Haunting Leigh: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 4)

by Melanie James

  Chapter Seventeen

  A Second Chance

  Our diminished team of paranormal investigators returned for an encore séance. Without Marie Laveau, I felt like we were the JV squad of ghost busters. Millie had gotten side tracked when she spotted a Walgreen Store and eventually caught up with us in the haunted house. Our faces were bathed in the glow of several candles adding to the suspense that already charged the atmosphere.

  I was starting to feel responsible for everyone there, and I needed to give them my teacher spiel. “Before we start, I feel like I should give everyone a little pep talk for some reason. I’ll just cut to the safety reminder. Whatever you do, do not—I repeat, do not do any of that stupid shit you see in the movies. Especially—don’t go wandering off away from the group to investigate a sound that is obviously something that is going to eat or kill your ass.”

  “I sure wish Marie was here. At least she could stand her ground in front of that ghost. I’m not sure I’ll be able to.” Randy lamented.

  “Don’t worry about that. I’m too angry to be afraid. That thing has my son!” Millie’s confidence made me feel a little better. She was also taking charge of calling the ghost. “Leigh, get your container ready for Hunter’s ghost and get Luna in position. Max, do your thing.”

  The steady beat of Max’s bongo drums filled the room. “Uh, what’s the deal with the drums?” Randy asked.

  “Max always plays them during my psychic readings. It adds just the right amount of supernatural element. That reminds me. Max, did you bring any of your special incense? Max?” Max didn’t respond. His eyes were closed and his head swayed with the beat.

  “My guess is that he already burned that incense, Millie.” Randy said as he awkwardly moved his body. “I just can’t get that beat.”

  Now I was worried. Did I really think I could count on these crazies? I gave Randy a shove. “I hate to interrupt your rehearsal for dancing with the clowns, but we really should get things moving along.” Luna was waiting patiently. “Okay, Luna, call Little. Tell her to let Hunter and Philomena out as soon as we have Korben’s ghost distracted.”

  “Meow.” Luna went to work clawing at the air and making cat sounds. Something began to appear in the eerie flickering candlelight.

  I was shocked at what floated towards us. “Holy fuck! It’s a pygmy hippo in a cat suit!”

  “No, Leigh. I think that’s Little Schlitt.” Randy said.

  “Go on, Luna, tell her what to do.” I commanded.

  “Meow, meow, meow.” Luna was feverishly conversing with the ghost cat who apparently understood the meows. It was the strangest thing I had seen. Well, it was the strangest thing I’d seen in the last few hours. Little disappeared into the shadowy distance.

  “Did she understand the instructions, Luna?” I said as if I would even know what the hell Luna would tell me. It’s a cat person thing.

  “Meow, meow, meow.”

  Randy and Millie were staring at me like I had moose antlers hanging from my head. Randy had to be a non-cat-owner smartass. “Tell us, cat whisperer, what did she say?”

  “She said she is going to claw your nipples off when we’re done.” I huffed.

  “Okay, Millie, time to call out Korben. Remember the goal is to keep him here in this room so Little can do her thing without getting intercepted along the way.”

  “You got it!” Millie started to do a little dance and the tempo of Max’s bongos picked up. Her beads were jingling and she was reaching high into the air.

  “Jesus. It’s Woodstock night at the retirement home.” Randy commented.

  “Ghost of Korben Hunter, we know you’re here! We know you’re in drag and we have no fear! Korben, Korben, we summon you. Yeah!” Millie kept up with her weird dance. “Slap ‘em, Max. Slap your bongos! Yeah!”

  “Okay, Leigh. Take a good look. These could very well be your future in-laws.”

  “Shush. Look. Something’s coming. It’s Korben and he looks pissed.”

  Korben was wearing an oversized nightgown, but nothing else to complete his transformation. “How did you know who I am? What are you doing here?” He was shouting with a scathing voice. “Where is the body of Hunter Kovacs?”

  “Hah! You bastard, you want your Fabergé jewels? I have them.” Millie lied to keep his interest.

  “You have the jewels? Tell me where they are!” Korben boomed. “Tell me now!”

  “I will show you, if you promise that you will give us the ghost of Hunter Kovacs.” Millie kept up with the plan.

  “You have my word. Now show me.”

  “Follow me.” Millie picked up a candle and walked into the kitchen with Korben right behind her.

  “Now, Luna! Quick! While they’re gone!” Luna meowed and before long we saw the ghost of Hunter appear. It was very sad to see his ghost sleepwalking behind Little Schlitt. I opened the bewitched decanter that Marie had given to me. Hunter’s ghost slipped right inside like a genie returning to its bottle. There was a loud racket coming from the kitchen. Millie bolted out and grabbed Max. I grabbed the jar and Luna just before we all ran out of the door in a flash.

  We didn’t stop running until we were at the end of the block. Our hearts pounded and we struggled to catch our breath.

  “What was that racket in the kitchen, Millie?” I asked.

  “Jewelry, of course. Only it wasn’t exactly the kind he was looking for.” Millie showed us an empty plastic shopping bag from the Walgreens store she stopped at. “I bought a couple dozen different earrings, pins, bangles—anything cheap and shiny. I dumped it all out in the corner and he went after it like a dog after a bone. Just as I ran out, I saw Philomena’s ghost swoop down on him. She did not look happy.”

  “What do we do next? Can you put Hunter’s ghost back inside of his body?” Randy wondered out loud.

  “Unfortunately I can’t.” I explained. “We need Marie. I’d really like to just get back to Hunter, I’ll try to find some way to get ahold of her.”

  “It’ll be fine, Leigh. Marie said she would be back tomorrow night.” Max said.

  Randy checked his watch. “Um…at this point I should say tonight.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Yummy Love

  “I am so glad that’s over with. You have no idea how exhausted I am.” It was a wonder I was still awake, considering the lack of sleep I’d endured. Still, I had no inclination to wait on Marie just because I was tired. I called the Witches Union and even tried to reach Esmeralda and Gertie. It was futile. I checked on Hunter, gave him a kiss, and then opted for some much needed sleep. I set the decanter in a safe place, high up in a kitchen cabinet until Marie showed up later. Max, Millie, and Randy decided to get some sleep as well.

  Sounds of a conversation laden with laughter drifted from the kitchen and roused me from a deep sleep. Gertie had returned along with Lindsey and Kelly. Marie and Esmeralda were playing with Luna. Max and Millie were having coffee in the living room. It was a joyous atmosphere for a beautiful morning.

  “Pancakes, Leigh?” Gertie asked.

  “Sure! But I didn’t think I had any pancake mix left.”

  “I made them from scratch. Check out the cute little ghost shapes I made them into.”

  “In that case, I know they’ll be great.” I picked up a plate and allowed Gertie to load it with a stack of steaming pancakes. I took a forkful and was amazed at how perfectly delicious they tasted. There was a strange noise coming from behind me. A loud smacking sort of noise. I turned to look and when I saw it, I dropped my plate onto the floor.

  It was a huge, pasty white creature. “The golem! Gertie! Everyone! The golem is alive and it’s…smacking its lips!” Everyone began to laugh. The laughter became more intense until it seemed that it was all directed towards me. Another shock for me was seeing Clarice and Bill, they had somehow returned from being vaporized.

  “These pancakes sure are good! Aren’t they, Leigh?” Randy asked before he took another mouthful. The little ghost panca
ke writhed and screamed after being impaled on Randy’s fork. Then I saw it—the magic decanter was sitting on the counter next to a large mixing bowl. The lid of the decanter was wide opened.

  When my thoughts caught up to the image before me, I screamed as loud as I could. Gertie had made Hunter’s ghost into ghost shaped pancakes!

  I sat up, awakened by the sound of my own screams. It was just a dream. Another terrible dream. This one reminded me of an important issue that I had totally neglected. Gertie and I needed to find out what happened to Clarice and Bill. I figured the golem in my dream simply represented the nagging worry I had ever since we failed to find the golem art project in the library. I ran to the kitchen and retrieved the decanter. I took it straight back to my bedroom and checked on Hunter. Max and Millie were sound asleep. Everything was fine, but I had enough. I needed Marie. I couldn’t wait another minute.

  “Marie! Marie Laveau!” I shouted into my phone. The answering machine at the Witches Union started playing its greeting. I hung up. “Damn it! Where is she?”

  Luna coaxed me into the living room and she stepped on the TV remote. The local news channel was on. A reporter described a chaotic scene at the Willis Tower building in downtown.

  “Well, Chicago, it seems like Halloween pranks are getting more high tech every year. Check out this display that mysteriously appeared on top of the Willis Tower overnight. Check out this video that was taken by our news chopper this morning. You can’t miss the pair of huge, human shaped figures.”

  I was shocked at what I saw. They looked just like the pasty looking golem from my dream.

  “Even more amazing was how quickly they disappeared. Low clouds off the lake came in this morning after this video was taken. They covered the skyline and when it cleared a short while ago, the giant figures had mysteriously vanished. Authorities are puzzled by how someone could have gotten these figures atop Willis Tower in the first place. They are now actively searching for a person of interest. Seen here is a woman dressed in some sort of Voodoo costume. Some people are saying that she may be a witch talking to the golems!” The TV screen switched to a freeze frame of Marie Laveau pointing a wand at the golems. The reporter was laughing. “For golem’s sakes! I wouldn’t worry too much, folks. This time of year all the crazies come out.”

  “Oh My God! Randy! Randy! Wake up! I found Marie.” Randy stirred after a few kicks. He sat up from his place on the couch and rubbed his eyes. I pushed rewind on the remote and showed him the news.

  “Holy Christ! What is she doing?” Randy leaned close to the screen. “Freeze it right there. Look, in the corner.” He pointed to a blurry image of another person. “That’s Gertie!”

  “Damn it! Gertie! I bet she did change Clarice the librarian and Bill the security guard into frickin’ golems. And of course they got loose and she needed Marie to fix it.”

  “Huh? Why the hell would she do that?”

  “That’s all she’s been working on lately. She’s been busy coming up with a golem to work at the plantation so she could spend more time with Brad.”

  “Great, just what I need, more terrifying monsters to work with.”

  “Hell, Randy, we all have to work with monsters sometimes.”

  “What do you think we should do?”

  I sat down and looked at the decanter in my hands. At that point, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle even a magic card trick gone wrong. “Nothing. Not my spell, not my problem. I’ve got my own magical mess to deal with right now. Besides, if Marie can’t fix that golem problem, nobody can.”

  I wouldn’t have to wait much longer to see Marie. Shortly after the newscast, Gertie and Marie arrived at my apartment. They looked tattered and tired. Randy made sure to point it out. “You two look like you’ve been dragged through Hell. Did those golems kick your asses?”

  “No, they were well behaved.” Gertie answered.

  Marie squinted and leaned in to question Randy. “How did you know about them?”

  “It was all over the news this morning.” I interjected. “So, Gertie, did you change Clarice and Bill back?”

  “What? You know where they are?” It was obvious that Gertie’s magical outbursts at the school had nothing to do with the golems.

  “No, I just assumed that you did. Do you have any idea where the golems came from?” I was worried that maybe it had something to do with the story I wrote.

  “Actually, it was Marie that created them.” Gertie quietly pointed out.

  “Not on purpose! Remember when I conjured up those two giant spirits to hold down Philomena? They left when she broke free. It just so happens that some genius left two magically charged halves of an empty golem statue lying in your elementary school parking lot. That was all they needed to become instant golems. I had one hell of a time wrangling them.”

  Gertie interrupted, “They’re safe and sound now. Marie was able to send them down to the Paranormal Plantation.”

  “Great, that’s just great.” Randy whined. “I finally got the Sasquatches organized. It’s like they have their own Bigfoot kibbutz set up. Now the golems. What’s next? Leprechauns? By the way, has anyone seen my sister?”

  Gertie raised her hand. “Oh, before she left with Esmeralda and Luke, I overheard her say something. I think they were going to Threesome or something like that.”

  “Whoa! Hello! Her brother here.” Randy waved his hands in front of his face. “You people need to learn what TMI means!”

  “I don’t get it,” Gertie said.

  “I’ll explain later. Right now we need to get busy and fix Hunter.” Poor Gertie, she was definitely going to have her Sex-Ed knowledge base expanded a little more. With the decanter in hand and Luna zigzagging between my feet, I headed for the bedroom. A puff of smoke came from behind me.

  Esmeralda and Kelly popped in. “Did someone call?” Asked Esmeralda. “I would have been here earlier, but we had a very long and busy night.” She winked at Kelly.

  “Max, Millie? We’re ready.” We surrounded the bed and waited for Marie to begin. She took a wand from her robe and traced lines in the air while chanting a strange language.

  “Now, Leigh. Open the container!” Marie commanded. I flipped the shiny metal clamp open and a thick mist floated out. Marie used her wand to snag Hunter’s foggy ghost. She dragged the cloudy veil over Hunter’s body and let it settle into him. He slowly floated back down onto the bed. Then we waited.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The Exorcism

  “Is he going to be all right? He doesn’t look so good.” I was getting worried. Hunter’s complexion was turning grey with a tint of green. The bed started shaking violently, to the point where the headboard and footboard were bouncing off the floor with thunderous bumps.

  Hunter sat straight up and had an evil look. “Holy fucking exorcist!” Randy yelled.

  “Grab his arms!” Shouted Marie. Max and Millie each held an arm.

  “What’s happening to him?” My voice was shaking with fear.

  “Possession. Another spirit must have been with Hunter’s ghost.” Marie said as she climbed onto the bed. “Tell me your name! I command you!”

  Hunter smiled and pushed his head against Marie. Then he made a strange sound. “Meeee owwww.”

  “Sweet baby Jesus! He’s a cat!” Gertie screamed out.

  “You can let go of his hands now. Or paws. Luna, come here.” Luna jumped up on the bed. “Tell that ghost cat that it can’t stay.” Luna just sat there and stared at Hunter. Even she couldn’t believe what happened. Without warning, she bolted out of the room.

  “Where is she going?” Millie asked and then followed. They returned in seconds. Luna carried a zip lock bag that I recognized as her stash of catnip. Luna was a catnip connoisseur. She could go through a pound of it faster than Snoop Dogg can go through a pound of his favorite herb. Hunter was now lying on his back with his legs sprawled out. I took the catnip from Luna and opened it up.

  “Randy, he wants someone to rub hi
s belly. Do it.” I ordered Randy to do this unthinkable thing. Randy cautiously scratched Hunter’s belly. The purring sounds let me know Randy had hit the sweet spot all cats have.

  “Can I record this? This is fricking gold.” Kelly said as she got her phone out.

  Gertie gave a warning. “Not too long, though. Cats only like their tummies rubbed for a few seconds, otherwise they’ll—” Hunter hissed and swiped at Randy, only with Hunter’s big hands instead of little cat paws. Randy nearly took a haymaker to the head. “Yeah, they do that.” Gertie continued.

  “Easy, big boy. Hey, Leigh, I don’t think I like cats, and I’m not into the whole fur-vert thing either.” Randy cowered in the corner of the room.

  I took a handful of catnip and spread it out on the bed. “Good idea, Luna. Now call Little Schlitt out!”

  “Meow, meow, meow.” Luna performed the cat-exorcism.

  Max beat his bongo drums and Millie shook her beads. Above the din of raucous hippies and noisy cat sounds, Marie shouted, “Little Schlitt! Leave this body! The power of catnip compels you!”

  The lights flashed on and off and the windows rattled. The bed shook one last time. Hunter went limp and fell back on the bed. Then he sat up. It was as if nothing happened. “Leigh? What’s going on? Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?”

  Millie and I simultaneously hugged Hunter. Our tears soaked his shirt. Max beat his bongos and Marie cheered. “Fuck yeah! Say it with me!” Gertie, Randy, Kelly, and even Esmeralda were dancing to the bongos. We had won the battle against the ghosts.

  “Hunter! I am so glad you’re back. Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Um. Back from where? I think I had one hell of a nightmare. What’s going on here? Is this a Halloween party? Did I blackout or something?”

  “No. No, baby. Just kiss me.” I couldn’t help myself and I didn’t care who was there to watch us kiss.

  “Awww. I just got this warm fuzzy feeling inside.” Esmeralda said, to everyone’s surprise.