Sunflowers

by Melodie Starkey

  The next time he woke, it was to discover Sam had joined them and was nestled under the covers in his mother’s arms. Did she know? He got a flannel shirt from his closet and pulled on pajama bottoms for himself, then gently smoothed her hair back. When she started to stir, he pointed to the sleeping boy and put his finger to his lips, then offered her the shirt.

  She freed herself carefully and slipped it on, then smiled and kissed him, whispering, “What happened to that locking door?”

  “I opened it for the dog. Sorry.”

  “When did he come in?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t hear him.”

  “‘Cause I was bein’ on tippy toe,” Sam said plainly.

  “You sure wake up fast,” Gus noted.

  “I was bein’ a log so I wouldn’t bother you.”

  “Ah.”

  “When we’re married, is Mommy always gonnta sleep with you?”

  “That’s the idea, yes.”

  “Oh.”

  “You okay with that?” Maureen asked him.

  “I was just thinking, I could get a bigger bed.”

  “See, part of being married is the mom and dad sleep together. Check with your friends,” Gus recommended.

  “We should see if Milo wants to sleep with me.”

  “Milo?”

  “The cat,” Maureen reminded him.

  “Oh, yeah. Where is he, by the way?”

  “I’ll get him,” she said in a closed way.

  “Oh.” He took that to mean Tim still had him. He figured it wasn’t a topic to discuss in front of Sam, but he was definitely not letting her go there alone. “Well, we’ll see how Frodo and Milo work things out, okay?”

  “‘Kay. Make us some waffles now. Do we got some strawberries for Mommy?”

  “Afraid not.”

  “You know what?” Maureen said. “I’m much more in the mood for omelets and biscuits with lots of jelly. Do you have jelly?”

  “Yes! Lots!”

  “Want me to teach you to make omelets?”

  “Yes! What’s that?”

  “Eggs with stuffing,” Gus explained.

  Sam scrambled out of bed, pausing to state, “I like how smushy you are,” to Maureen before galloping off to the kitchen.

  “Smushy?”

  “I think it was a compliment.”

  Chapter 44

  On Monday afternoon a huge box arrived via UPS addressed to Sam. All the neighbor boys came in to watch curiously as he opened it. There was a card that said, “Sorry I missed your birthday! Hope it was a great one! Love, Sarah.” The gift consisted of several sets of Megablocks for a castle full of knights, two pirate ships, five different dragons, and lots of smaller accessory packs. While the kids dumped them out and started assembling them excitedly, Gus frowned. This was way over the top for a casual friend gift. This was way over the top, period. What was she trying to do—buy her way back into his good graces? He was tempted to send her a get well card and mention his marriage plans.

  Maureen came over after her therapist appointment and surveyed the project taking place all over the living room. “What’s this?” she asked Gus quietly.

  Sam bounced up excitedly and flew a dragon at her. “Look Mommy! Look what Sarah gave me for my birthday!”

  “I see! That is very cool. Did you make sure to tell her thank you?”

  “It come in the brown truck. She din’t bring it.”

  “Oh. Well maybe you can call her.”

  “Let’s have some coffee,” Gus suggested, leading her to the kitchen.

  She stood next to the table, arms crossed, while he poured coffee for them. When he gestured for her to sit, she instead pointed toward the living room.

  “I’m trying really hard not to be angry about that for Sam’s sake,” Gus answered. “It really pissed me off. And when I’m calmer and alone, I will deal with it, okay?”

  “You told me ‘just friends with benefits.’ That looks like…”

  “Maureen, that woman aborted my child on my other child’s birthday. That she would even send a card to commemorate that day would have pissed me off. Obviously she is trying to use Sam to get me to speak to her again, and that pisses me off even more, okay? Let me handle it.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. None of my business. Sorry.”

  He sighed and brushed her cheek, then kissed her. She smiled then, commenting, “Mind if I stick around awhile? I want to see how you handle telling him to pick up that colossal mess.”

  “Ah. Maybe there was a different motive behind this Trojan horse I was overlooking, huh?”

  “I’m betting on him talking you into leaving it up as a permanent living room fixture. At least until Christmas.”

  “I don’t let him walk all over me.”

  She turned him by the shoulders and examined his back. “Yep. Small footprints.”

  “All right, wise guy. How ‘bout you hold down the fort for me for half an hour or so while I run over to the WalMart?”

  “WalMart?”

  “This looks like a great use for plastic storage tubs. I’ll be right back.”

  “You’re not worried?”

  “About what?”

  “About leaving me alone with them. With him.”

  He frowned. “Should I be?”

  “What if I run off with him?”

  He studied her for a long moment, then took his keys off the hook and said, “About half an hour. If they get too rowdy, send them home.”

  “Gus?”

  He crossed to her and kissed her, then whispered, “No, I’m not worried at all. Because I know you love him enough that you would never do something that would hurt him as bad as that would.” He smoothed her hair and kissed her another time, using his thumbs to clear the tears welling in her eyes. “I love you.”

  She smiled damply. “Okay. Could you get me a Snickers bar while you’re there?”

  “Deal.”

  He wasn’t worried. Really. Still, Target sold plastic tubs, too, and it was closer than WalMart. Usually not as crowded. There were eight kids at the house; if something went wrong at least one of them would run for his mother, right? And Frodo would rise to the occasion if Sam seemed frightened.

  And nothing was going to happen. She loved little kids; being around little kids, she was in her element. If she hadn’t said it, he never would’ve thought it on his own, right?

  In the Target, he tried to stroll casually to the housewares aisle for the tubs. But the sight of a whimpering toddler trying to pull loose from her mother’s claw-like clasp on her wrist as the woman hissed, “I hate taking you anywhere! I should’ve just left you standing in the street—you deserve it!” got him moving.

  He chose two large round tubs with lids and rope handles, and headed for the checkouts, remembering to snag king-size Snickers bars for Maureen and himself, and a bag of Reese’s Pieces for Sam.

  He entered the house with forced calm, and felt instantly stupid. She was sitting on the floor of the living room, surrounded by a circle of awed boys as she helped assemble the castle while telling them about Beowulf and Grendel.

  She looked up and smiled as he quietly commented, “You handling bad dreams tonight?”

  “Grendel was just misunderstood.”

  “You including the Grand Dame in this?”

  “Of course. Guys, if some Viking bully tore off your arm, wouldn’t you want your moms to go eat them?”

  They all cheered and giggled delight.

  “See?”

  “Great. Here. These are for cleanup, which everyone needs to help with before they go home if they want to play next time.” He set the tubs down.

  “Wicked!” Angelo declared. “Can we sit in them?”

  “Yeah!” the others chorused, running over to inspect the tubs.

  “Okay, here’s the rule,” Maureen announced. “Tubs have to stay more than an arm stretch away from the coffee table and the rocking chair. Look—my arm—this is as close as you can get.”
<
br />   “How come?” Sam asked.

  “Then if they accidentally get tipped over, no one knocks their noggin. Sound good?”

  The other kids nodded, but Sam considered it for a moment, then crawled over to the rocking chair and pushed it into the dining room. Next he came back and pushed the coffee table up against the couch. “That’s better.”

  Maureen rose to her feet, trying not to grin, and said, “Just remember what Daddy said about cleanup. You have about an hour before people will start needing to leave for supper.”

  Gus shook his head knowingly and led her back to the kitchen.

  “What? You don’t trust them?”

  “Actually, I know it will all get cleaned up, because Sam knows from past experience if I have to do it, they get picked up once and never put down again. Weren’t you wondering why someone his age has such a clean room?”

  “Really? You really do that? You tyrant!”

  “I’m not mean about it. It’s a respect thing. Remember?”

  She tilted her head a little, studying him.

  “What?”

  “I never expected… After I gave him to you, how long did this metamorphosis take?”

  “One day. I mopped the kitchen floor the very next day. Washed the dishes. It was all downhill from there.”

  “Amazing.”

  “Here’s the really amazing thing: I’m actually more productive working around his schedule than having all the free time in the world. He keeps me young. Fresh.”

  She nodded slowly.

  “What’re you thinking?”

  “I’m not sure… It’s like I know you’re Gus, but you’re not Gus.

  Not the old Gus. You’re sort of like Gus’s nicer twin or something.”

  “Thanks a lot!” He chuckled. “Stick around. The real Gus is still here; he’s just a little cleaner and less self-absorbed.”

  “What would you say is the biggest thing that has changed about you?”

  “Mm. Being able to eat crow and look my parents up. That was so hard mentally, and turned out so easy to actually do. Helped to bring them the grandson of their dreams. He’s pretty much the only thing I’ve ever done right in their eyes. But that’s okay. That’s good enough. What do you want for dinner?”

  She shrugged. “Surprise me.”

  “Would you be surprised if I called for a pizza?”

  She grinned. “Ah! There’s my Gus!”

  After ordering the pizza, Gus leaned into the living room and announced, “Cleanup begins now. You have fifteen minutes.” He set a kitchen timer on the bookcase, and left them to their task.

  Sam appeared in the doorway. “What if…”

  “No. Clean it up.”

  “You din’t even listen to me!”

  “I’m sorry. How’s this: if you want to say anything to me other than ‘can we leave part of this mess out,’ go ahead. Otherwise, get busy.”

  Sam squinted, then announced, “I hate you!” and ran out.

  “You’re going to let him say that to you?” Maureen asked.

  “Why not? You said it to me often enough.”

  She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m sorry. That was a cheap shot. No, I’m not going to let him get away with that, but I’m also not going to make a scene in front of his friends. If he doesn’t apologize by dinner, he’ll be grounded tomorrow.”

  “But how does he know it’s wrong if…”

  “He knows. Do you think this is the first time he’s ever told me he hates me? Sort of comes with the whole learning to talk thing. At first I used to overdramatically act very hurt. Then he’d get real upset for hurting me. Now I ignore it. He always apologizes.” He shrugged. “I figure even someone his size needs to vent once in awhile, right?”

  She didn’t answer.

  Finally he asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “What would you do if he threw your laptop at the TV?”

  “Are you kidding? That’s unforgivable. I’d make him go live with Cathy.”

  “You really are a tyrant.” She shook her head, but smiled.

  “So how was your doctor appointment?” he asked casually as he brought dishes out of the cupboard.

  Her expression dimmed.

  “What?”

  “It didn’t go so great, actually.”

  “What do you mean? What happened?”

  “I told her about your asking me to marry you.”

  “And?”

  “And she thinks it’s a bad idea.”

  “Did your sister hire this quack by any chance?”

  She flashed a quick smile, but answered seriously, “It’s too sudden, she thinks. A knee-jerk reaction to finding Sam—to having a second chance to do right by Sam. She thinks that I can’t see past that.”

  He gently set the plates out on the table without saying anything, then turned to fetch silverware.

  “Gus?”

  “Is it true?”

  “Honestly? I don’t even know. I don’t think so. It’s all jumbled up, you know? Because of course that’s a huge thing for me—the chance to be with him. But you… Did you ever have any idea how much I loved you back then? So much…”

  He nodded slowly, feeling his intestines twisting.

  “But you made it so hard.”

  “I know. And I’ve never stopped kicking myself for that. I felt crowded. Felt like you were trying to make me grow up when I didn’t want to, and I resented it. But instead of telling you that, I just pushed you away. I’m sorry.”

  Tears started rolling down her cheeks. He stepped forward and brushed them with his thumbs, then whispered, “Please let’s try again.”

  “Slower, okay? We just need to go slower.”

  “Okay. I think. What’s slower?”

  “I need to get settled back in my skin first, you know? Let me get a place of my own to live in for awhile—not at Cathy’s—and decide what I’m gonna do about my career. I’ll be here a lot, but I need to know I have a place of my own to go to so I’m not just wandering around like a specter in your house while Sam’s in school and you’re working. Just an apartment close by or something.”

  He was frowning, but he finally nodded. “All right. My mother would probably like that better anyway.”

  This made her giggle.

  “But we’ll still get married eventually, right?”

  “Let’s see how this goes. We’ll call it a long engagement for now.”

  “How long?”

  “Dr. Blair suggested we give it a year. Let’s see where things stand in a year. Okay?”

  He sighed, but nodded.

  She took both of his hands in hers. “This’ll be better, Gus. We’re really starting all over here. Need to not jump in without testing the water first, okay?”

  He nodded again, still not smiling.

  “Besides, I need to be able to run home and cry the first time Sam tells me he hates me. I’m not going to be able to just ignore it like you do.”

  He smiled at last. “Cry in front of him. It’ll probably be the last time he does it.”

  She smiled, too, and leaned into him, kissing his neck as she whispered, “Thank you.”

  Not much later they heard the timer ding in the next room. She watched him curiously, then asked, “Aren’t you going to check?”

  “No. I’ll give them five more minutes. They’re probably starting now.”

  “Where did you learn this?”

  “Learn it?” He shrugged. “I make it up as we go. Keep what works; abandon what doesn’t. My mother says he needs better boundaries, but I think we get by pretty well.”

  “Boundaries? Like what?”

  “No idea. I don’t even fence my dog, so you’re asking the wrong person.”

  Sam stuck his head in the kitchen. “We’re done. Where should we put ‘em?”

  “Mm. Probably take up too much space in your room. You want to put them in the basement or the back bedroom?”

  “There’s zomb
ies in the basement.”

  “That’s right. I forgot. Okay, we’ll put them in the back bedroom.” He stood up to assist.

  Sam darted forward and wrapped his arms around him tightly. “I don’t hate you, Daddy.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I was just mad ‘cause you wouldn’t even let me talk.”

  “I know. And that wasn’t fair of me. I’m sorry,” Gus knelt down to be at Sam’s level.

  “I’m sorry, too.” Sam threw his arms around his neck and kissed him wetly. “I love you!”

  “I love you, too. Let’s get these put away before the pizza comes.”

  “Pizza! Thank you!” He dashed out of the room ahead of them to start dragging one of the tubs of blocks down the hall.

  “Zombies?”

  “Behind the furnace. If you whistle, they won’t get you.”

  “Ah. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  She left after watching Sam do his homework and take his bath. When Gus came back into the house after walking her to her car, Sam was standing in the hall. “What’s up, Shorty?”

  “When is Mommy gonnta move in with us?”

  “Well, that may be awhile.”

  Sam frowned. “Why?”

  “She wants to wait until after we’re married.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s just important to her.”

  “When are we gettin’ married?”

  “Probably next fall. Like September.”

  Sam’s frown deepened. “Why? I want to get married tomorrow.”

  “Not that easy. You have to get a license from the state and you have to get a priest and make lots and lots of plans and invite a thousand people so you can get a lot of presents. It all takes time.”

  “Can’t we just have a tiny married and do it sooner?”

  “The day a woman gets married is the second most important day in her life. We have to let her make all the decisions, okay?”

  “Girls are so bossy.”

  “Well there’s that.”

  “What’s first?”

  “First?”

  Sam nodded. “You said getting married is second. What’s the first most important?”

  “The day they have their first baby. That is the most important. Ask her—she’ll tell you that’s true.”

  Sam considered it, then said, “What if I ask Gramma that?”