Stranded

by Chance Carter

  After he left she went back to the room. Daniel and Willie were still asleep, having said their farewells to Charlie the night before. Daniel was in the bed, Willie curled up in a comforter on the floor. He said he’d gotten used to sleeping on the ground but Joss was certain that once he got home, to his own bed, his own surroundings, he would quickly acclimate again, forgetting everything about Fiji, including her. Life would carry on, it was to be expected. She pouted softly, thinking about how good Willie always made her feel, how naturally they’d bonded. She would miss his gentle ways. Joss quietly made her way towards him and snuggled up beside him. The moment he felt her body next to his he curled a strong arm around her and pulled her closer. She gratefully felt her worries slipping away, long enough to allow her to fall back to sleep.

  * * *

  Joss walked down the hallway towards Ryan’s room alone, anxious to see him. Willie and Daniel were grabbing a quick breakfast and promised they’d catch up after they filled their bellies. As soon as she turned into the room, she knew that something was wrong. Ryan was gone, the bed stripped clean. She felt her heart drop, fearing the worst. She turned and ran down the hall, searching for the nurses station, her breath catching in her throat.

  “Where’s Ryan?” she cried, too worried for pleasantries. A young nurse, one she hadn’t seen before, quickly stood up and raised a hand to her chest, caught off guard by the sudden urgency. She shook her head, dumbfounded.

  “Ryan Watt? Room 2235? Where?” Joss asked less aggressively, recognizing how discourteous she was being.

  “Oh, he left the ICU this morning, right after Dr. Lasuma did his rounds,” the nurse reported, shaking off her initial surprise.

  “Where did they take him...Tabetha,” she asked, reading the young woman’s name tag.

  “He’s on the third floor, let me look up his room number for you,” Tabetha smiled, sitting back in front of her monitor. She punched in several keys then looked up at Joss. “He’s in 3120.”

  “Thank you,” Joss sighed, tapping her palm on the top of the counter. “Sorry,” she shrugged, feeling foolish for fretting.

  “No, no, it’s fine,” Tabetha nodded, waving off her apology.

  Joss smiled one last time and made her way to the stairwell, quickly climbing to the next floor. It didn’t take her long to find the wing where Ryan’s room was located. She walked down the hallway, glancing at the room numbers as they counted up to 3120 then turned into his room. Again the bed was empty, but this time there was someone else in the room; a beautiful, young woman, with platinum blonde hair and a sexy pixie cut. She looked up from her magazine, frowning as soon as she saw Joss.

  “Oh, sorry,” Joss blurted, leaning back out in the hallway. She checked the room number again, certain she must have walked into the wrong room.

  “Are you looking for Ryan?” the woman called out, drawing Joss back into the space. “Yes,” Joss hesitated, cautiously inching back into the room, “where’s Ryan?”

  “I just got here, I haven’t seen him yet. Apparently they took him for an X-ray. They want to make sure his lungs are clear. They mentioned something about an ultrasound too, not sure why?”

  “Ah,” Joss replied, wondering who the woman was, but too afraid to ask.

  “You must be Joss? I saw your picture on the news,” the woman implied, raising a brow. She looked Joss over, as though assessing her character, or maybe her competition, Joss wasn’t sure which.

  “I am,” Joss paused, hoping the delay would encourage an introduction. The woman smirked at her, as though enjoying Joss’ discomfort.

  “I’m Trina, Ryan’s fiancée,” she offered, tossing the magazine on the bed. “Ryan probably mentioned me?”

  Joss shook her head, dumbfounded. No, Ryan had never mentioned her. In fact, the only thing he’d ever mentioned to her was an ex. All the men had told her they were single. Now she wasn’t so sure. Had she been played? Were there other fiancée’s and wives waiting in the wings?

  “You look surprised?” Trina laughed, gesturing for Joss to take the seat beside her. Joss waved her off, happy to stand in the open doorway. Trina shrugged indifferently. “I’m glad we bumped into each other. I was hoping to meet the other survivors. You’re not nearly as plain as you looked on tv.”

  Joss pulled a hand through her hair, trying to decide if that was a compliment or not. She decided no, choosing to say nothing.

  “I suppose you’re sticking around to make sure Ryan is okay?” Trina asked, using a smile to mask her obvious baiting.

  “Um, yes. We’re all pretty worried about him,” Joss offered cautiously, not wanting to do or say anything to cause concern or trigger any suspicion. As far as Joss was concerned, what happened on the island, stayed on the island. Yes, it was shitty that Ryan had hidden the truth from her, but none of them had a clue how life would unfold on the island, whether they would even survive. As self-serving as it was, maybe Ryan thought being discreet about his personal life made the most sense. Joss certainly wasn’t going to make waves for him now, as crushed as she felt to learn the truth. She loved him too much for that.

  “I bet,” Trina smirked, cocking her head at Joss. “Well, I’m here with him now, and I plan to take care of him moving forward. I’m sure you understand.”

  “I...um...” Joss stuttered, trying to process her words. Did Trina want her to leave? Was she hoping to thwart an emotional goodbye? And if Joss chose to stay? How would Ryan feel, having his lover and his future wife in the same room together?

  “Is there a problem?” Trina stressed curtly, rising gracefully from her chair. Joss inhaled deeply, awed by her statuesque beauty, and slowly shook her head.

  “No, of course not,” she answered, holding her hand up in front of her. The last thing she wanted was to cause any strain, especially for Ryan. He didn’t need that kind of stress when he was trying to recover. The truth was, as meaningful her relationship with Ryan had been, no matter how much they loved each other, Joss was playing second fiddle. In the real world, fiancée trumped the island Lolita, no matter how you played it.

  “Good. Ryan will be back soon. I can let him know you stopped in to say good-bye,” Trina insisted, leaving no doubt where she stood. She wanted Joss gone.

  “I...I...” she hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest. Could she just walk away without saying goodbye? Would her heart stand for it, leaving without closure?

  “Joss, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, and I don’t care. One woman on a deserted island with five men? No doubt the world thinks you were tossed around like a well worn blanket, keeping the men warm at night. Maybe they needed that from you, but your service is no longer required,” Trina scorned, her eyes not wavering for even a second.

  Joss wanted to slap her but refused to dignify the insult with a reply. If the woman wanted to shame her, she’d certainly succeeded. Joss’ cheeks flamed red as humiliation swept through her.

  “You don’t understand. I love him...” she whispered, more to herself than to Trina.

  “Oh, sweetie,” Trina smiled, looking her up and down, “and he loves me.”

  Joss swallowed hard, smart enough to know when to take her leave. She’d always been good at putting up her walls, protecting herself, and it was serving her well now.

  “I’m going to go,” Joss offered flatly, trying to keep her voice steady. “Tell Ryan I said goodbye.”

  “You can bet on that,” Trina nodded, gesturing her out the door.

  * * *

  Joss ran into Daniel and Willie just as the elevator was opening on the first floor. They hesitated, assessing her mood. She was visibly upset.

  “Joss, what is it? Is it Ryan?” Daniel asked, taking her by the elbow. She allowed him to lead her to the side, out of the way of other visitors.

  “Yes...no...he’s fine,” she insisted, noticing his eyes widening. “They moved him out of the ICU. He’s on the third floor.

  “How is he?” Willie asked, his eyes filled with
concern.

  “I actually didn’t see him. He’s getting some tests done, but I did have the pleasuring of meeting his fiancée.”

  “Ryan’s not engaged. He would have said something to me. We talked about everything,” Daniel insisted, trying to hide his doubt. Joss raised her brows and nodded slowly, wordlessly conveying that she’d thought the same thing.

  “Crikey, that’s rough...” Daniel offered, his voice trailing off. “Is she there now, in his room?”

  “She sure is. Striking woman, quite beautiful, young.” Joss described, ready to put some miles between her and the happy couple. Everything was falling to pieces and she wasn’t far behind.

  “What’s her name?” Willie asked, taking her hand.

  “Trina something,” Joss shrugged, unable to recall if she’d even offered a last name.

  “I don’t remember him mentioning a Trina,” Willie frowned, offering his brother the benefit of the doubt.

  “I can assure you, she exists. She flew all the way to Fiji to see him.”

  “What do you want to do, Joss?” Daniel asked, his concern for her obvious in his expression.

  “I’m ready to go home.”

  “To the hotel?” Willie asked, wanting to ease her sadness.

  “To America.”

  Chapter 31

  Joss stared out the window of the plane, watching the rain stream down the glass, trying to keep her cool. No surprise, she still didn’t like flying. She tried to tune out her anxiety by putting on her headphones and listening to her music.

  ‘Crash’ was playing, by the Dave Matthews band and she laughed out loud at the irony, flipping to the next song on her play list.

  She settled in for the long flight, grateful she had a first class seat, stretching out her legs in front of her. The experience was much different from her last flight to Fiji. She was different. It was hard to believe how much she’d changed since that fateful trip, five months earlier.

  * * *

  When she left the South Pacific she had been so lost, so confused. It had taken her months to reacclimatize, to shake the island out of her system, for her heart to mend. Over time, the guys had reached out to her, all but one, and asked to see her, to spend time with her, but she just couldn’t.

  Ryan had phoned her almost the minute she’d walked in her front door, imploring her to hear him out. He explained that he had never mentioned Trina because they were no longer a couple, that he’d ended things in Japan, before he had even stepped foot on the plane for Fiji. He felt terrible that Trina had made her think otherwise. When he realized that Joss had left without saying goodbye, he’d been devastated, and begged her to fly to L.A. to see him once he returned home. She knew in her heart that he was telling the truth, but as tempting as it was, she wasn’t ready to see him. To see any of them. She needed time to figure things out, to connect with Hannah, and make amends with her mother.

  Mary had come to see her the next day and stayed for the week. She talked Joss into resigning at Alderleaf and putting her house on the market, the one Joss’ dad had willed to her, and to come live in Portland with her. Maybe Joss was still reeling from everything that had happened, maybe she was lonely, but for some reason she agreed to it. The house sold within a week, an over-asking cash offer from a family who had been looking for a home in Monroe just like hers. They wanted to close the deal two weeks later. Joss was grateful it all happened so fast, before she could change her mind. It was time to move on.

  Her mother, promising to return before the house closed, never came back. She claimed that she had to deal with some sort of work emergency, leaving Joss to pack up alone. Thankfully Hannah came to stay for a few days and together they packed up a rental truck and drove together to Portland. It was a good road trip, and Joss was able to fill Hannah in on everything that happened during those two incredible, lost months. She described, in great detail, each of her relationships and how for the first time in her life she’d felt whole, safe, complete.

  Although it was a blessing to catch up with Hannah, she’d hoped that her best friend would help her make sense of everything, but she was really no help at all. No matter how hard she tried to make Hannah understand just how painful it would be to offer her heart to one, Hannah thought Joss needed to make a choice, to consider which of her lovers meant the most to her and build a relationship with him.

  At the time, it was an impossible decision for Joss. Hannah quipped that in a perfect world Joss would be able to blend them all and create her ideal man. It was only a joke of course, but the observation sat heavily in Joss’ heart. It was true. Each of them had made her fall in love with them for such different reasons. Maybe she was being a stupid girl, selfish even, but she wanted them all. It just wouldn’t be fair to choose if she was still in love with each of them, would it? How could anyone build a relationship on such a fragile foundation? She respected them all too much for that.

  She’d spent a few weeks with her mother, putting most of her belongings in storage. The plan was to take some time to find a home in the Portland area, and continue to rebuild her relationship with Mary. It proved more difficult than Joss had anticipated. As much as she needed her mother, she didn’t need mothering, and Mary was oblivious to Joss’ gentle requests for more space. Joss tried to overlook her controlling nature, sidestepping all the nitpicking and criticism, but it was almost impossible. Her mother insisted that Joss needed to grow up, to go back into nursing and focus on a real career.

  Joss tried to chalk it all up to concern for her well being, but it proved too difficult to ignore. They would never see eye to eye and if there was any way to salvage their relationship, Joss knew it had to be done in bite sized pieces, and far apart. She found a small, temporary apartment in Harmony Point, thirty minutes from Mary, and moved as soon as possible. She’d thought it was a good compromise, but had no intention of staying. She just needed a place to hang her hat until her own head was back on straight.

  Charlie had kept in close contact with her during those times. Although she’d shared her feelings with him, admitting she still loved him and the others, he insisted that they remain friends. He’d invited her to come visit him on many occasions, but she gently refused, insisting that it would be too difficult for them both. She cried every time they spoke. God, he was so hard to deny. He loved her so much and she ached to be in his arms again.

  She heard often from Ryan, Willie and Daniel too. They were all doing their best to settle back into their lives, but like her, they were lost. It was like they’d all left a small part of their souls back on their little island, and in it’s place, an empty, vast cavern that kept them fragmented. Still functioning, but so very fractured.

  As promised, Grant never called, and she knew why. Maybe he understood better than the rest of them just how important it was to let the dust settle. Every intimate phone call, every conversation, every heartfelt email just stirred up memories, smothering her like a desert sand storm, leaving behind a cloud of confusion. Joss fooled herself in believing that any of her conversations with them were leading towards closure. Nothing closed. There would be no happy conclusions. Her yearning just went on and on.

  * * *

  “Can I offer you a beverage? Maybe some camomile tea to help you sleep?” The flight attendant asked, luring Joss from her memories. She slipped the headphones down and smiled, shaking her head softly.

  “No, not at the moment,” Joss whispered, then quickly added, “maybe a blanket?”

  “Of course, I’ll be right back.”

  Joss sighed deeply, gripping the armrest as the plane hit a pocket of air. It seemed only fitting given the turbulent echoes of her memories. The friendly attendant returned moments later, handing her the blanket.

  “Thank you,” Joss smiled, spreading it over her lap.

  “If you need anything else, just press your call button,” she offered, her tone calming Joss instantly. As soon as she left, Joss turned out the overhead light and placed her headphone
s back on, the soothing music inviting her back into her thoughts.

  * * *

  More than two months had passed since her return to the states. Joss was restless and living on her own. To say that things were strained between her and her mother would have been an understatement. Mary didn’t appreciate the compromise as much as Joss, and refused to return her phone calls.

  Nothing seemed to be going right and Joss was starting to recognize the subtle and seductive call of depression, luring her back into it’s embrace like an unholy siren. It would have been effortless to fall under it’s numbing spell, but if she submitted to the dark she was afraid she might never return from it. Instead, she did some research on the Appalachian Trail, packed up her hiking gear, and bought a new pair of boots. Two thousand one hundred and ninety miles of wilderness from Maine to Georgia. It sounded like the anti-depressant she needed.

  Joss was an experienced hiker, and hiking on the trail was significantly easier than bushwhacking through the jungle. She’d found herself walking twenty, sometimes thirty miles a day. No matter how tired she was, she just kept pushing herself, allowing the cool fall temperatures, sunshine, and nature to soothe her back to life. She stayed in the hiker shelters, lived out of her back pack, and met some really cool people along the way. Wannabe hippies like herself. By the time she’d reached North Carolina, she felt completely nourished, her spirit cleansed. She was ready to go home.

  She knew she would always love her boys, but her heart was ready to let them go. Fate had brought them all together for a reason, and she would never regret a moment of it; the romance, the intimacy, the falling in love, even saying goodbye. They were all priceless experiences that she would forever hold dear. She would always be a little sad, but suffering was a choice, and she wasn’t willing to do it anymore. It would only diminish the experience and she wasn’t going to allow that to happen. Joss was a survivalist and she had to trust that someway, somehow the universe would guide her. Provide for her. Somewhere those lessons would serve her.