The Truth About Fairy Tales

by Annie Walker

  I have to admit I was almost able to forget all about any guilt I might be feeling toward Ben by the time Jackson and I finished our little shopping spree.

  I had no idea what Jackson had in mind but I was certainly impressed by the way just about everyone in this not so friendly little city knew the Riley name and apparently just how much money Jackson was worth. He insisted on spending lots of it and I mean lots on me that day. I have to admit after a few guilt pains I let him. Jackson was after all loaded and he seemed perfectly happy making me perfectly happy. What more could any girl in love want.

  By the time we started back to the hotel my guilt had returned. After all Jackson was here to work and I had to be keeping him from some of that.

  “Don’t you have work to do?” I asked him in my not so nice fashion, which had him smiling at me again.

  “What? You’re trying to get rid of me, little bit?”

  “No, I only meant that ..., well, you did come here for work?”

  “Yes, and they’ll be plenty of time for that tomorrow. I thought we could do some sightseeing this afternoon then dinner and by that time, I’m sure you’ll be thoroughly pooped so I can catch a break. I’ll go over to the office tomorrow for some of the talks so you can have some quiet time then. I’m tied up most of the day but we’ll have dinner together later. Is that okay with you?”

  Was it okay? I was here in one of the most romantic cities of the world with what had to be the most handsome man in the world and he was asking me if it were okay for him to work? Man, could I possibly love this guy any more?

  Jackson was right. After an afternoon of sightseeing and a late dinner, I was all but falling asleep on the drive back to the hotel.

  That night, as always he held me close. We didn’t make love but I think I’d never felt closer to him than I did at that moment.

  When I awoke the following morning, I was alone in bed. Jackson left me a note with the number I could reach him at if I needed him and told me to order breakfast. I took him up on his offer. I sat outside our little terrace overlooking the city streets and thought just how far away from my small town of Santa Anna, Texas I was at this moment and how far I’d come from that frightened little girl of the streets.

  I couldn’t ever remember being this happy and that scared me to death. I was so afraid that I would wake up again in those streets reliving my nightmares that still at times brought me out of sleep.

  I knew that Jackson worried about me because he’d been witness to how frightened I’d truly been as that child growing up in an uncertain world. He’d been the one there with me holding me tight when I woke up crying and afraid. Those times were becoming fewer with him close.

  But here and now, overlooking the Paris streets, the old frightened Maggie couldn’t have been further from me. I was in love and I was in the city of love. What more could a girl want?

  I tried to study. After all, I really needed to study, but the streets below me called to me. My heart wanted to go wandering through those city streets. I gave in to my heart’s desire.

  I spent the rest of the day wandering around the city doing my own little tour before having coffee at one of those little street cafés where you can watch the city drift by.

  I was captivated by Paris and its people. Totally lost in the atmosphere, so you can image my amazement when I being thousands of miles away from anyone I knew should get a call on my little cell phone I’d almost forgotten I’d left in my purse.

  “Where are you? I’m at the hotel and you’re nowhere to be found.” It was Jackson. Not the angry Jackson of that one night when I’d confused the heck out of both of us by going out on a date, but the new, worried, tender Jackson I loved. I told him where I was and how to find me, but I didn’t bother moving one little bit from my perfect little viewing spot.

  He joined me a little while later shaking his head as if I were a wayward little child.

  “What am I going to do with you Mary Margaret? Do you have any idea what would happen to me if I lost you?”

  Sure I did. He’d have to explain all it to my grandmother. I told him that, but he only looked at me with that tender little expression of his.

  “You know, tomorrow it will be Thanksgiving back home and I have a surprise for you, so don’t plan on disappearing on me like that again.”

  I desperately wanted to ask him what the surprise was, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from my perfect little spot.

  “What are you doing out of work so early?” I asked instead.

  “Why aren’t you studying?” he countered. We were both just as guilty as the other.

  “Maggie, Ben wants to talk with you. That’s why I came back to the hotel to find you. I wanted to let you know. I’ve called him and he should be here soon. I do have to go back to the office for just a little while longer. I thought this would give you two time to work things out.”

  I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t any more positive I was ready to face Ben again than I’d been when we arrived in Paris.

  Jackson saw all of these things in my eyes and understood. He got to his feet and pulled me to mine since I seemed to be incapable of moving at all and then he kissed me and gave me a little nudge in the direction that I understood why as soon as I looked up. Ben was slowly walking towards us. “I’ll see you back at the hotel.”

  Jackson left me standing there watching after him before I started slowly toward Ben. I didn’t know what to say to make amends for what I’d done to him. How could I ever hope to make Ben understand what I myself didn’t?

  The second I stood before him, I saw Ben’s anger die away. Before me was the old Ben I’d known from the past, then I was in his arms, and he was holding me close.

  “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry I hurt you that way; I can’t ever expect you to understand—I don’t understand it either, but I hope you’ll forgive me someday. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Ben.”

  I think he was just as surprised by the tears of the softer Maggie he’d never known than by anything I’d said to him. I hadn’t realized that I’d gone back to my perfect little spot at that table watching the world go by and Ben sat in Jackson’s spot looking at me oddly.

  “You’ve changed, Maggie. I hardly recognize you. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” I wanted so much to deny every single one of those words, but when I looked into Ben’s eyes, I knew that I couldn’t. Ben surprised me at that moment. I’d treated him like a sweet young naïve boy, but he saw more than I wanted him to see right now.

  I couldn’t answer, but then I didn’t really need to. He knew.

  “Maggie, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell you to do. I’m not sure it will work out the way you want it to.”

  I was busy shaking my head and he stopped speaking. “It’s okay…you don’t have to say anything and I know it won’t work out and please don’t say anything to Jackson, Ben. I know I have no right to ask you to do anything for me after the way I treated you, but he doesn’t know how I feel about him and I don’t want him to. I know there can never be any future for us. The last thing I want is for him to feel obligated to me because he thinks I’m in love him.

  “Wow…you know, a few months ago this would have made me happy to see. You have no idea how much I hated you and plotted my revenge against you. This would have been just the icing on the cake. Seeing you now, knowing how you feel, well it doesn’t make me happy. I’m glad that I came to Paris, Maggie. I’m glad you and I have had this chance to talk. You know I forgive you, don’t you? Whatever happened back then, I realize you tried to tell me how you felt, but I just didn’t want to hear it. You know you were right—don’t you? It would have been a huge mistake for me to miss out on this opportunity. I know now that it was the right thing to do, even though I didn’t believe it at the time. I was so sure I was in love with you that I would have done anything to stay. My uncle actually did me a favor by forcing me leave.”

  I reached for his hand. It felt as if a huge wei
ght had been lifted from me. “I’m glad you’re not still angry anymore. I’m sorry—I know I was such a mean person to you at times. I never treated you the way you deserved.”

  It was Ben’s turn to smile. “You’ve got that right. You were a regular steamroller. So determined with those plans of yours…” He stopped and looked over at me. “What about now? Are you still planning on moving back home to join that firm?”

  “Yes,” I answered a little too quickly with absolutely no conviction in my voice at all. I heard him laugh and knew he didn’t believe a word of it, but he was willing to let it go. Ben stood and took my hand.

  “Come on, why don’t you let me show you around the city? My uncle will be hours still with all the problems in the negotiations. Why don’t we both forget about our troubles for a while and enjoy what the city has to offer.”

  I let Ben give me the ‘not on any tour guide view’ of all the places the younger generation hung out at. Neither of us brought up the past or the future. We were just happy to be here in the present in Paris.

  ****

  Jackson was already at the hotel waiting for me when I returned later that afternoon. I could tell the minute I walked in that he wasn’t very happy with me. I chose to ignore that.

  “Where exactly have you and my nephew been all day?” he asked, and I could see he was trying really hard to control his anger.

  “Ben took me to see some of the out of the way spots around the city. How long have you been back?” And what has gotten you in such a tizzy? I wanted to ask him.

  “Several hours, Maggie. Do I need to be worried about you and Ben again?” I was still trying to decipher his meaning when Jackson reached for me and kissed me in a way that held more anger than passion. And then we were making love both of us angry, driven, and wanting each other.

  “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Jackson leaned over me as we lay in bed together exhausted. There was so much pain in his eyes that I reached out to touch his face.

  “No. No, Jackson you didn’t hurt me. God, no.” I reached up and pulled him down to me. “I know you would never hurt me.”

  “I wasn’t very nice to you just now? I was…Oh God, Maggie, I was jealous of my own nephew. Can you forgive me? I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never been jealous of another man, much less Ben, but just thinking about the two of you together all afternoon. Not to mention your history together and knowing how Ben felt about you in the past and you are closer to his age that to mine. I’m sorry, I know I’m not explaining this. I guess I just lost it.”

  “It’s okay. You know that there isn’t anything between us, don’t you? There never was—not really. Not even on his part. You were right—Ben only thought he was in love with me.”

  Jackson held me close. He was touching me again—I could feel his need match my own. He made love to me this time gently, slowly erasing all the anger of the past.

  “You know you’re being too nice to me, don’t you?” he asked me later when we lay in bed holding each other.

  “No, I’m not,” I grinned at his somewhat guilty expression.

  “Yes, you are; I don’t deserve it. I would have done anything to get him out of the way and if I’m being honest it started before I ever met you.”

  Okay, that had grabbed my attention quite nicely. I had no idea what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

  “I swore I would never tell you this, but you have to promise you won’t be mad.” I looked at him feeling my uneasiness grow.

  “I can’t promise you that until I know what you’ve done.”

  “I lied to you when I told you Ben never talked about you. He was always talking about Maggie this and Maggie that. He was always telling me all those little infuriating sweet things about you. I think I wanted you before I ever even saw you the first time, and I have to tell you Maggie I saw you before that night at the restaurant. I knew the moment I saw you that I had to get to know you better. I just figured, well, I guess I hoped Ben was just being foolish—in love…whatever, I was hoping none of it was true.”

  “You saw me before that night? When?”

  At the restaurant where you work. Ben told me where you were working and I knew the owner. I went there one night. I didn’t sit in your section and of course you never saw me, but I sure noticed you. Boy, did I see you. I think I was gone the second I saw those ridiculous little hair clips in your hair. You looked so sweet.”

  I made a choking sound that had nothing to do with the laughter that I was trying to pull off. I hoped he’d believe I was just thoroughly amused by his story. It was more than that. I was blown away by what Jackson had just said.

  “I know that sounds crazy, but you looked so cute. All five foot nothing of you standing there laughing at some customer’s joke. I knew then that no matter what Ben thought he felt about you he was history. So, you see, you have nothing to feel bad about over Ben, Maggie. I’m the one that should be feeling like a heel and I do. Please tell me you won’t ever tell him about this. He still holds out some nice thoughts about me and I’d hate to lose my only living relative.

  At the pitiful pleading expression on his face, I burst out laughing for real. At that moment, he looked more like a lost puppy dog than I’d ever imagined Ben to be.

  “You’re laughing at me, little bit? I’m pouring my heart out to you and you’re laughing?” He rolled over on his back, taking me with him. I don’t think he really minded my laughter very much. I think he took it just before he took me as just another sign that I’d forgive him anything he wanted me to.

  Thanksgiving Day dawned cold and rainy in Paris. Jackson woke me just before dawn with coffee.

  I managed to get dressed with a lot of difficulty that morning because Jackson kept trying to convince me to join him in the shower. I still remembered the last time that had happened. We hadn’t gotten out of bed for hours.

  “Go away. I’m never getting dressed if you keep doing what you’re doing right now.”

  He finally left me in peace long enough to put some clothes on, but he was waiting for me with coffee in hand at the bathroom door.

  “Come outside on the balcony and watch the sun rise with me.” Before Jackson’s little confession last night, I’d always been a little overwhelmed by him. Now I couldn’t have loved him more. Jackson was perfect.

  We stood together looking out at the street below as the city came to life all around us. It might be Thanksgiving in the states, but it was just another working day in Paris.

  “I’ve been here maybe a couple of other times—once at Christmas. You would love it here at Christmas. The place absolutely comes alive with the season.”

  At the mention of the holiday I wasn’t looking forward to, I wanted to cry. Two weeks from now, I would be finished with school and ready to move home again. I’d been reminding Jackson with my little hints for weeks now, but always they met with silence. It was as if that silence confirmed the truth.

  Every single mention of the time of year that I’d once loved made me want to cry and lash out at him. I believed I had my answer. Jackson didn’t want anything long-term with me. He wanted only to enjoy the moment. I’d long ago given up trying to convince myself that I wanted the same thing.

  I felt myself withdrawing from him that day more than ever before. It was out of self-defense really. I was steeling my heart for the future, my future—the one that didn’t include him.

  “Aren’t you even the least bit curious? Aren’t you going to ask me what the surprise is, Maggie?” I knew he sensed the change in me. He wanted to know why, but I couldn’t say the words that would bring that conversation about. I just couldn’t. Instead, I smiled, even though it could hardly be called a smile and asked him about that surprise.

  “Well today is Thanksgiving, so I’ve managed to find a restaurant that was willing to prepare the traditional Thanksgiving meal for us. Go get dressed up. We’re going out.”

  That was the very last thing I wanted to do right now, but I
did it just to please him. I would have done just about anything to make Jackson happy.

  The restaurant that he was talking about turned out to be not in Paris but in the wine country beyond.

  In a converted farmhouse outside of Paris, I found I had the best Thanksgiving ever. Jackson had booked the entire restaurant that afternoon just for the two of us. It should have been a dream come true. If I weren’t looking ahead to that fateful day in two weeks, I would have been thrilled.

  We ate our traditional dinner, drank wine, and danced to slow music that I didn’t understand but had never sounded more romantic. And for a few hours I managed to push the future away and was happy.

  Once we were back at the hotel Jackson reminded me that I should call my grandmother. I wanted to, but I had no idea how much it would cost and I was feeling more than a little guilty about all the money he’d spent on me so far.

  “Call her, Maggie.”

  The second I heard Gran’s voice I was homesick for the first time on this trip. It was late here, but there they were just sitting down to dinner. We talked for a long time and then my sweet little grandmother asked to speak to Jackson.

  “She asked me to have Christmas with her,” he told me later that night when we were drifting off to sleep. I remembered my future without him in it and the pain.

  “So you’re going to come see us in Santa Anna then?” I asked him in my best ‘I don’t care what you do voice,’ and felt Jackson withdraw from me for the first time.

  His answer was vague. That night, for the first time in our brief history together, we fell asleep on opposite ends of the bed.

  Chapter Ten

  Back home, I began the final weeks of my life in Austin more determined than ever. I was going through with my plans for the future. I was not going to let Jackson hurt me and I didn’t care if he returned my love or not.