Chapter Six
Grace was scared and, for the first time since this whole thing started, in pain. It was funny, but up until they had installed the Hickman device, Grace hadn’t felt like she had cancer. She had conveniently pushed it to the back of her mind, choosing not to think too deeply about it. Who has time to think when they are a single mother of a bubbly three year old? Not to mention the whole situation with Liam that had recently added to the madness that was her life.
But right now, there was no getting away from the fact that she had cancer. She was getting her first bout of induction chemo and it felt lousy. The Hickman device hurt, but she knew she’d be grateful for it as the week progressed. They’d also given her a couple of pints of blood and taken a sample of bone marrow from her hip. That hurt like hell. Today felt like a hurricane – it was a blur of tests, anti-sickness tablets and now the chemo. This was only day one and she was struggling.
‘Grace, you need to keep using the mouthwashes while on chemo,’ Sean said.
‘It’ll stop you getting mouth sores,’ Tara added.
‘One of my patients swears she has shares in Polo mints,’ Sean said and held up a bag full of mints. ‘Just in case.’
‘What other treasures can I expect to get, courtesy of this chemo then?’ Grace asked sarcastically.
‘Well, the chemo will kill off your white and red blood cells. This will mean that you will be open to infections, so we’ll have to be careful. You’ll probably feel nauseous too. That’ll kick in soon,’ Sean told her.
Tara once again chimed in, ‘You might not feel like eating while on chemo Grace, but you must try, as you’ve got to keep your strength up. The anti-sickness tablets should help too.’
‘Sean, do me a favour. You doctors are great, but you can make things really complicated sometimes. Explain in words that Jack would understand what chemo is actually going to do. I need to know exactly what is flowing into my blood right now.’
‘Righto. Basically, it’s an anti-cancer drug. It’s carried by the bloodstream to every part of your body, and the drug will kill the cancer cells. It also stops the cancer cells dividing and growing, so that eventually the bad cells will simply disappear.’
‘Thank you, Sean. I actually understood all of that. What about the side effects? How bad can I expect them to get?’
Sean and Tara looked at each other helplessly. Tara decided to answer this one. ‘It’s hard to say Grace how you are going to feel at the end of this chemo. All patients differ dramatically. I’ve known patients who get up at the end of each session and apart from a couple of hours of nausea they are fine. Others react very badly to the chemo and their bodies can’t take it. One patient said to me that it felt like her body was weeping inside.’
‘I don’t like the sound of that, Tara. But so far so good. I’m healthy and strong. I don’t feel sick yet, so maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones,’ Grace said defiantly.
‘The main thing the doctors will be looking at is your blood count, Grace,’ Sean continued. ‘You’ll hear a lot about your haemoglobin, your red and white blood cell count. Whether they’re up or down will determine whether you need bloods or are at risk of an infection.’
Grace closed her eyes then, letting her friends know that she didn’t want to talk anymore. She felt like her head was going to explode with so many things in there, fighting each other, demanding an answer from her. What would happen if the chemo didn’t work? Would she go into remission? Should she tell Jack? What should she tell Jack? Should she tell Liam? Should she tell Liam that she still loved him and that she never stopped? Would her hair fall out? And the other problem throwing its weight around in her brain – Dr Kennedy had given her some food for thought earlier; the odds weren’t in her favour for survival by treating the cancer by chemo alone. She certainly wouldn’t put a bet on at Paddy Power’s with the odds the doctor had quoted. But if she could find a donor for a bone marrow transplant then they would dramatically rise. No contest then – get a donor.
All her friends, true to their word, went in for blood and tissue tests, but unfortunately none of them were a match. Slim odds really. All of her cousins were in as well. Tara’s two brothers and sister, plus her Mam and Dad also tested. Tom’s sister in Kerry had even got herself tested. All negative. Getting a match was turning out to be tough. Especially because of the fecking blood type Grace had. They had put all her details on the NMDP – National Marrow Donor Programme – and also checked a worldwide database of donors. But so far no luck. Here was the kicker, there was a thirty per cent chance that Grace would find a perfect match from someone in her family – her biological family that was. That brought her to the crux of her problem. She’d never once felt that being adopted was a problem – until now. Now she needed her biological family, but would they help?
Grace had traced her mother when she was 18, with the total support of her Mam and Dad. She wasn’t looking for a mother, as she had a perfectly good one, but was interested in finding out about her heritage. She wanted to know where she got her strawberry blonde hair from. All the Devlins had dark hair. She wanted to know whom she inherited her crooked fingers from. She also had a good singing voice too; did that come from her mother or father? She was interested of course in the circumstances of her birth – and her adoption. But Grace genuinely had no hard feelings about it. She knew she had been very lucky in the parents’ stake with Annie and Mick. But still she had lots of questions, which anybody who had been adopted would understand immediately. But Grace never got the answers to her questions.
When she contacted the adoption board and asked for information on her birth mother, she was given her name, Catherine Grace Dunne. Her birth mother was from Meath and was 25 when she had Grace. She was single. Grace’s parents explained that they gave Grace her biological mother’s second name, so that she would have some connection with her. God, they were amazing people. The adoption board contacted Catherine and let her know that her daughter wanted to make contact. Grace wrote a letter that they forwarded on. It took her ages to write, as she wanted the tone to be right. Grace didn’t want Catherine to feel like she was judging her or that she wanted anything from her. Eventually she was satisfied with the letter and passed it to the adoption board. Grace thought she’d never get a reply, but eventually, after six weeks, she received a letter back. Catherine was happy that her daughter had a good life, and that Annie and Mick were such good parents. She had thought about Grace every day since she was born. However, she could not meet her. She wished Grace all the best for the future. And that was it. It was a blow of the highest order. It felt like a double betrayal. First she rejected Grace at birth, then again when she was eighteen. Grace vowed then she’d never try to contact her again. Catherine had made her feelings perfectly clear and Grace wasn’t going to beg her to meet her. But Grace hadn’t counted on cancer. Cancer changed everything.
Grace opened her eyes and saw two pairs of worried eyes watching her. ‘Do you think I should contact Catherine again, Tara?’
Tara looked at her cousin but didn’t answer immediately. Grace appreciated that, she was giving the question some thought. After a while she grasped Grace’s hand and answered. ‘Yes I do Grace. I’ve spoken about this with Sean and I reckon it’s your best bet for a suitable match. It’s worth a shot.’
‘What if she refuses to meet me, never mind agree to a donor test?’ Grace whispered. ‘I don’t think I could bear the rejection again.’
‘Listen to me Grace,’ Tara said fiercely. ‘You’ve got to do everything in your power to beat this fucker. And if that means putting yourself on the line again with Catherine, so be it. Don’t give her a choice, insist on meeting her Grace. She owes you that much.’
Grace knew Tara was right, so agreed reluctantly. ‘Okay bossy boots. I’ll do it.’
Chapter Seven
It was Thursday evening, and Liam was dropping Jack home. He had picked him up from Montessori and they had gone to the cinema. He’d seen Ja
ck on Sunday too, but Abby opened the door to Grace’s apartment when he called to pick him up. He was surprised and disappointed as he’d been looking forward to speaking to Grace again. But Abby said Grace had gone out with some friends.
Then on Tuesday evening when he’d dropped Jack home, Tara was at the door to meet him. She’d practically sneered at him when he tried to get by her and come into the apartment.
‘I’m afraid it’s not convenient right now for you to come in. Grace said you can pick up Jack after school on Thursday if you like.’ At his nod of agreement, she had shut the door in his face. God, she had a nerve that woman. How on earth Sean put up with that temper he’d never know. Somehow he wasn’t really surprised when Tara opened the door to them again tonight. Grace was obviously trying to avoid him. She must really hate him, he realised.
‘Hi, Aunt Tara. Where’s Mommy?’ Jack shouted, as he ran into the hall.
‘In her bedroom. She’s waiting for you,’ Tara replied, pulling Jack in close for lots of kisses.
‘What’s going on Tara? Why are you here like the bleeding Gestapo every time I call round? Why is Grace avoiding me?’ Liam demanded.
‘Oh get over yourself, Liam Ryan. Everything doesn’t revolve around you, you know. Grace’s busy now, that’s all. She said she’d give you a call on Saturday to arrange another visit. Okay?’
‘God, you’ve an acid tongue on you Tara. When are you going to give me a break? Second thoughts, don’t answer that. Tell Grace I said hello.’
With that he turned on his heel, resisting the urge to stick his tongue out at Tara as he did. He checked his watch and realised he was going to be late. He was going to Tom and Gerry’s for dinner. He was looking forward to spending some time with the guys again. He got there only ten minutes late in the end, stopping on the way to pick up a couple of bottles of Pinot Noir. It was Gerry’s favourite and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was trying very hard to get back into his good books. When he got there, Abby was there too.
‘I’m here to even up the numbers apparently!’ Abby told him.
He was pleased. It was good to see her friendly face. When he handed Tom the wine, the three of them burst into laughter.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘Darling, we have spent the entire night hiding all our alcohol! We thought you wouldn’t want it anywhere near you! And after all that, you arrive and hand us booze like it’s no big deal!’ Gerry explained.
‘Oh God lads, don’t think like that. You’re as bad as my mother. She’s put a lock on the drinks cabinet. I tried to explain to her that if I wanted a drink, that little lock wouldn’t stop me! Honestly guys. Have a jar. It won’t make me want one, I promise.’
They had a great night with great food and great company. Tom as usual had everyone in stitches with his stories about work. Now, as the evening was winding up, they were drinking coffee and Liam decided he was going to try and get some information from his friends.
‘Grace’s been avoiding me this past week, you know.’
‘Really, darling,’ Gerry exclaimed in a high pitch. ‘I’m sure you’re wrong. She’s probably just busy. Don’t you think Tom?’
‘Yep, reckon that’s it,’ Tom responded. ‘Don’t push it Liam. Give Grace her space. She’ll let you know when she’s ready to talk.’
‘It’s doing my head in. Jack is amazing. He’s so funny, and every minute I spend with him is precious. But I miss Grace. I want to be with her. Life’s too short guys,’ Liam said with such sincerity.
Abby let out a sob. She tried to cover it up, but Liam caught it. And then he caught the look that passed between Gerry and Tom. He knew that there was something going on that he was missing. But for the life of him he couldn’t work it out.
‘I thought I was being left out on some big secret the other week when I met you all. It was like I was the only one who didn’t get the punchline of a joke. Feeling a bit like that again. Am I missing something?’
Gerry jumped up, pouring another cup of coffee for himself. ‘Don’t be silly, you’re paranoid. Coffee, darling?’
Liam didn’t care what they said, something was wrong, he could feel it. Tom broke the uncomfortable silence by asking Abby about her love life.
‘What love life? I’ve forgotten what that is!’ Abby declared.
‘Darling, that can’t be true. You should be one of those girls in Sex and the City! The single life you lead, it’s fantastic!’
‘Gerry, I hate to burst your bubble, I’m living in the city all right, but there’s not so much of the sex happening!’
They all laughed at that.
‘Well that’s a tragedy. A beauty such as you should be worshipped! What is wrong with the men in Dublin?’
‘From what I can gather Gerry, only two things. The only men I meet that are over 30 are either gay or married!’ Abby waited until the laughs died down, and then continued. ‘But seeing as you’ve asked, I’ll tell you guys something – I’m lonely.’
As Tom began to protest, Abby stopped him. ‘I didn’t say alone, Tom. I know I’m not alone. I’ve got my family and I’ve got the best friends any girl could ask for. But that’s a lot different to being lonely. You can have a roomful of people around you, you know, and still feel like you’re the only person left on this planet.’
Gerry got up and walked over to Abby, putting his arms around her. ‘Darling, why didn’t you tell us you felt this way? I blame myself. I should have known.’
‘Because it’s hard to say Gerry, that’s why. I feel pathetic even saying it to you now. You guys just don’t understand. Remember when we went out for dinner last month for Tara’s birthday? Tara and Sean booked the table for six people. Nobody even bothered to check to see if I wanted to bring someone.’
‘Ah Jaysus, Abby, why didn’t you just tell us if you wanted to bring someone? Sure we’d be delighted,’ Tom said.
‘That’s not the point. I didn’t have anyone to bring, but I would have liked to have been asked. I know it’s irrational. But it’s how I feel. It’s as if you’ve all just given up on me ever having a boyfriend.’
Tom looked helplessly at Gerry. He felt out of depth here. Gerry realised that sometimes there was nothing to say, so he simply put his arms around Abby.
‘I know how you feel, Abby,’ Liam said after a while. ‘I’m lonely too. But I know why I’m on my own. I’m in love with Grace and I don’t want anyone else. I’m fucked if I understand why you haven’t been snatched up though! God, you’re lovely looking. Isn’t she Gerry?’
‘Darling, she is perfection. Look at that skin, it’s flawless. And those lips!’ Gerry then broke into his best Clark Gable southern accent, ‘“You should be kissed and often, by someone who knows how.”’
Abby laughed, saying, ‘If only I could find my Rhett Butler! Not so many of them wandering around Copper Face Jacks on a Saturday night!’
‘What happened with that guy you went out with last week? What was his name again, Kieran or something?’ Tom asked.
‘His name was Kevin. It didn’t work out. End of story.’
‘What happened? I thought you liked him,’ Gerry questioned.
‘I’m not telling you. You’ll only laugh,’ Abby snapped.
‘We won’t darling, will we guys?’ Gerry responded, gesturing to Tom and Liam, who both shook their heads.
‘Okay, we went out a couple of times and everything was going well. Or at least I thought so. But then on Monday, he dumped me – by…’Abby whispered the last bit so quietly that the guys couldn’t hear her.
‘By what, darling?’ Gerry asked, looking slightly horrified.
‘By text,’ Abby shouted. ‘By fucking text, the bastard! A Dear John! “Thanks for a great night, but I think it’s time we went our separate ways!”’
‘Wanker,’ Tom said.
‘Gobshite,’ Liam added.
‘Heathen,’ Gerry threw in for good measure.
And with that, all four burst into laughter.
&nb
sp; Chapter Eight
Grace felt terrible. The chemo was finished at last, for this time anyhow, but her whole body felt like it had been steamrolled. Everything hurt. She couldn’t keep anything down. If it weren’t for Tara continually shoving food down her throat, she wouldn’t have even bothered to eat. It was a waste of time, because it came straight back again. One of Grace’s favourite sayings used to be ‘I’m losing the will to live!’ and she had used it many times over the years. But never again, as now she really understood what the words meant.
Poor Jack didn’t know what was going on. He had so much change in his life at the moment. First of all his Daddy appeared out of nowhere. That must have been traumatic for him, even if it was a good thing. And now this week he’d been shoved from pillar to post every day after Montessori while she was recuperating. Then in the evenings, despite her determined efforts, she couldn’t manage more than five minutes with him before having to go to bed. If it weren’t for her friends, she wouldn’t have managed. The doctors had said yesterday following her last chemo treatment that her blood count was good. She knew she should be happy with that, but right now she was just too tired. Jack was with Liam again for the day. She had practically thrown Jack at Liam when he arrived an hour ago and now she just wanted to sleep.
What felt like five minutes later, Grace awoke to the ringing of her mobile phone and the buzzing of her doorbell. She looked at her watch – shit, it was four o’clock already. She’d been asleep since eleven this morning. That had to be Liam and Jack back. She jumped up, glancing at herself in the mirror. She looked awful. She looked thin, and pale, but God what did she expect? Her plan had been to sleep for a few hours, then have a bath and make herself look presentable for the boys when they got back. She didn’t want to scare Jack, and didn’t want Liam to guess anything was wrong.
Beyond Grace's Rainbow: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Page 6