“Come on,” he said, pulling back and taking my hand. I grabbed my backpack and followed him through the maze of tall grass and towering hydrangea bushes in full bloom. The smell of rose scented pink peonies made me swoon. We ducked into the same bench behind the wall of bamboo and sat together holding hands in silence.
He caressed my hands as he gazed at them, and I caressed him back. The intimacy of his touch made my body tingle with desire. His shaggy, black hair hung over his eyes, and I couldn’t see his face or tell what he was thinking.
Most of the time, Billy was unreadable. I never quite knew what to expect or what to think. He lifted his gaze and shook his hair out of his eyes, reaching into his pocket. He produced a small gold box and presented it to me.
My heart skipped. Flowers, now this? No man had ever given me so many tokens of his affection. My voice caught in my throat. I couldn’t think, and I grasped my heart.
“Open it,” he said, smiling.
I reached for the box, trying to keep my fingers from trembling. I pulled the delicate gold ribbon and flipped open the hinged lid of what was obviously a jewelry box. Inside, I found an adorable charm bracelet.
He reached for the bracelet and unclasped it to put it around my wrist. He explained what the charms meant, holding each up for me to see. I couldn’t find words. It was as if they had been sucked out of me and replaced by the sound of my pounding heart. My face burned as he kissed my cheek and asked me what I thought.
“It’s gorgeous,” I managed to whisper. “Billy, it’s too much. You’re too generous. I don’t understand why...”
“Understand why what?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I like you, Zoe. A lot.”
“I like you too, Billy. But you don’t have to keep giving me gifts.”
“You don’t like it?” He looked hurt and confused. I grasped the bracelet and frowned.
“No. I do like it. I like it a lot. I appreciate it. It’s perfect really. It’s just… I’m not used to getting gifts like this.”
“Don’t you like gifts?”
“I do.”
“Then just accept it,” he said, smiling. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His hands cupped my face and one slid down my neck and over my throat to trail down my arm. I was instantly turned on and clung to him, letting my hands run up his thigh and around his hips.
He growled and pulled me up to standing and led me through the park without a work.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“My house.”
I didn’t say anything else we got on the scooter and sped across town to his place. He led me down into his basement bedroom. It smelled like some ventilation, but I ignored it, as his kisses fell over my neck and chest.
I felt his hardness press into my stomach as he lifted my shirt over my head and unsnapped my bra. His mouth found my breasts, licking and sucking one and then the other. I pulled back and shimmied out of my pants and underwear.
Billy groaned and kicked off his shoes and flung off his clothes. I leaned back as he stalked over me, his lean muscles working. I gripped his length and caressed him as he had caressed my hands. He let out a heavy breath above me.
He leaned down and pushed his tongue in my mouth, pressing deep and thick inside me. I tugged at his erection as he kissed me hard. I moaned against his mouth as he pressed his fingers inside my swollen slit. He pumped his fingers into me, pressing against my desire.
Reaching over my head, he pulled a condom from the bedside table and rolled it over his member. He kissed down my body and lathed the tender flesh between my legs with this wet tongue.
When he climbed up to face me, he claimed my mouth and my core at the same time. I groaned under his deep, consuming kiss as he penetrated deep into me. Billy held me tight, moved into me in intense, waving thrusts.
His love making was so overwhelming, I lost myself in him. My body exploded continuously as he held me under him. I couldn’t move; I could barely breathe, but my orgasms rose and crested, gushing over me in an endless stream of pleasure.
When he released my mouth, a tortured cry escaped my lips. With that, he lifted my hands over my head and held my wrists with one hand while he fondled my breasts and pushed the last of his throbbing desire into me. I felt him erupt, and he groaned into my neck as his climax seeped from him.
We stayed there for a long moment. I clung to him for dear life. I didn’t know what was happening to me. My body adored him, craved him. He seemed to know how to push me over the edge into mind blowing intensity. He rolled off of me, taking his warmth with him. It felt as if I had lost part of myself. I sat up in the bed. Why did I feel that way?
I shook my head, trying to understand what was happening to me. I was stronger than this. I couldn’t be so attached to someone I just met a few weeks ago. The sex was amazing, he was sweet, we had an easy intimacy, but my growing need for him was too much.
I couldn’t let myself be so attached. Billy made me feel like I wanted to give everything up and spend the rest of my life adoring him, following him, and waiting patiently for the next time he’d fuck me or give me a gift. I couldn’t let that happen to me.
No. I couldn’t give in to that feeling. I had to get away from this relationship, no matter how hard it might be. He was simply too much, too intense, too overwhelming. He gathered me in his arms and pulled me down on the bed to rest on his chest. A tear fell from my eye and trickled down to fall on his skin.
“Are you crying?”
“No. I’m just tired.”
“Is everything alright?”
“It’s just, this relationship is moving so fast. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“You don’t have to be uncomfortable. I’ll take care of everything. We’ll move at whatever pace you want.”
“I don’t think we can, Billy. You have one speed and it’s turbo drive.”
“Maybe,” he said, pulling me into him and kissing my forehead. He sighed heavily and caressed my arm with his other hand. “Just try not to worry about it, okay?”
“Billy…”
“Shhhh. It’s fine. It will all be fine.”
I didn’t think it would be fine, but I didn’t want to argue with him. I rested my head against the steady beat of his heart and closed my eyes.
There was a knock at the door of Billy’s room, and I roused from my comfortable position on the bed. The cat jumped off my feet and scampered away. I stared at Billy as he sat up and looked at his cellphone clock.
“Billy, it’s game time,” a voice said behind the door.
“Oh crap. I forgot about the raid. Coming!” he yelled toward the door.
“What? Do you need to kill ants or something?”
“No, a dungeon raid. Bah. We play this computer game…” he said, pulling his clothes on. I sat up in bed, covering my breasts with the sheet. Spock meowed at me and rubbed his head on my elbow. I scratched the cat’s head. I had no idea what Billy was talking about. The most experience I had with computer games was Angry Birds on my cell phone.
“You have a video game appointment?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Precisely. It’s an MMORPG. Everyone is going to be setting up now. I can’t drive you home until after. Do you mind hanging out? You could grab the bus or a cab…”
“I’m alright, I guess. I have a magazine and some homework. I can watch or whatever.”
“I’m afraid there isn’t a lot to watch, but you’re welcome to stay.”
I pulled my clothes on and followed him upstairs as he carried his laptop under his arm. The rest of his roommates gathered around the dining room table, right outside the kitchen. There wasn’t any room for me at the table so I stood there with my backpack watching them get set up, waiting for Billy to introduce me to his friends.
“I’m Daniel, by the way,” said a guy who was equally as geeky as Billy, though not nearly as cute. Daniel reached out his pudgy hand, and I shook it.
“Hi. I�
��m Zoe.” I looked at Billy as he set up his computer, not noticing he had neglected to introduce me to anyone.
“That’s Maddie,” Daniel said, pointing to a tiny Asian girl in huge glasses. She waved at me awkwardly. “That’s Evan and that’s Alex.” All the boys gave me drooling stares that made me feel like they’d never seen a girl before. Which of course was obviously not true. They lived with Maddie. I knew guys like this got obsessed with girls like me but overlooked girls like Maddie who actually had anything in common with them. Their reaction made me feel even more out of place than I already did. I had no idea what an MMORPG even was. Billy hadn’t bothered to tell me. He finally acknowledged me still lingering near the table. I kind of hoped I’d get a look at this game he seemed so concerned about.
“You can sit in the living room,” he said, almost dismissively. Great. I pursed my lips and turned on my heel to walk to the living room. I sat on the couch and sighed, letting my backpack fall to the floor.
Billy started giving everyone directions like he was some kind of general. There was a disagreement with Daniel about something called area of effect spells.
“Billy, you have to be able to taunt the goblins off me. Raining Fire is my best damage per second spell. Nothing else will get them down as fast.”
“If you want to pull a horde of goblins onto your squishy ass, then, by all means. These goblins don’t behave like regular mobs. We need to focus fire on a single target or I can’t keep the agro. Do you understand?”
“Fine, that just means Maddie is going to out dps me.” Maddie snickered at Daniel and stuck out her tongue.
“Do we want to beat this dungeon or do we want to dominate the dps meters? Because if this is about your dps readings, go play with a target dummy. I swear to God Daniel. Don’t act like a pubescent newb.”
“Fine. I’ll focus fire.”
The conversation sounded like people speaking some other language. A language I didn’t know. I pulled a new fashion magazine out of my backpack and flipped through the pages, inspecting the clothes and the model’s poses. I liked to read fashion magazines. Even though I always dreamed of being a dancer, part of me loved the idea of being a model. So glamorous. Little did I know, modeling was actually kind of weird.
“Taunt! Taunt!” Daniel shouted at Billy.
Billy shouted back, “Focus fire! Damn it!”
Everyone mashed their keyboards and mice. I rolled my eyes. What the hell were they even doing? I slipped from the couch and tiptoed across the room to look over Billy’s shoulder. He was wielding a sword and shield on a three-dimensional, high definition avatar. We’d never had a game system growing up because we’d been poor and my mom was a hippy. We’d only had one ancient computer that never would have run something like this. I’d never seen anything like it. It was like a real time cartoon or something. It looked kind of fun.
Billy didn’t notice me standing behind him while he mashed his keys and blood flew from the little green creatures he seemed to be thrashing to death. I trudged back across the room and flopped on the couch, thoroughly bored. I kind of wished I could play too, but they all seemed to know this other world like it was their own.
I leaned back on the couch and took out my history text book. Talk about boring. I read my stupid homework while Billy led the raid. Daniel finally started listening to Billy and it seemed to go more smoothly. When they got up from their computers, they laughed sporadically and swayed around in what must have been the nerd version of high fives.
Finally, Billy walked over and sat down next to me on the couch.
“We did it,” he had a ridiculously huge grin on his face which seemed disproportionate for the actual achievement of whatever they did in their virtual reality.
“Congratulations,” I said, not hiding the sarcasm.
“Hey, let’s go get some food. “
I pulled my backpack up from the floor and followed Billy out to the scooter. We drove down the street to a sandwich shop and went inside, ordered, and the waitress brought us our food.
I gazed out the window, out into the darkness.
“I think I’m going to ask Daniel to help me deign my website. If he’ll forgive me for the AOE thing.”
“What website?”
“I never told you?”
“No. You mentioned it kind of.”
“I can’t believe I never told you. I got an appointment with an investor already. “
“Hmm. Awesome,” I said, picking at my sandwich.
“It’s an integrative social media platform where you can get all of your favorite social media, forums, news, articles, and learn new areas of the internet you might be interested in. You can also meet new people in your area who share your interests.”
“Sounds amazing.” And it did sound amazing. I had no idea he was working on something like that. I knew he was doing something. But not that.
I didn’t exactly have low self-esteem, but Billy made me feel like I’d been slacking off all my life. While I’d been waitressing for the last two years, in a small town diner, Billy had been getting a Master’s degree in computer science, building some kind of innovative social media website, and running a computer tech business all before the age of twenty-two. Not to mention he was an “epic raid leader”.
I might have technically been better looking than him by conventional standards. I mean, Billy was good looking, but he was thin and had a dorky fashion sense. I looked exactly like the textbook definition of a “hot girl”. Some people might think I was out of his league, but really, it was the other way around. What did I even have to offer this relationships besides my trophy girlfriend looks?
I knew I wasn’t nearly as smart as he was. Did he just see the pretty face and hot body? I didn’t want to be loved for my looks. I wanted to be loved for me.
“Tell me why you like me, Billy?” I it let slip from my lips. He looked at me, stunned.
“You’re perfect. You’re gorgeous. You’re determined and smart. You make things happen in your life. You’re willing to do the hard work to find your dreams. I admire that. I admire you. You also make me feel supremely confident just because you are who you are.”
“So it isn’t just my looks?”
His brows drew together, and he put his sandwich on his plate. “Why would you even suggest that?”
“You’re so much smarter than me. You’re about to get a Master’s degree, and I’m in my first year of community college. You’ve got this awesome website thing, and I’m a nude model. We aren’t exactly on the same level.” I twisted the charm bracelet on my wrist, feeling like I should give it back.
“Zoe. You worry about things that don’t matter.” He lifted his sandwich and took another bite. Maybe I was worried about nothing, but I couldn’t shake it.
When Billy drove me home, Stacy wasn’t there. I sat on my bed and did the rest of my homework. When she got back, she came into my bedroom and sat on my bed, instantly seeing my new bracelet.
“Wow, where did that come from? Did you buy that today?”
“Billy gave it to me.”
“Don’t sound so depressed about it. This is gorgeous. It looks kind of expensive,” she said grabbing my arm and twisting it to get a better look. I pulled my arm back and frowned.
“It isn’t cheap. I don’t think he makes any more money than I do modeling, but he keeps giving me things. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“What’s the problem?”
“It’s just moving so fast. I feel like he’s absorbing me or something. And the amazing sex and gifts don’t help either. It just makes me want to let him.”
“Hmm. I get it,” she said laying down on my pillow. “Have you looked into finding a dance troop?”
“I have.”
“Really, what is it?”
“Well, you probably won’t like this, but I met a girl from a burlesque troop at school today.”
“Geez, Zoe. Can’t you keep your clothes on,” she teased. I smacked her with my pi
llow and lay down next to her.
“The girl who invited me is really nice. I like dancing so much, it almost doesn’t matter what it is.”
“Well, that’s good. I’ve some good news of my own. I’m going full time at the gym.”
“Awesome!”
“You should find a regular job too.”
“I might. Marcus pays way better than a regular job. I’m making fifteen-hundred dollars in one day now. That was my entire month’s income back at the diner.”
“It’s hard to pass up,” she said with a sigh.
“Yes it is.”
After our date at the sandwich place, I didn’t hear from Billy for several days. I knew he had a tendency to get caught up in his work, but not hearing from him made me feel uneasy and lonely. I didn’t want to be the one to call. The entire relationship made me feel like I was falling under a spell. I didn’t want to be the desperate one who couldn’t go without talking to him for three days.
I sat by my bed staring at my phone, torn between wanting to call him to tell him to come get me and wanting to break up. In so many ways, he was just too good for me. The way he thought, the way he led, even his misplaced loyalty to his parents, made me feel inferior. Yet at the same time, all I wanted was for his radiance to reflect on me, the way the moon reflected the sun. That ridiculous sense of dependence made me hate myself and everything about my relationship with Billy.
Instead of obsessing over Billy, I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door to catch the bus from Capitol Hill to Pioneer Square. It rumbled along the road in the dim light of dusk. I was dressed in a pair of tan shorts, a tank top under a hoodie, and converse sneakers. I got off the bus in front of a popular café and walked along the busy street.
It felt good to be out in the evening, on my own. I’d been so wrapped up in Billy that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be young and free. Music spilled out of a bar and laughter filled the cobblestoned square. I found the studio and followed the stairs below ground where I knocked on a basement door.
Bea came to the door in full makeup and costume. I could hear the women talking loudly behind her and smelled the pungent scent of smoke. Bea wore a steampunk corset and a striped mini dress. Her face was painted in over-the-top baby doll makeup and her hair hug in ringlets around her shoulders. She gave me a quick hung and led me into the room.
Condemned (Beauty And The Billionaire Geek Book 2) Page 5