The Opposite of Wild

by Kylie Gilmore

  “I’m fine, Dad. We’re coming back in.”

  Her father eyed Ryan, then smiled at her. “Okay.”

  Ignoring the baffled look on Ryan’s face, Liz went back inside. Because she’d almost said yes.

  Liz headed for the bar on wobbly legs and ordered a Chardonnay. Her wine arrived quickly. “Thanks, Josh.” She slid onto a barstool and downed half the contents of the glass. There were a lot of perfectly good reasons for her to say no to Ryan. The Humiliation, of course, the kissing “mistake,” the fact that he’d never gone out with anyone for more than three dates, presumably the putting-out date.

  And his job was to spy on cheating spouses? She’d thought he was doing something heroic, something helpful to people. He was irritating and confusing and too gorgeous for his own good. She scanned the room and spotted him talking to a group of her dad’s friends from the over-forty baseball league, probably cruising for new clients. Then she spotted Rachel by the buffet table, chatting with Shane and Alan Zinkman, the mailman in town. She’d have to pass Ryan to get to her friend. She really wasn’t up to another confrontation.

  She took another fortifying swallow of wine and stood, pausing to make sure her shirt was still neatly tucked in. She headed over to Rachel, ignoring Ryan’s stare as she passed, carefully looking straight ahead to her destination.

  “Hey, I’m back,” she told Rachel, coming up behind her.

  Rachel took one look at her and said quietly, “Are you okay?”

  “Fine.” Liz finished her wine. “Hi, guys.”

  “Happy birthday,” Shane said, kissing her cheek.

  Shane was so sweet. This was the kind of guy she should be hooking up with. She beamed a smile at him that he returned, a light of surprise in his eyes.

  “Happy birthday,” Alan chimed in cheerfully. He had asked Rachel, and just about every other pretty girl in town, out multiple times. He didn’t take no for an answer until about the dozen mark, then he moved on to the next pretty girl. Luckily Liz had already turned him down a dozen times, so he was done with her. If only he didn’t try so hard, maybe he’d find someone.

  “Alan was just telling me about the new mini-golf place over in Cherry Valley,” Rachel said. “We should all go.” She indicated the group, and Liz caught on. Alan must have asked her out again, and she was trying to change it from a date to a group thing.

  “Sure,” Liz said. “Sounds like fun.”

  “How’s your sister?” Alan asked.

  “She’s good.” She forced a smile. “I talked to her today when she called to tell me happy birthday. She’s settling in at her new place.” The reminder of her sister’s absence made Liz fervently wish for another glass of wine, but there was no way she was passing Ryan a second time to get to the bar.

  Maggie appeared magically at her side, holding two glasses of champagne. She wore a leopard print T-shirt with pink and white polka-dotted pants. A sparkly dragonfly barrette held back a short lock of hair on one side. She handed Liz a glass of champagne.

  “A toast to Liz,” she said, lifting her glass. “Happy birthday!”

  They all lifted their drinks and clinked glasses.

  “Thank you.” Liz smiled and downed her champagne.

  “I’m going to get more food,” Rachel announced.

  “Me too,” Alan said at the same time as Shane said, “I’ll join you.”

  Maggie glanced around, then turned back to Liz. “He’s out of earshot, so what did Ryan want? I saw the two of you head out back, and it looked pretty heated.”

  “No more ziplining if you know what’s good for ya,” Liz said in a deep-voiced Ryan impersonation. She felt relaxed for the first time all night. Champagne was wonderful. So was Chardonnay. Any Cha- drink, really. Chablis too.

  “Figured that was it,” Maggie said. “Don’t pay him any mind. He’s overprotective to a fault. He made a helluva policeman protecting all those people. He’s been fussing over me and the boys even worse since he left the force.”

  “What happened? Why did he leave?”

  “That’s Ryan’s story to tell.” Maggie sipped some champagne. “I’ve got more fun things planned for us, so I just wanted to make sure you don’t worry about what Ryan thinks. We’re too grown women grabbing life by the ba—”

  “Yeah!” Liz cheered, cutting Maggie off before she could announce that obscenity in front of half the town. Even if it was a little funny. She giggled.

  “Time for cake,” her mother announced. “C’mon, everybody!”

  Liz weaved through the crowd to the table near the bar with the cake. She stood in front of it. There were so-oo-oo many candles. The flames danced together in front of her eyes.

  The crowd launched into the “Happy Birthday” song.

  Liz looked to her parents smiling with love in their eyes as they sang. She smiled back.

  Rachel squeezed her arm. She’d never missed a birthday. Dear Rachel.

  The crowd hit a high note very off-key.

  Ryan watched her, not bothering to sing. Why did he have to come anyway? The hot jerk.

  The song ended, and everyone applauded.

  “Make a wish,” her mother said.

  Liz looked to Maggie smiling encouragingly; then she closed her eyes and wished with all her heart she could be more like Maggie.

  ~ ~ ~

  Much later, in the quiet of her apartment, Liz opened her gift from Ryan. The buzz she’d had earlier from the wine and champagne had worn off, and she was feeling raw again, missing Daisy and the baby she’d almost had, knowing she was thirty and still so far from everything she’d always wanted. She cut the ribbon tying the two boxes together and unwrapped the smaller box—earrings with aquamarine gemstones at the top tapering into a delicately curving silver spiral. They were beautiful.

  She tore open the slightly larger box—Godiva chocolate truffles—her favorite. How did he know?

  She took out her tiny diamond studs and slipped the new earrings in. Going to the bathroom mirror, she tilted her head slightly and watched the silver catch the light. The gemstones matched the color of her eyes.

  She had to admit the two gifts were perfect for her. She was struck with the thoughtfulness of his gifts. It made her think more about the Ryan she knew now than the Ryan she’d known way back when.

  Which was a mistake.

  But if she learned anything from ziplining today, it was that even something that seemed like a huge risk could be exhilarating. And fun.

  And, if she was going to be more like Maggie, maybe, just maybe, that meant she could have her cake and eat it too.

  And not step foot on that damn treadmill.

  Enjoying the feel of her new earrings, she crossed back to the living room, where she ate two of the heavenly Godiva truffles and deliberately rebelled against her calorie-counting habit. In fact, she’d get rid of the app. MyFoodBuddy was no longer her buddy. She picked up her cell, clicked and held the app, and pressed delete. She exhaled slowly and set it down. It was the first time since The Humiliation that she hadn’t tracked her calories.

  If she was really honest with herself, controlling and planning every detail of her life hadn’t made her happy.

  It was time for a fresh start.

  On that note, she thought with an excited little wiggle, she considered the pros and cons of a casual affair with Ryan.

  She made a list:

  Pro:

  Sex

  Con:

  The Humiliation

  No future

  Then she considered her two-year dry spell and decided the Pros outweighed the Cons. She added to the Pro side: End dry spell. Fun. There, three to two, pros won.

  She just needed to find the courage to put her proposition to him. That would require some thought. She slipped the earrings back into their box and changed into a T-shirt and shorts for the treadmill. She still intended to keep fit, especially after splurging as she did today. Besides, running helped her think. As she ran, she thought of Ryan, images flashin
g through her mind of him at the party, handing her the gifts, leaning down to kiss her last night, at the Harley dealer looking pissed off, at Maggie’s house. And then The Humiliation came back to her vividly.

  It had changed her life.

  She’d been thirteen the summer that Ryan and his brothers had moved to Clover Park. She’d loved him with all her heart and soul in the way that only a thirteen-year-old discovering the magic of boys for the first time could. He was tall, athletic, and had a take-charge, confident way about him that appealed to her, confidence being something sorely lacking in her own life. She’d met him at the town’s lake, Grand Lake. (The town founders had argued over whether the lake was Great or Grand, and Grand finally won out in a close vote, but it was really a Large-ish Pond). Ryan the Lifeguard used to smile down from his lifeguard chair at the overweight girl four years younger in the one-piece neon orange swimsuit (Liz in an extended awkward phase) asking him inane questions about how to become a lifeguard. She had no aspiration to lifeguarding, but she hadn’t known how else to get his attention, so she’d peppered him with questions: Have you ever saved anyone? What’s the worst thing a lifeguard could face? How far could he swim? Would it make more sense to throw the life ring or swim and tow someone? How do you swim and tow someone? He’d been so patient with her, and it had made her summer.

  Until one day, she’d had her period with bad cramps; having gotten her first period six months earlier, she wholeheartedly agreed it was a curse. The pain was bad, and Midol couldn’t touch it. She hadn’t wanted to miss a single day of seeing her love on the lifeguard stand, so, not comfortable inserting a tampon down there, she’d worn a maxipad in her swimsuit and put shorts over top.

  Rachel had been her loyal companion that summer, listening to her rhapsodize about Ryan’s many virtues, poring over her Ryan journal. (She’d burned that embarrassing proof of her folly.) That day Rachel had been stuck in a long line at the snack stand, getting them a bottled water to share and two Fudgsicles, while she’d rested in a beach chair, trying to wait out an intensely painful cramp before she approached Ryan.

  The pain passed, and even better, Nicole and Angela, two senior girls with huge breasts popping out of their teeny bikinis, were in the water cooling off instead of flirting with Ryan. She approached the lifeguard stand and looked up at her love.

  “Hi, Ryan,” she said. “Anybody sink in the lake yet?” Yes, she was the master of scintillating conversation.

  “No,” he said, smiling down at her. “Not yet. Don’t you be the first.”

  She shook her head, instantly flushing bright red. She tried to think of another question when the pain came back. It was bad. Her ears started ringing, and she felt lightheaded. A moment later, she collapsed on the sand.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, now standing in front of her.

  She nodded and threw up on his beautiful golden bare feet.

  He jumped back. “Ah! Gross.” Then with authority, “Someone call nine-one-one!”

  She couldn’t believe she’d thrown up on his feet. It was the worst. He was so close now; he’d never been this close. He squatted down to look in her face.

  “It’s okay,” she managed. “I’m fine.”

  Then she threw up on his feet again. Could’ve been worse, she thought dimly. I could’ve gotten his beautiful face. She lay on her side in the sand and prayed for death. Or quicksand to swallow her whole. People were staring, but she was so exhausted, and her ears still had a slight ringing to them.

  Rachel appeared at her side with the water and Fudgsicles.

  “Rachel!”

  Rachel leaned close. “What happened?”

  “It’s just cramps,” she whispered. “Call my mom, no hospital.”

  “Here, take the water.” She shoved it in Liz’s hand. “I’ll call her Mom,” Rachel told Ryan. “She’ll be fine. This happens sometimes. She doesn’t need a hospital.”

  “Okay,” Ryan said, looking unsure.

  Rachel took off for the payphone by the snack stand.

  “You have sunstroke,” Ryan said, kneeling by her side and sliding his arm under her shoulders. “I need to get you to shade.” His other arm went under her knees, and he scooped her up, staggered to a stand, and took a few steps before she dropped suddenly in his arms.

  “Ah!” she screamed. He was going to drop her. She was too heavy.

  “I’ve got you,” he assured her, even though she was hanging low in his arms and he couldn’t seem to move. “Chase! Give me a hand.”

  Chase, the biggest football player at Clover Park High, jogged over. He grabbed her legs while Ryan lifted under her armpits, and together they carried her to the shade of the picnic area, where they set her on top of a picnic table.

  “Drink some water,” Ryan instructed.

  She propped herself up on one elbow and sipped at the water. His feet were now covered with sand stuck to the vomit, and she felt a deep shame.

  Rachel returned in a rush. “Your mom will be here in five minutes. You guys can go, thanks.”

  Liz lay down, turning her head to the side, watching the two boys walk away. Chase puffed out his cheeks and pretended he was staggering under her weight.

  Ryan laughed.

  Chase made a rumbling comment she couldn’t make out. Then she clearly heard Ryan say, “I have to help everyone. You can’t just help the hot ones.”

  Liz closed her eyes against the pain of her heart and body. She heard a rumbled reply, more laughter.

  “Don’t listen to them,” Rachel said. “They’re stupid teenage boys. Their brains are the size of peas.”

  “Oh, Rach—” She broke down in tears.

  The next day she’d given up her usual diet of French fries, burgers, and unlimited sodas from Garner’s Sports Bar & Grill and switched to salads, light sandwiches, fruit, and water. That combined with an hour of dancing in her room every day, behind closed doors, made the pounds melt away. She’d liked the control she’d had over her body by controlling food. It gave her confidence. She started to apply that control with great success to her study habits, her money saved up from babysitting jobs, and keeping Daisy out of trouble. There wasn’t a single area of her life that wasn’t made better by precise control over the small details. She liked it that way, and she was good at it.

  She sighed and turned off the treadmill. Every thought of Ryan’s dark good looks, his rare smile, his confidence, and take-charge manner would be forever clouded by the fact that he thought she was the ugly duckling that he had to help when she’d thought he was a golden god.

  She got into the shower and relaxed under the warm spray. That’s when she decided Rachel had it right; just put it out to the Universe, and a guy would happen along. Didn’t have to be Ryan. She wanted simple and sweet. Just a little fun. Someone more like Shane.

  But there’s no spark when Shane touches you, a little voice inside her head whispered.

  Oh, shut up, her bigger, bossy voice responded. Bossy was usually right.

  Chapter Twelve

  “It’s time I found myself a lover,” Maggie announced when Liz sat down for tea two days later in Maggie’s living room.

  Liz promptly choked on her tea. “A l-l-lover,” she stuttered out. It was like Maggie had read her mind and taken the idea for herself.

  “That’s right,” Maggie confirmed. “I’ve been a widow for twenty years. It’s time.” She sipped her tea, looking relaxed and happy. With a twinkle in her eye, she confided, “I’ve been reading some of those romance novels to get my juices cooking.”

  Liz swallowed hard. She did not want to be talking about anyone’s juices, let alone Ryan’s grandmother’s. She pushed the horrifying vision of a naked wrinkled Maggie hitting the sheets with a naked wrinkled old man firmly out of her mind.

  “Well, I don’t know,” Liz began gently, hoping to dash any romantic hopes on the senior citizen front. If Ryan had a problem with Maggie ziplining, imagine what he’d do if he knew she was, er, back in the saddle. “
Maybe—”

  “I lost my Patrick about three years before the boys came to me,” Maggie confided. “Heart attack.” She put her hand on her heart, and a look of sorrow crossed her face. “He was young, only fifty. It was so sudden.” She shook her head. “Then those boys. Those poor boys. Losing their mother like that. And my son, well, Jack lost not just his wife but himself that day.” Her eyes were shiny with tears, remembering.

  Liz reached out to where her friend sat on the loveseat and squeezed her hand. Maggie patted her hand and let go.

  Maggie continued, “Now, don’t you worry. Jack’s doing well now. Got himself a girlfriend last year. He’s back in church, not our church, one of them born-again kinds with a band and electric guitars, but it’s church, and he’s straight as an arrow once more.”

  Liz had heard that Ryan’s father had moved to nearby Fieldridge a few years ago, wanting to reconnect with his sons. She hoped he had, for their sake.

  “Anyway, what was I saying?” Maggie asked. “Oh, yes, my boys. Two months after that horrible business with my daughter-in-law, I get a call from Ryan to come get them. Jack’s been gone two weeks, and they’re running out of food. You’d better believe I got in the car and drove two hours straight to New Jersey and got them boys. And so our new life began together. I was so busy with them I never gave a second thought to dating.” Her eyes sparkled with merriment. “And they were a handful. Travis especially, so angry that boy. And Ryan trying to shoulder the load by himself for so long.”

  “It sounds like a very difficult situation for everyone,” Liz said.

  Maggie sighed and looked down at her tea. “Their mother battled depression, and, from what I found out later, Ryan had been picking up the slack for her for a long time.” She looked at Liz, regret in her eyes. “I wish I had known. No one knew how bad it was until it was too late.” She shook her head. “But those boys were the best thing that ever happened to me. Life changing, like my accident.” She paused and raised her palms up in a gesture that asked for understanding. “Liz, I’m tired of being alone. Of living alone. I want someone warming my bed and fixing me breakfast in the morning. Do you understand?”