by Kristy Marie
“This maroon dress is cute” I tell her.
“Yeah, I like that one too.” She tells me as she enters her room. She’s wearing a tank top with pajama pants. I look at her and tell her with my eyes that this is my pick. She picks it up to hold it to herself and looks into the mirror on the back of her closet door.
There is a light knock on the door and we hear it open.
“Hey. Where are you girls? Are y’all ready? Macy, you better be dressed. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten all day because I knew we were eating good tonight.”
Kelly is still talking as she makes her way to the back of the house. Macy and I just look at each other and roll our eyes. Kelly is the big eater in our bunch. She says that she hasn’t eaten all day but we all know she is lying. She has probably nibbled on food all day. That girl can eat a full cow and not gain a pound. I am in that same boat with her but I don’t eat like she does.
“Macy is still deciding.” I say as Kelly enters the room.
“Macy, put something on and let’s go.” Kelly growls at the door. “I’m starving and I am ready to eat and get my dance on.”
I giggle because I know that this night is what we all need.
Chapter 18
Zant
I can’t change
But I’m here in my mold
But I’m a million-different people
From one day to the next
{‘Bitter Sweet Symphony’ -The Verve}
I shake myself out of my daydream. After three years, I still daydream about her. I need to focus on this paperwork that will close out buying my new house. I moved back to my hometown about six months ago. I’ve been gone long enough. What I was searching for out there - I’m not sure if I found it or not. Time will only tell.
I felt like I was stuck in a town full of my own nightmares. Nothing but bad things happened to me here. Or so I thought at the time and in a sense, some of that statement is true. However, not completely.
I’m back now and I am very close to being a homeowner. It feels good to be back. Melancholy set in when I drove down Main Street on my way in. I shook it off in my desperation to make some new, better memories here. This is my home. I belong here and I have the strength to erase everything bad that has happen to me -and Micah- and start over.
I am going out tonight with Levi and Chance. I got in contact with them a year after I left. They were so mad at me. It took me six months to get them to hear me out and I only did it with Mr. Davis’ help. It has been a long road for us but, it has been worth it. I’ve finally got my brothers back. Now… to work on my ‘sisters’ and Micah. That will not be easy either. It could actually be harder.
My apartment that I am living in now is a typical bachelor pad on the outskirts of town. I have an open living room and kitchen. One bedroom and bathroom. It is just me, that’s all I need. My living room has a couch, two recliners, a coffee table and a mounted television.
I open the fridge and grab a drink. Just as I’m moving to the couch, there is a knock at the door. I walk the short distance to the door and look through the peep hole. All I can see is teeth and I would know those teeth anywhere.
‘No one is home, douche” I say through the door.
“If no one is home, how am I hearing your voice douchbag” says Levi.
I open the door and look at my best friend. He stands there with a six-pack of Coke in one hand and a pizza in the other. He also has the cheesiest grin on his face. I’m scared to know what he is smiling at. With him, you never know.
“What up, man?” I ask him.
“What’s with you? I thought you would be happy to see me. I even brought your pansy ass some food.”
I’ve known and been best friends with Levi since I was 5 years old. We met on the playground one summer day when the biggest bully in our grade decided it was my day to be his punching bag. This big jerk was about double my size and thought he was going to get some lunch money out of me. The idiot must have never paid attention to me. If he had, he would have known that I never had lunch money. My dad never gave me any and mom was too sick to even notice. He must have assumed that the school would feed me since I was their problem during the day. If only I had noticed his evil then.
I was standing next to the wall of the school since I didn’t have friends. Micah was my only friend but we didn’t play outside at school together. Her friends, Macy and Kelly, think boys are gross so Micah has to go along with them. I don’t blame her. Boys are pretty gross.
But the bully starts my way. He is a fat kid. There is no other way to say it. And I’m a wienie. It’s obvious that he gets more food than I do and he has no problem doing what he needs to do to get more. Hence why he is headed my way and looking like he expects to get a major payday out of me.
Bully boy gets close. I stand still. I already know what is coming and from watching others, if I run, he will just find a way to make my life even more miserable than it already is. He gets closer and I stand up straight from my previous position. Even though I will lose in a fight, I don’t want to be caught off guard. He is about three steps away from me now and I can feel the sweat start to pop up on my neck and travel down my back. I’m a nervous little squirt. I don’t know how to fight. I’ve never been in a fight. There are positive things to staying to yourself and keeping your head down.
“Hey fat ass, what you doing?” I hear someone say behind Bully Boy. Slowly I see the rage build in the eyes of this big guy and he slowly turns around.
“What did you call me?”
“I called you fat ass.” This guy is a few inches taller than me but no bigger. He is intentionally poking at this bear and all I can do is stand there in shock.
“Let me ask you again, what did you call me you little shrimp?”
“I called you fat ass. You are a fat ass. That sounds like a good enough name for you.”
By this time, the big guy is red faced. It looks like his face is a huge tomato.
He lunges for Levi. I know that is who he is. I haven’t spoken to him but we are in the same class. Levi dodges him fairly easy. The good thing about being smaller is you can move faster.
Once the big guy has righted himself, Levi is in his face and the next thing I know Levi’s fist is connecting with the bully’s face. Immediately I see blood start pouring out of the bully’s nose. And just as quickly he starts to cry. I’m shocked and a major part of me wants to laugh. Here is this huge guy crying after he tried to approach me to possibly beat me up just like he has every other guy in our grade.
I step toward Levi and say “you better go. You’re going to get in trouble. I will say that I hit him. Thanks for helping me out.”
Levi gives me this look like I’ve lost my mind. “I’m not leaving and I’m taking credit for punching that fat ass in the nose.”
We have been thick as thieves ever since. I know that no matter what, Levi will have my back and I will always have his.
“You going to help me eat this pizza or not? You know I can eat the whole thing by myself” Levi says with his signature smirk on his face. “I’m going to eat some. I have to get something in my stomach before we hit Club 3 later on.”
“Yea, man. That place is what is happening in this small town. We should find us some women tonight if you know what I mean.” Levi is always looking for women. I don’t waste my breath saying that though. He already knows it.
“Is Chance meeting us here or at the club” I ask Levi while he stuffs a whole piece of pizza in his mouth.
“He is supposed to be here in a little bit. He wanted to eat before we all went also.” Levi answers me.
About five minutes later, Chance shows up. We eat and head out.
Chapter 19
Micah
If you really love me then why are you leaving me
I can’t think, think about this crazy day
I lose sleep just daydreaming about you baby
{‘Crazy’ -K-Ci & JoJo}
Ten minutes after Kelly s
howed up we are all three piled in an Uber car heading toward a restaurant across town. We knew that we were going to be drinking tonight and did not want to drive.
All of us went to college after we graduated high school. I did what Zant told me to. I only did it for the other four people in my life and for my parents. I did not do it for Zant.
We went to the same college just as we had planned and finished our two years. After that, we went our separate ways. I’m currently back home looking for any job that I can find. I’m taking a little bit of time off from school to decide completely what I want to major in.
“Are you girls ready for this?” Macy ask as she looks at both of us. She is like a five-year-old at Christmas right now.
“Yes, Mace, we are ready to initiate you into the world of clubs and drinking and dancing” I laugh as I tell her.
“Macy girl, we have been waiting for this all year.” Kelly tells her.
We all laugh as the car pulls up to the restaurant. We get out and walk in. The hostess asks us if we have a reservation. “Yes. We have one in the name of Carson. Party of three.”
“Right this way, ladies” says the hostess as she leads us to our table. We all sit down and start looking at the menus. I know that I want a good salad and maybe some kind of shrimp. I eat shrimp everywhere I go. It’s a bad habit that I just can’t break.
“Are we going to Club 3 across the street when we leave here?” Macy ask like she doesn’t know the plan and is wanting to be surprised.
“Yes, you weirdo. We have talked about this for months. Quit acting like this is a surprise party for you. You’ve been in on the planning of your birthday from the beginning.” Kelly says as she makes a face at her.
Macy’s face falls a little. I think she was really expecting some big surprise party for her birthday. Poor silly girl. She forgets that Kelly and I know her so well. We do have a surprise for her but it isn’t what she is expecting.
We get done eating and Kelly and I split the bill. It’s Macy’s birthday and we are treating her. Now it’s time to really get this party started. We head out of the restaurant and head across the street to Club 3.
This club has been here for a couple years. The owner decided to open it to keep us from having to drive to a neighboring town to find a good place to drink and dance the night away. It was very considerate of them as this town has experienced enough young people die from drunk driving.
We show our ID to the bouncer at the door and walk into the club. It isn’t a very large place. They have a bar to the right that stretches all the way down the wall. The DJ is set up in a raised booth on the back wall of the building. The dance floor is in the center and booths are lined up on the wall to the left of the door and wrap around to the back wall. We head right as we walk in to get our drinks.
The place is packed and already hot with all the body heat that people are giving off. I grab a stool at the bar as Kelly and Macy take a stool on either side of me.
“What you want, Macy? Do you have any idea what your first legal drink is going to be?” I speak loud enough that she can hear me over the music. She looks at me like she’s a kid in a candy store and I told her that she can only have one thing. Her eyes are huge. I laugh as I tell her “Just pick something, we can come back for something else to try later.”
“I think I want a Long Island Iced Tea. Everyone I’ve read in my books orders them and I want to see what all the hype is about” she says.
I don’t argue with her. If a Long Island Iced Tea is what the birthday girl wants, Long Island Iced Tea is what the birthday girl gets. I throw my hand up to the bartender to get his attention. He heads our way as I feel Kelly grabs my arm. “What the…” I ask as I look at Kelly. She is looking at me with this horrified look on her face.
“That’s him. Oh my gosh!” Kelly says as she keeps squeezing my arm.
“That’s who?” I ask and try to pull my arm away from her.
“That’s the guy I was telling you about that I met last week. He works here. Oh my gosh, he works here.”
I remember Kelly telling me about a guy that she met in the park last week. She said that he was really cute and really sweet. He has a dog that he takes there to get some exercise. She said apparently, he runs there too because he was all sweaty and looking ‘really yum’. Her words.
“What can I get you ladies?” Mr. Yum ask me. He is looking at me and he slowly looks to my right at Macy and then to my left to Kelly. I see is eyes widen as he realizes who he is looking at. Her hand squeezes my arm tighter if that is at all possible.
“Hey Kelly” Mr. Yum says to her. She doesn’t let go as she stumbles over her reply.
“Hey.. Um.. Hi.. Jake” she stutters.
So, Jake is actually Mr. Yum’s name. Man, I hate to quit calling him Mr. Yum. Depending on how this whole thing plays out, I still may call him that when talking to Kelly about him.
“What are you doing here?” Mr. Yum, I mean Jake, ask her.
“I’m out with my friends celebrating a birthday,” she says as she slowly lets my arm go. I guess she realizes that he isn’t going to bite her or something and doesn’t need my protection.
“Is it your birthday?” he asks her.
“No. No, it’s Macy’s.” She points to Macy to show him which one she is.
He smiles a little bigger at Macy and says “Well, Happy Birthday Macy. Glad you came to celebrate with us here at Club 3.”
I peak at Kelly and see that she has calmed down some but she is looking Jake up and down. She must be remembering what he looked like at the park. She seems to be drooling a little now. I reach over to touch her face. She grabs my hand before it can make contact and her eyes snap to mine.
“Don’t you dare, Micah” she hisses at me. I burst out laughing and draw Jake’s attention back to us.
“What can I get for you ladies?” Jake ask again.
“Macy here wants a Long Island Iced Tea. This is her first legal drink and this is what she has picked.” I tell him.
“Good choice.” Jake says as he glances back at her. I suppose he is trying to tell her that he understands she has a lot of options but he will make this one great for her.
“I will have a Jim Beam Apple and Sprite over ice and I’m not sure what Kelly wants yet,” I say as I look at Kelly again. She seems to be zoned out so I nudge her.
“Oh what?” Kelly states.
“What can I get you to drink tonight?” Jake ask her.
“I’ll have a Crown and Coke to start with,” she says as she looks at Jake.
I’m floored by her. She’s never acted like this. He moves on down the bar to start making our drinks. Macy leans over me and loudly whispers to Kelly, “what the freak was that?”
Kelly just looks at us. I touch her arm and bring her back from where ever her mind keeps going. “Kelly, talk to us. What is with you? He is just a guy. You have met and talked to several guys. What has you so messed up and acting crazy over this one?”
She just blinks at us with this blank stare and says “I will tell you guys later. I don’t really want to talk about it right now. We are here to celebrate Macy’s birthday and I’m not going to bring all my crazy drama into it.”
I stay quiet and I hear Macy gasp a little as Kelly’s words sink in. “I don’t know what is going on but this conversation isn’t over. Remember that.” Macy says to Kelly. She is letting Kelly off the hook right now because she knows she can’t push her, but she is also letting her know that she and I will get the details one way or another.
Jake brings our drinks and sets them in front of us. “What else can I get for you?” he asks while looking at Kelly. She looks at us and back at him and tells him that we are fine. He nods and walks back down the bar to help another customer.
Odd.
We turn around and look out over the dance floor. I see a lot of people that we know. We live in a small town after all. I turn to Kelly to give her the cue that it is time and she looks back at me and nods.
We both look at Macy and ask, “are you ready?”
“Ready for what?” she asks.
I just grab her arm and help her off the stool. I help her stand and look back up at the dance floor.
That’s when I look into the eyes that I have been missing. Dark green that can almost look black at times. He has a little scruff on his face that never use to be there. It looks good. His hair is a little longer and darker than it was before. My heart has frozen and I feel that I have stopped breathing.
Everything is quiet and all I can see is his eyes.
Everything starts to go dark.
Chapter 20
Zant
I told myself I won’t miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
{‘Better Than Me’ -Hinder}
I see her eyes go huge when she realizes that I am standing in front of her. I saw her at the bar with the girls and I just watched her as she and Macy talked to Kelly. It looked like they were having a serious conversation. Micah had this look on her face that said she was all kinds of confused about something. I know that look well. She used to give it to me all the time. I never would tell her my feelings and that is the look that she gave me when she was silently telling me that she wasn’t going to give up.
She has fainted and I am kneeling over her with my palm to the back of her head. Kelly is yelling her name and Macy is grabbing some water and I think she wants to splash it on her face.
I look at her. She is so beautiful. She is the most beautiful girl in the world and my heart breaks to know that I have completely let her down. I know that she is broken because I haven’t been talking to her. But, I can’t. I deal with a lot of demons on the inside and I swore a long time ago that nothing bad would ever touch her again. That is why I left and why I am staying away now. My life is nothing for her to be around. My anger is nothing for her to see. She is good. She is everything that is good in the world and all I have brought her in this life is darkness. I can’t keep doing that to her. I’ve decided that I needed to stay out of her life so that she would have a good one. I know that she could never have that with me. I’m not good. I didn’t come from good. Good doesn’t live in my DNA. And I never want that darkness to touch her ever again.