Fluffy & Fabulous

by Mary E Thompson

  “Oh, baby, they were selfish. It wasn’t you, it was them.”

  “I know, but it hurts, you know.” I swiped furiously at the tears that threatened to ruin my make-up. My fucked up parents weren’t going to mess up my night. They’d stolen too many nights from me. They couldn’t have another one.

  “So you’re worried I’m going to leave like they did? That I’ll somehow find you not good enough and you’ll be on your own again?”

  I shrugged, unable to say anything.

  “Charlotte, look at me baby.” He gently turned my chin so I was facing him. He cupped my jaw and kissed me softly. “I love you. I’d do anything for you. And you are more than good enough. Probably too good for me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I nodded, but I still didn’t feel like all my worries were gone. I didn’t know much about his family. I felt like he always changed the subject when I asked something more than editorials about them. I had no idea what his sister’s store was, he never told me how his dad died, and I didn’t know anything about his mom or Gran.

  I was missing something, I just wasn’t sure what.

  But I remembered he had something he wanted to tell me. Something he wasn’t ready to tell me at Lexi’s.

  “You wanted to tell me something earlier. Are you ready to talk about it now?”

  I listened as his heart rate kicked up. He took a deep breath and held it, prompting me to do the same. Whatever he was going to tell me was not something that was going to be easy to hear. But if we were going to have a life together, I needed to know.

  “I was only nine when my dad got sick. My parents didn’t want Abby and I to know what was going on, but I knew something wasn’t right,” Max told me as we held each other.

  “Dad started losing weight and didn’t feel well all the time. That summer over break he went to the doctor a lot, almost every week. By the time school started I could tell they were keeping something from me and Abby. Dad kept going for tests and seeing doctors, but it didn’t ever seem to go away. He just didn’t feel well all the time.”

  Max took a deep breath and squeezed me a little tighter to him. I listened to his heart beating in his chest and prayed I wouldn’t start crying on him.

  “Anyway, about nine months passed before they finally figured out Dad had colon cancer. They’d worked him up for all sorts of intestinal issues and stomach problems but all along the cancer was eating away at him. By the time they found it the cancer had spread. Dad died early that summer, when I was ten.”

  “I’m so sorry Max. I can’t imagine going through something like that so young.”

  He squeezed my hand. “You did though, baby. You went through worse because you never knew your parents. You lost them even younger.”

  I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed his chest. “Yeah, but I didn’t know them. It hurt knowing they never cared, but it’s not like I really lost them. I never had them to start with.”

  “I bet you were better off without them.”

  I nodded. “I know. At 31 it’s easier to accept that than when I was a kid. I still wish things had been different though.”

  “You might not have been as close to your grams if it weren’t for your mom leaving you with her. You might not be baking. We might not have met.”

  I smiled. “You’re right. I’ve had a good life. It’s nice to not be alone anymore though.”

  Max’s heart started beating faster in his chest. It made me nervous, like maybe he wasn’t telling the truth when he said he loved me. Maybe he was leaving. Maybe I wasn’t enough for him either.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, sounding as anxious as I felt.

  I sat up and pulled the sheet around my chest, protecting myself from him. From whatever was coming. “When I said it’s nice to not be alone your heart started pounding. Are you breaking up with me?”

  Max sat up and faced me. He took my hand in both of his and focused on our fingers looped together. “I love you, Charlotte. But there’s something I have to tell you and I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about it.”

  I pulled my hand from his and got out of bed. I couldn’t sit there and listen to him tell me something bad. I had to get away from him, to make sure my head was clear, for whatever he was going to tell me.

  I grabbed a pair of sweatpants from my open suitcase and tugged them on with the Bite Me! shirt I’d worn to work that day. Max sighed as he watched me get dressed then climbed out of bed himself. He slowly put his clothes back on while I wondered if it would be the last time I ever saw him naked. If he was accepting defeat before he even told me what was going on it was going to be bad.

  When he was dressed he took my hand and led me to the couch. He sat down close to me, close enough that his leg brushed mine. Close enough that our woven hands rested on my thigh. Then he started talking. “When my dad died I took on the responsibility of caring for my mom and my sister, my grandma too when she’d let me. I got a job after school as soon as I was old enough and added whatever money I made to help pay the bills or for groceries or whatever else I could pay for. My mom and grandma didn’t want me to put my money in for household stuff, but I knew we were struggling so I did it anyway.”

  I took a deep breath. If he was going to tell me he supported them or something else like that, he was crazy for thinking I would be upset about it. He loved them. It only made sense he would do anything he could to help them.

  “Once I was in charge of Outside Your House, I started funneling more cash into the family. When Abby got divorced, the money went to help her.” He paused and took a deep breath then squeezed my hand. “I told you she was opening a bakery. What I didn’t tell you is she opened the one across from here. She owns SkinnyCakes.”

  If I hadn’t been sitting I might have fallen over. The woman I’d met, the one who offered me her ovens, Abigail, was Abby. Max’s sister.

  “Did she know who I was when I went there?” Max cocked his head and looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. “I was there a few weeks ago. She walked me through the space and offered to let me use her kitchen. Did she know who I was?”

  Max shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I doubt it though. She knows I’m dating someone named Charlotte, but I’m not home much. I don’t think she knows who you are.”

  I sighed, feeling both better and worse with his confession.

  On one hand, I admired him for helping his sister, for supporting her and helping her get her business started. SkinnyCakes was a beautiful site and I knew it would do well.

  But that was the problem. He’d chosen his sister over me. He knew I was worried about SkinnyCakes opening. He knew I didn’t know what to do to keep Bite Me! going. Hell, Lexi had asked him if he would ask his sister about me using her ovens and not only did he not ask, but he’d never even told her about me.

  “I think you should go,” I said with eerie calmness.

  Max held onto my hand when I tried to pull it free of his. “No, Charlotte, I’m not leaving. I love you.”

  I yanked my hand free and stood. “I know you do, Max, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, who I can’t trust. You should have told me about Abigail, or Abby, from the beginning.”

  “I couldn’t Charlotte. You know that.”

  I shook my head and smiled sadly. “No, actually I don’t know that. There’s no reason you couldn’t have told me. You were there all along from the moment I didn’t get the space. Sure, at first you were just a customer, but when you kissed me or we slept together or we went out on a date, things changed. You could have told me any of those times. It’s been a month, Max.”

  “I should have told you, but I didn’t know how. Things were always so tentative with us. You were scared I was going to leave you and-“

  “Don’t you dare act like this is my fault. I wasn’t the one keeping secrets. I wasn’t the one who decided it wasn’t important enough to talk abou
t what was really going on. You knew how worried I was about SkinnyCakes opening. I’ll be shut down for a month. A month is forever when you’re talking about a business like mine. I can’t count on everything being okay when I open back up. And instead of telling me what I was facing, or trying to make me feel better about it, you lied to me.”

  “I never lied.”

  “You didn’t exactly tell the truth either, Max. Lexi asked you if you could ask your sister if I could use her ovens for my event coming up and you didn’t even do that. I understand she’s your sister and you need to protect her and take care of her, but you chose her over me again and again. I get it, I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. It doesn’t mean I’m going to spend the rest of my life being second best to your sister. Or fourth behind your sister and your mom and your grandma. I want to come first for someone. I want someone to think of me before everyone else, not just when the other people in his life are happy. I’m sorry, Max, but I know that person isn’t you.”

  “Charlotte, I lo-“

  “No, Max. Don’t. I have a long day tomorrow moving everything. I need to get some rest. I truly hope Abby does well with SkinnyCakes. I want you happy, Max. But right now I need you to leave.”

  “I’m not giving up on us Charlotte.”

  I didn’t respond. He leaned down and kissed me hard. I let myself kiss him, knowing it was the last time. I wanted to be his first choice, but I wasn’t ever going to be. I wasn’t willing to be an afterthought. I’d rather be alone.

  After Max left I laid back on the couch and rested my eyes. I was tired. Tired of talking, tired of thinking, tired of Max. I was just tired. I sent Lexi a quick text asking for as much help as possible the next morning, mentioning Max and I broke up, then turned the sound off on my phone and collapsed into bed.

  When I woke up, Carrie and Lexi were sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee and talking quietly. There was sun coming in through the windows and my eyes were gritty. “What time is it?” I groaned, not even caring how they’d managed to get inside.

  “Almost eight. Drew is going to be here soon. Mike, Brady, and Connor are on their way too with Xander, Aidan, and Joey on standby. Between the four of them we figured they can get you moved in no time and hold off any attempts to show up from Max, but the others will come if we call them,” Carrie informed me.

  I nodded and felt the tears well up in my eyes. This was my family, the people who loved me and took care of me. My friends who had become everything to me. Who were there for me when I needed them most and who would do anything to keep me safe, even if was from Max, a guy they were all becoming friends with until that morning.

  It made me want to cry.

  They loved me and it meant everything. But they hated Max now, and it was all because of me.

  No! It was because of Max. I didn’t do anything wrong, he did. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook just because I missed him.

  “Are you okay?” Lexi asked, moving across the apartment toward me.

  I shook my head. “Not really.”

  Lexi and Carrie surrounded me and hugged me. We all rocked together, me crying while they tried to get me to stop. The doorbell rang downstairs and we all froze.

  Carrie went downstairs to see who was there. Before long we heard voices coming back up the stairs. Drew was first, followed by Carrie, and then Brady. Brady rubbed his hands together and said, “Where do we start?”

  Lexi jumped up and immediately took charge. She ushered me into the bathroom for a shower and directed the men to start loading everything into their vehicles. I closed the door behind me and focused on myself knowing Lexi and Carrie would take care of the move.

  When I was out of the shower the apartment was empty. I got dressed quickly then headed downstairs to see where everyone was.

  “We don’t need to tell her. She’s upset enough,” I heard Brady say.

  “We can’t keep it from her. If she found out later it would piss her off,” Connor argued.

  “She has a right to know,” Lexi interrupted them. “It might hurt but she needs to know. Now everyone keep loading shit up so we can get her moved and she can move on.”

  “A right to know what?” I said as I stepped into the kitchen. I had a feeling I already knew but I needed to hear it. I needed to know for sure.

  Everyone looked at me, afraid to say anything. I looked from face to face and saw pity on all of them.

  “Max was here, Charles. He came by to help,” Lexi said finally.

  Twenty-One

  “What did you tell him?” I asked Lexi since she was the only one talking.

  “Mike told him to leave. He said he just wanted to help you out and have a chance to talk to you. Brady stepped up and told him the guys would handle moving you and that you didn’t want to talk to him.”

  I nodded. I couldn’t see him. I didn’t want to. That’s what I told myself.

  “Did he say anything else?”

  Lexi hesitated. She looked at the others and no one spoke. “What did he say?” I knew there was something otherwise they wouldn’t all look so uncomfortable.

  Connor finally stepped up and wrapped his arms around me. Of all the men in my friends lives, Connor was the one I felt the most comfortable with. When Connor was dating Riley he learned how much she loved my cupcakes and camped out at Bite Me! learning everything he could about what she liked. We’d become friends. Good friends.

  “He said he loves you and that he’s not giving up, Charles. I hate to say this, but I could see it in his eyes how much he cares. Guys don’t talk about shit like that, but he was ready to bare his soul to us. His eyes were red and he looked like hell. I know you’re hurt, babe, and I know you’re mad, but one of these days I think you need to talk to him.”

  I shook my head against Connor’s chest. “I don’t want to talk to him Connor. Nothing he says can make it better. He betrayed my trust. He’s been keeping something huge from me for a month. How do I forgive that?”

  Connor squeezed me tighter. “I don’t know, babe. What I do know is he loves you and you love him. Sometimes that’s all you need.”

  I pulled away from Connor so I could look at him. Everyone else had left us alone in the kitchen, disappearing while we talked. “Don’t you need trust though? Would you and Riles be together if you couldn’t trust her?”

  “No, of course not. Trust matters. It’s everything, but I also believe if you love someone, truly love them, then you don’t deceive that person intentionally to hurt them. Max might have kept the truth from you, he didn’t tell you everything he should have, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think.”

  I shrugged and ran my hands through my hair. I couldn’t see past forgiving Max. Imagining letting it go was impossible. Almost as impossible as imagining my life without Max in it.

  “Does it matter? He lied, repeatedly, for a month. Does it matter why?”

  “Only you can answer that question. I can’t tell you that. This is your relationship, not mine, and if you can’t get past it, then you’re the one who’s going to have to live with that.”

  I nodded in agreement. Connor was right. I just didn’t know the answer. Talking to Max was… I just couldn’t. I knew if I talked to him I would give in.

  I went through the motions the rest of the day, directing my friends as they moved me out of my old apartment and Lexi’s guest room and the movers I’d hired to move Bite Me! into my storage unit. When everyone left and it was just me and Lexi and Mike, I collapsed. All I wanted to do was sleep. Or cry.

  “What do you guys want for dinner?” Mike asked from the kitchen. Lexi was sitting next to me on the couch.

  “Whatever you want, honey,” Lexi answered. “We’re easy.”

  Mike let the opening slide, something I knew he would normally have commented on. Living with them for a month was going to be hard because they were going to be walking on eggshells around me. I hated knowing I’d done that to them.

  “I can get a
hotel, Lex. You guys don’t have to put me up.”

  “You’re not going anywhere, Charles. Don’t be crazy. We’re perfectly happy to have you here. Everyone was fighting over where you were going to stay. We all love you.”

  I laughed mirthlessly. It was like Max all over again. My friends loved me, but someone else was first. Sure they’d opened their doors to me, but if any one of them had said no, the door would have been slammed shut.

  “I think I’m going to go lie down for a little while,” I said. “I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

  Lexi nodded, but I could see in her eyes she didn’t believe me. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but closed it again and let me walk out of the room.

  In the quiet of the guest room I flopped onto the bed. I wanted nothing more than to let loose the tears that were building inside me, but I couldn’t do it. Not with Lexi and Mike in the house. They didn’t need to witness that. I was just going to have to keep it in until they went to work on Monday. Two days. I could do it.

  The doorbell rang a little while later. I was unpacking my clothes to fill up the dresser that would be mine for the next month. I heard voices and assumed whatever dinner they’d ordered had arrived. When the voices quieted I closed the last drawer and left the room. Mike was carrying a box. He glanced toward Lexi and she followed his eyes back to me.

  “Is that dinner?” I asked.

  Lexi was out of her seat before either of them answered. Mike set the box on the island and didn’t meet my eyes. “It’s from Max,” Lexi said. “That was him at the door. He knew you were staying here and brought this for you.”

  “What is it?” I asked, as though the box would jump up and bite me. Oh, the irony.

  “I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell us. He just asked that we’re careful with it because it’s breakable.”

  “I don’t know if I want it.” Max hadn’t ever bought me anything. Part of my wanted to smile that he’d gotten me something, but part of me knew it didn’t make up for everything.