Through His Touch (Mind's Eye Book 2)

by Deborah Camp

“I’ll call around and find a bed for her,” Dr. McLain said. “She told me just now that she’s willing to go into rehab, but we know her history, so she’s lying. I was thinking that we could go along with it and let her play us for fools. Shouldn’t be hard. From her experience, most people are suckers.”

  From the corner of her eye, Trudy saw Levi angle back as if he’d taken a punch and he looked away from the doctor. Ouch, she thought. That one had stung.

  Dr. McLain sat forward, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Levi, if the police won’t do it, then you should put tails on her – but she can’t know she’s being followed. She’s going to run back to Taser. She might not know where he is right now, but she’ll find out.”

  “If the police won’t tail her, then Gonzo’s guys can let them know where she goes so that they can make the arrest,” Trudy said. “I don’t think Levi should go near that man. He wants Levi dead.”

  “I agree,” Dr. McLain said. “And that goes for you, too, Trudy.”

  Levi stared at the rain-splashed windows for another few moments before he said, “She’ll hang around here tomorrow and eat and rest. I’m betting that she’ll split on Sunday. We can’t make it too easy for her, but we can’t make it too difficult, either. I’ll make sure she gets a window of opportunity.”

  “Levi, listen to me,” Dr. McLain said. “And extend me the courtesy of looking at me when I speak to you.”

  He swung his gaze to her, his eyes hooded.

  “Thank you. You must not do this on your own.”

  He nodded, frowning. “Yes, I know.”

  “Good.” She sat back in the chair, looking pleased. “Stay out of it as much as possible. Let the police handle it.”

  Levi didn’t comment. Instead, he looked away from her again. Studying his body language, Trudy knew he wasn’t on board with the plan. Stubborn ass.

  “Do you have any questions for me or for Levi, Trudy?”

  The psychiatrist’s question jolted her. “Uh . . . questions? Well . . .”

  “You must be brimming with them,” Dr. McLain said with a gentle smile. “I would be. Fire away.” She laced her fingers around one knee and waited.

  Trudy glanced at Levi. She set Mouse on the floor, her nerves more settled now. “Why does Lizzie think you’re into BDSM? Were you at one time?”

  “No.” The word was spit out as if it were bitter on his tongue.

  “You haven’t shared that part of your life with Trudy yet?” Dr. McLain asked.

  “No.” He set his jaw and glared at the doctor.

  “What part?” Trudy asked.

  Levi huffed out a sigh. “I didn’t want to get into this . . . but . . . well, hell.” He stared at Dr. McLain, not hiding his annoyance with her. “Can I discuss this with you at my next session?”

  Dr. McLain smiled. “Of course.” She turned to Trudy again. “What do you think about Elizabeth? I understand you’ve just met her, as have I, but I’m interested in your first impressions of her.”

  Trudy drew in a breath. She wanted to be honest and not hedge. “She’s a master manipulator.” She sensed the quick turn of Levi’s head as he focused on her. A tremor of apprehension zipped through her, but she barged on, refusing to allow him to intimidate her. “I don’t doubt for a second that she’s been emotionally and sexually abused and that did a number on her. She can appear to have compassion and empathy for others, but she doesn’t. She’s interested in one person – herself. That’s it.” Trudy paused to clear her throat. Had she said too much?

  “Interesting,” Dr. McLain said. “So, you don’t think her feelings for Levi are genuine?”

  Trudy tipped up her chin, her skin tingling from the intensity of Levi’s laser-beam stare. “Levi says that both of them are broken and that’s their connection. That’s true up to a point. But I don’t believe that Lizzie sees herself as broken or as a victim. She’s a survivor and an opportunist. And she’s proud of it. She loves living on the edge, flirting with danger, seducing the devil. That’s what gets her off.” She shrugged. “I may be way off base, but that’s my impression of her.”

  Dr. McLain issued a long whistle. “You see quite a lot in a glance or two, don’t you?” She looked at Levi and smiled, broadly. “I totally understand why you couldn’t get this particular young woman off your mind, Levi. She saw right through all your camouflage, didn’t she? She saw you. That must have rattled you right down to your soul.”

  For another moment or two, Levi kept his attention riveted to Trudy. Then he looked at Dr. McLain and a shy smile curved his mouth. “It fucking terrified me. Still does.”

  Startled, Trudy looked at him and was surprised to find that he wasn’t joking. Her insights to him terrified him?

  “Really?” she asked.

  His chest lifted with a big breath. “Yes, really.”

  Gazing at his perfect profile, she shook her head. He was such a puzzle, but she was beginning to piece him together. With each passing day, she discovered more about him, why he was so hard on himself, and how difficult it was for him to show his true self, to expose his big heart. He had hidden the most vulnerable parts of himself for years, so revealing them – however reluctantly – must be a fresh hell for him.

  Dr. McLain placed her hands on her knees and prepared to rise. “I must be going. By now, I’m sure my children have had a couple of squabbles and they’re ready to rumble.” She sighed, dramatically. “My family is no different from any other. We love each other and can’t get through a holiday without someone picking a fight. Since I’m the designated referee, I need to resume my post.” She stood and allowed Levi to help her into her trench coat. “Someday you’ll know this first-hand, Levi.” She smiled warmly at him and he looked at her with trepidation.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Trudy said, coming forward to shake her hand.

  “We’ll talk again,” Dr. McLain assured her with a wink. “After all this business is behind us, we’ll sit down for a friendly chat.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “And how much will that cost me?” Levi groused, recovering, his mask back in place.

  “You can afford it,” the doctor rejoined with a laugh. “Financially, anyway.”

  Levi escorted her to the elevator. When he came back into the penthouse, he closed the doors and leaned back against them as if he’d run out of steam.

  “I know how you feel,” Trudy said, patting the cushion next to her. “Plant your sexy self right here, Wolfe.”

  He took two steps, whirled around, and fell back onto the sectional like a felled tree. His head landed in her lap. Smiling, Trudy combed her fingers through his black hair and admired the cobalt beauty of his eyes, the chiseled perfection of his nose, chin, jawline. How many hearts has he broken? she wondered. Maybe not that many, considering that he rarely dated anyone for long. Still, he had to have caused some tears of regret. But now he was the one grappling with regret. The signs were there in the crease between his eyes and the grim set of his mouth.

  “Tell me about ‘that part’ of your life,” she said, gently. “If you were into doms and subs, it won’t shock me.”

  “No?” He arched a brow. “I hate to disappoint you, but that’s not my scene.”

  “I’m not disappointed. I’m just confused. What caused Lizzie to believe that you’re into it?”

  “I ran into her a couple of times at BDSM parties.” He wiped a hand down his face as if to erase scenes from his mind.

  Trudy mulled this over for a few moments. “So, you were curious at the time? When was this, anyway?”

  “When I came back here from England, I was tapped out, financially. I had a scholarship to Georgia State, but I needed money for rent and food. I took odd jobs and tried to find something I could depend on, but I had a run of bad luck and kept getting let go from every job that paid decent wages. The economy was in the crapper and businesses were laying off people, not hiring them.”

  “You were . . . what? About twenty?”

&nbs
p; “Yes.” He folded his hands against his flat stomach and settled more comfortably on the cushions. “I was ten days from being evicted from the shit-hole apartment I’d rented and couldn’t pay for and I didn’t have two quarters to rub together. I hung out at a club that served really good free food during happy hour. They didn’t make me pay the cover charge and I got my drinks free, too. So, since I had no money, I’d go there and eat and drink.”

  “Why did they let you drink for free and not pay a cover charge?”

  He smirked and made a back and forth gesture with his hand, indicating his body and face. Trudy lifted her brows as his meaning registered.

  “Oh. The attractive wrapping paper,” she said, referring to how he’d once described himself to her and how his good looks afforded him some perks.

  “Yeah. The pretty package.” He shrugged. “That club was a hang-out for bored, married, wealthy women. I was young, good-looking, and had a swinging dick. Just what the management wanted for their regulars.”

  Trudy cringed at his description, but kept quiet.

  “One night I met up with a woman I’d seen there several times. She was a great dancer.” He looked up at her. “You asked me once who taught me to dance. Remember?”

  She nodded. “Oh, yes. The bar in Key West. You told me that an older woman taught you.”

  He grinned. “Right. Gloria. Twenty-two years my senior.”

  Trudy gulped. Jeez! She was old enough to be his mother! “A married lady?”

  “Married and loaded. We danced and had a good time that night. She jotted down an address and told me to meet her there the next day. She promised she’d make it worth my time. Since all I had was time, I went. It was a swanky apartment, not too far from Georgia State campus. Fully furnished. She pointed out the window, and parked at the curb was a sweet, little BMW. She told me I could live in the apartment, rent free, and drive the Beemer. She’d pay for the fuel, all my other bills, and give me a generous allowance every month. In exchange, I had to be at her beck and call, twenty-four-seven.”

  A sick feeling wormed its way into Trudy’s stomach. “Her boy toy.”

  “Right. Her very own man whore.” His smile was anything but pleasant. “I knew I wasn’t the first cowboy she’d recruited for that rodeo, and if I didn’t hop on, she’d find someone else who would jump into the saddle. Since I was about a week away from being on the streets, I convinced myself that this was a blessing. A band aid, if you will, to stop the hemorrhaging. I would take her up on the offer just for the summer. By the time fall rolled around, I’d have another job and enough money to see me through the next semester. I’d be all set.”

  “You were with her for three months?” Trudy eyed him, finding it difficult to imagine being that hard up.

  “No.” He shifted on the couch as if he were suddenly uncomfortable. “More like eighteen months. Let me tell you something about that kind of arrangement – it’s addictive. You don’t have to look for work, so you don’t. One day drifts into the next and you manage to forget that you’re a well-paid penis. Gloria was fun to be around and she didn’t throw it in my face that I was a rental. She taught me a lot about sex and women. She gave me lessons in manners and how to get along in society – how to converse with practically anyone. Socially, I was way behind the curve. She helped me catch up.”

  “Did she know you were psychic?”

  He scowled, shaking his head. “No. I wasn’t sharing that with anyone then.”

  “Did you know her husband?”

  “No. Never met him. I knew of him. He’s a physician here in Atlanta. I’m sure he was aware that she had a lover and I’m sure he had a lover, too. That’s how they rolled.”

  Trudy blew out a breath of disgust. “Why even stay married?”

  “For money, I guess. Splitting up would be too costly and time-consuming.” He shrugged it off. “Anyway, I went back to college and worked on getting my bachelor’s degree and I was able to put aside some money. Then one night Gloria took me to a party. A BDSM party. She told me that she was interested in the whole scene. Lizzie was there that night. It was a shock to see her. I didn’t even know she was in the States.”

  “Was she working here?”

  “No. She’d come to America with a London businessman who had contacts here. He dumped her in Chicago. That’s when she took up with Taser, I guess. She said she’d been traveling around with her ‘dom’ and they’d just been in Atlanta a few days.”

  “Was Taser at the party?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see him. I told her then that I wasn’t into BDSM. That I was escorting a woman who was curious about it. I guess Lizzie watched us and realized that Gloria wanted me to be her submissive.”

  “What?” Trudy interrupted, shocked. “You? Levi ‘Bossy’ Wolfe, a submissive?”

  “Yeah, I know.” He chuckled. “But I was Gloria’s submissive already, in a way. She crooked her finger and I shucked my pants. That was the nature of our relationship. Nevertheless, I told Gloria that I wasn’t into it. So, I thought she’d drop it.”

  “But she didn’t.”

  “A few days later she sent me a message to meet her at a hotel. I went to the room and Gloria wasn’t there. One of her women friends was, though. It was her birthday and Gloria had given me to her for the evening as a present.”

  Trudy tipped back her head and fought off a sick feeling. “What did you do?”

  “I fucked her,” he said, his tone dry as dust. “I wasn’t going to walk out and humiliate the lady like that. It wasn’t her fault that Gloria was using her to send me a message. Later, I had it out with Gloria, but she didn’t give a good goddamn. She thought it was hilarious. In fact, a week later I came back to the apartment to find Gloria and another woman waiting for me. Gloria had hired her for a couple of hours and we were doing a threesome because it was something Gloria wanted to experience.”

  “And so . . . you?” She couldn’t say it. Just thinking it hurt her heart.

  “And so I did what I was paid to do.” His voice was soft, but his face was hard and full of pain. “The next day I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror when I shaved. I knew I had to get out. I felt empty. Hollow. Like my insides had rotted away. That evening Gloria wanted to go out. We went to another BDSM party and, damn, if Lizzie wasn’t there, high as a kite. She said she was looking for a new dom and begged me to partner up with her. Gloria stepped in and told her to get lost, that she’d paid good money for me.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Christ!” He sat up as if he couldn’t bear to be still another moment. Or maybe he couldn’t bear being touched.

  Trudy waited, aware that reliving this seedy, sordid part of his life in front of her was taking a toll on him. But they were well into it and she wanted to hear the whole story.

  He stared straight ahead, his shoulders rounded, a morose expression on his face. “At the apartment later that night, Gloria wanted me to wear a collar and a leash and eat out of her hand like a fucking dog. She wanted to tie me to the bed and use a riding crop on me.” He shook his head and pushed his fingers through his hair over and over again. “I told her no. Hell, no! That kind of thing isn’t for me. I’ve been treated like an animal most of my life and I’ve been beaten more times than I can count. It wasn’t – isn’t – a turn-on for me. It brings up all kinds of shit that I can’t handle. We had it out and she told me to pack up and hit the road. So, I did. I left the next morning.”

  Her heart aching for him, Trudy rose her to knees and embraced him from behind. He made a groaning, tortured sound that tore at her heart. Then he shook her off and stood.

  “Jesus! How can you touch me after what I’ve just told you?” He glanced back at her, his eyes dark, his mouth thinning into a tight-lipped frown.

  “We all do things we regret, Levi.”

  He chuckled again, but she knew he wasn’t amused. He ran his hand across his nape where his hair curled slightly. “This goes way beyond regret. I had hoped I’d never have to
tell you any of this. It’s taken me years to be able to discuss it in therapy. Thinking about how I sold myself out . . .” A long, shaky sigh whispered from him and he closed his eyes for a few moments. “Anyway, I bought a clunker car and lived in it. Then I went to a psychic fair just for the hell of it and realized that I could make a few bucks at those things. That’s what I did with myself. I went from one event or gathering to the next. I stayed in my car or in cheap motels and fucked women who were lonely, sad, needy beings just like me. Except they probably felt something every now and then. I didn’t. I was mostly drunk – day after day, night after night. I couldn’t stand myself sober.”

  “Enter Quintara, stage left,” Trudy said, hoping to steer him toward the light again.

  Some of the tension seemed to escape his body and she saw the shadow of a smile touch his mouth. “Yes. Quintara rode in to save what was left of me.”

  “Thank God.” Trudy stood up and sandwiched one of his hands between hers. “That was then, Levi. This is now. You’ve shaken all that bad stuff off and you’re a new man. A better man.”

  “Well, if I am, you’re part of the reason.”

  She smiled and squeezed his hand as his words squeezed her heart. “Thank you for telling me about that time in your life.”

  “I sure as hell don’t know why you’re thanking me.”

  “Because it’s part of you, Levi. I want to understand what drives you, what haunts you.” She leaned her cheek against his shoulder and peered up at him. “Will you tell me what Lizzie did to break your heart?”

  With a roll of his eyes, he sat down on the sectional again and pulled her into his lap. “Can’t you guess?”

  “She betrayed you in some way.”

  He smoothed a hand along her jeaned thigh, keeping his gaze there. “She told me a little about her family life. She’d had it rough.” He released a self-deprecating chuckle. “I still don’t feel right talking about that. It’s her story to tell. Not mine.” He cast her a quick glance, but it was long enough for her to see the remnants of old pain. “I confided in her about my father and how he thought I was possessed by the devil and would have nothing to do with me. The next day I started getting odd looks from classmates. The day after that some of the guys called me ‘Lucifer Junior.’ That’s when I realized she’d blabbed what I told her to other people. It was all over campus. Instead of Levi, I became Luci J. It was demoralizing. Especially because I’d been so happy at that school. The last semester was pure hell because Elizabeth Anne Darwin couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut.”