O trees, grasses, and plants
that in this spot do dwell
so verdant, tall, abundant,
if you find no joy in my ill
then hear my honest complaints.
Let not my grief alarm you
even when it brings dire fears,
for to pay and recompense you,
Don Quixote here shed tears
for his absent Dulcinea
of Toboso.
Here in this place, this season,
the truest, most faithful lover
hides his face from his lady,
and has been made to suffer
untold torments without reason.
Love buffets him about
in merciless battle and quarrel;
and so, till he filled a barrel
Don Quixote here shed tears
for his absent Dulcinea
of Toboso.
Questing for high adventures
among boulders and rocky tors,
and cursing a heart made of stone,
for in this wild desolation
he finds nought but misadventures,
love lashed him with a cruel whip,
not with a gentle cordon;
and when it scourged his nape
Don Quixote here shed tears
for his absent Dulcinea
of Toboso.
A cause of no small laughter in those who discovered these verses was the of Toboso appended to the name of Dulcinea, because they imagined that Don Quixote must have imagined that if, when he named Dulcinea, he did not also say of Toboso, the stanza would not be understood, and this in fact was true, as he later confessed. He wrote many other stanzas, but, as we have said, no more than these three could be read in their entirety. He spent his time writing, sighing, and calling on the fauns and satyrs of the woods, and the nymphs of the rivers, and on grieving, tearful Echo to answer and console and hear him; he also searched for plants that would sustain him until Sancho returned, and if the squire had taken three weeks instead of three days, the Knight of the Sorrowful Face would have been so altered that not even his own mother would have known him.
It would be a good idea to leave him enveloped in sighs and verses and to recount what befell Sancho Panza as he traveled on his mission. When he came out onto the king’s highway, he began to look for the road to Toboso, and the next day he reached the inn where he had suffered the misfortune of the blanket, and no sooner had he seen it than it seemed to him that once again he was flying through the air, and he did not want to go inside even though he had arrived at an hour when he could and should have done so, since it was time to eat and he longed to enjoy something hot, because for many days he had eaten nothing but cold food.
This necessity drove him to approach the inn, still doubtful as to whether he should go in or not, and while he was hesitating, two people came out of the inn and recognized him immediately. And one said to the other:
“Tell me, Señor Licentiate, that man on the horse, isn’t he Sancho Panza, the one our adventurer’s housekeeper said had left with her master to be his squire?”
“It is,” said the licentiate, “and that’s the horse of our Don Quixote.”
And they knew him so well because they were the priest and barber of his village, the ones who had held a public proceeding and scrutinized the books. As soon as they recognized Sancho Panza and Rocinante, they wished to have news of Don Quixote, and they approached, and the priest called him by name, saying:
“Friend Sancho Panza, where is your master?”
Sancho Panza knew who they were and decided to hide the place and condition in which he had left his master, and so he replied that his master was busy somewhere with something that was very important to him, but by the eyes in his head he could not reveal what it was.
“No, no, Sancho Panza,” said the barber, “if you don’t tell us where he is, we’ll think, and we already do think, that you killed and robbed him, since you’re riding his horse. As a matter of fact, you’d better tell us where the horse’s owner is or you’ll regret it.”
“There’s no reason to threaten me, I’m not the kind of man who robs or kills anybody: let each man be killed by fate or by God who made him. My master is doing penance in the middle of those mountains, as happy as can be.”
And then, in a rush and without stopping, he told them of the state in which he had left him, and the adventures that had befallen him, and how he was carrying a letter to the lady Dulcinea of Toboso, who was the daughter of Lorenzo Corchuelo and the one with whom his master was head over heels in love.
They were both astonished at what Sancho Panza told them, and although they already knew of the madness of Don Quixote, and knew what kind of madness it was, whenever they heard about it they were astonished all over again. They asked Sancho Panza to show them the letter he was carrying to the lady Dulcinea of Toboso. He said it was written in a notebook, and his master had ordered him to have it copied onto paper in the first town he came to; the priest replied that he should show it to him, and he would copy it in a very fine hand. Sancho Panza put his hand in the bosom of his shirt, looking for the notebook, but he did not find it and would not have found it if he had looked for it from then until now, because Don Quixote had kept it and had not given it to him, and he had not remembered to ask for it.
When Sancho saw that he could not find the book, his face turned deathly pale, and quickly patting down his entire body again, he saw again that he could not find it, and without further ado he put both hands to his beard and tore out half of it, and then, very quickly and without stopping, he punched himself half a dozen times on the face and nose until they were bathed in blood. Seeing which, the priest and the barber asked him what had happened to drive him to such lengths.
“What else could have happened,” responded Sancho, “except that from one moment to the next, in an instant, I’ve lost three donkeys, each one as sturdy as a castle?”
“How did that happen?” replied the barber.
“I’ve lost the notebook,” responded Sancho, “that had the letter to Dulcinea, and a document signed by her uncle that told his niece to give me three of the four or five donkeys he has at home.”
And he recounted the loss of the gray. The priest consoled him and told him that when they found his master, he would revalidate the order and write the transfer out on paper, as was the usual custom, since the ones written in notebooks were never accepted or executed.
This comforted Sancho, and he said that if this was true, he did not feel too bad about losing the letter to Dulcinea because he knew it almost by heart, and it could be copied wherever and whenever they wished.
“Then tell it to us, Sancho,” said the barber, “and we’ll copy it later.”
Sancho Panza stopped and scratched his head to bring the letter to mind, and he stood now on one foot, now on the other; sometimes he looked at the ground, sometimes at the sky, and after a very long while, when he had gnawed off half a fingertip, keeping those who were waiting for him to speak in suspense, he said:
“By God, Señor Licentiate, may the devil carry away what I remember of the letter, but at the beginning it did say: ‘High and sullied lady.’”
“It wouldn’t,” said the barber, “say sullied, but supreme or sovereign lady.”
“That’s right,” said Sancho. “Then, as I recall, it went on to say…as I recall: ‘This ignorant and sleepless and sore wounded man kisses the hands of your grace, ungrateful and unrecognized beauty,’ and then something about health and sickness that he was sending her, and then it just went along until it ended with ‘Thine until death, the Knight of the Sorrowful Face.’”
They both derived no small pleasure from Sancho Panza’s good memory, and they praised him for it and asked him to repeat the letter two more times so that they too could commit it to memory and copy it at the proper time. Sancho repeated it three more times, and each time he said another three thousand pieces of nonsense. F
ollowing this, he recounted other things that had happened to his master but did not say a word about being tossed in the blanket in that same inn which he refused to enter. He also told them how his master, if he brought back a favorable reply promptly from the lady Dulcinea of Toboso, would set out to try to become an emperor, or at least a monarch; that’s what the two of them had agreed to, and it was an easy thing for his master to do, given the valor of his person and the strength of his arm; when he had done this, his master would arrange for him to marry, because by then he could not be anything but a widower, and Don Quixote would give him as his wife one of the ladies-in-waiting to the empress, and she would inherit a rich large estate on terra firma, without any insulars or ínsulas, because he didn’t want them anymore.
Sancho said this with so much serenity, wiping his nose from time to time, and so little rationality, that the two men were astonished again as they considered how powerful the madness of Don Quixote was, for it had pulled along after it the good sense of this poor man. They did not want to make the effort to disabuse him of the error in which he found himself, for it seemed to them that since it was not injurious to his conscience, it would be better to leave him where he was so that they would have the pleasure of hearing his foolishness. And so they told him to pray to God for the well-being of his master, for it was possible and even probable that with the passage of time he would become an emperor, as he said, or an archbishop, at the very least, or some other equivalent high office. To which Sancho responded:
“Señores, if fortune turns her wheel so that my master decides not to be an emperor but an archbishop, I’d like to know now: what do archbishops errant usually give their squires?”
“Usually,” responded the priest, “they give some benefice, a simple one or a parish, or they make him a sacristan, with a very nice fixed income, in addition to other fees that bring in more income.”
“For that it would be necessary,” replied Sancho, “for the squire not to be married, and to know at least how to assist at Mass, and if that’s true, then woe is me, for I’m married and don’t know the first letter of the alphabet! What will happen to me if my master decides to be an archbishop and not an emperor, which is the usage and custom of knights errant?”
“Don’t worry, friend Sancho,” said the barber, “for we’ll ask your master, and advise him, and even present it to him as a matter of conscience, that he should become an emperor and not an archbishop, which will be easier for him since he’s more soldier than student.”
“That’s what I think, too,” responded Sancho, “though I can say that he has a talent for everything. What I plan to do, for my part, is pray to Our Lord to put him in the place that’s best for him and where he can do the most favors for me.”
“You speak with good judgment,” said the priest, “and will act like a good Christian. But what has to be done now is to arrange to remove your master from that useless penance in which you say he is engaged; in order to think of the best way to do that, and to eat something, since it’s time for supper, it would be a good idea for us to go into this inn.”
Sancho said that they should go in and he would wait for them outside, and later he would tell them the reason he wasn’t going in and why it wouldn’t be a good idea if he did, but he asked them to bring out something hot for him to eat, as well as barley for Rocinante. They went inside and left him alone, and a short while later the barber brought him some food. Then, when they had thought carefully about how they would accomplish what they desired, the priest had an idea that would appeal to Don Quixote and achieve what they wanted; he told the barber that what he had thought was that he would dress in the clothes of a wandering maiden, and the barber would look as much like a squire as possible, and they would go to the place where Don Quixote was doing penance, the maiden pretending to be an afflicted damsel in distress who would ask a boon, which, as a valiant knight errant, he could not fail to grant. And the boon would be to follow her wherever she might lead, to undo a great wrong that an evil knight had done unto her; and she would implore him as well not to request that she remove her mask, or ask any other question regarding her estate and fortune until such time as he had righted the injustice so wrongfully done unto her by that base knight; the priest believed beyond any doubt that Don Quixote would comply with everything asked of him in those terms, and in this manner they would take him from that place and bring him home to his village, where they would try to see if there was a cure for his strange madness.
CHAPTER XXVII
Concerning how the priest and the barber carried out their plan, along with other matters worthy of being recounted in this great history
The barber did not think the priest’s invention was a bad idea; in fact, it seemed so good that they immediately began to put it into effect. They asked the innkeeper’s wife for a skirt and bonnet, giving her as security one of the priest’s new cassocks. The barber made a long beard out of a gray or red oxtail where the innkeeper hung his comb. The innkeeper’s wife asked why they wanted those things. The priest told her briefly about Don Quixote’s madness, and how the disguises were just the thing to get him out of the mountains, which is where he was now. Then the innkeeper and his wife realized that the madman had been their guest, the one who made the balm and was the master of the squire who had been tossed in the blanket, and they recounted to the priest everything that had happened, not keeping silent about the thing Sancho had kept so secret. In short, the innkeeper’s wife outfitted the priest in the most remarkable fashion: she dressed him in a woolen skirt with black velvet stripes a hand-span wide, and all of them slashed, and a bodice of green velvet adorned with white satin binding, and both the bodice and the skirt must have been made in the days of King Wamba.1 The priest did not permit his head to be adorned, but he did put on a cap of quilted linen that he wore to sleep at night, and tied it around the front with a band of black taffeta, and with another band he fashioned a mask that covered his beard and face very well; he pulled his broad-brimmed hat down tightly on his head, and it was so large he could have used it as a parasol; he wrapped himself in his cape and mounted his mule sidesaddle; the barber, with a beard somewhere between red and white that hung down to his waist and was made, as we have said, from the tail of a reddish ox, mounted his mule as well.
They said goodbye to everyone, including the good Maritornes, who promised to say a rosary, although a sinner, and ask God to grant them success in so arduous and Christian an enterprise as the one they had undertaken.
But as soon as he had ridden out of the inn, it occurred to the priest that he was committing an error by dressing in that manner, for it was an indecent thing for a member of the clergy to do, no matter how important the end; he told this to the barber and asked him to trade clothes with him, since it would be better if the barber was the damsel in distress and the priest played the part of the squire; in this way his office would be less profaned, but if the barber did not want to make the change, he had decided to go no further, even if the devil made off with Don Quixote.
At this point Sancho approached, and when he saw the two of them in those clothes, he could not control his laughter. The barber, in fact, agreed to everything the priest said, and as they traded disguises, the priest informed him how he should behave and the words he had to say to Don Quixote in order to move and oblige him to go away with him and leave the place he had chosen for his useless penance. The barber responded that he had no need of instruction and would do everything perfectly. He did not want to put on his disguise until they were near the place where they would find Don Quixote, and so he folded the garments, and the priest adjusted the beard, and they continued their journey, led by Sancho Panza, who recounted what had happened with the madman they had come across in the sierra, although he did hide the discovery of the traveling case and everything that was in it, for although he was a fool, the squire was somewhat greedy.
On the following day, they reached the place where Sancho had made the trail of
broom so that he could find the spot where he had left his master; and when he saw this, he said that this was the way into the mountains and they ought to put on their disguises if that was needed to achieve his master’s freedom; they had told him earlier that doing what they were doing and dressing in that fashion were crucial to freeing his master from the injudicious life he had chosen, and they had charged him repeatedly that he was not to tell his master who they were, or that he knew them; if his master asked, as he was bound to ask, if he had given the letter to Dulcinea, he was to say yes, and because she did not know how to read she had spoken her reply, saying that she ordered him, under pain of her displeasure, to come to see her immediately, and it was very important because with this, and what they intended to say to him, they were certain they could turn him to a better life and set him on the road to becoming an emperor or a monarch; as for becoming an archbishop, there was no reason to worry about that.
Sancho listened to everything, and noted it carefully in his mind, and thanked them profusely for their intention to advise his master to be an emperor and not an archbishop, because in his opinion, as far as granting favors to their squires was concerned, emperors could do more than archbishops errant. He also said it would be a good idea if he went first and found his master and told him his lady’s reply, for that would probably be enough to make him leave the place, saving them a good deal of trouble. What Sancho said seemed reasonable, and they decided to wait until he came back with the news that he had found his master.
Don Quixote Page 29