondly as Tyler’s voice broke and crackled over the line, I crossed my arm over my chest as it tightened in reply.
“Yeah- yeah.” Nodding furiously, I hung up quickly as my throat tightened, and my eyes stung and watered lightly. Even though I’d known this was coming for a long time, it still hurt. Tyler had been with me since the beginning, and now- he was gone.
“You are a good employer, Ame.” Whirling around at the sound of Erich’s assurance, I offered him a strained smile as he sauntered into the kitchen. “Tyler is lucky to have worked with you.”
“You know- they had to be so impressed about Tyler’s work because the studio didn’t even call me. They just offered him a job right then and there. I’m the one that was lucky to work with him.” Wrapping his arm around me, Erich hummed in acknowledgment, and I rested my cheek on his bare, taut chest. “I’m happy he’s going where he wants to go. It just sucks that he’s going… does that make sense?”
Princess for a Summer: An Amanda Clarke Novel Page 9