Running Blind

by Gwen Hernandez

  “You’re here now. You came for me.”

  That would have to count. Maybe one of these days Rose and Mike and their mom would forgive her.

  Rose’s free hand slid low on her abdomen. After a full minute, she said, “I’m going to keep it.” Her voice was coming easier now.

  What to say to that? The little one was innocent, but could Rose bear to love or keep a child conceived under such circumstances? And while she knew that Shaylee loved her sister, relationships had fallen apart under far less strain.

  Rose met her gaze. “I deserve to have something beautiful come out of this.”

  Caitlyn swallowed hard, her throat tight. Biology didn’t matter. She would love Rose’s baby as much as she loved its mother. “I’ll support you no matter what.”

  Rose took her hand. “I know.” Where did her strength of conviction come from? She trusted Caitlyn more than Caitlyn trusted herself.

  Caitlyn’s gaze strayed to her left where Kurt now sat on the back bench, covered with a blanket while Oliver wrapped the wound on his arm—finally—and Tessa steered the boat.

  Kurt locked eyes with Caitlyn. She ached to go to him, but she wasn’t ready to face the enormity of her feelings.

  Embracing him and his love meant giving up everything she’d worked for. Not just her business or her dream life on Barbados.

  One didn’t lightly take a sledgehammer to the last of her defenses.

  What if his declaration, his attraction wasn’t real? What if it had been the novelty of seeing her again after so long? Or the adrenaline rush that came with the danger they had been in? Or lust mistaken for more?

  She didn’t trust her own feelings any more than his. How could she, when she had no experience with them?

  Love was supposed to be beautiful and wondrous and make you happy. So why was looking at Kurt so painful?

  Rose squeezed her hand, pulling away her attention. “He’s not like your dad,” she said. “Or mine.”

  A little shock hit Caitlyn’s chest, a pebble dropped into smooth water. How did Rose know?

  “Dad,” Tessa said from behind the helm, her voice tight. “We have company.”

  Off the port side, several speedboats approached, lights flashing. The St. Isidore Royal Police.

  No. Caitlyn’s pulse thundered in her ears. They had almost made it to shore. There was nowhere to run.

  She locked eyes with Kurt, reading the same concern that strummed her veins. If these cops worked for the Lamberts, everyone on the sailboat was dead.

  CHAPTER 16

  THE POLICE OFFICERS who picked them up were the good guys. Which didn’t mean Kurt and the others were home free immediately. It took three days of hospital visits, police interrogations, and legal negotiations. He was ready to sleep for a week.

  The prosecutor decided not to press charges against any of them. Finding the new batch of trafficking victims had helped. As had several of Lambert’s men cutting deals to start talking.

  Shaylee’s organization—STOP—and the police were working together to identify and locate the remaining victims IPI had placed in homes and businesses across the Caribbean.

  Kurt had the impression that the government wanted to deal with the police corruption and human trafficking as quietly as possible, and that putting Americans on trial for killing two of those involved—Glenn did not survive the injuries he sustained in the fall from the cliff—would only put more of a damper on the much-needed tourism industry.

  Other than the Lamberts, everyone’s names had been kept out of the news.

  Tessa and Oliver Murphy were allowed to resume their summer-long cruise of the islands. Kurt had thanked them again and exchanged contact information with the pair, promising to keep in touch.

  By eleven on Thursday morning, Kurt, Caitlyn, and Rose were finally free, riding in Shaylee’s little car toward Caitlyn’s house.

  “You think they’re truly done with us?” Rose asked. “After everything…it seems too easy.”

  “Yes,” Shaylee said. “It’s done. You have the paperwork to prove it.”

  “Right,” Rose said, her hand glued to Shaylee’s thigh. “It’s going to take a while for that to sink in though.”

  She had recovered from her near drowning, and the baby did not appear to be adversely affected by the trauma, though only time would tell. Shaylee was sticking by her side, and had assured them that she’d encourage Rose to get counseling to deal with everything she’d been through.

  Kurt wanted that with Caitlyn, who sat huddled under the protection of his arm, but not nearly as close as he’d like. He couldn’t stop touching her, reassuring himself that she was here with him and safe.

  The last few days—during those nights when he hardly slept—had confirmed for him that he didn’t need a family, the whole thing that his sister and his friends had, all the trappings of a traditional life.

  He would welcome marriage and children. Happily.

  But he needed only Caitlyn.

  And he wasn’t sure he could have her.

  Clenching his free hand, he focused his attention on the view out the window, on this gorgeous island he would never be able to bring himself to visit again if Caitlyn let him walk out of her life again. They’d hardly had a moment to talk since the police intercepted the Murphys’ boat, and he had no idea what she was thinking.

  Minutes later, they stopped in front of her house and everyone exited the car.

  Rose hugged her sister. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Cait let her go, only to be enveloped in Shaylee’s arms, her expression slightly confused but content.

  Rose turned her attention to Kurt. “Thank you again.”

  “Of course. I’m glad you’re okay.”

  She grabbed him around the neck and held tight. “Give her time,” she whispered as she stepped back.

  All he could do was nod. He’d already given her fourteen years. How much more time did she need?

  Shaylee gave him a quick hug and thanks, and then the couple left him and Caitlyn standing on the sidewalk as they drove away.

  “You’re back!” A petite woman with coal-black skin and graying hair pulled into a bun rushed down the steps of the red house next door, Rockley shooting out the open door past the woman as if on fire.

  Caitlyn laughed and fawned over the adorable mutt, hugging him tight and apologizing for leaving him for so long. “Thank you, Jade. I owe you.”

  “Bah.” The woman gave a dismissive wave and smiled. “He’s a joy. And you are safe. All’s good.”

  Caitlyn introduced her to Kurt and they made small talk for a few minutes before Jade made her excuses and left so they could go inside.

  The minute they crossed the threshold, Caitlyn’s shoulders relaxed and she sighed, a deep smile on her face. “God, it’s good to be home.”

  Rockley circled her, his tail whipping her knees as he nudged her hand. “I missed you too, buddy.” She crouched down to rub his face and neck. “You’re a good boy,” she murmured.

  She belonged here with her dog, in this colorful little house, on this island, far away from the unpredictable weather and crowds and craziness of DC.

  And he didn’t. His family, his friends, and his business were in Virginia.

  Could he really ask her to give up this—her dream life—for him?

  Leaving Caitlyn and Rockley to catch up, he gathered his toiletries and stuffed the clothes he’d unpacked into his carry-on. He didn’t need to leave for the airport for another three hours, but what else did he have to do?

  The faint scuff of a shoe on wood alerted him to Caitlyn’s presence, but he didn’t turn.

  Her palms caressed his upper back, warm through the thin cotton of his T-shirt, and slid down and around his waist as she embraced him. She laid her head between his shoulder blades and he stilled, covering her hands with his own. “Thank you,” she said so softly he almost couldn’t hear.

  “For what?” His voice was rusty and battered as a tin can left
outside for years.

  “For everything. For not turning me away when I showed up at your office, for putting yourself in harm’s way to help me. For saving me and Rose. For everything except jumping early. I will never thank you for that.” She sucked in a shaky breath and pressed her forehead against his spine.

  Dammit. He turned in her arms and pulled her into his embrace, stroking her hair and kissing her brow, unable to stop himself from touching her now that she was here, smelling so fresh and sweet and crying over him.

  “You’re the one who stopped Glenn and saved your sister from drowning,” he said. His chest tightened at how close they’d all come to dying. “I’m just so goddamned glad you survived.”

  “I’d kill that bastard again in a heartbeat.”

  Kurt cupped her face and caught her gaze. “Are you really doing okay with it?”

  She focused on his mouth. “I’m fine. No regrets.”

  “Really? If you ever need to talk…” Old argument. She already knew his offer was open.

  Her eyes were green as a forest and softened when she smiled. “Truly. But if that changes, I promise I’ll find someone to talk to.”

  Someone. He wanted it to be him, but better someone than no one.

  “Honestly,” her palms slid under the hem of his shirt and up his back, “right now, talking is the last thing I’m in the mood for.”

  Heat slithered through his veins. If she couldn’t love him, he should walk away. But he’d never been that strong. Not when it came to this woman.

  “Are you sure you can’t stay?” she asked.

  His pulse tripped. “For how long?”

  Her expression faltered. “I…I don’t know. You’re the most incredible man I’ve ever known, and I love being with you. But I’m broken, Kurt. I’m not sure I can ever surrender myself to a relationship the way you deserve.” She stroked his brow. “I don’t want to lead you on, give you hope that I can change.”

  His heart became a hard knot in his chest. “Get some help and I’ll wait for you to be ready. You’re worth it to me.”

  She looked away. “That’s not… I can’t ask you to do that.”

  Can’t or won’t? Maybe they were the same thing.

  A few days ago he might have been tempted to take whatever she had to offer, but she was right. He deserved more than half a relationship. He wanted her all in—as invested as he was—or not at all.

  And he needed to honor her wishes and quit pushing. Clearly her feelings weren’t on the same level as his. He loved her enough to respect her choice and let go.

  It might be the right decision, but it still sucked ass.

  “Then this is goodbye,” he said, his voice tight.

  Tears shone in her eyes, and she gave him a sad imitation of a flirty smile. “You have three more hours. How do you feel about an extended sendoff?” It was the vulnerability in her voice, the uncertainty in her gorgeous green eyes that did him in. In this moment, she wanted him as much he wanted her.

  He wasn’t fool enough to say no.

  She raised her face and their lips met. Instant bonfire. A lightning strike. More. He wanted more of her taste and the soft rasp of her tongue and the scratch of her fingernails across his shoulders. She reached for the hem of his shirt and he released her so she could pull it free, pausing to make sure she didn’t catch the bandage on his forearm.

  Her fingers drifted over his chest and abs reverently. “You’re amazing. You give new meaning to the word chiseled.”

  Pride puffed his chest and her touch sent sparks across his skin. “I’m probably overcompensating.”

  She laughed. “I doubt that. You must drive the girls at the gym out of their mind.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not that kind of place.” The other workout junkies were mostly disabled veterans like himself. It was a safe space where they could let down their guard and work on improving their bodies without being ogled by the curious. But he didn’t want to talk about other women or the gym.

  He tugged on her shirt and she shucked it and her bra before he even had a chance. He groaned at the sight and covered her breasts with his hands, kneading their soft weight. “You are so beautiful. I want to kiss every single freckle on your body from head to toe.”

  Her brow wrinkled. “You do?”

  “Yes, please. Starting with this one.” He leaned in and touched the tip of his tongue to the tiny spot on the edge of her upper lip, then he gently sucked.

  She moaned and leaned in, opening to his kiss. Her hands slid inside his waistband as she moved to unbutton his pants. She got them undone, and he grabbed her hands before she could push them over his hips. His heart jackhammered in his chest, but her gaze was soft and open.

  “I don’t care about your scars,” she said. “What I care about most is up here.” She gently tapped his forehead. “The rest is window dressing.”

  What she cared about, not loved. But she did care. That mattered. He swallowed hard and dropped his hands.

  “Have you been totally naked with anyone since…?”

  Unable to speak, he shook his head. If there was ever going to be a person he trusted enough, it was Caitlyn. And even though he couldn’t keep her, he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he didn’t take what she offered him now.

  Slowly, she pushed his pants to the floor, leaving his boxers in place. Then, she removed her shorts and panties and stood nude before him, maybe somehow understanding that this was easier if he wasn’t the only one in the room who was vulnerable.

  His bag landed on the floor with a thud as he pushed it aside and sat on the bed. Taking off his prosthetic legs wasn’t strictly necessary, but they wouldn’t exactly be soft and cuddly against her skin.

  Without looking at her, he released the suction on one socket and removed his right leg, and then repeated with the other one. With his latest flexible socket and carbon-fiber frame, he no longer used liners or socks on his stumps, so he simply rubbed his limbs for few seconds and sat back to look up at her.

  She’d seen him like this before, but now she went to her knees before him and his cock jumped at the sight of her naked and kneeling with her luscious lips so close to his lap. “Is there any pain?” she asked. “Can I touch you?”

  God, yes. Anytime. “You won’t hurt me.”

  With shaky fingers, she rubbed her hands over his thighs, around the puckered scars at the blunt ends of his residual limbs, and along his hard-earned quadriceps muscles, through the dark leg hair and up under the edges of his boxers. He could easily succumb to the temptation to close his eyes and lie back, but he stayed seated, mesmerized by the view.

  He only had a few more hours with her. He didn’t want to miss a second.

  Caitlyn’s cool fingers on his skin were heavenly. His breath came faster, and she carefully tugged on the front of his underwear, prodding him to lift his hips so she could remove it. And then her hands were covering his erection, stroking firmly and driving him out of his mind.

  Reaching down, he pulled her on top of him and lay back, kissing her mouth, her chin, her neck, nibbling at her shoulders and licking his way down her chest until he suckled her nipples, alternating between the sweet pink buds until she arched and gave a low moan. He wanted more. More skin on skin, more heat and friction. More…everything.

  Rolling, he trapped her beneath him. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. He kissed her, exploring her mouth, running his hand down the smooth skin of her stomach and into the slick heat between her thighs. She raised her hips and he found the core of her pleasure, stroking until she gasped and shuddered and called out.

  “Kurt, now.”

  He shifted his position and slid home.

  Moving slowly, he sank deeper with every thrust, giving her body time to adjust. She bucked up against him, taking all of him. He lost control, driving into her as she gripped his buttocks, urging him on.

  Sweat rolled down his back, tickling the base of his spine where the tension built. He balance
d on his arms, consumed with the addictive sensation of Caitlyn under him, clenching around him. His breath stopped. His chest coiled and then burst apart in a shower of light and sparks behind his eyes as the energy inside him filled the room.

  He was in free-fall, as if hurled from a plane, both weightless and plummeting. Pure rush.

  “I love you, Caitlyn,” he said on a gasp, sucking air and collapsing to his elbows, trapping her beneath him as if he could hold her this way forever. “I love you.”

  Caitlyn could have stayed cocooned in Kurt’s embrace for an eternity. How this strong, intelligent, breathtaking man of integrity could love her, she would never fathom.

  Nor could she fully articulate why she couldn’t give him the words back. She hadn’t lied about being broken. More like defective. What if her watered-down version of love wasn’t enough for him? What if she never learned to give fully of herself? A man like Kurt was entitled to so much more than a second-rate lover. He deserved a chance to find the kind of happiness another woman—a normal woman—could give him.

  A better woman than her.

  She fought against the sting of tears and kissed him softly, sweetly, and thoroughly, hoarding memories of his taste, the rough slide of his tongue, his masculine scent.

  He raised himself onto his elbows and she traced the outline of his tattoo.

  He smoothed the hair from her forehead, pressing his lips lightly to her brow as he eased from her body, leaving her empty and aching.

  They stared at one another, her heart fluttering in distress at his expression. His espresso eyes lacked their usual bright intensity. His brows, the muscles at the outer corners of his eyes, his mouth, all pulled down as if too heavy for him to muster even a hint of a smile.

  Without a word, he rolled off her, slid to the floor, took a few things from his bag, and walked on his stumps through the bedroom door and into the bathroom.

  This wasn’t how she wanted their time together to end, but no matter how many times they made love, eventually they’d have to say goodbye. Caitlyn rolled to her stomach and pressed her face into the bedspread that was now marked with his scent.