by Kristy Marie
We finish our ice cream and decide to just walk around and window shop. We still have a while before we all need to be home for supper.
Zant comes up beside me as we walk. “Hey Mi. Am I eating with you guys tonight? Did your mama say? Roy isn’t home. Again.” Zant calls his dad by his name. He quit calling him dad when we were in elementary school. I understand why. Roy is a very mean man and in no way what you would picture when you think of as a dad to someone. He’s the type that would kick little puppies just for drunken giggles. Those type disgust me and he surely does. He has been giving me the creeps since Mrs. Lucy passed.
“Of course, you are eating with us. You know you never need to ask. Mama would let you move in with us if she could.” I tell him this again. I’ve told him that he never has to ask to come over. Mama and Daddy both have told him the same thing. He’s just too polite to simply take us up on it.
“K. Thanks.” He says as we keep walking. We are several feet behind the others at this point. Apparently, we had slowed down to talk.
“What’s going on Zant? You are quiet today. Is everything ok with you? I didn’t see you this morning and I woke up to your dad… Roy banging on something over there.” He isn’t acting like his normal goofy self to me and no matter how good he thinks he is at hiding his feelings, I can tell.
“Everything is fine, Micah. No need for you to worry about me.” He says it smoothly but, I can ‘feel’ the command in his statement.
“This is our week for Spring Break. We need to only think about having fun this week. That is what I want anyway.” We have stopped walking and he is staring at me. “Ok Z. Let’s have a fun week.” I tell him as he wraps me up in a huge hug. I let it go because I will always give him whatever he wants. We then walk to catch up with everyone else while he keeps one arm wrapped around my shoulders.
Chapter 2
Zant
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
{‘Chasing Cars’ -Snow Patrol}
Micah Faith Carson – under my arm – walking towards our friends in the mall. This is my idea of Heaven.
Yes, I’m in love with my best friend. As cliché is that is, it’s the truth for me and it will never change. I really can’t tell you when I fell in love with her. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember. I knew in elementary school that I never wanted to live a day of my life without her.
No, she has no clue. No one has any idea how I feel. I make sure to keep those feelings on lock down. I cherish our friendship more than my own life and I would never do anything to mess that up or hurt her.
My family moved in next door to the Carson’s when I was four years old. I stepped outside my front door after exploring my new room and I immediately heard giggling.
Next door was this giant man playing football with a little girl. I loved football and I wanted to play, but I was shy so I just watched from my front porch. The man would throw the ball to the girl and she could never catch it. She would laugh every time because he would start running towards her before she could pick it up. He would pick her up and swing her around when he reached her. Her giggles would float through the air and it sounded like the prettiest windchimes.
Mr. Davis, Micah’s dad, noticed me that day and invited me over to play with them. Micah’s eyes lit up when she saw me and that was a game changer. She turned into my best friend at that moment. We played football in her front yard every afternoon after school until it was time to go in for supper.
As the years have gone on, not a lot has changed. We don’t play every day, but most weekends consist of some sort of sports play in the Carson’s front yard. Through the years, we have attracted more players. Kelly started playing and then Levi and I became friends and he joined in the games. Macy and Chance joined in after that. We’ve all been joined at the hips since we were six.
They are like my brothers and sisters… well, except Micah. She has always been more and the older I get, I know why. They were all there for me when my mom died and they have been there for me through everything with my dad since. I like to think it is a two-way street. I like to think that I have been there for them too. I know that I have tried my best to return all the love each one of them has shown me.
We reach the others shortly after our talk. They stopped in the middle of the mall at one of the kiosk. Before we reach them, Micah says “God, I hope they aren’t talking with those hand lotion people. I don’t like those weirdos touching my hands. It’s gross.” She gives a shiver as she says the last word.
“Mi, they are just doing their jobs. Imagine having that job.” I say as I try to swallow a laugh. She just shakes her head.
They aren’t with the ‘lotion weirdos’. They are at the little sunglass stand. Apparently, the girls need new shades with the new bathing suits.
Girls.
After everyone gets what they need, we all head outside. “Where are we going, girls?”
“Let’s head to the park,” Macy says.
The park.
As you can imagine, it is a wide-open space with trees and lots of room. We all love to go there just to hang out. We get away from the rents (parents) and get to relax however we want. In our small town, it is a popular spot for everyone. Families. Groups of friends. Couples. Kids. Everyone.
Chance and I drove our vehicles, like usual. We have six people and everyone can’t fit into one vehicle. Micah and Levi ride with me. Chance takes Kelly and Macy. Once we get to the park, we all pile out and go to our usual spot. It’s in a clearing with wide open space and a view of the creek that runs next to the park. When we were little, some of our parents would take turns bringing us all here so we could run out our pent-up energy. During the summer, we would splash and play in the creek. It is never that deep unless it rains a lot. No one can get in after that due to currents and such. Several times, people haven’t listened to the warnings and have drowned.
Micah and I sit under ‘our tree’ and kick off our shoes. I lean against the tree and she leans against me. We do this every time we come here. Old habits and all that. Macy and Kelly walk to the creek and Levi and Chance start throwing a football that they brought.
Micah sighs. I know that questions are coming. I know her as well as I know myself.
“How are you Z? Really. You keep avoiding the question.”
“I’m perfect Micah.” I tell her this in the most convincing voice that I can come up with. She doesn’t need to worry about me or what Roy makes me feel like. How do you explain how you feel after your mom dies and your dad turns in to Satan? I can’t talk to her about it … even if I could come up with the words.
“Ok. If you say so. You do know that I am here for you if you want to talk, right?” The silence that follows is a little uncomfortable which is odd for us but that is where we are right now. I know that she wants to know things and I am just not ready to talk to her about things that are going on at home just yet.
“Yeah, Mi. I know I can talk to you. I’m just not ready yet.”
“Ok.” That is all that is said and I sigh in relief.
After a bit, she gets up and heads toward the creek. I watch her.
She has turned into a beautiful girl. We’ve watched each other change over the years. I was the only one that got to pick on her for having braces and bad haircuts. Everyone goes through those awkward stages. Anytime anyone else would try to pick on her, I shut that shit down. I don’t care if the guys thought of her like a sister, they didn’t get to pick on the way she looked. That level of joking was just for me. She knows that I would never mean it.
After a little bit of sitting under the tree and just watching my friends, Levi takes a break and comes over to me. He leans against the tree and watches everyone with me. Chance has walked over to the creek with the girls.
“What’s up man? Why you sitting over here by yourself watching everybody?” Levi means well but he is a nosy
punk. He always tries to get me to talk. We have been friends for a long time. To be so goofy and loud and obnoxious at times, he pays way to close attention to people. He knows when things are off with me and I haven’t decided if I like it or not. Micah is the same way but I can always evade her if necessary. Levi – not so much.
“I’m just chillin, dude. Didn’t really feel like moving.” I’m going to be as evasive as I can for as long as I can. I know his needling is coming.
“How’s Micah?” And… here it comes.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, have you asked her out yet? Have you told her how you feel about her?” And… there it is.
“Levi, man, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Mi and I are just friends. I don’t have anything to tell her.” Lying after so many years - you get the hang of it after a while.
“Yeah man. Whatever you say.” I don’t look at him. I feel his stare boring into the side of my face but I keep my face forward. The goal is to not let him see my eyes. He continues. “You do know that someone else may come in and take her from you, right?”
“We are 16 years old right now, Levi. Even if I was interested in Micah, now is not the time to start anything. We are good friends and I will never mess that up by telling her about any feelings that I may or may not have for her. Besides if Micah finds her soulmate, I will not stand in the way. I will support her 100 percent.”
Why did I just spit that glass out? The look on my face must tell Levi that I’m full of crap too. He starts laughing.
“Did you just hear yourself? You are so full of shit. If Mi starts to date someone, you will lose your mind.” He continues to laugh a little bit before he quiets down and becomes serious again. “I’ll shut up about it for now Z but, don’t let that girl get away. We will all be friends until the end of time but I know and you know that the only soulmate that Micah has is you.” With that, he gets up and walks toward the creek. He puts his arms around Micah from behind and she leans back into him. They’ve done it a million times. I know he is doing it to tick me off this time but, I don’t let it.
He loves her.
He will never love her like I do.
Chapter 3
Micah
We were strikin’ the matches
right down to the ashes
setting the world on fire
{‘Setting The World On Fire’ -Kenny Chesney}
“How you doing Micah?” Levi has walked up behind me and engulfed me in a hug.
“I’m ok. How are you?” I giggle a little as he tickles me lightly on my sides. I’ve known Levi since Kindergarten. He immediately became my friend in first grade when he told Stacy White to kiss his butt after she was picking on me because my bow was not ‘bright enough’ for her. Come to think of it, Levi has become our friend by taking up for each of us in some form or another. He’s our fighter and he will never step down from anyone. When it comes to us girls, he can get extra protective.
He continues to lightly tickle me and even though I fight it, I can’t take it anymore. “Stop!” I wiggle to get out of his arms and he lets me go. I turn around to face him so he can answer me.
“I’m perfect. Look at this. Can’t you tell?”
This boy. I swear. I smirk at him and shake my head.
“Hey Micah.” Kelly calls for me. “Are you coming over to skip rocks with us?”
“No. I’m good.” I say to her as I look up and see that Zant is still sitting under the tree. Watching us. Something is going on with him. He’s been shaken for a few weeks. I wonder what Roy has done now. The last time Zant was like this, Roy had left marks on his back with a belt. Zant showed up to my house to talk to my dad and dad’s face was so red I thought he was going to explode. That was about three months ago. I have no idea what provoked the beating and Zant never told me about it. My dad did.
My dad is a kind and patient man but he has been so mad at times over this whole situation with Zant and Roy. However, he hasn’t confronted Roy. Yet. I know Zant has told him not to. I know my dad and I know that he would have said something by now if he could. I’m confident that Zant has something to do with that. I just wonder why.
We all start to head home for supper. The guys say they will drive us so we don’t call Macy’s mom. Macy sends her a text message to let her know. Zant and I take Kelly since she lives a couple blocks from us.
We drop Kelly off and head home. The radio is playing ‘You and Me’ by Lifehouse so I turn it up. Zant begins humming and I join in. By the time we get home we are both all-out singing at the top of our lungs.
“Cause there’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do / Nothing to lose / And there’s you and me and all of the people / And I don’t know why / I can’t keep my eyes off of you”
We are parked outside of Zant’s house and singing to each other now. I smile and he smiles. Lost in the moment. I really don’t want to move. Once the song ends, he kills the car. We still don’t move.
“Forever Zant?”
“Forever Micah.”
After supper, Mama made her famous lasagna, we all settle in the living room to watch a movie. I am in my favorite chair and Zant has taken up his spot on the floor.
Mama and Daddy are on the couch cuddled up. My parents are sickening in love. I think they act like teenagers in love or something. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t had a boyfriend. When I get one, I hope we are as in love as my parents though. Mama always ask me about boys but, I’m just not interested. I love hanging out with Kelly, Macy, Zant, Chance, and Levi too much to want to spend time with anyone else. Also, I want to wait until at least my senior year. Sixteen is way too young in my opinion.
I look down to Zant. He is absorbed in the movie just like Dad. It is an action movie so I expect nothing less. He’s the cutest of all the boys as school. His green eyes are like the beautiful fields of Scotland that I see on TV. He wears his ball hat backwards most of the time and that’s what makes him the cutest to me. He’s confident in himself despite what his dad does to him. He’s a protector with the kindest heart.
Right now, he’s lying on the floor on his side with his hands propping his head up as he watches TV. He’s grown taller. He’s wearing black basketball shorts and a Red Sox t-shirt. I have no idea how he will ever look better but somehow, I know he will.
Once the movie ends, Zant goes home, and everyone gets into bed, I pick up my Kindle to read some before sleep takes me. I’m unsure what Zant has planned for tomorrow afternoon but, I can’t wait. My eyes grow heavy as I read and eventually sleep takes over.
Today is Wednesday. The last few days of Spring Break have passed by with hanging with my friends at the park. We’ve ridden around listening to music and singing our hearts out but, we always end up at the park. Today, Zant and I are under our tree like normal. The girls are off talking with some others from our school. The guys are throwing football with a few other dudes. Eventually, it will turn into a flag or tackle game. Zant and I are just sitting. Watching. Then he speaks. “Micah, what are you going to do after high school? Where are you going to college?”
We are sitting side by side so I look over at him. He is looking right at me. I can’t decipher the look in his eyes so I give him the most honest answer that I can. “I don’t really know yet. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I can’t comprehend leaving you guys for a long period of time. I know that Macy and Kelly are going to a community college but, I don’t know if I am going there are straight to University.” He smiles at me like he is happy with my answer. I’m confused though. I didn’t really give him an answer. I don’t have one. His next statement answers my questions.
“That’s good Micah. I want you to go as high and as far as you can. You’re super smart and I never want you to settle. No matter where you go. You can always come home. Never forget that.”
I just look at him. I don’t know what to say. It’s almost like he is ok with me leaving him and my heart aches a little at that thought.
I shake the thought away and tell myself that is not what he meant. He just wants the best for me. My stomach still feels uneasy for some reason though.
We all decided that on Friday we would all go catch a movie. We have the weekend but Spring Break is almost over. The movie theater is in the next town and Levi’s mom has offered up her SUV so we can all six ride together. Levi and Zant sit up front, Chance and I sit in the middle, and Kelly and Macy sit in the back. We are jamming out to some ‘Whats Up’ by 4 Non Blondes. The girls are giving it all we have. The guys… not so much.
“And I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high.
And I scream to the top of my lungs –
WHAT’S GOING ON?”
Zant turns around to look at me. He has a smirk on his face. He knows how much I love this song. I smile back at him.
He gets me.
He’s always just gotten me.
I fall a little more in love with him right then.
As customary to our group, the girls sit together and the boys sit together. We made a pact last year not to disrupt, or as the boys call it ‘cockblock’, each other while we are out as a group. We all take up one row of seats. The boys sit together. There are two seats in between and then it is the girls. I look over to the boys once we are settled with our snacks and such. Zant is closest to me. He’s talking to Chance about something but, Levi is looking at me. He has a smirk on his face and when my eyes land on his, he winks. Right then the lights go dim to signal the start of the movie. My mind is reeling. What was that for? Levi is acting weird.