“Wow, you look awesome!” I said as I followed her into the studio.
The rest of the troop was dressed similarly. They had different body types and it was clear that they weren’t all dancers. She introduced me to everyone, and I sat back to watch their show.
I cracked up when the plump comedian told her sex jokes. The magician was a tall woman in a cartoonish pink wig, who amazed me with her tricks. Then Bea and the dancers came out and did a routine. The other women had only been suggestive, but hadn’t taken off any clothing. Bea and the dancers did athletic, aggressive routines and stripped down to g-strings and pasties.
By the end, I was even more excited to be in the troop than before. They didn’t get all the way naked, and I had become used to nudity, working for Marcus. It wasn’t stripping. It was something else entirely.
Bea gave me their practice schedule. They usually booked gigs for a couple hundred bucks a night, since they were a new troop, and it was divided equally among the dancers. Everyone was expected to contribute to the studio rent, and I was fine with helping out.
On my way back to the bus stop, Billy finally texted me.
How are you?
I just joined a burlesque troop.
You must like taking your clothes off.
Why does everyone keep saying that?
Don’t be mad.
I’m not. It isn’t nude anyway.
Can I come watch?
Sure. If you find the time.
There was a pause and the bus pulled up in front of me. I got on and paid. A moment later, he texted back.
I’ve been really busy. Sorry I didn’t call.
No. It’s fine. I’ve been busy too. It’s not like I need to be with you every single second.
The truth was I kind of did. When I wasn’t with him, I felt this empty hole in my chest, as if my heart had run away, back to him. I hated feeling that way. The only way to make it stop was to be with him.
I’d be with you every second if I could. I have a lot of work to do. He texted.
I know.
I’ve got an interview with an investor in a few weeks. There is so much to prepare.
You don’t need to explain.
Let me take you out tomorrow.
All right.
I rode the bus home wishing he’d offered to come over. Something was seriously wrong with me. Was I falling in love with him? I’d never been in love before. I didn’t know what it felt like. All I knew was that the only time I felt whole was when I was with him. I’d never felt less than whole before I met him. But now, I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless he was near.
Chapter Eight: William
I needed her. I felt a new sense of purpose whenever I thought of her. Somehow my achievements weren’t just for me anymore. They were now for her. I wanted to lay my achievements at her feet. If I made a billion dollars from my website and became the next Zuckerberg, I’d want to give Zoe anything she desired. It had become my ultimate goal. I was falling in love.
I sat back and looked at my screen. I wasn’t overwhelmed by work very often, but today was one of those rare times. The design of my website was not at a professional level, and it was lacking a user-friendly interface.
I’d been putting off asking Daniel to help me with the design for several weeks. I couldn’t pay him what his work would be worth in the long run, so I would have to offer him part of the business, or future business. Right now, all I had was a domain name and an advanced webcrawler.
If we started today, I didn’t know if it would be possible to get the beta site ready by the time I had my interview. Daniel was at work today, so I shot him an email asking him to meet me at a coffee shop near our house. It would be easier for me to talk to him about the project if we were somewhere neutral. It would keep us from talking about the game.
After my morning service calls, dealing with Marcus’s endless needs and database updates, I went home to work on my thesis. Spock rubbed at my leg, wanting attention. At five in the evening, I prepared my thesis document to be printed. Hopefully, the review board would accept it, and I would stay on track for my presentation at the end of October.
I grabbed my laptop and climbed the stairs to find Maddie and Evan making dinner in the kitchen, nodded to them, and headed out. Jumping on my scooter, I drove across town to where I’d asked Daniel to meet me. I found him inside the dim café sitting under an enormous painting of a nude woman.
“What’s up, Billy? Why did you want to meet me here?” he asked. I sat down, feeling impatient. I set my laptop on the table next to him, flipping the screen open.
“Thanks for meeting me,” I said. “I have an exciting proposition for you, but first I need to know if you have an exclusivity contract with Microsoft that would bar you from working on outside projects.” I opened my website.
“No. What’s this all about? You want me to help you with your project?”
“I have a meeting with Joshua Steinman on the first of November. My problem is Steinman wants a beta site and obviously my site isn’t at beta level.”
“You’ve made some improvements, but this interface is amateurish,” Daniel said, clicking around on the website.
“Exactly. I don’t have any design skills. I won’t be able to learn before my meeting with Steinman. I need your help. I’m willing to cut you in for a percentage of the company.”
“How much?”
“Depends. At this point, I’d say 15%.”
“Fair enough. Let’s see what we’ve got.”
Daniel and I worked until the sun went down and the cafe buzzed with the sound of nighttime customers, tables of students studying, and bar hoppers coming in for a bite to eat or a coffee.
Daniel’s design skills were exactly what my site needed. In just a few hours, he’d wrangled my sloppy interface into something passable. My cell phone buzzed while we were in the middle of font decisions. I picked it up and immediately my heart dropped.
Where are you? We had a date.
Damn it all. I looked at the time. It was after ten. Why hadn’t she called sooner?
“Daniel. I’ve got to go. I stood up Zoe.”
“Yikes, better get going. Hey, let’s work on this this weekend. We can mock up something decent before the meeting. I’ve got a lot of ideas. I think this thing could be big.”
“Sounds good; see you at home.”
I rushed out of the cafe and drove over to Zoe’s house as fast as possible. I stood outside her building and buzzed her apartment.
The door buzzed open, and I ran upstairs, not waiting for the elevator. When I got to her door, I knocked. My heart raced and not just from rushing up the stairs. I’d disappointed her.
She answered the door with a frown on her face and wordlessly walked into the apartment with her arms folded. I followed her and put my hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.
“Zoe, I’m sorry. I had a really important meeting. I totally forgot the time. Forgive me?”
“Another Billy zone-out moment, huh?”
“I’ll call next time. I promise.” I put my arms around her and pulled her against my chest. She melted into me and tilted her head back. I kissed her neck as she twisted around in my arms to face me.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. I forgive you anyway,” she breathed.
I kissed her hard and deep like it was my last breath. Zoe took me by the hand as she pulled me to her bedroom. She pushed me down onto the end of her bed and crossed her arms.
“What am I going to do to punish you?” she said stroking her chin.
“I thought you forgave me.” I laughed nervously.
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be punished. Unzip your pants.”
“I think I’m going to enjoy being punished,” I said, raising my eyebrows. I did as she asked.
She wore a pair of very short, white workout shorts and a thin white tank top with no bra. I could see her hard, pink nipples through the fabric. I was instantly hard.
She bent over me and pulled my dick out into the air. She ran her tongue over my ear lobe and then fell down on her knees on the carpeted floor. With my erection in her hand, she opened her mouth seductively, looking at me. I knew exactly what she was thinking.
Her perfect mouth descended over my shaft. I sucked in a breath as she sank down over the head, flicking her tongue around on the sensitive flesh. Just when I thought I couldn’t take her teasing, she plunged down to the base, taking me deep in her throat.
I groaned and my thighs twitched wanting to thrust. She worked my erection with her mouth and her hand firmly around the base, moving in unison as she stroked me up and down with her sopping wet mouth.
I felt I might come at any second. The intensity bubbled over to bursting and I moaned. My cock widen in her mouth and she pulled away to standing, leaving me sitting in my clothes with my angry, throbbing, red erection.
She slid off her shirt and shorts and stood before me naked, running her hands over her beautiful body. I reached out to touch her, and she slapped my hand away. Zoe placed one foot on the bed next to me and slipped her fingers between her legs, dipping one between her wet folds.
Her other hand teased and pinched her nipples. I wanted to grab her and throw her on the bed, but I let her continue to torment me. Watching her play with herself was damn sexy.
She leaned into me and said, “Lick it,” just before she pushed my head between her legs. I licked and sucked at her lips and mound, sinking my tongue between her slit and deep inside her. She groaned, dropping to the floor to take my aching erection in her mouth again.
This time I thought she’d make me come, but she stood back up again and pushed her pussy in my face. My erection throbbed painfully as I slid my tongue over her slick, sensitive mound and dipped into her passage. She grabbed my hair and ground her hips into me.
That was it. I couldn’t take any more. I grabbed her hips and threw her down on the bed, sinking inside her in one motion. She was so wet and warm I couldn’t stop. I covered her mouth with kisses and held her tight while I thrust deep and hard into her core.
She squirmed under me and it made my climax plateau as her body contracted over me. Waves of pleasure broke, and I came full force inside her. She moaned “Oh god,” as I shot steaming jets of come. Breathing heavily, I rolled off her.
“You just came inside me, you idiot,” Zoe yelled.
“Shit! I wasn’t thinking.” I’d completely forgotten protection. I’d been so caught up in the moment, I’d just acted. That was a stupid mistake.
“Zoe. I’m sorry.” Thoughts reeled through my brain. It wasn’t the end of the world. If anything happened, I’d marry her. I wanted to anyway.
“It will be alright,” I said, patting her leg.
“It’s not alright, Billy. The last thing I need is to get pregnant. Jesus!”
“I’m sorry, Zoe. It was an accident.”
“Oh God.” There were tears in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
She started crying. “I don’t want to be like this. I feel so empty when you’re gone. It’s like I can’t function without you, and it makes me feel stupid. I don’t want to need you.”
“Zoe. Nothing has been the same since you came into my life. I’d do anything for you. I don’t want to go back to the way it used to be.”
I pulled her into my arms and we snuggled under the covers. Her hot tears ran over my naked chest, and I held her close.
Chapter Nine: Zoe
After Billy left I took a hot shower feeling like an idiot. I didn’t know why I’d let him do it. I’d been as caught up in the moment as he had been. I should have said something. I should have been more aggressive. Somewhere deep down, I didn’t want to.
Part of me enjoyed letting go, letting him take over and have control. He took it so effortlessly and every time we were together I felt like I was falling into him.
I stood under the shower stream with the hot jets pouring over my skin and the steam rising around me. Why was I such an idiot? Why was I so weak? I’d never been the kind of girl who let a guy consume her. I’d never been boy crazy in high school or gotten love sick every time a guy looked twice at me.
I’d always been strong, independent, my own person. I didn’t like what was happening to me, but I knew part of me craved it. Part of me wanted to give in to it. What would be so bad about letting this part of me take over? Wasn’t Billy a good guy?
The thought of our future together didn’t repel me, but I hadn’t seen or done anything with my life yet. I’d been away from home for only three months. If I let myself fall under his spell, I’d never get out. I’d never find myself. I’d never be an independent woman.
I knew I was falling in love. I couldn’t stop the overwhelming feeling in my chest, or the empty hole in my stomach that gnawed at me every time he went away.
Even now, in the shower, I already felt the pull toward him, as if there were a cord attaching me to him. The further away he went, the more it pulled me.
I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel. I went back to my room and sat on my bed. Water dripped down my hair and over my skin. I picked up my phone and flicked on the screen.
I believe you. I typed. I waited, but he didn’t reply. It was already late. He was probably working or sleeping or something.
What? He typed back a few minutes later.
I believe it will be okay.
Good. It will. Get some rest.
The next day I went to class and practiced with Bea, getting ready for a Halloween show with the troop. I picked up the steps to the dances quickly. They weren’t very complicated and mostly revolved around taking parts of our outfits off.
After school, I checked my messages and found a voicemail from Marcus. He had another lingerie shoot for me. It would be even more risqué but would pay more than anything I’d done so far.
I said I’d do it and hung up the phone. I couldn’t control my feelings for Billy, but at least I could control my career. I was lucky to make the kind of money I made. Most of the kids I knew were living in tiny rooms in shared houses or with their parents. Stacy and I had our own place and had three square meals a day.
I stood at the bus stop as the rain started to fall in a pair of black leggings and a long sweater with slip-on tennis shoes. The weather was already turning cold and wet. The bus pulled up and I got on. As I found a seat, my phone rang –– my sister Claire.
“Hi Claire. What’s up? How is everything?”
“Things are great. Our trip to Mexico was amazing. Damien met his mom. It was so sweet.”
“Really? Is she nice?”
“She’s really nice. We’re planning to go back for Christmas. That’s part of the reason I called. I wanted you to know we’d be gone during the holidays. I also wanted to let you know that Regan is getting out of the mental hospital soon. She’s going to be living in a transitional house in Ukiah. Apparently, she’s got a massive crush on her psychiatrist. That’s a total no-no, but I guess the feeling is mutual. You know Regan. Constant drama.”
“Is she better?”
“She’s actually doing really well. Every time I talk to her, she seems lucid. It’s like she’s almost herself again. I know the medication makes her tired, but it seems to be working. Her psychiatrist really inspired her to get better. It’s good. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me.”
“Is she dating her psychiatrist?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Regan seems to think so. He could lose his license if anyone found out about it. I feel kind of bad for her, but he did help her. I don’t know if she would have done so well with her treatment if he hadn’t been there.”
“Well. I hope it works out. For her sake.”
“How are you? I haven’t heard from you. How is school going and the job hunt?”
“School is good. I’ve found a hip-hop dance troop and a job at a restaurant near my apartment,” I lied.
“Wow, you are
doing really well. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks. How is Rose? I bet she’s getting huge.”
“She cut a new set of teeth. Damien is getting up close and personal with sleepless nights.” She chuckled. Her boyfriend Damien was a good guy, but not her one-and-a-half year old daughter Rose’s father. “Everything is going great besides that. The dress store is booming, and the tattoo shop is too.”
“I’m so happy for you Claire.”
“I should probably go, Rose is terrorizing the dog.”
I hung up and immediately felt horrible. I couldn’t tell Claire the truth about what I’d been doing. It wasn’t that I thought Claire would judge me, but Claire would try to take care of me. I wanted to take care of myself.
Over the next week, I practiced with Bea and the troop every day. I’d become a full member and even contributed to the rent on the studio in Pioneer Square. It wasn’t a big deal for me because I was starting to make about ten grand a month modeling for Marcus. I’d been contacted by an agent, who was setting me up with other photographers.
The night of our Halloween gig we got ready for our show in the back room of a small club Downtown. I hadn’t performed for an audience since high school. I knew I was ready but that didn’t keep me from feeling totally nervous.
I put on my steam punk outfit with a tight corset, high heeled granny boots, and a frilly mini-dress that showed my garter belt and the top of my stockings. We had our faces painted like Day of the Dead skulls for Halloween.
I had my hair in ringlets that tumbled from a flouncy bun on top of my head. It had so much hair spray and so many pins in it, it was amazing that it still moved at all.
I watched from back stage as the first two acts preformed. The comedian was our MC. She was an overweight lady who was so funny she made everyone laugh until they cried. While she cracked everyone up, I peeked from behind the curtain into the audience.
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