When I got home, I went to my room and passed out. I couldn’t talk or think. I felt so insanely tired and sick to my stomach. I didn’t know if it was pregnancy symptoms or if I just felt sick from the trip.
In the morning, Billy texted me.
Are you back in Seattle?
Yes.
Are you going to school today?
I don’t know. I feel sick.
I’m coming over.
Chapter Ten: William
When she told me, I couldn’t believe it. We’d made a baby with one thoughtless mistake. Maybe part of me wanted it to happen. If we had a kid, she would be connected to me for the rest of her life, and I’d never lose her. Just the thought that I’d done it on purpose sickened me. I didn’t want to admit that maybe I was that kind of person.
The entire weekend that she’d been away, I could barely concentrate on my website. My thesis presentation had gone well, and I was about to be graduated. The interview with Joshua Steinman was just a few days away.
Daniel and I had been working furiously to complete the design and get the site up to beta level status. We’d added almost a hundred users in the last few weeks to see how the system worked under real world situations.
News that Zoe was pregnant threw my entire plan out of whack. I didn’t quite know where to place it. I knew I should be with her, helping her through a very stressful situation. She was only eighteen years old. Getting pregnant so young probably was not on her to-do list.
For me, the solution was a no brainer. I’d take care of her, everything would be fine. My site would hit big, and we’d be millionaires in a few years. But her reaction wasn’t at all what I’d expected. She seemed unsure about what to do.
What’s done was done. We couldn’t go back and change it. All we could do was look to the future. But Zoe didn’t seem to think that way. She was uncertain and that thought filled me with anxiety.
On the way to her apartment, rain fell heavily on my helmet as I drove my scooter down the sodden streets. When I arrived, I found her curled up on her couch with a box of tissues in her hands. Junk food wrappers were strewn across the floor. It looked like Zoe had been camped on that couch all day.
I’d never seen her eyes so full of tears or her beautiful face so red and puffy. I sat next to her and tried to pull her into my arms. She pushed me away as I reached out to her. The rejection stung.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything’s wrong. How can you even ask me that?”
“It will be okay. I understand that you’re scared, but we’ll get through this. It’s just happening sooner than either of us had hoped.”
“What are you talking about? You’ve known me for exactly three months, and suddenly, you want to have a baby with me like we’re going to be together forever?’
“I know I love you. That’s all that matters.”
“That’s not enough. We’re both so young.”
“I could live a hundred years and still love you as much as I do now.”
She looked at me with a sneer. Why was she so angry? It didn’t make sense. I wanted to take care of her and the baby. What else could I do?
“Those are nice words, but you don’t know what the future holds. If I have this baby, I’m stuck. No more modeling, no more burlesque. No more school. My life is done. I’ll spend the rest of my youth changing diapers and spit-up on the same shirt I’ve been wearing for a week. Believe me, I know what it takes to raise a baby. My sister had one when I was seventeen. I helped her raise my niece Rose for a year. It was a twenty-four-seven job. Claire will never get her youth back. She’s already like a middle-aged lady. I can’t do that yet, Billy. I’m not ready to settle down and give up my life. I’m just not ready.”
“What are you saying? You… You don’t want to keep it?”
She looked away and stared out the window that overlooked the street. “I don’t know. Probably not?”
“What about us?”
“What about us? Why can’t we just go on like before?”
“But I want to keep it.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Zoe! Please, this isn’t fair. It’s my baby too.”
“If I don’t keep it, will you still love me?”
“I’ll always love you. Just think about it, okay? You don’t have to decide yet. I have my interview in three days. I have to focus. Just think about it. We’ll work it out.”
“Billy, if I don’t keep this baby, will you still want to be with me?”
Thoughts of my business and everything I’d invested into my work for the last four years pressed against my brain. Daniel was waiting for me to go over a series of tests to make sure our site was ready to show Steinman. I needed her to wait to make this decision until I could focus on her. I knew I was saying all the wrong things. If she kept pressing me, I’d blow.
“I don’t know. It would be a major betrayal. I want to keep it. I want us to be a family.”
“Did you do this on purpose, Billy?”
“Of course not! Why would you say that?”
“I just get this feeling that you did.”
I stood up and stood over her. I knew there was a part of me that had done it on purpose, and the fact that she knew filled me with rage. Why couldn’t she just wait a few days to talk about this? My phone vibrated in my pocket. I knew it was Daniel.
“Zoe, let’s just talk about this in a few days. Whatever decision we make can wait until then.”
“We?”
“It’s our baby. It’s our decision isn’t it?”
“I don’t think it is our decision. I think it’s mine. It’s me that will have to give everything up. Look at how busy you are now. Just imagine what it will be like if this website does take off. You’ll be off working all the time, and I’ll be stuck with the kid. That isn’t the life I imagined for myself at nineteen.”
“Just wait, please.”
“I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to keep it.”
“I can’t talk about this right now. I have to go meet Daniel. Let’s talk about it in a few days.” I backed away toward the door, praying she would listen to me. I felt too overwhelmed to meet her vicious eyes. She was right, it was ultimately her decision. She would be making the sacrifices. I just wanted her to wait until I could convince her it would be worth it.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, ducking out the door. I heard her yell something as the door closed, but I couldn’t hear it. My body shook with fear that she would choose to end the pregnancy.
I went downstairs to my scooter and drove home, feeling like a failure. If she killed our baby, I didn’t think I could be with her. I went to meet Daniel, and we worked out the rest of the bugs in our design. The pressure on my shoulders felt so heavy I could barely focus on our work. It would be a death sentence to our interview if I couldn’t keep myself together.
The next morning, I called Zoe but she didn’t answer the phone. I begged her voicemail not to make any decisions until we had a chance to talk it out after my interview.
The morning of the interview, I stood in the lobby of Joshua Steinman’s building, wearing an uncomfortable suit. I was sweating bullets and felt like I was wearing a tight fitting Brillo pad. My phone rang.
“Zoe. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days. How are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m starting to get morning sickness.”
“I’m sorry. Listen, I’m about to go in for my interview. Can we talk after?”
“I’m at the clinic. I’m going to get an abortion today.”
“Zoe, please don’t do this. Just give me another few hours.”
“I made up my mind.”
My brain reeled, and I thought I might throw up. My mouth didn’t want to work, and I couldn’t do anything but make choking noises. Finally, something snapped, and I found myself filled with anger. I couldn’t abide by such disloyalty. She was pressuring me and not giving me the chance to even talk it out with her. No
t only that, she’d called me to tell me on the most important day of my life!
“You want to kill our baby so you can keep doing porn. If you do that, I never want to speak to you again.”
“I’m glad to know you feel that way. That makes this a lot easier.”
“Zoe. I…” The phone went dead. I’d wanted to say, I didn’t mean it. She hadn’t given me the chance. I looked at the time. I had to go into my interview.
Chapter Eleven: Zoe
He said he never wanted to speak to me again. So much for loving me forever. I sat in the clinic waiting for the nurse to call my name. I’d made up my mind last night after listening to one of Billy’s many voicemails. He certainly was full of himself. He really thought I should give up my life and let him take care of me. I could take care of myself. Having a baby right now would guarantee I couldn’t. I’d be trapped, dependent on him for the rest of my life.
I made ten grand a month with my modeling, and the burlesque troop had gotten amazing reviews from our Halloween show. We could become a local sensation. The top burlesque troop in the city booked shows for thousands of dollars a night. I was supposed to give that all up for a guy I’d been dating for three months?
I sat stone faced staring at the glossy white paint and the ugly posters about STDs and flu shots. My heart sank and my anger abated. I had to admit to myself that I was going to miss Billy more than I could bear. I didn’t want it to be over.
He’d just broken up with me while I sat in an abortion clinic. His stupid website was obviously more important to him than me. Tears broke from my eyes, and I began to sob uncontrollably.
A few moments later, a nurse in purple scrubs sat beside me. “Are you Zoe Parker?”
“Yes.” I sobbed. I was full on ugly crying and couldn’t stop. The other women in the clinic looked up at me. A young woman with a huge pregnant belly glanced over her Parenting magazine with worried eyes.
“Hun, it’s probably not a good idea to go through the procedure being so emotional. You should be calm. If you’re conflicted, take a few more days to think about it.”
Condemned (Beauty And The Billionaire Geek Book 2) Page 8