‘Yes, she was staying with Auntie Gladys. And, thanks to Leo, she and Dadda have gone home.’
‘Thank goodness for that. What’s the matter with everyone? Teifion leaving home then going back almost straight away, now your mum doing the same thing. Come on, the kettle’s on for a hot drink. You too, Leo?’
They went inside and Meriel threw her coat on a chair. The sadness was back in her eyes. She and Leo sat very close together. ‘I can’t understand why no one told me, and the thought of them discussing me and at the same time lying to me, makes me unable to talk to them or Auntie Gladys. How many other people knew and didn’t tell me?’
‘I knew,’ Leo said. ‘Not telling you was a way of protecting you.’
‘I’m talking about people who have known all these years, you found out at the same time as I did.’
‘No, your father told me years ago.’
She stared at him in disbelief, the new disappointment more painful than she could bear. She jumped up and stared at him, her eyes filled with tears. ‘You knew and said nothing? Leo, I thought you were my friend. The one person I could really trust. How could you deceive me like the others?’
‘I didn’t look on it as deceit. It wasn’t my secret to tell, was it?’ He stood up and tried to hold her hands but she pushed him away. The happiness their strengthening love had brought was now draining away. He caught hold of her as she tried to run from the room and she hit him, hard.
‘Stop it, Meriel, you’re behaving like a crazy woman,’ Lucy protested, holding her friend round the waist.
Meriel fought to hold back tears. She felt so let down. Looking at Leo’s distraught face she knew she was throwing away something special but she couldn’t stop. ‘Go away,’ she told them. ‘Leave me alone. Alone is what I am and what I’m likely to stay. I haven’t a family and now I haven’t a friend in the world that I can trust. Even you, Lucy. You’re siding with him.’
‘You are being a bit unfair,’ Leo said anxiously. ‘Hear my side and you’ll understand.’
‘He’s right, Meriel, you’re being unreasonable. Sit down, Leo, and have another cup of tea.’ Lucy struggled to keep Meriel from starting an argument. ‘Some toast?’
‘I don’t know, perhaps I should go and leave you two to talk.’
To his disappointment, Meriel agreed. ‘Yes, you should!’
‘I’ll come back tomorrow,’ he said, gathering his jacket. ‘Give you a chance to take some time off. I can stay till Friday.’
‘Stay? There isn’t room here, we’ve no beds and—’
He forced a laugh. ‘No, I wouldn’t expect to stay here. I phoned the bed and breakfast and booked a room.’
‘Thanks for telling me.’ Meriel was sarcastic. ‘You obviously like secrets! When was this decided?’
‘This evening, but it can easily be undecided,’ he said lightly. He watched for her response but she turned away.
‘Come here for breakfast then,’ Lucy invited swiftly. ‘We’ve got some real eggs.’
He glanced at Meriel who seemed quite indifferent to his decision. ‘Irresistible,’ he replied before setting off home. Meriel watched from the door as he walked towards the car and ignored his wave before he disappeared from sight.
‘Come on, Meriel, don’t let’s have any more dramatics. Leo was told in confidence, so don’t blame him or accuse him of lying. Don’t risk losing him. You need all your friends.’
‘I feel so let down.’
‘Why? You can’t blame your parents for being afraid. They love you and the fear of losing you must have been a daily dread.’
‘Perhaps when I was young, but I’m twenty-two!’
‘The longer they waited the harder it would have been. When d’you think would have been the right age? How could they suddenly say, oh, by the way, Meriel, we aren’t your real parents, they didn’t want you, they gave you up when you were a tiny baby. There’s no easy way of announcing that to a daughter you love.’
‘I want to go for a walk. Coming?’
‘At this time of night? Where shall we go?’
Meriel shrugged. ‘Through the wood? There’s enough moonlight to find the path.’
‘All right. Come on, Rascal.’
The evening was chilly but they sat on a fallen tree for a long time, and listened to the mysterious sounds of the countryside at night; squeaks as small creatures communicated with each other, rustling searches for food, almost inaudible snuffling and chomping as food was found. Rascal was held firmly on her lead to avoid too much disturbance although they guessed that most creatures were wise enough to give them a wide berth. Rascal pulled and half choked herself trying to escape the hated restriction. ‘Frightening every creature for a radius of five miles,’ Lucy said with a sigh. Snapping off the lead when they reached the edge of the wood, and with the excited dog darting about, nose to the ground, they left the dense trees behind them, at a point where the ground fell over steep fields, and looked at the faintly lit scene below. A ewe nearby gave a laboured cough, which sounded like a man, and they clung to each other in silence until realization came. An owl glided silently across the field as they stood looking down at abandoned farm buildings, where soon, Treweather’s farm would be no more, replaced by modern housing. Only the farmhouse was still inhabited, with a few buildings occupied by chickens and ducks. Nearby, the pond glowed like a giant silver coin. They sat and the dog sat beside them, her head turning to every new sound. After a while she curled up and relaxed into sleep. The girls stayed on, enthralled by the magic of the other world; the mysterious hours of darkness.
As they walked back, Meriel told Lucy about how her feelings for Leo had changed. ‘It happened so gradually that at first I couldn’t believe it, but he’s become more than a friend. Much, much more. I began to imagine what it would be like if he left, found someone else and knew I couldn’t bear life without him. I knew he was important to me, then, when I was beginning to see a future for us, he tells me he’s been lying.’
‘Not deliberate lies. Even in your present belligerent mood you have to admit there is more than one type of lie. He was told something in confidence and, honest man that he is, he kept the secret that wasn’t his to share.’
Just a few miles away, Leo stood leaning over a farm gate, listening to the quiet night, wishing Meriel was there to share it but doubting she ever would. The phrase ‘the love that would never be’ whispered on his lips and echoed around his head and he wondered if there was anything he could do to change the prospect of a lonely future.
Mrs Hopkins was sitting waiting for him when he finally reached home. She offered him a sandwich, then said sadly, ‘It’s no use, Leo, dear. I don’t want to go away with anyone else. If you can’t manage a proper holiday we’ll have a few days out, and try next year, shall we?’
‘If you’re sure, but I’ll get the information anyway,’ he said, with unaccustomed firmness. Somehow he had to continue to consider his mother’s wishes, make sure she wasn’t in the slightest bit unhappy, but still find time for a life of his own before it was too late. Although, whether that life included Meriel, as he had dared to hope, seemed less and less likely.
*
Lucy prepared breakfast for three but Leo didn’t appear. Meriel was both outwardly glad and secretly disappointed. When they opened the office they were both sleepy. The night hours sitting in the wood and watching the new day dawn had taken its toll. The breakfast of cereal and toast had been pushed aside and eventually put out for the birds, the effort of chewing seemed too much for them. Rascal had been offered her usual walk but she had refused to leave her basket. She too had been awake for much of the night.
Leo arrived at the office of Evans and Calloway at ten o’clock to find an irate client there, insisting on knowing why his enquiry had not been answered. Meriel looked at him as Leo entered but didn’t speak, concentrating on the complainant.
‘We need to know why the date we agreed has been changed,’ the man was saying. ‘We’ve b
ooked the removals and people have taken days of their holidays to help us. You can’t just tell us there’s been a mistake! You promised to let us know yesterday and you didn’t.’
Leo sat on the desk and listened but didn’t speak. Better to wait until he heard the facts or he might make things worse. For no apparent reason the man began to address him and it was soon clear that, as a man, he was presumed to be better at dealing with problems. Expressions like, ‘these chits of girls’, ‘how can a woman expect to deal with something as complicated as buying a house?’ and ‘should be home looking after their families’ were shouted, while Meriel looked ready to explode. When he could manage to speak, Leo put the facts before him.
‘Mr… er—’ He glanced at the details on the paper. ‘Mr James. I know nothing about this purchase, the business belongs to Miss Evans and Miss Calloway, both of whom are fully experienced. Please calm down and explain exactly what has gone wrong and they will put it right. I’ll make the tea,’ he added with a wink at Lucy.
The voices slowly lowered as he went into the kitchen and made a pretence at rattling tea cups. The office door opened and closed and he peeped out to see the girls were alone. ‘What happened?’ he asked.
‘The wrong date had been typed on one of the forms,’ Lucy explained. ‘There isn’t a problem. Everything is exactly as we’d agreed.’
‘And I bet he didn’t apologize for his rudeness!’
‘Did he heck! He reminded us again that some things are better left to men.’
‘Where’s the tea?’ Meriel asked.
‘Sorry, miss, but as a mere man, I couldn’t find the teapot and if I had, I wouldn’t have known how much tea was needed.’
Momentarily forgetting her quarrel with him, Meriel laughed, and looked for something to throw at him as he disappeared again to return with a tray of tea and biscuits.
Meriel didn’t stay in the office. She made an excuse of visiting someone who telephoned searching for a property. ‘I’ll drive them around to see what we’ve got on the books.’
‘None of them are suitable,’ Lucy reminded her when she was given the details to note.
‘I know. I just need to get out of this place,’ she replied, and Leo guessed sadly that it was his presence that was the trouble. She had hardly spoken a word to him since he arrived.
‘Why don’t you both go?’ he said. ‘Your father is happy for me to stay for a day or so and you might as well make use of me now I’m here.’
‘You can tell my father that I don’t need help. Neither his nor yours! Lucy and I can manage perfectly well.’
There was no alternative but to pick up his briefcase and leave.
‘You were unkind,’ Lucy said when the car had driven away.
‘Not as unkind as keeping the truth from me for all these years.’
‘Come on, how many years? He isn’t much older than us and can’t have worked for your father for that long. He’d have done what his boss told him anyway.’
‘He was fourteen when he started in the office and I was six. A long lanky boy who was what I had always dreamed of – a big brother who spoilt me rotten. I was always running to him when something good had happened and seeking his help when I met a problem. After a while it seemed as though he’d always been there. Even before he had come to work for my father he had often helped out at the office, and had often sat with me while I chatted to him about the inconsequential events in my sheltered and safe days.’
‘Lucky old you,’ Lucy said softly. Although she doubted whether Meriel heard.
‘So how has everything changed? Why was he no longer the older man, Dadda’s assistant, my big brother designate? Why has his keeping the secret of my adoption hurt me so badly?’
‘That stuff that’s the heart of a home, probably,’ Lucy said. ‘And I don’t mean the kitchen!’
*
Lucy went out with Gerald that evening and Meriel sat alone, no visitors for a change, relishing the calm quiet of the house and trying to understand her feelings. She prepared a snack for when Lucy returned and looked forward to listening to her news. She wondered if her friend was wise to meet Gerald after the disappointment of their previous engagement but knew the only way to help was to say nothing and hope that if it fell apart again, Lucy would be able to turn to her for comfort. Interfering now, offering an opinion, might harm their friendship and that was something she didn’t want to risk.
It was almost eleven o’clock when Lucy burst through the door, her eyes sparkling, her face aglow.
‘No need to ask if you‘ve had a good evening,’ Meriel said jumping up to attend to the kettle simmering at the side of the fire. ‘Cocoa all right or is this a night for champagne?’
‘Never tasted the stuff and never likely to, but I do think cocoa is a bit tame for how I feel.’
Meriel waited for her friend to expand and found herself filled with anxiety at the thought of Lucy giving herself to a man who had let her down before. She knew the house was partly the reason for her concern. It was such a restful place but there was always an air of tension apparent during the few moments Gerald came in and waited for Lucy to grab coat and bag and dash out. She would never admit her fanciful thoughts to a soul but she somehow knew the house didn’t like him.
Lucy ran upstairs to put her coat away and when she came down again, Meriel had made their hot drinks and brought out a tray of biscuits and small cakes. Rascal, who had been sleeping, came to life and stared at the tray in the hope of joining in the late snack.
‘I think we’re returning to how we used to be before he joined the RAF. He explained how leaving like that, and facing all sorts of dangers, made him lose confidence in the future and how he is only now beginning to sort out his life.’
Meriel cynically wondered how a couple of years in the service clothing store just a few miles from home had been so traumatic, but she kept quiet and waited for Lucy to go on.
‘He says he still loves me, and always will.’
‘And you? How do you feel? Can you trust him?’ Warning signals were riding up and down her spine and she knew she had to tread very carefully not to alienate her friend. ‘Perhaps it’s a bit soon to forget what happened before. Give yourself a bit more time. Play hard to get, make him work for your love.’
‘No need, he’s assured me that this time it will end in church with wedding bells and choirs and “happy ever after”.’
‘I hope so, Lucy. I do hope so.’
‘You don’t sound convinced.’
‘Well, I’m concerned whether you both have the same feelings. I don’t blame him for loving you. Besides being lovely, and gentle, you’re also a woman with prospects of a good career. Who wouldn’t respond if you smiled in their direction?’
‘It’s nothing to do with my share in our business.’ The words were sharply spoken.
‘Of course not. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s clearly smitten. No, Lucy, it’s you who has to be sure. Now you no longer hide your talents behind a hairdresser’s overall, there will be plenty of others on the scene if you’ll give it a chance. So wait, give yourself a choice.’
Lucy patted her friend on the shoulder. ‘It’s too late, I’ve chosen Gerald.’
Was it her imagination, or did Meriel hear a sudden angry gust of wind rattle the windows?
*
Petrol rationing ended, as summer sneaked in masking its promise with chill winds and dull days. As the days lengthened, the clouds relinquished their hold and the air grew warm and was filled with the special scent of blossom. Flowers that had seemed hesitant to bloom exploded into full splendour and the second half of the month of May amazed everyone with its glory. The days continued to be long and sunny.
Teifion called at the office several times each week and gradually wore down their displeasure. He would sometimes appear about ten o’clock with a few cakes still warm from the bakery, and stay a few minutes and share their mid-morning cup of tea. On other occasions he walked with them to the caf
é or the Ship and talked to them through their lunch break.
They saw nothing of Leo, which Meriel regretted. Still avoiding her parents she was lonely, convinced that was how she would stay. She did accept phone calls from her parents but refused to see them, insisting she needed time to think, but knowing in reality she was punishing them, although she was no longer sure why.
‘I know you don’t understand,’ she said, when an exasperated Lucy asked when she was going to stop playing the prima donna. ‘I don’t feel I belong, not like I used to. I can’t help thinking that the bedroom I’d always thought of as mine was only a temporary shelter, that I was one of the waifs and strays who are taken in until their proper home can be found.’
One day, thinking it would break the deadlock, Lucy said ‘Why don’t we have a party here, invite some of the neighbours, and if it’s a Sunday, we can ask Betty Connors from the pub, as well as Stella and Colin, Kitty and Bob. Leo too, and Gerald of course. Then you’d be able to relax and talk to them without firing questions and accusations at the poor couple.’
‘Not Leo.’
‘Oh don’t be so pathetic! Of course Leo! And his mother and Uncle Tom Cobley an’ all!’
‘Oh, all right! If only to stop you nagging!’ She was laughing, and at once they began to make lists of the things they would need.
So it was arranged for the following Sunday. ‘Before Meriel can change her mind,’ Lucy confided by phone to Lynne and Walter.
*
As usual guests came with plates of food to add to the spread. Kitty and Bob were the first to arrive and they helped take chairs and small tables out into the garden. The day wasn’t perfect – May can be a moody month – but it was warm enough to sit outside in reasonable comfort.
Walter and Lynne arrived early and Leo and his excited mother were with them. Leo guided his mother to a seat at the edge of the group. He was clearly uneasy and said very little and silently hoped his mother would say even less. He badly wanted Meriel to forgive him for his unintended offence. He’d been told the truth about her adoption in confidence and still believed he’d been right not to tell her.
The Heart of the Home Page 14